Things I'm Not Allowed To Do At Hogwarts…

By Astra Leo

Disclaimer: I have the magic lamp, I ask the Genii to give me the rights to Harry Potter. The Genii says if I could give YOU that do you think I'd be living in this tiny lamp? (WAH—don't own and never will)

AN: There will be bashing of these characters in this story…Crabbe, Draco, Dumbledore, Filch, Goyle, Madam Pince, Moaning Myrtle, Mrs. Norris, Ron and Snape.

Walk right up to Snape and tell him I'm calling the health inspector unless he breaks down and finally washes his hair.

Tell Dumbledore I'm calling the Feds and having him arrested for drugging kids/teachers with spiked lemon drops.

Dye Mrs. Norris all of the colors of the rainbow.

Magically put t-shirts (that say I'm totally stupid) and dunce caps on Crabbe and Goyle.

Get Moaning Myrtle a date with the Giant Squid.

At (insert any meal-time here) tell Ron I don't know how to do the Heimlich maneuver.

Tell Snape he has to give up being Dumbledore's boy toy.

Go into the Great Hall; magically make Draco do a strip tease dance while making him sing… "Do you think I'm sexy?"

Send Snape a basket full of hair care products.

Send Dumbledore a magic "8" ball that shouts out loud all day and night …"I SAW WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER!"

Make Draco run naked through the school shouting, "I've got to be free!"

Tell Dumbledore to stop kissing Snape.

Magically change Filch's clothing into a clown costume.

Give Madam Pince a $5 off coupon for "The I hate books club".

And last, but not least stop bashing J.K.R.'s characters.