A.N "is there anyone alive out there?"… If you don't get the reference….. Then damn I'm old. So hello *sheepish look* long time no speak. I'll be honest, I had pretty much given up writing but I've taken a job with a lot of free time and it has re-inspired me to try again. Having read back over some of my work I realised that yes, I have potential. It's all very rough and unorganised….. A lot has been deleted because mother of god what was I thinking…. But anyway I digress. My main reason for abandoning things is that I became the proud mama to a bouncy baby boy…. Known very affectionately as Chubba .

Disclaimer: I wish I owned even a portion of the wealth from these characters because I am flat broke! Unfortunately all recognised characters, places etc. belong to J.K Rowling and warner.

xXx APW xXx

"So… you were engaged?" Hermione gawked at Sirius, completely dumbstruck.

"Don't look at me like that, I did have a life before I met you lot you know."

Hermione just shook her head amazed to begin to unravel the mystery that was Sirius Black. Unnerved by the staring Sirius returned to the photo album and turned a few pages searching desperately for a distraction.

"Wait!" Hermione grabbed the book and turned back a few pages to whatever it was that had caught her eye.

An obviously uncomfortable and blushing Remus struck poses that were meant to be powerful and manly but just came off as ashamed.

"What-"

"Don't ask."

"But professor-"

"Remus," he corrected her automatically.

"The tights!" the look of glee on her young face was positively improper.

"I'd be more concerned with the tighty whiteys personally," Sirius chimed in. Mission accomplished. "Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's Super Muppet!"

"Oh do shut up Sirius. Do you have any idea how hard it is-"

"For a werewolf to find paid work? I know, I know….but, some dignity please Mooney!"

"Says the man who stripped for his best friends Fiancé"

Hermione chose the wrong time to take a drink, spluttering and trying to gracefully wipe her face she barely managed to croak out a disbelieving "What?"

"Yes, well we'll come to that… but first…"

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"No. No. Abso-fucking-lutely not," This was it. His friends had lost what little minds they had.

"But Mooney!" James tried to reason with his disgusted friend.

"I am NOT going to be a party clown."

James rolled his eyes good naturedly. "No one is asking you to be a clown."

"Exactly mate! You're not that big a twat, we got you a job as a super hero!"

He stared at Sirius for a good ten seconds. The man was deranged. Obviously it ran in the family, it really shouldn't surprise him. He decided to ignore him and focus his attentions on the one more likely to see sense.

"James that's even worse."

"Is not!"

"Oh it is too you lunatic!"

"Is not times infinity…. I mean look! You have a cape!"

"You fucking wear it so!"

"Not bloody likely, I have options thank you very much."

"…Prick."

James clapped a hand on his distressed friends shoulder. "Come on Mooney, what other choice do you have."

Remus was livid. His NEWT marks while not completely amazing were good enough to land him the job of his choice if he hadn't been infected. The only option open to him was in the muggle world, where his education simply didn't exist.

He was unaware he was growling until he seen the baffled looks on his best friends faces. "Fine, give me the cursed thing. I don't have to like it though!"

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"See, it's not so bad." James had an abysmal poker face.

"Piss off Potter."

"Now now, what kind of example would that be setting the children?"

Sirius unable to resist getting a dig in abandoned his attempts at hemming the too long cloak. "The day he's used as a good example I'll be a hippogriffs uncle."

Knowing he had to prevent another row from kicking off James intervened. "Not that Regulas' peculiar leanings towards bestiality aren't fascinating-"

"And disturbing,"

"Yes that too, I think we have overlooked something."

"You already have me wearing my pants over a pair of tights, what on earth could possibly be missing to complete my humiliation?"

"Your superhero name!"

"Oh merlin." He sat down. Just think of the Mooney Remus, you might actually have heat tonight.

"Captain underpants!"

"Don't be stupid Sirius. Professor Boring!"

"The Skinny Arse-Bandit!"

"The neutered dog if you're not careful!"

Ignoring him Sirius bounced up and down. "Oooooh I've got it!"

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James stuck his head out the back door. "They're running riot out there…little hooligans."

Remus was suddenly terrified. "Do you think I'll be safe?"

"Remus they're six year old muggle children."

He pointed to a mean chubby kid, "That one just sat on the birthday boys head and farted."

Sirius smiled wistfully. "I know, I wish my brother gave me presents that good."

Before he had a chance to hit the idiot the father approached them. He was a large tattooed man with a nasty scar down one side of his face that was "A gift from me missus." Remus suddenly felt like crying.

"Ah great you're 'ere."

"Well yes, see… about that."

"Oh no ye don' I paid good money for ye. Now get out there." He grabbed Remus by the scruff and frog marched him outside.

"'Ere ye go kids. This 'ere is the Lone Wolf."

"Well that's stupid."

"I don't like him."

Remus gulped this was a disaster.

Suddenly the mean chubby kid came up behind him and bowled him over. He sat on Remus' chest winding him. "He's got sweets! Get him!"

"Hit him with a stick!"

"Ow no, no not there! James? Sirius!"

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Sirius counted out the Mooney for the fifth time. "Merlin Mooney! Look at all this dosh! We'll be minted!"

"I'll be minted you mean," he took the money from the frowning animagus.

"Yea, but as your life partner-"

"Sirius we are NOT a gay couple-"

"I deserve to be kept in pretty things."

He sighed downing the end of his whiskey. "You're right."

"I am?"

"Yep, now go get a bloody job and earn it."

"Tosser."

"I've got it!" an excited squeak came from the hallway zipping up his trousers.

"This better be good," the already irritated werewolf muttered.

"The human piñata!"

"Pete, you sir are a genius!"

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Sirius wiped a stray tear from his eye. "He was the top earning children's entertainer for months!"

"Remus," Hermione ventured carefully.

"Yes?"

"Would it not have made more sense to be a magician?"

"….Next picture."