Disclaimer: I don't own Bum Reviews OR The secret of Kells; I'm just doing this out of fun.

OHMYGODTHISISTHEGREATESTMOVIE'VEEVERSEENINMYLIFE!

*sings* You must go where I can-- SPOILERS!

So there's this place called Kells, which is protected by this BIG wall, kinda like Ba Sing Se in "Avatar: The Last Airbender", and there's this little red-headed boy named Brendan who lives there, but no, its not Brendan Small from "Home Movies"; that's a different cartoon.

So Brendan Small meets up with this old man and his kitty-cat who carry around this picture book.

And Brendan is like--

"I like all the pretty pictures, but its not finished."

And the old man is like--

"Well then I need you to go out into the woods and pick me some radioactive berries."

So Brendan goes out into the woods where he meets the BIG BAD WOLF-GIRL! So the BIG BAD WOLF-GIRL agrees to help Little Red Riding Brendan in finding the berries, and after he brings back the berries, the old man is like--

"This is great, but we can't draw anything without the Eye of R. Crumb."

So Brendan goes out into the woods agains and meets up with R. Crumb, who is this HUGE ONE-EYED SNAKE!

That's actually not a bad metaphor for him.

So Brendan gouges out R. Crumb's eye and the snake starts eating himself!

I ATE MYSELF ONCE!

*bites into his arm*

Tastes like bleeding.

So as Brendan is using his crystal eye kaleidoscope to draw, Kells gets attacked by vikings, but Brendan's uncle is like--

"Don't worry, they can't tear down this wall."

*pretends to shoot arrow and get struck by one*

"Oh shit, they've got flaming arrows."

*falls over*

So the Vikings of Berk start attacking Kells, sending everyone in a panic and they're about to kill off Brendan and the old man, but luckily, they're saved by the BIG BAD WOLF-GIRL and her pack of demon-wolves!

HURRAY!

So Brendan, the old man, and the kitty-cat, run away together into the forest, where Brendan grows up to become Jesus Christ.

HE'S THE MESIAH! HAIL MESIAH!

So Brendan Christ returns home to Kells, which is now in ruins... even though people are still living there and the Vikings didn't take it over, and shows everyone all the pretty pictures inside the Book of Kells.

THE END!

So I REALLY liked this movie... even though I find it kinda ironic that a movie about an illustrated bible has more Pagan elements in it than it does Christian, but it was still good. I especially liked all the swirly images that pop-out right at you, and its NOT even in 3D-- and no, I didn't take any drugs seeing this either; it's that good.

This is Chester A. Bum saying...

CHANGE?! YOU GOT CHANGE?! AWW COME ON, HELP A GUY OUT WILL YA?! CHANGE!

Well would you at least give me some radioactive berries? I promise I won't use them to blow up any cities.

(Seriously, "The Secret of Kells" was pretty good.)