SOOOO... here you go my lovlies! This outtake was written for the Pretty In Pink compliation. Please PLEASE read the author note at the bottom.

~*SIML*~

OUTTAKE – The Missing Two Years

BPOV

Our first six months in Chicago were amazing. I took a job with Edward at Evanson Enterprises but insisted that I work my way up through the company, not just show up as the boss' girlfriend. I proved my worth and moved quickly to an upper management position.

Edward's aunt and uncle were amazing. Though she'd recently had a stroke, Carmen was able to get most of her mobility back. She still felt fatigued but was determined not to be a burden. Eleazer was a riot. I quit counting the amount of times he'd tried to convince Edward to change the name of the company. Edward was determined to leave it as-is. He was worried that their clients might get upset when Eleazer stepped down and Edward took over – they didn't. His clients trusted him and his decisions. All-in-all the transition was smooth. I still felt a little embarrassed at how much of a fight I put up with myself about coming to Chicago. Edward was right. I did love it. His aunt and uncle became like second parents to me – us. We'd spend at least two nights a week with them, eating, playing cards, anything to just spend time with them. Edward had missed them when he left Chicago after college.

We spent our first Thanksgiving and Christmas together in Chicago. I loved it. Carmen and Eleazer opened their home to us and the four of us spent each holiday together. Though she was limited in the kitchen due to her weakness, Carmen always insisted on helping with dinner. Not that I objected. I loved her company.

Edward and I rang in the New Year alone, bundled up together in bed.

One cold Sunday in January Edward and Eleazer made plans to look for a new car for Eleazer. He wanted to downsize from his SUV to a smaller sedan – something that Carmen could easily get in and out of without hassle. I hadn't seen them in over a week – our schedules never really lined up. Carmen would have a doctor's appointment or I would end up working late. She assured me over the phone several times that she was fine, just routine visits. Since I hadn't made other plans I decided to surprise her by picking up some of her favorite hot tea and bagels for breakfast.

When the housekeeper greeted me at the door instead of Carmen, I became worried. I made my way to her bedroom and found her half asleep and too warm to the touch. She gave me a weak smile and asked me to sit with her.

It was then that she finally told me about her doctor's visits. Her Oncologist. She had pancreatic cancer. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. She seemed fine to me – except for being weak every now and again. But her weakness wasn't due to the stroke, it was the cancer. She apologized for keeping it from us, but didn't want to burden our "young lives" with such sadness. They had known since her stroke but weren't ready to share with anyone until now. She explained that Eleazer was with Edward, explaining the same thing to him. They felt it would be easier if it was one on one. I didn't understand their reasoning not to tell us together but I accepted it. We talked a long time about it. She knew the statistics but vowed to be her own walking miracle. She'd kick this thing…but down deep we all knew what the outcome would be. She had approximately 12-18 months.

In the beginning it seemed everything was going well. They discussed several treatment options but decided to go with the more traditional route of chemo therapy and radiation. She took it all like a trooper. Edward and I made sure to spend more time with them as a family. They had never had children, so they always treated Edward like a surrogate son.

The treatments would be starting soon and the doctors wanted her "healthy". I made it my personal job to be sure she had a hot, healthy meal every night. Edward didn't complain; in fact, he encouraged it. He and Eleazer grew closer as Carmen and I became nearly inseparable.

Within six months it became obvious that her health was declining rapidly. The doctors threw her into intense treatments, trying a radical approach. We were afraid that the treatments would kill her before the cancer had the chance. She had lost so much weight so fast, it was a little more than scary. At her last weigh in, she was only eighty-eight pounds. Her five foot four inch frame handled the weight loss well enough – or so I had thought. She wore yoga pants one afternoon during one of my weekend visits when I noticed something concerning. Not only could I see her hip bones from the front…but from the back too. It took Edward more than an hour to calm me down when I finally made my way home that night.

~*SIML*~

It was a windy Sunday morning in June when I tried to help Carmen with her morning routine of bathing, redressing and styling her hair just-so. That day nearly broke my heart. While brushing her hair, Carmen pulled out a large clump. She cried but I think I cried harder. It had to be hard being in her shoes and I wished there was something I could do to help her. I had never felt so helpless.

Once our tears dried, she allowed me to cut her hair and then shave her head. She said she didn't want to watch it slowly fall out. She wanted to do it in one fell swoop. I took my time cutting her long, caramel hair into a short, misshaped ball until I brought the shaver to her head and buzzed it so low it was nothing but stubble…soft stubble.

She looked beautiful.

I was happy to help her in the task but still felt like there was something else I could do. It took me less than a week to figure out what it was.

~*SIML*~

I had waited until Edward and Eleazer left for their Sunday morning breakfast together. I knew he'd be upset with my decision but it was something I had thought and thought about. I wanted to show my support for Carmen and couldn't think of doing anything else.

Edward knew that his uncle needed a bit of a break and decided to start a Sunday morning routine of treating him to breakfast at their favorite mom and pop diner. Carmen was resting after our own light breakfast. She rarely got out of the bed anymore but always insisted that we share breakfast in the breakfast nook in her kitchen.

I pulled my hair into a loose ponytail and took a long look at myself in the mirror. The woman looking back at me could have used a little sleep herself. I chose to use Carmen's bathroom because it had everything I needed. The long walk back up the stairs zapped a lot of energy from her so early in the day, so I used it as my opportunity.

With a sigh, I brought the scissors to the top of the rubber band and started chopping. I had to blink around the tears that were swimming in my eyes. By the time I finished using the scissors my hair looked like a short, choppy mess.

Half way done. Miss Responsible encouraged.

I'd grown to love her and take some of the things she said in stride. She and Miss Carefree were finally able to see eye to eye on some things. Since then, it was rare that I'd hear from either of them unless it was something they were passionate about. It was oddly Responsible Bella egging me on in this venture. I couldn't disagree with her. It was the least I could do for Carmen.

I pulled the shaver from the drawer and plugged it in. I flipped the "on" switch to test the weight in my hands before turning it off and giving it one last, long look. I'd used it on Carmen but shaving your own head was a little different.

I turned it back on and watched in the mirror as my hand moved higher and higher.

"Bella," Carmen gasped from the doorway. Her voice startled me and caused me to drop the shaver. I heard it crash against the sink but couldn't look away from her reflection in the mirror.

"Bella, dear, what are you doing? What have you done?" She stepped closer and ran her skinny fingers through what was left of my hair. "Oh, Bella," she whispered with sadness in her voice.

I immediately turned toward her and burst into tears. She pulled me into her embrace and held me as if I were her own child. She shushed and rocked me while I cried into her boney shoulder. We moved into her bedroom after I had settled down enough to explain to her what I was trying to do.

We lay side back side on her bed while I explained that I wanted to do something to show her my support…show her I cared.

"Oh baby girl, you show me your support every single time you're here. In every breakfast you make…every time you hold me tighter while walking up stairs…every time you put another blanket over me before you leave…every kiss on my forehead when you think I'm asleep…and with every single smile you give me."

I smiled sadly.

"None of that, Isabella Swan." She caressed my cheek with her cold hand. "Don't you dare be sad for me. I've lived my life and lived it to the fullest. Eleazer and I fell in love young and fast. It was a whirlwind from the time we met until the time I got sick. We've traveled the world together and made love in the most wild of places," she said with a wicked smile. I blushed at the thought of her and Eleazer together the way Edward and I were. If their relationship was anything like mine and Edward's I couldn't feel sorry for her. She had known what it was like to love wholeheartedly.

She continued with her little pep talk with a gleam in her eye.

"I have the best of friends and an even better family." She smiled reverently at me. "You, my dear, are a Godsend and I thank Him every day for you. Had we been able, I believe you are exactly what I would have wanted in a child…a daughter. You are sweet and kind and intelligent and passionate. I call myself lucky to have known you, even if for such a short time."

She commanded in a motherly tone. "I want you to be happy for me. I will be leaving here soon but will always be here." She pressed her hand against my heart and I closed my eyes to hold my tear back. It was a bittersweet heart-to-heart. When I opened my eyes I saw her own eyes swimming with unshed tears. "I love you, my dear-heart, and want you to be happy. When I'm gone I want you to go and live your life. You and Edward are so perfect for each other and deserve to live a long, happy life together as Eleazer and I have. You two go and get married and travel the world. Make love in crazy places. Swim naked together, even when you know you'll get caught. Come home often and love the one's who should be proud to call you their friend. You and Edward go and have lots and lots of beautiful, chubby babies."

Her silliness made giggle. Even while she lay there sick and dying, she had a way about her. She was able to bring me out of my nasty funk and make me giddy with thoughts of mine and Edward's future together. I could hardly wait for those things.

"So…don't you feel sad for me, Bella," she whispered sweetly. "I want you to remember the times we spent together as happy times. No sadness."

I nodded in agreement, hoping like hell I'd be able to keep my word.

"Now…what on earth are we going to do about this hair of yours?"

~*SIML*~

Carmen died about six months after my hair fiasco. I remember giggling as she took it upon herself to "fix" my hair. But there was no fixing it. She called her old stylist who came over right away after Carmen explained what I had done. We laughed through the entire haircut.

The first month after her death was probably the hardest for all of us. I slipped into a bit of a depression right after her death and let my health decline as well. But remembering the words she shared with me -not long before she was too sick to do much of anything for herself- were always in the forefront of my mind. I wanted to live my life to the fullest. I wanted to live my life like Carmen lived her life. Happy, energetic and with no regrets.

Eleazer - being the upbeat man he always was- took it upon himself personally to remind us that Carmen wouldn't have wanted us to be sad for too long. And he was right. We tried to settle into a new routine, without Carmen. Edward and Eleazer still had their Sunday morning breakfast but insisted that we start living our life together.

~*SIML*~

"Come away with me," Edward whispered in my ear from behind as I tried to get some work finished for the weekend. I closed my eyes and shivered at the feel of his lips against my ear and the heat of his breath across my neck. I signed as he kissed his way down my neck.

"Where to?" I whispered.

"It's a surprise," he replied in a husky voice.

Responsible Bella would have had to think long and hard about how to answer Edward. She was a planner and last minute plans were a "no, no". But now? Now I thought about Carmen's words of wisdom and remembered the silent vow I'd made. I would live my life to the fullest. I would live and love with my whole heart and not be afraid of the outcome. I'd simply live.

I nodded. "Yeah, let's get away."

~*SIML*~

VERY IMPORTANT NOTE:

So Mandy came to me and asked if I'd like to join in her effort to raise money for cancer research. She knew what my response would be! Of course it was "YES". For those of you who do not know me and my family's story please stay tuned. My brother is married and has three beautiful girls. At the age of 27 (days before his 28th birthday) he had a seizure that sent him to the hospital. We have a history of epilepsy so we figured it had something to do with that. The doctors did several scans which found a 4cm tumor in his brain. After several arguments, doctors visits and prayers he had the surgery to have it removed. His tumor is called an anaplastic astrocytoma. Basically it has tentacles that grow into any nook and cranny it can find. The doctors removed the tumor and treated the remaining pieces with radiation and chemotherapy. The surgery went as good as could be expected when a doctor cuts a huge horseshoe shaped incision into someone's head. It's been five years since his surgery and five years since any scans have shown a tumor in his brain. We are beyond thankful to have him still with us today but do not and will not rest alone in that. He continues regular visits to his oncologist and has recently had another clear scan. We pray that it doesn't return in the hope that he and his family can have a long, healthy life together. So, THANK YOU for donating to this cause. It's very near and dear to my heart.