A/N: One of nine. A series of Naomily based ficlets, one for each track of the album Habits by Neon Trees. I've never done anything like this before, so this is new for me. Please read, and, if you do, leave me a comment. They really do make my day and inspire me to write more.

01. Sins of My Youth

When I took down my defenses, for the first time there was something in me.
Yeah, something in me, hot like a smoking gun, back when I was young.
I've got these habits that I cannot break.

Naomi's changed. They all have, really; put through things no group of friends should've ever gone through. There's still some of her old self left, of course there is (it had all really just been a facade that she'd kept up anyway, which made her no different from Effy, or Katie), but, well, old habits die hard. It had taken Emily ages to get her even remotely comfortable with any sort of public affection, slightly less around their group of friends, because every one was used to them anyway and Naomi was fairly sure Effy had known they'd end up together for ages. It had taken even longer for her to admit that yes, she was gay. She was very, very gay and it hadn't been the alcohol or the drugs that made her kiss Emily at Pandora's birthday party, and it hadn't been the vodka that made her want to touch the redhead at the lake.

She can remember clearly the day she first saw Emily; the day all of this had started. She can remember how even in Katie's shadow, Emily had captivated Naomi more than the elder twin ever could and that thought had immediately terrified her. She can clearly remember every time she saw Emily after that (except for times when she was incredibly off her tits), and the taste of her lipgloss and the alcohol on her tongue during that drunken snog in middle school and how from that moment on, without realizing it, Emily had systematically broken down each and every wall Naomi had spent so much time building and fortifying until she was sure she was untouchable.

So she had fucked guys. It hadn't helped, obviously. She thought it would get better after the first time, with some faceless boy with brown hair and tan skin, but it hadn't.

(She'd gotten home with her makeup having run, making her look like an extremely bedraggled, extremely depressed clown and broken down when her mum had asked her what had happened.)

She didn't stop though, convinced that if she did it enough, it would start to feel right. Then she fucked, no, made love to Emily and realization had hit her smack in the face the next morning when she'd woken with her body curled protectively around the redhead's smaller frame.

And yeah, she's still sarcastic. She still loses herself in her own thoughts and needs Emily to kiss her until she's back in the present. Her and Katie still get along about as well as Naomi does with every other prick she's ever met, constantly taking jabs at each other that are a little more affectionate than they used to be (although only barely). She's still passionate. Still so passionate (about politics, about education, about general world affairs), but now there's something else, something that her passion for is greater than everything else combined. Emily.

Naomi stares down at the sleeping figure next to her and traces the shape of Emily's lips. She was stupid when she was younger, running away from this; from her. Emily smiles in her sleep, so Naomi kisses the small dimple that forms on her cheek. Stupid for pretending for so long that she was something she's not. She still gets the urge to run every now and then, when she feels overwhelmed by the depth of her love for Emily and the redhead's love and devotion and isn't sure that she can handle it all, but then Emily will do something adorable or just say, "I love you," or will kiss her sweetly and all of Naomi's fears will fly out the window. Sometimes she'll feel trapped by the easy life they've settled into, but then Emily will do something spontaneous and the feeling will vanish.

So, yeah, Naomi's changed (for the better, she hopes), and yeah, she still does things that annoy the fuck out of Katie, or on occasion frustrate Emily, but the one thing that will never, ever change, will be the love she has for her redheaded girlfriend.