Star Trek Voyager characters are the property of Paramount Pictures

While this story doesn't start out as J/C, I promise that it will end J/C. All my stories do :)

HEARTS ASTRAY

CHAPTER 1

TWO MONTHS AFTER VOYAGER'S RETURN

"I'd forgotten how much fun this is," Kathryn said to her sister as they painted the lounge of her new apartment in San Francisco. "I think I'll do the bedrooms too. What do you think? Blue for mine, green for the guest?"

"I'm thinking is this really my sister?" Phoebe laughed. "The Kathryn Janeway I knew wouldn't use the words fun and painting in the same sentence."

"I suppose seven years of the extraordinary has given me an appreciation for the ordinary," Kathryn answered, dipping her roller into a pot of pale yellow paint. "I find myself taking pleasure in all kinds of things that I found a chore before...like shutting window-blinds or opening an umbrella. I'll never again take nightfall or rainfall for granted."

Suddenly, the door chime played and Phoebe put down her roller. "Want me to get it? I'm closer."

"Please," Kathryn answered. "It's probably only Mom. She said she'd be by later to inspect our work."

Phoebe went to answer the door, but instead of finding her mother there, she found Chakotay. He was casually dressed in beige pants and shirt and was wearing a black jacket.

"Hi, Phoebe," he said. "Is Kathryn there? I'd like to speak with her."

"She sure is," Phoebe replied, "but is kind of busy right now. As you can see from the state of me, we're redecorating. But if you don't mind the mess, step inside. I'm sure she'll be glad to see you." She turned around and called to her sister. "Kath, it's..."

But Kathryn was already approaching. "I heard," she said. She then smiled at Chakotay, her eyes moist. "It's good to see you, Chakotay."

"You too," he replied.

It had only been two months since they had last seen each other, but it felt like it had been an eternity.

"Shall we go into the garden?" she asked. "I'm still getting this place fixed up so I'm afraid there's nothing to sit on but beanie bags."

"The garden is fine," Chakotay smiled.

The garden was more like a park, as it was big and for the use of all residents, but it had several arbors, alcoves and gazebos that were perfect for private conversations. Kathryn took Chakotay over to an arbor beside a pond and they talked as they walked.

"How was your sister and family on Trebus?" Kathryn asked.

"Good," Chakotay replied. "It was good to see them and to make things up with my sister."

"I bet. But it must have been difficult going back there."

"Yes. I underestimated how difficult. But I'm glad I did. And I'm glad I had Seven with me. She was a great comfort."

"I'm sure," Kathryn said, trying not to show the hurt she felt at every mention of his relationship with Seven. He was happy, and she'd always wanted him to be happy, so she tried to take comfort in his joy. But it was a cold comfort, an empty comfort, for she loved him so much that living without him was hell.

"What about you?" Chakotay asked. "How have you found adjusting back to life on Earth?"

"Harder than I thought it would be," she answered honestly. "I had a kind of fairytale picture of getting home, you know? That we'd all get home and it would be happy ever after? But it hasn't quite been like that. Adjusting back is difficult. I miss Voyager. I miss the life we had there. Ironic, isn't it? For seven years I could think of nothing but getting home, but now that we are, I'd give anything to be out there just one more day."

"I miss Voyager too. There are things that I don't miss, like the danger and the workload, but there are more things I miss than I don't." He paused. "I hear you've been promoted to the admiralty."

"Yes," Kathryn answered. "But I think that's due more to Starfleet wanting to keep me out of space than true merit."

"Don't put yourself down. What you accomplished in the delta quadrant was no small thing. Very few captains could have done it. Most wouldn't even have tried."

"I couldn't have done it without you," she said truthfully. "We did it together."

"Hardly."

"Now who's putting themselves down? You were my rock, my anchor, and my shelter. No Captain could ever have a better First Officer."

Chakotay smiled. "No First Officer could ever have a better Captain."

Kathryn smiled back. "Seems we have a mutual fan club here."

"Seems we do."

They reached the arbor and sat down on a silver bench.

"What are your plans now that we're home?" Kathryn asked.

"That's why I'm here," he answered. "I've been offered a post on an exploration vessel called The Discovery and I've accepted. Seven's coming too."

This news surprised Kathryn. "I didn't think she was interested in joining Starfleet."

"The ship isn't Starfleet," Chakotay explained. "It belongs to The Planetary Archaeology Society. We're going as part of a team to explore an archaeological site in deep space. It's something I've always wanted to do and Seven wants to come along as she's eager to return to space."

"I see," Kathryn said quietly. "How long will you be gone?"

"About two years."

At those words, Kathryn felt her heart break. Two years? How was she going to get through two years without him when she'd barely made it through two months? But she would have to. Somehow she would. For he was not hers to miss, not hers to love. He never had been. He belonged to Seven now and somehow, someway, she had to move on.

Gently, Chakotay put his hand on her shoulder. "Are you ok, Kathryn?"

"I'm fine," she said. "I just...Two years is a long time. I'll miss you..." then she added hastily "And Seven."

"I'll miss you," Chakotay said sincerely. "I have missed you. There were times on Trebus that I wished..." he paused, changed the subject. "But two years will pass in no time. And they'll probably pass quicker for you than for any of us. So many opportunities are waiting for you, Kathryn. Grab them with both hands and make the most of them. You deserve to be happy."

"So do you," Kathryn replied. "And I'm glad that you are."

"I am," Chakotay said. "For the first time in a long time."

Kathryn wanted to ask if her angry warrior had finally found peace, but she didn't want to remind him of the speech he had once made to her, of the love he had once felt for her. It was gone now, or at least was diluted to friendship. Not that she wasn't grateful for that, for friends like Chakotay were a rare breed, but friendship had never quite been enough for her. For the longest time it hadn't been for him either, but now it evidently was. In that way, perhaps it was for the best that he was leaving. It would make it easier for her to move on, especially if they were out of communication range and letters were impossible.

"I'd ask you to write to me," she said, "but I suppose you'll be out of communication range."

"We will be," he answered. "For the most part, anyway. It will take us over eight months to reach the dig. That's why the mission is so long."

"When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow."

Tomorrow. Another crack splintered Kathryn's heart.

"I'm going to have to say goodbye for Seven too," he said, "because unfortunately she won't be able to in person. We've been offered the posts last minute and she's got a lot to do."

"I understand," Kathryn replied.

"I can't stay long myself. I've got a meeting in about half an hour. I just...I didn't want to leave without saying goodbye."

"I wouldn't want you to leave without saying goodbye," Kathryn said. "But you'd better get going. You can't miss the meeting on my account."

Chakotay got to his feet and Kathryn stood too.

"I really will miss you, Kathryn," he said. "You're my best friend."

Kathryn spoke the words she immediately regretted. "Shouldn't that be Seven?"

Chakotay was a moment in replying. "I love Seven," he said quietly. "I do. But you and I shared something very special on Voyager and I've never been closer to anyone. You've taught me what it really means to be a friend."

"No," Kathryn said, tears in her eyes. "You taught me."

Their eyes locked and Kathryn could hardly breathe. Then Chakotay was hugging her.

"Goodbye, Kathryn."

Kathryn hugged him back and only with great effort contained the emotions inside.

"Goodbye, Chakotay."

Then, before she knew it, Chakotay was walking away. When he reached a bend in the path, he turned around and looked at her, looked at her as though he didn't want to leave, as though he had something to say, but then he continued walking. As he did, a tear ran down Kathryn's cheek and she watched with an aching heart as the man she loved walked out of her life.

END OF CHAPTER ONE