Once More Along the Contrived Corridor, a kingdom hearts fanfic

Disclaimer: Historically not mine.

A/N: Written for KH Drabble Challenge #222: Historical AU. A slightly off-the-wall attempt at this prompt. Many thanks also to Blackadder II.

Once More Along the Contrived Corridor

'History has many cunning passages, contrived corridors and issues.' ~ T. S. Eliot

"Okay that? That was seriously messed up! In fact, that was messed up squared. That was messed up cubed!"

"Kairi, chill." Sora patted air with his palms, the universal gesture for 'calm down'.

Kairi fixed him with an angry look. "I was wearing ruffles, Sora. Ruffles."

"So?" Riku's response was typically succinct. "You usually wear pink. Ruffles aren't so different."

"Are you kidding? Ruffles are totally different!"

Riku shook his head. Girls. He could visit a million different worlds and still never understand them.

"And that collar! I looked like a bird who'd swallowed a plate. Besides, that wasn't even the worst part. You want to know the worst part?"

"You're going to tell us anyway."

Personally, he would've said the worst part was the never-ending uncertainty. Riku rarely admitted weakness, but part of him grew more afraid with every stopover: afraid their Gummi Ship would be damaged beyond their ability to repair; afraid his friends would be hurt; afraid next time they'd miss the continuum flux and be lost in time forever.

The fluxes were rare and unpredictable, like concealed potholes in black tarmac on a dark night. You could travel between worlds your whole life and never find one. The online computer likened them to black holes that moved around, but knew precious little else. It was their inimitable brand of bad luck they'd stumbled into one on their way home from Disney Castle. They'd been chasing it ever since, hoping this time it'd return them to their own time. They'd made so many stops already. Each time Riku prayed the flux would vomit them back to where they'd left. Each time it dumped them into another period in their world's history.

But the scariest part? The versions of themselves they'd seen. Riku didn't know if they were ancestors, doppelgangers or something else, but each one was unnerving. He'd seen himself as a Musketeer, a samurai and a panhandler pushing a shopping cart of garbage bags. And those weren't even the weirdest examples! Sora in full Victorian regalia would always make him laugh, and neither of them would ever mention the Kairi look-alike in the tribe of Amazons, with her skimpy loincloth and missing breast, lopped off so she could better draw back her bow.

For some reason, however, Kairi hadn't cared about the disfigured Amazon so much as the Kairi of the Elizabethan court they'd just left. Usually quick to smile, now she fumed and would've stomped around if it didn't mean rocking the ship.

"She was going to marry that guy. She didn't even love him! She said she didn't, but she was still going to marry him anyway, just because he had money and could trace his family back more generations than I have fingers and toes."

"Kairi." Sora continued trying to calm her. "You're gonna pass out or something. Breathe slow and chill out."

Riku kept his hands on the controls; kept looking ahead; kept scanning for a likely exit from the tunnel the flux became once you entered. He'd find it this time. He would.

Kairi's sniff was distracting though. Probably a cold from an English winter without central heating. She didn't cry. She never cried.

She was crying.

"Sorry, I just… I want to go home so badly. I want something properly familiar, not halfway like that… girl."

"It's okay," Sora soothed. "We'll get home eventually. This time, I bet. Right, Riku?"

Sure, give me the responsibility when it all goes wrong. Riku knew Sora wasn't thinking that, but total optimist and total pessimist only just covered their standpoints on life.

"Riku?"

He gripped the controls harder. "Sure. This time."

I hope.

Fin.