A very weird tale, but that is what I come up with at two in the morning.

Disclaimer: I don't own, but I'm still have some fun at their expense. :)

Happy St. Patrick's Day! Enjoy!

Don pocketing his keys enters his and Jess's apartment slamming the door, and locking it behind him. Shuffling across to the couch, he wearily plops down on the couch to rub both of his eyes with the heels of his hands. "When did people lose their sense of humor," he wonders aloud to no one in particular

"Hey honey, you're home," Jess smiles walking in from the bedroom wearing one of his old hockey jerseys and some sweat pants. Setting the basket of laundry down on a nearby chair, she bends over to kiss him on the top of his head and settles next to him on the couch. "What's wrong? You look beat. Whoa, where did you get that black eye?" She asks snuggling closer to him on the couch trying to get a better look at his eye.

"Nothing, it's nothing," Don denies trying to get her off track. "How was your day? Did you have fun with that errand your mother needed to get done?"

"Yeah, it went fine," she reassures him running a hand over the jersey. "I'll tell you about it over dinner later. Now tell me about that black eye or do I need to call Mac or the guys at the station to get the truth?"

"Nah, you don't have to do that," he sighs, looking into her concerned eyes. "It all started when I was at the lab..."

"...And then he said to the priest, 'you shouldn't have pulled my finger,'" Danny says to Sheldon cracking them both up with the joke he heard from one of the uniforms that morning. "Gomez is brilliant! He always has the best jokes."

"Well, if you like that one this one will knock your socks off," Don boasts to his friends with malicious glee. "Jess's cousin Alaire told it to me last weekend."

"Oh no," Jess groans covering her face with one of her hands the gold on her finger sparkling in the sun. "You didn't. Please tell me you didn't."

"I did," he grins proudly, his face sobering when he remembers what telling that joke led to.

"...so this baby is born and introduced to his family," Don says proudly watching his friends faces closely waiting for the reaction. "He shakes hands with the doctor thanking him for the good job. He is introduced with his grandparents and shakes hands with them, then he is placed in his mother's arms when he hugs her for keeping him safe for the past nine months.

"Is this a joke or a feel good story," Danny impatiently questions rocking on his heels. Sheldon snickers in the background, with Adam standing by looking confused.

"Yes, there is smart ass. Be patient, now where was I? Oh yes, he is being cuddled in his mother's arms when he looks up and sees his dad leaning over them. Reaching up the baby pokes the dad in the head sharply. "Hurts don't it?"

Sheldon burst out laughing not necessarily from the joke, but at the devilish look on Don's face, and the way Danny's whitened and then turned green. "So doesn't that help you appreciate Monroe being in her second trimester?"

"You. Ass. You are dead, especially when she hears about this," Danny threatens still a little sicken by the thought. Deep breaths, he tells himself. Just breathe. How could his best friend do this to him? Montana was just getting her 'enthusiasm' back and he was having all of his fantasies come true enjoying it.

"What's she going to do," Don taunts, ecstatic at throwing his friend off of his game. "At five months she isn't walking so fast, let her try and catch me..."

"So it was Lindsay who gave you that black eye," Jess surmises running her hand through his hair, then resting it on her stomach. "I must admit, that I don't blame her."

"Nah, she didn't hit me...when she heard about the joke she thought to confront me at the station about it. As she was advancing, she can be pretty scary even though she's that short," Don shudders. "Anyway, as she was advancing, I was trying to get out of my chair to run when I felt someone trip me. That's when I fell and hit my eye on the corner of my desk. She and Jo decided to take pity on me for your sake."

"Well, that was nice of them," she clears her throat, gathering her confidence at his eventual happiness. "I was going to tell you this over dinner in my black negligee. That errand for my mom that I talked about, it was really me at the doctor's. I've been feeling queasy for a couple of weeks and the short of it is...I'm pregnant." Waiting for his reaction, she anxiously searches his blue eyes.

"That's amazing, honey," Don's blue eyes lit up as he gathers her in his arms and gently rubs his hands up and down her back. "We're going to be parents? Oh this is going to be great!"

Pulling back he hesitantly places his hand over her flat stomach, "I can't wait to tell everyone."

"Our families are going to flip, the station will no doubt throw us a party, and we'll have to ask Danny and Lindsay if they have anything we can use...oh. Oh," gently depositing Jess on the cushion next to him, he leans forward to bury his head in his hands. "Oh, my god!"

"Yep," Jess smirks patting him on the head before getting up to call their families. "And that's why you should never listen to my cousin."

"Well, fuck my life," Don groans thinking about the crap he's going to get when the news of this hits the station and the lab.

I'm sorry about the last line, but I thought that this would be something Don would say...and a little self advertising is a good thing, right? :D

I hope you had fun while reading this, thank you!