Disclaimer - I do not own Vampire Knight, nor any of its characters. All rights belong to VK's original creator Matsuri Hino, who is truly a goddess amongst women for the fine men she has provided us with. No profit can or shall be made from this fan fiction. Any original characters or plots that occur in any of my fics, do, however, belong to me.

Author's Notes - Please note, this is a crackfic, and as such, I would much appreciate it if you do not attempt to take it seriously, as doing so may cause your head to implode. Thank you!

WARNING: This fic contains VERY DIRTY humour. Also, high exposure to bishies may be hazardous to your health. Side effects may include moderate blushing, spontaneous swooning, internal screams of "kyaaa!", excessive nosebleeds, and perilous fangirling. Proceed with caution!

At an angle

'Harder! HARDER I SAID!!!'

The unmistakable sound of Zero Kiryuu's yelling echoed through the Moon Dormitory, causing the vampires in the dorm's lounge to stare at the ceiling with wide eyes.

'Zero, if I do it any harder it'll knock it off.' The student's keen hearing picked up the sound of their leader's voice.

'Your point being? Come on! I could do it better! Watch!'

There was a loud cry that was instantly recognisable as Hanabusa Aidou's. Then the sound of flesh slapping against flesh filled the air, followed by another scream.

'See? I think after all that practice over the years, I'd know how to do this properly!'

'Really!?'

'Zero, I've been doing this to him longer than you have.'

'Prove it!'

Again the slapping was heard, followed by another outcry from Aidou.

'No, not quite, maybe if you apply a little more speed?'

Another slap.

'Faster. Faster! I said FASTER DAMNIT!!!'

'Like this?'

'At an angle! At an angle!' By now Zero had taken on an excited tone.

There was another final slap, a little louder and clearer than the previous ones, followed by an outcry of:

'KANAME-SAMAAA!!!'

There was a contented sigh from the prefect. 'Yeah, that's about right.'

'I'm glad you're satisfied. Aidou, you can leave now'

The blonde vampire carefully made his way out of Kaname's room into the lounge, where he was greeted by the wide, shocked eyes of his classmates. Akatsuki and Ruka were both bright red, albeit, for separate reasons.

Ruka's lip curled as she took in the pink flush on her childhood friend's face. Angrily she stood up and stormed past him, flipping her long honey blonde hair over her shoulder and muttering something about "Pathetic, masochistic, attention-seeking brats."

Confused, Aidou turned to his highly embarrassed cousin. 'Hey, Akatsuki, what's her problem?'

'I think it'd be obvious to you that she's jealous Hanabusa,' said Kain, unable to look his cousin in the eye. The small blonde looked incredulous.

'She's jealous because I got to stand in the same spot for hours on end listening to Kaname-sama and Kiryuu argue over how to slap me properly?'

I got the inspiration for this fic while I was hanging out with my friends, I bitch slapped one of my more idiotic companions causing my friend to shout "At an angle!", unfortunately we were in my room, and my sister was outside the door and she though we were doing something else, and well... this is the result! XD

I apologize if this fic was awful.