Chapter six: Lost in Your Eyes


Cuddy had remained vigil at House's side but he had not been awake for such a long time and her eyes were beginning to succumb to the desire to sleep. With a slight nod to Wilson, who had been patiently taking care of her son, and a soft kiss to Felix's delicate forehead Cuddy left the room.

"Is…she gone yet?"

Wilson laughed at he heard House's voice speak out once the door had closed. He placed Felix in a crib that Cuddy had asked for, one thing at a time Wilson concluded.

The oncologist moved next to his friend's bed, "Have you been awake the whole time?"

House didn't open his eyes, "I just wanted her to leave."

Wilson sat down beside him, he would call the doctors to check him out in a moment, and he wanted to savor the moment of talking to his friend. Unintentionally a smile crept onto his face.

"Nice to have you back with us, House."

However Wilson's happiness was short lived. House remained silent and his eyes shut tight as if he might release something apocalyptic onto the world if they opened, "I'm going to call a doctor…"

House's arm came out but widely off target missing Wilson completely and crashing into the machinery beside him, "Damn it! Wilson!"

Wilson stood back, House's eyes were closed, "Open you're eyes House."

His reply was short and curt, "No."

Wilson returned to his seat and leaned on the bed placing his head in his hands, "I can't help you, House, if you don't tell me what's the problem. Either you open your eyes and tell me what's wrong or I call the doctor."

A moment passed before House's head bowed and slowly he opened his eyes. Wilson observed them, completely normal but House didn't give him a chance for a closer inspection. So Wilson conducted a simple test, "House, how many fingers am I holding up?"

He held his hand close to House but no answer came. House simply stared fixed just over his shoulder silently not daring to open his mouth. Not willing to state the facts that Wilson was now very aware of, the removal of one disability only to replace it with another.

"House…" Wilson was stunned and didn't have to hold back because…

"Don't say it."

"House…you can't see me, can you?"

Wilson watched in silence as House's head fell back onto the pillow. The man amazed him still, House's head was bandaged after his surgery and his chest was too, but he survived. He always did. House had been a survivor his entire life.

"Why didn't you tell me, why wait until now?"

Silence was again House's only response to the question partly because Wilson already knew the answer, "It was because of Cuddy."

House pulled his head level to Wilsons positioning it by sound, "The sooner she goes home the sooner…" House paused and Wilson picked up on it.

"The sooner you what?" If it were any other friend or person Wilson would have placed a comforting hand on his arm to reassure him, he wasn't alone but it was House. A simple gesture like that could risk House pulling away further than he already had, this was Cuddy's territory now. Wilson had to call her but couldn't be in the same room as House completely assured that Felix was asleep he excused himself.


House was alone but he heard something that he couldn't place. Opening his eyes was only a reflex now but House saw nothing. It was black, cold and unforgiving. There was no light, no smiles or reassurances that everything was going to be ok even if it wasn't. The sound got louder and House placed it. A baby, probably to his far left but that made no sense. Sam wasn't pregnant which only left… House reached to where he felt the monitoring patches on his skin tearing them away. When he tried to swing himself out of the bed House suddenly felt the pain that he hadn't felt for a few months. Must be the ribs but House felt down. The outline of a post surgical dressing was just below his ribs and it was throbbing with pain.

"Do you need some help there, young man?"

House laughed bitterly, "Young man?"

He heard the woman laugh, House placed her at 60 plus, as he felt a warm hand wrap around his bicep, "I see you want to go somewhere." She placed his hand on the IV pole pulling it over to act like a walking stick. "Just tell me."

"There's a baby in here somewhere."

The woman pushed him down on to the bed putting the monitors back on, "I'll bring him over."

House would have objected but he was tired and in pain, "How old would you put him at?"

She laughed a warm hearty laugh that House felt was familiar, "I don't know, he's young. Probably around a month or two at most."

The older woman placed the fussing baby into House's open arms and he called out to thank her but she was no longer there. House felt the baby's heat and his soft skin as his hand gently traced the child's face. No longer was he making fussing noises, the boy was calm, it was good the woman knew he was a boy otherwise House would have had no idea. The connections were running through inside his head, Cuddy's baby…nine months…one month old…ten months ago…I left…. ten months ago we had sex…one month old…

"Sorry I was gone so long…"

Wilson emerged into the room but was nearly struck down with what he saw. House had some how managed to get across the room to get to Felix. And as Wilson moved closer he saw a single tear track down House's cheek but before he could even think of something to say he spoke.

"What's his name?"

Wilson cleared his throat nervously, "Felix James."

"Cuddy?"

Wilson nodded but cursed himself and replied, "Yes. He's Cuddy's."

A hidden smile crept onto House's face as he looked down to the child into his arms. Wilson knew from the expression on House's face that not only had he figured out who was the father but that he would have given anything to see him. Just one glance at how his son, Felix, looked.

"Is he beautiful? I bet he is…just like his mother."

Wilson felt so out of place and uncomfortable in the moment House was sharing with Felix. Yet, he couldn't help but notice how tender he was with Felix in his arms, the look in his unfocused eyes that beamed with pride so close after nearly loosing his life discovering another.

"Yeah, he is but he has your eyes. Great big orbs."

House smiled and the little boy laughed but his eyes filled quickly, "Was she going to tell me?"

Wilson sat next to House and Felix, "I don't know, I only found out a few days ago. Don't be mad at her, House. She's under a lot of pressure lately and…"

"It's a two person job, Wilson I know." House sighed and Felix reached up to grab his finger. Wilson watched at the emotions in his face flash through pride to anger so quickly, "You can't tell her I know."

"What!"

House held out Felix for Wilson to take, "He needs a father. That's one thing I am never going to be."

Wilson took Felix but as soon as he was removed from his father's embrace started to fuss once again, "You really think that?" Wilson was disgusted and ashamed of his friend as he placed his son back into the cot; "I've watched you screw up everything in your life time and time again. You can screw up your own life but not his. You can't tell me that you didn't feel anything then, when you held that precious life in your arms. He's the only family you've got left."

Wilson looked at his friend and suddenly realized his fear wasn't the young baby, with whom he was so comfortable just a few minutes previous, it was another person. "It's Cuddy isn't it?" Wilson laughed, "It's always about Cuddy with you. You're afraid of her. That she'll choose Lucas over you. That you'll end up loosing her and Felix."

"What else you got, Freud?"

Wilson smirked, "Is that all you've got? House, you'll be a great father but more importantly Cuddy's here. She threw Lucas out. This is your chance. God! Please don't screw it up!"

"Don't screw what up?"

Cuddy was stood in the doorway checking Felix over, kissing him tenderly, before moving towards House and Wilson. "I'm going to leave you two alone."

Wilson practically sprinted out of the room and the tensions that were slowly building, "So, you Wilson told you?"

Cuddy sat beside him, "He called."

House relaxed into the bed with a hiss of pain closing his eyes, "Well this isn't awkward at all is it?"

Cuddy rolled her eyes but instantly regretted the action as he couldn't see it, "What did you expect? It's been a long time."

House smirked, "So you dropped everything to come out here and find me? I find that hard to believe."

Cuddy furrowed her brow, "What?"

"Well, I've just met you're son and that means you're either married or getting married to Mucus. So why come here? If it's pity I'd rather you all left now."

House heard no reply and began to panic that Cuddy had taken his advice, "Cuddy?" his voice was panicked and unsure but he felt a hand on his side, "I'm still here, House. I always am. Whether I like it or not."

"Why?"

"I care about you, House. I can't explain it, I thought you were dead and…"

House hung on her every word, "And?"

Cuddy smiled a little, a part of her wanted to reach out to him, to touch him and take the lost look away from his blind eyes, "And…" Something clicked inside her mind, he was mad, "Wilson already told you didn't he."

"If you're thinking what I'm thinking then no I figured it out myself."

Silence settled in between them except for the incoherent mumblings of Felix in the corner, "I wish you could see him, House. He looks just like you…that's how I knew."

House laughed bitterly, "That the perfect family wasn't so?"

Cuddy shook her head, "That's when I knew he was too beautiful to be a product of me and Lucas."

House lifted his head in confusion, "What?

His voice was soft and unsure so Cuddy stretched her hand out to his stubbled cheek, "He's just like his father."

He lifted his hand to meet hers, "Why are you doing this now? If this hadn't of happened you'd still be playing happy families."

"Why do you have to dissect everything? I'm here now; we're all here now. The three of us."

House sighed, "Don't do this."

"House just deal with it! I made my choice to be here! Not with Lucas! I've just told him to go home and pack his things," It was a little lie but if things went the way she had planned it was only time before it was truth, "I haven't felt the same since that day you left…" Her voice wavered, "You gave me everything I've ever wanted, Greg."

His head shook, "I can't. Not only am I crippled I'm blind, what kind of father would I be."

Cuddy stood and held each side of his face with her own face so close that she couldn't stop staring at his dry lips, "Don't you dare think what you're thinking, Gregory House. I know about your leg surgery and I talked with your doctor it could be only temporary blindness!"

"And it could be permanent!"

"So what!" Cuddy nearly shouted, "It won't make a difference to him…or me."

"Well, it matters to me!"

Cuddy pulled back, "So you'd let the woman you love and you're son walk out the door because of you're pride. When I think you've changed, when I'm willing to drop the life I have to be with you and you say no?" She turned to Felix's crib; "Fine then we won't bother you anymore. Sorry to inconvience you!"

Cuddy took her son and marched out of the room. House shouted after her, "CUDDY!"

When she didn't come back he jumped out of his bed ignoring the pain and tearing the monitors away from his skin. This time he had no one to guide him as House stumbled out of his hospital room shouting her name, "Cuddy!"

House dragged himself along the wall until he couldn't take it anymore. He didn't know where she was and his stomach teamed with his head was screaming with pain but mostly something inside him was screaming that once again he'd screwed up.


"CUDDY!"

She heard her name being shouted but continued on. Cuddy held her son close to her chest. Regret flashed through her mind, Cuddy really thought he would embrace her but he'd just been told he had a son after he'd nearly died. What had Cuddy been thinking? Her mind berated her for her lack of delicacy with the situation. Cuddy span on her feet suddenly running with her baby in her arms to discover his father on the floor surrounded by doctors and Wilson. After handing Wilson Felix, Cuddy bent down to help him up.

"You're an idiot do you know that?" Cuddy said helping him reach his feet and direct himself back to the bed. House smirked when she was reattaching him to the monitors, "Funny enough I've been told that before."

House heard her sigh, "Why do we have to do this every time, House? We're never on the same page."

Maybe it was easier for him to say it because he couldn't see the way she was looking at him, "I can't loose you again. It's easier to push you away then…to loose you and Felix."

Cuddy let go of the breath she'd been holding for it seemed ten months. Since the moment they'd been together that fateful day her world didn't seem the same. That moment seemed to connect them, he told her how he felt and was honest. At that moment the blind man before her had never been vulnerable.

"You know just when I think I'm right you prove me so wrong."

House smirked, "It keeps life interesting."

Cuddy smiled and moved her face closer to his like she had been waiting to do since she saw him again, "I know what else keeps life interesting…"

The next thing House felt was Cuddy's delicate lips on his own coarse mouth embracing him in warmth and dare he say it momentary happiness.


A/N: Hey sorry this is so late, I've been incredibly busy and not had time to write! I have to write for the paper and all this election stuff is keeping me very busy. And I'm not looking forward to the finale whatever anyone says! I think something is going to happen to Cuddy I watched that first look at the finale! :S If she dies I'm not watching it anymore :P Anywho whatcha think? Surely Cuddy didn't mean to lie to House about Lucas? Surely it wont come back and bite her in the ass ? You'll have to tune in to the next chpter of Cry me a river :D

REVIEW because you're all awesome and I'd make a list but it's eleven and I'm off to my neighbours (A woman, who is very beautiful, just to prove I'm really not gay :D)

Gabe xx