Prelude

This is not at all how
We thought it was supposed to be
We had so many plans for you
We had so many dreams
And now you've gone away
And left us with the memories of your smile
And nothing we can say
And nothing we can do
Can take away the pain
The pain of losing you, but ...

We can cry with hope
We can say goodbye with hope
'Cause we know our goodbye is not the end, oh no
And we can grieve with hope
'Cause we believe with hope
(There's a place by God's grace)
There's a place where we'll see your face again
We'll see your face again

And never have I known
Anything so hard to understand
And never have I questioned more
The wisdom of God's plan
But through the cloud of tears
I see the Father's smile and say well done
And I imagine you
Where you wanted most to be
Seeing all your dreams come true
'Cause now you're home
And now you're free, and ...

We have this hope as an anchor
'Cause we believe that everything
God promised us is true, so ...

So we can cry with hope
And say goodbye with hope

We wait with hope
And we ache with hope
We hold on with hope
We let go with hope ~ Stephen Curtis Chapman

***********

"Jason." Michael rushed from the sanctuary to see him. The service was wrapping up. "Jason, what happened? Are you okay?"

"Michael, I need to ask you a huge favor." Jason requested looking up with puffy eyes and tie loosened. "I need you to watch over your brother and sister for awhile. I need you to be the strength that your mother gave you."

"I don't understand. Where are you going?" He questioned.

"I have to go away for awhile, and I don't know when I'm going to be back."

"No, Jason, you don't get to do that." Sonny said stomping out of the sanctuary. "You don't get to leave every time Carly breaks your heart. You wanted that family, you left the business for her, now you have to stand up and be the father you promised to be to those kids! Don't think you can push them off on someone else again, and reclaim them when you are good and ready."

"Without Carly I have no rights to…"

"That's not true." Michael argued. "You are the father that we were supposed to have. People in there keep talking about how mom is transcendent, but that is because of you; you gave that to her."

"I need to find her." Jason finally replied. "I don't know exactly what I'm looking for; a ghost, an apparition, but she is out there somewhere and until I find that I'm useless."

"No." Michael responded. "That's not good enough. If you are telling me that you believe she is alive and you're going to bring her back to us then I will let you go with my full blessing, but if this is a trip of hunting ghosts and chasing shadows then you can do it from here. You say that I have my mother's strength? Then draw on that if you have to, but dad is right you don't get to leave because of a broken heart."

"I can't stay." Jason repeated.

"Then don't come back without her." Michael instructed.

***********

"Michael, where did Jason go?" Morgan asked him coming out once the ceremony was through others in the lobby were wondering the exact same thing.

"He needed some time to himself for a bit." Michael replied.

"Do you think he's going to make it to the reception?"

"Probably not." He answered. He didn't want Morgan to know the truth. The last thing he wanted to do to his little brother was possibly provide him with futile hope, but secretly he trusted that instinct in him telling him that his mom was there and if anyone could bring her back it was Jason. "Come on. There's a limo out there ready to bring us to the reception. Krissy, Lys, are you ready?"

"What happened?" Kristina whispered to him.

He shook his head. "I'll tell you later."

***********

"Zander, thank you so much for that." Bobbie gave him a hug. It seemed like a lifetime ago when he was looking over her on the orders of her ex-husband, but a bond was cemented in that time. "And Caitlyn, Johnny that was beautiful."

"It was her idea." Johnny gestured over to her.

"Yeah, I didn't expect such a strong response." She replied. "I suppose we never know what memories are going to be triggered how."

"Are you guys going over to the house?" Lucky approached the group forming.

"We'll be there." Dante replied with his arm around his girlfriend's waist.

"I promised Spinelli I would listen to some tapes for him." Johnny replied ducking out. He figured it was best for everyone if he wasn't around, and if that could help him find his sister he was all for it.

Bobbie watched everyone filter out; most of them stopping for a few encouraging words before going to their cars.

"Are you going to be okay if we go?" Luke asked with Tracy on his arm.

"Yeah, fine." She nodded. It wasn't long before all left in the sanctuary was Bobbie, Robert, and the picture of her daughter. She wandered over to it. "Hey baby; I hope you caught all that. I hope you know the permanent mark you left on those that loved you. I always regretted the time we lost together. I'm sorry that you felt I abandoned you. I think we both know what it means to want the best for our family. I just wish you got more time; more time to see your children grow up to make you as proud as you have made me."

Robert caught her from behind. "We should get you back." He whispered to her.

************

Back at the house people crowded around the collage pointed out their favorite pictures and recalling the stories that surrounded them.

"Can I get you anything?" Matt asked Lulu in the kitchen. She moved in there to get a little space.

"I just need some water." She replied pulling out another pill after the one she had taken that morning.

"You're following the direction on those, right?" He questioned handing her a bottle from the fridge.

"Yes, faithfully." She assured him and fell into his hug once she swallowed. "Now what?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean now that that's over, what do I do, am I just supposed to move on? I mean was that supposed to be some closure and now…"

"You take it one step at a time. I think the point of that was to say that no matter what Carly's not completely gone. She lives in each and every single one of you; she lives in those memories."

"You know the last time we held her funeral she showed up in the middle of it. I wasn't there, but my mom told me all about it. Part of me hoped that history was going to repeat itself."

"Me too." Lucky walked in. "I remember it; it was surreal. The door opened and there she was. She was pale as a ghost with a gash across her forehead. Everybody thought they were seeing things, and nobody moved until she turned around to run away."

"Do you think Jason is ever going to come back?" Lulu asked her brother. It wasn't hard to figure out what had happened.

"I don't know. It took him years to come back the last time he ran off."

"There is some kind of symmetry in the fact that it was Carly's funeral that brought him back the last time, and…" Sam pondered.

"What's the party doing in here?" Audrey asked holding Britni. "Go, grab some hor d'oeuvres."

"Actually Mrs. Hardy, if you don't mind. I think I know exactly what would help." Matt said reaching for the baby. "Hey Britni, do you want to see your Godmother?"

Lulu smiled as she was transferred into her arms. Britni was sucking calmly on her binky looking up with her wide blue eyes. "You do know that no matter what you are going to be well loved and taken care of. Everyone here is going to make sure of that."

"You better believe it." Lucas walked in with Joey on his arm. "This poor girl; she has no idea why…"

"None of us really know why." Joey countered. "What happened was senseless; the whim of a madman. I don't think anyone is making sense of it, ever."

"At least there's some comfort in the fact that bastard went down with her." Lulu seethed.

"Lulu, watch it front of the little one." Lucky warned. "Although I agree, kids pick up on everything."

"Well, we should bring her into the living room. If there's going to be any joy in this party it's coming from her." Matt suggested.

"There she is!" Jax was the first to react to seeing the child. He and Alexis walked over thrilled to see her eyes open without a shrill scream.

"Would you like to hold her?" Lulu offered.

"No; she seems to be resting comfortably where she is." Jax replied. "The only time I typically see her this calm is when she's been with Carly."

"I'll take that as a compliment."

"Hey Morgan, are you doing okay?" Dante asked his little brother who was studying the hor d'oeuvres tray.

"I am. I mean I'm sad and I'm going to miss her, but I know she's never really going to leave me." The boy explained.

"Does that mean you're going to be back at school soon?" Monica asked him.

"Jax said that I could take the rest of the week off and go back next week. He's talked to my teachers, and I have the assignments to catch up."

"That's good; your education is important." Edward told him.

"Yeah, mom stressed that. She said that she wanted me to have endless possibilities, but a good education was the start."

"She was right." Monica added. "And you're a bright boy. You could do anything you set your heart on."

"So, what did Jason say?" Kristina pulled Michael aside.

"He said he had to leave for awhile. To find her." Michael replied.

"To find her? You mean to actual locate Carly? Of course you don't think this is crazy it is exactly what you wanted to do." Kristina replied.

"Yes, it is, and now hearing him say it makes me think of how ridiculous I sounded when I thought it was okay to abandon my brother and sister in order to go looking. Of course I'm angry at him for taking off like this, but what if he actually can find her?"

She shook her head and hugged him. "I just hope your not setting yourself up for a world full of hurt."

"Nah; I'm already there, and I don't intend on telling Morgan about this, but for some reason I just can't stop believing. Jason was the one that told me from the beginning not to let anyone else influence what I feel."

"Hey Michael, how old were you there?" Alyssa asked as she looked through the photos.

"Oh my God, I had to been like four-years-old. It was like the first trip I remember on the Island. Mom loved it there; I think it was mostly due to dad wining and dining her, but it was a family escape. Anytime anything bad was happening we could go and just forget the world. I wish it was that easy now." He admitted. 'Maybe when she comes back,' he thought, 'maybe then we can bring Britni.'

************