(A/N: here's a good one-shot. I hope I won't disappoint you. The basic idea of this one-shot is that Justin studies to keep thoughts of Alex away and to hide his pain.)

Warning: Rated for attempted suicide. Once again, suicide is the worst thing you can do to yourself. This felt too angsty and too painful when I read it. This doesn't have a happy ending. It's realistic. You've been warned.

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Disclaimer: I do not own WOWP. Don't sue me, I don't have any allowance :P

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You are studying day in and day out. You are getting all straight A-s. Your parents are really proud of you. They tell you how much they love you and smile kindly at you. You try to smile back, but the guilt hits you and you don't feel good anymore.

"Are you all right?" They ask you, in a concerned voice that increases your guilt.

You simply smile. You do not reply because you do not have the habit to lie, and so you cannot convince them that you're all right.

You are not all right. You're sick. You're lovesick.

*****

She's pretending to do her homework when she's actually texting her friends. You do not say a word, because what's the use anyway? Suddenly, she throws a crumbled paper in your direction, missing your face by just a few inches.

"What was that for?" You ask angrily, while picking up the paper from the floor and throwing it in your dustbin, because you try to be perfect all the time, and you keep your room clean.

She rolls her eyes in that way that makes your blood boil and your lovesick heart throb rapidly at the same time. "For being such a pain in my life all the time, duh" she replies in her usual sarcastic tone, sticking her tongue at you playfully.

The words sting. You hide the tears suddenly forming in your eyes, because you don't want her to see you cry, you don't want her to know that you are hurt, that you actually care about her, you don't want her to know that she has the power to stab you in the heart. So you play the role of the dorky older brother that you are and shoot back a nasty reply: "I was born first. You are the pain in my life."

And you're not lying. Because she is a pain in your life, a pain that has no cure, a pain that has no end, a pain that'll destroy you with every breathe you take, a pain that makes you cry every time you shut that heavy math book. Because when you're not busy, she's the only thing that reigns in your mind. You need that complicated determinant problem to keep your mind off her thoughts. And that's how you end up with 100 in every test. So really, she's actually doing you a favor.

But it still doesn't make anything better. You still cry and cry and cry. Because these locus and cross-multiplication are just distractions. Because you're still hurting inside. Because you're sick.

*****

You see her in school in between classes, and that definitely doesn't make things easier for you. You try not to stare at that gorgeous face and those beautiful eyes, but fail miserably. Because you are sick, you can't tear your eyes away.

She's talking to a friend, an amused smile adorning her lips, and you see the excitement in those mischievous twinkling eyes. You smile too. Because you're sick, because her happiness makes you smile, and gosh you sound so cheesy but you don't even care!

She walks in your direction, and your breath hitches and your cardiac rate increases. You smooth your shirt and back brush your hair with your hands. Because you're sick, because you want to look perfect.

Then she walks past you, without even glancing at you once, without even acknowledging your presence. Your dreams shatter again and you're brought back to reality. You feel invisible, you feel hurt. Because you've fallen for someone who doesn't even care to look at you, because your life is twisted in the cruelest way, because you're sick.

So you clutch your books tighter to your chest, because books are your best friends after all, they have never let you down, and you silently head to the class, because that's one place where you find a bit of relief.

*****

She's talking with that cute guy (according to her, you think he looks like a mannequin) in the substation and you want to cry again. Because the script was modified and your role has been changed. (Pun intended). Because you'll never be that guy that'll make her laugh in that way. Because you'll never even get a chance to ask her out, you'll never have a way to enter her heart. Because you're her brother, because you're the unlucky person stabbed in the heart by unrequited love. Because you're sick, and you will never find the cure. So you turn to page 567 of Organic Compounds and block your thoughts again.

******

She's failing science again and she desperately needs your help with that assignment she has to submit the next day. You fall victim to those puppy dog eyes and that pout again, and you end up drawing 20 sketches of biology before your physics test. You get a 95 on that test, and your biggest rival gets a 100. You don't mind though, because she got an A in her assignment, and she passed. Because she's happy and she's smiling again. Because her happiness is everything that matters to you, and you're so sick that you don't even care if that sounds cliché.

She's not grounded and she leaves for her date. And you end up with your physics book to force the pain away.

This time, you get a 100. Because you have spent all the guilty nights with your physics books, because sleep has abandoned you a long time back and you have abandoned the nightmares as well, because you're sick.

*****

You feel a strange blankness in your body and mind, a hollow feeling that hurts. You know it is because of the fact that you do not remember who you are. You know you lost your memory, you know magic is not flowing in your blood anymore.

But you don't care. Because she's right in front of your confused eyes. Because you're smart and kind and everything she ever wanted to be. Because she runs into your arms when you promise her that you will never leave her. Because you're sick, and you still remember that much.

This sickness can never fade. Because it's love, true love, and true love never dies, right?

*****

When X bites Y, Y becomes a wolf forever. When Y scratches X, X loses vampire powers.

She turns emo after he's gone and you've never felt sicker in your life. She cries every single day, and you cry too, because every time you try to reach out to her, she pushes you away. You feel insane when she cuts her wrists with your compass. You know that you may never get an A in geometry again; you know your hands will shake at the painful memory every time you hold that stupid pointed object in that perfect poise.

But you don't care, because as soon as she sees you, she runs into your arms, and after full 20 days, you touch sin again. She's bleeding in your arms and promising that she'll never do this again.

Your horrified parents take her to the hospital, and you're left at home in charge of your little brother. You cry and cry and cry and silently pray to God that she's all right. Thirteen bottles of saline later she comes home safe and you feel alive again. Because you love her more than anything else, because you'll die the day you lose her, because you're sick.

*****

The pain is too much and you can't take it anymore. You feel the need to share this with someone. So when your best friends, whom you trust so much, ask you what is wrong with you lately, you finally confess. They don't hate you, but they don't support you either. They don't understand this, they find it weird. And you don't blame them, because you know it's weird, because you know it's wrong, because you know it's sick.

Soon you realize what a great mistake you have made. These feelings should have been carefully hidden in a secure corner of your heart, but it's too late.

Your friends start to tease you, and it becomes such a torture! You can't take it anymore and you hate school. You want to hide away in your locked room and never face the world again. But your grades never drop. All the guilty nights spent on studying fetch you straight A-s.

Soon she notices the teasing too, and asks you what's wrong. You try to play it causal and tell her it's nothing serious. Sure enough she doesn't believe you- you were never good at lying, especially to her.

Within one month she understands what it's about, and the world ends. You feel your life lamp is extinguished the moment she pushes you away. She's disgusted with you, she hates you, and you start hating yourself as well. You apologize, but that doesn't change the facts. That doesn't make her stop screaming and yelling at you every day. And you know you deserve that. She is right- "you are sick."

After the most painful week of your life, she starts talking to you normally again. Just when you breathe and relax, she joins in the teasing. At first you're too shocked to react, and you feel like stuck in the wrong movie shot, waiting for the director to say "cut."

She's teasing you about your 'crush' on her. Oh God!

Then there's a history assignment shoved in your direction.

"Why should I do it?" you ask, eyeing the 20 page assignment.

"Because you love me", she replies, battering her eyelashes and shooting a teasing smile your way.

You stare at her in shock and horror and disbelief and pain, and your heart breaks yet again. She's using you, just like she has been since she was born, but this? This is a totally different way. She's toying with your feelings- she's using it for her own benefits, and hurting you in the process. She's disrespecting your emotions and only caring about herself. This is totally cruel and ruthless. And you feel the innocent girl that grew up in front of your eyes is suddenly gone. This is someone else. Because your Alex would never intentionally hurt anyone, let alone you, because deep inside, she is a nice person, with a heart of gold.

Then you look in her eyes and feel stunned again, because she's smiling all innocent, and oh God, she isn't taking this seriously. She thinks it's just some weird phase, something casual that'll pass away with time (like your obsession with Power Rangers). She doesn't realize what she's doing to you. She doesn't know that she's hurting you, that this love is tearing you apart. She just knows she's using you, just like she has been since she was born….

You let out a sound that sounds like a sigh and a groan, and you shake your head in frustration. You take the history assignment paper in your hand. Because you're helplessly in love, you have no control over yourself, because you'd even die for her, like all the heroes in those sappy movies that you love, because she is life, she is death, because you're sick.

And because maybe there is a tiny part of your mind that hopes someday she'll understand how much you love her, and then she'll love you back as well. You shut off the logical voice in your brain that tells you it'll never happen. Because you're not logical and rational in love, because you're sick.

*****

She stops talking to you when she gets a new boyfriend. Your insides hurt- your nerves, your eyes, your blood vessels ache. You cry whenever you shut that big fat biology book. You can't take it anymore and you know you'll go insane. You cant stand to see her with someone else and you want to run away.

Your grades are still up, thanks to guilty nights spent on books, and you decide to join a college far, far away from your home. Everything is arranged and you're about to leave. You're not crying, you promised yourself you will not cry when you leave, because you're finally getting rid of the pain- this is your only chance of putting an end to your miseries and your frantic feelings. After all, they say 'out of sight, out of mind'. (But they also say "Absence makes the heart grow fonder", so you're really not that sure….)(A/N: any thoughts on these two contradictory sayings? It always confuses me. LOL.)

But then she's running into your arms and begging you not to leave her. "You promised me you'll never leave me." She's shaking in your arms and her tears are running down your shoulders, soaking your shirt, and gosh you're her big brother and she loves you like the great sister she is. "I cant live without you", she whimpers, beating your back desperately with her tiny fists, "you can't leave me."

You hug her tightly and tell her you're sorry. And then you realize you're crying too. Because this might be the last time you're seeing her, this might be the last time you're holding her in your arms, this might be the last time you're with her in the house where you grew up together, this might be the last goodbye.

So you let yourself cry. Because you are losing the one person you truly loved, because you're dying inside, because you're sick.

She clings onto your arms in despair, but your parents manage to untangle her and calm her down a bit. You wipe your tears and you just run outside, not even glancing back once. You cant risk looking at her again, because you are vulnerable, because you're crying, because you're sick.

So you walk away, and walk into the trap laid in front of you. Books and books and books. You trap yourself in the world of books and try to lock the feelings away. Laws and formulas and equations and problems. You indulge yourself in the never ending puzzle.

You are studying day in and day out. You are getting all straight A-s……

(A/N: I hope you liked it. Please review and let me know! I can make it a two-shot and give them a happy-ending if at least 5 people want that, so let me know in a review, otherwise this is the end.)