Tilting his head, Prussia glanced at the trees going by on the side of the road. "This drive is so un-awesome." He said to his passenger, who he was determined to keep awake as long as he was. England had been meeting with West about some shit or whatever, and the dick had volunteered Gilbert's services when Arthur had said he wanted to see the scenery on his way back instead of flying.
"I would say something rude but I need to keep good relations with your brother." Arthur retorted. "You should learn to enjoy your scenery considering."
"Considering what? Considering I'm too awesome to care about fucking trees?" Gilbert snorted, letting his hands drop from the wheel. After all, they were pretty much going straight, and there were no other cars.
England just snorted as he crossed his arms. "Considering you aren't a nation any more." He wanted to enjoy the dense German forests while they were there but it was a difficult task with Prussia.
Glaring at him, Gilbert made sure to hit a pot hole on England's side. "But I used to be! I was so awesome! I totally kicked your ass when we were pirates! You probably still have my awesome boot mark, why not turn around and show me."
"Like there is. Just mention the armada around Spain and watch him break down. I was much more feared than you." Still, Arthur didn't want to argue even if it was one of his favourite things to do.
"I want proof. Show me your ass. Entertain me, for taking you on this stupid drive." After all, the awesome Prussia was just too awesome to be sitting driving for hours. He needed something else to do. He wasn't sure what that was, but figured they could think of something.
Raising an eyebrow, Arthur asked. "And why, pray tell, would I pull down my trousers to show you my arse? There is nothing there, least of all from you."
Rolling his eyes, Gilbert grabbed the wheel with one hand so he could look at his passenger. "Because, 'pray tell', I want you to. So do it, or my awesome driving skills will cut this car down the middle, sending your half crashing into the cliff."
Glaring at Prussia, Arthur sneered. "That is impossible." He really didn't want to know just what the man was thinking of. "Why are you so adamant about this? It isn't like I would do anything with you."
Gilbert changed his foot on the pedals, the car coming to a quick stop. "Ok. Get out then." It would be quicker to turn around and go back. Otherwise, he would have a boring drive with a boring country. "You said you wanted to see the scenery."
"You wouldn't." England said cooly. "Not only would you be in trouble with my boss, but I seriously doubt Germany would enjoy hearing what you did."
"Like I care what West enjoys hearing. I'm the awesome Prussia, and as you so... eloquently... put it, I'm not a country anymore." Gilbert waited for him to do something. He wasn't really planning on leaving someone stranded in the middle of nowhere, of course. But it would be a nice threat.
"What will I get in return anyways for showing you my arse? It isn't as if you gave me any choices other than not being stranded." Still, Arthur relaxed his arms and stared at Gilbert through the dim light from the control panel.
Shrugging, Gilbert turned the car back on and started driving again. "Well, I can make sure we will have a good time, instead of just falling asleep and getting into an accident." Now his mind was on the task ahead, namely what they should do. Obviously something sexy, but what exactly?
Pausing for a second, England asked. "A good time you say? How about staying quiet and not wanting to see my arse?"
"But I wanna see your arse! I mean ass. Come on, we could have driving sex." Yeah, that would be awesome enough even for Prussia. He could brag to West about how good a driver he must be to be able to do that.
That really confused England. "You want to have sex with me? While driving?!" Sure they had done it before, but he thought it was in the past now. "And what makes you think that I'd do it? Or that it would be safe?"
"Of course it's not safe. That's what's so hot about it." He smiled, hand going to his pants and undoing the fly. "Come on, just sit right up here."
"I have nothing to gain from this. What makes you think I would want to put my own life in danger?" Arthur asked, keeping his eyes away from the others crotch. "It's not like we are sealing a treaty or finalizing a war."
Rolling his eyes, Prussia took out his awesome five meters. "That's the whole point. We don't have to do this, and that is why it's so fucking amazing." That was one thing he had hated about being a nation. Everything was for international relations.
Well, it had been a while since Arthur had meaningless sex without being piss drunk. "The only solace I can find is that if we crash, I can't die because I am a nation."
"We won't crash. I'm way too awesome of a driver to do that." He smiled, giving his length a stroke to get things started. "You are going to have to stretch yourself. Obviously I'm a little busy." And the show would be nice.
"At least kiss me first you bugger." Sure it would distract Gilbert, but then he might not feel as much like a slut. Leaning towards him, England went to unzip his own trousers.
Giving a laugh, Gilbert turned his head slightly so he could still watch the road. They lips met, and opened, allowing tongue. It was awkward kissing with his eyes open, but it had to be done if they were going to kiss while he was driving.
Now this was going to be the skill testing part. Just how was he supposed to rid himself of his trousers and prepare himself in such a cramped space? "If you tell anyone about this, especially France, I will deny it."
"I don't care if you deny it. He's my friend, and if we start bragging about people we've banged, it just might come up." And to prove just how skillful he was at both 'the art of love', and driving. Sure, the last one he never really thought of, but it was still something to brag about.
Grimacing, Arthur decided to drop it in favour for undoing his seatbelt. Arching off the seat to take his slacks and underwear off, he turned around so he could have room to stretch himself. "I'm going to assume you don't have lube?"
Glancing at him, Prussia grinned. "You could check in the back seat." Not that he had any back there, it was just that with Arthur now butt naked, it would be interesting to see him waving that thing in the air, trying to find some.
It was probably just a ploy to see his naked arse, but England still leaned over the space between their seats to look for lube. It would be much better than saliva. "Wanker, I can't find any."
Slapping the bare ass, Prussia gave a laugh. "That's probably because it's in the glove compartment!" It was always a good thing to keep with him. Lube for if it was a guy, and condoms if it was a girl. Not that he did many girls lately, but it was still good to have.
Making a sound of indignation, England went back to the front seat with a small blush. "You are just as bad as Francis. Why am I even considering putting our lives on the line just so you have something to brag about?"
"Because you remember just how awesome of a fuck I am." With his five meters and everything, how could people not want to come back for more? "Once you've gone awesome, you can't go back."
Grunting, the blond rummaged through the glove compartment and was almost disgusted with how much lube there was. "I would say you were prepared but that sounds like an overstatement." Not only that but there were a bunch of condoms as well.
Giving a laugh, Prussia looked over at them. "The rose scented one is France's, actually." From the one night he had let the nation borrow his car. He had found the lube, and would have given it back if he didn't like the smell so much.
"Bloody frog." He growled before taking one that was labelled 'warming'. As long as it wasn't something from the slimy git, he could use it with Gilbert. Still, he popped open the cap and squeezed a large dollop onto his fingers before warming it up.
Thinking ahead, Prussia put the windshield defog on. Wouldn't want things getting all steamy in here and not be able to see where he is going. "Be quick about it, will ya? Little Gilbo is getting lonely."
Slipping his first digit into his hole, Arthur just let out a small hiss as it slid in smoothly. "Keep your eyes on the road wanker." He growled, twisting his finger to brush his prostate. The second joined quickly as he glanced over to Prussia's substantial erection.
"I can keep my eyes on anything I want." Prussia said, smirking over at the man. This was better than any porno he had seen! Not to mention the thrill of going down the road so fast. It was a good thing he was the only car on the road.
Growling, Arthur unconsciously rubbed himself against the seat in front of him as well as his fingers. Scissoring them, he started to thrust them in and out as well. England knew full well Prussia was watching him, so he wanted to get them both turned on so much that he forgot just how dangerous and embarrassing this was.
Turning around a bend in the road, Gilbert smiled to himself. He was so awesome at driving, he could do it when all his attention was on his passenger and between his legs. He rubbed it again, touching the small bead of precum. "It's alright, Gilbo jr, just wait a little longer."
"Stop talking to your prick." England gasped, slipping in his third finger. "It's not attractive." Though the sight of it hard and weeping was making Arthur glad he decided to do this. Even if it was in a moving vehicle and he was acting like a whore.
"But my dick is fucking awesome." It deserved to be spoken to, being so big and amazing and sexy. "Now hurry up and sit on it."
Glaring, Arthur moaned lightly before blushing. "Maybe I'm ok without doing that." He really wasn't but still. England didn't want to seem so eager to jump into bed - or in this case, onto his lap- with just anyone. Even if their cock was pretty large and was rock hard and terribly inviting.
"And maybe the moon is really made out of cheese." Prussia said sarcastically. Really, who would be fine without having sex with him? It was the one thing people just had to do sometime in their lives, or else everything just wasn't worth it.
"And maybe if you had some humility and sense of decency you wouldn't request to shag while driving, but not everything we want happened." Arthur snapped back before kicking his pants off all the way. Undoing the front button of his dress shirt, he also undid his tie before blushing. "How is this going to work?"
Thinking for a second, Gilbert was glad that his car was an automatic. "Well, you sit on me, facing me. And I look over your shoulder to see the road." Yup, that would work just fine.
Making sure it was a straight stretch through the forest, Arthur grabbed Prussia's chin and kissed him deeply as he straddled the albino. Sticking his tongue deep into the other's mouth, he ground the cock between his arse cheeks to keep them aroused.
Moaning into the kiss, Prussia took a hand off the wheel to run it through the Englishman's hair. But quickly he pulled away to check the road, and went back to kissing him. "I don't want to be in your ass cheeks, I want to be in you."
Grabbing onto the cock underneath him, England awkwardly lowered himself onto it so that it was slipping past the ring of muscle. "You better thank me for this you beer drinking git." He hissed as it slid in smoothly to the hilt. The seat was somewhat awkward for this, but neither of them cared by now.
"Oh god, you feel almost as awesome as my cock is." Obviously, the legend was too awesome to be compared to, but this was a close third. It sucked that he had to look over England's shoulder to see the road, but the rush from speeding up even as they did this was too much to pass up.
"If we crash..." Arthur breathed out, feeling and hearing the car accelerate. Still, he couldn't stop himself from raising slowly and slamming back down. With his shaking hands, he pulled off Prussia's shirt, wanting to feel his skin other than just his prick.
Laughing, Prussia ran one hand down England's spine. "We won't crash. Remember, I'm too awesome to crash." Even if they were going over a hundred and twenty km an hour, but that was only thirty over the speed limit.
Sick of the other's voice, the Briton slammed their mouths together again. Swirling their tongues together, he could barely pay attention to more than the feeling of his charged body and the sounds of the speeding car they were in. It was sad to say, but he was turned on, knowing they could get caught or that someone could see them on this deserted road, fucking like hormone crazed teenagers.
Closing his eyes for a second, Gilbert let his tongue feel around the inside of England's mouth. He knew there was a corner coming up soon, but not yet. And he thought he had seen some room on the side of the road in case they were a little off...
Beep Beeeeep!
Quickly pulling back, Prussia swerved around the car that had just came around the corner. Luckily, he had been just in time, and the car was now behind them, still honking its horn angrily. "Fuck! No more kissing."
"I thought you bloody well said you wouldn't crash!" Arthur yelled back forcefully, moaning as the car ran over something and caused them to grind together. "So much for you being awesome. It was just your inflated ego talking there."
"We didn't crash! And it was your fault for kissing me, making it so I couldn't see the road!" Gilbert said, thrusting his hips up as much as he could. He took his free hand and ran it along England's erection, wanting to remind him just how awesome he was.
Shivering, Arthur mumbled. "Bloody hell..." Before moving again. "Stop on the side of the -ohgod- road so we don't get hurt." He groaned, grinding their bodies together needly.
Looking over to the shoulder of the road, Prussia shook his head. "No room." Well, in truth he just really liked having sex while driving. That close call had pumped pure adrenalin through his veins, and it was simply awesome.
Frowning, England's forehead creased as he squeezed his eyes tight. "Make sure w-we don't crash then. I don't need -ahhh- heart attack."
Squeezing England's cock harder, Gilbert smiled, his red eyes on the road ahead. "Sounds like a plan. Not like we can die anyway." Well, at least he was pretty sure he couldn't die, even if he wasn't technically a nation anymore. Hopefully.
Moaning again, the Brit brought his hips down quickly against Prussia's to bring him deeper in the awkward position. "Wanker..." It was obvious that news of this would leak and Francis would try to goad him into doing it with him. God, Alfred would probably hear too...
"Actually, I hardly ever need to jerk myself off." He was proud of his knowledge of Britain sayings to know what they actually meant. It was just another awesome thing about him.
"Shuddup and keep your eyes on the road so we get to my home in one piece." Biting down on the juncture of Gilbert's neck and shoulder, England held back a groan.
Enjoying the sound of England so pissed off and aroused at the same time, Gilbert did as he was told, as well as kept his hand moving over Arthur's length. He went even faster, knowing they wouldn't run into any cops.
England licked the neck in apology before kissing the other's jaw. He didn't think about how fast they were going other than for the rush or just how immature and idiotic it was. When would he ever see himself having sex in a moving vehicle with Prussia? Never, but it was happening. And it was bloody hot if Arthur had anything to say about it.
"So admit it, I'm the most awesome fuck ever." Prussia said, panting slightly. He was getting close, the adrenalin of the speed and the ecstasy of the sex pooling together to create one of the best feelings ever.
England keened as his cock was squeezed and his prostate hit by chance. "I'm not saying anything, you twat." Still grinding them together, Arthur panted heavily against the other man's chest.
Rubbing their cheeks together, Gilbert flicked out his tongue, licking the side of England's ear. "Alright, then I'll ask your dick." He twisted his hand slightly, pulling the skin of it with him to create a new effect.
Choking on his own saliva, England mewled again at the insane pleasure going through his body. "D-Don't play dirty, kraut." He was so close to climaxing; just a few more thrusts.... The car continued to speed up, sounding somewhere around 170 km an hour.
"So is that a yes?" He asked with a cruel grin. Prussia would do anything to be called awesome. "If you cum right now, I will consider that a yes." So of course he redoubled his efforts, thrusting up into that warmth and jerking his hand up and down faster.
"F-Fucking bastard!" He grunted, pinching Gilbert's nipples harshly has he continued to ride his cock. It was difficult for England not to cum right then and there with all the pleasure washing through him.
Despite wanting it to last, a feral groan escaped England's lips before he came. Fast spurts of cum shot onto his stomach and Gilbert's hand as he continued to ride the other nation. Hopefully he wouldn't take it the wrong way.
Smiling, Prussia closed his eyes, succumbing to the pleasure as well. As soon as it was finished, he opened his eyes again to watch the road. "Fuck. That was entertaining." He got a box of tissues, handing them to Arthur and taking a few himself.
Grumbling under his breath, England cleaned off his stomach before slipping off. When the cock slid out of him, he hissed before wiping the cum off before sitting back down. "Are we in England yet?" He asked as he pulled his pants on.
"Pretty much, I think." Gilbert said, looking around. Well, there really was no point in looking around, because it all looked the same. "Hey... is there a map in the glove compartment?" West usually put one there, but Prussia usually threw it out, saying he was too awesome to get lost.
Rooting around in the glove box, the Brit pulled out a map. "Here." He threw it at him before slipping his shirt on. "And slow down; it's not like we are doing anything."
Slowing down as asked, Gilbert looked at the map. Maybe they were here? Or was it here? They should put little You Are Here dots that move around. Glancing behind him, he traced the line on the map. "Do you... remember passing a pit stop place a while back?" He asked, looking at the small sign that said they should have. At least by now...
"Put yourself away kraut." Looking to the map after snapping, he frowned. "Why would we want to go that way? It takes longer. And did you expect me to look for landmarks as we were going double the speed limit?"
"I was driving, you could have at least done something other than fuck yourself on my dick." Maybe there was a side road ahead, that would make it easier to find themselves on the map. Wait, weren't they supposed to pull onto a side road a while back?
"I wouldn't have if you didn't insist. You're lost aren't you?" England asked uncharacteristically blunt. "You have no clue where we are. "
Sputtering for a moment, Prussia glanced at his passenger. "I am so not lost. I know exactly where we are." He grabbed the map and pointed to a road at random. "See? We're here."
Rolling his eyes, Arthur commented. "Then why are we getting closer to the Austrian border? How didn't you realize we were going there if you badger the poor nation so much?"
"Obviously I was paying more attention on my dick in your tight ass than where we were." Great, if they were lost, he might need more entertainment from England.
Thanks Lenni-chan13 for being the 100th reviewer on All The Things I Hate About You!