A/N- because what would a FF be without one? This is a collection of one shots by different talented authors. No harm, no foul, just fun. I've sent out pm's to those who I thought might be interested. If you want to add to the fun, send me a note.

So what we have here is a little miscommunication and mistranslation. Again, I remind you, these are nothing but words. Simple and unadulterated.

In-nu-en-do noun- an indirect intimation about a person or thing

Slammin' the Salmon

by

little furry cannibals

It was a scene repeated often but at this moment, Jacob wasn't sure when reality had flowed into fantasy. Bella sat next to him at the kitchen table, her hand lightly resting on his upper thigh. The movement was an innocent pattern of geometrical nothingness, but to Jacob it far surpassed anything found on T.V. in after midnight premium cable. Not even Paul's dirty stash of a teenage boy's treasure trove could exceed the bliss here. Just a few more inches up and Bella would be caressing his pole. Jacob held his breath.

"Are you sure you want to take me There?" Bella asked, cautiously. Jacob trembled as one-handedly she struggled with the package in her other hand. The sound of crinkling no longer held the promise but unleashed it. Jacob had to take a deep breath to answer.

"Bella, I have dreamed of nothing else. Since I first laid eyes on you, I have wanted us to go there many times, over and over. Are you ready for it?" Jacob licked his lips in anticipation unsure if he would be able to hold back if she said no. His own hand gripped his pole tightly, stroking it in a familiar fashion. Maybe Bella would help apply some lubrication.

"I don't know Jake. It's really big. I don't think I could get my hands around it. What if...what if I drop it?" The item in the package was finally free. Bella let the wrapper flutter to the tabletop as she palmed her salvation. Jacob couldn't handle it anymore and stood up, pole and all. Grabbing Bella by the waist and lifted her to sit on the edge of the table.

Her legs wrapped around him, his pole an obvious instrument between them. Her eyes widened as she realized just how big it was. She eyed the object in her hand before returning to his pole. There was no way this could physically work.

"Baby, you won't drop it. Trust me. Besides, I'll be standing firmly right behind you. To help you guide the movements. You're not scared of the bait, are you? I promise, it won't spit until you ask for it." Bella's eyes never changed size as she thought about the newest problem: spitting. In a naughty sort of way she wondered more of Jake's bait spitting, the feel of the moisture on her tongue. Jake had said that she was to kiss it for good luck. Would it be as warm as him? Surely if he did the stroking, the fluid would be warm. But Bella really wanted to be the one to stroke the bait and make it spit.

"Jake, it's not the spitting I'm scared of. But the pole? What if it hurts me?" Bella's hands hovered around his tool.

Just touch it, stroke it. Just a few times, Jake thought to himself. He really wanted her to do this on her own but Bella was going to need more of an encouragement.

"I promise, it won't hurt. It might feel uncomfortable at first but once you get used to the feel of it in between your legs, it'll feel nice." The visual was too much for Jake and desperately he tried to think about something, anything else. It wasn't entirely correct to start with an in between the legs position. However, Bella was so small she would need the added resistance of her legs. All thoughts stopped on their own as Bella leaned over, and less than an inch away breathed deeply.

"It has a salty smell to it. Is that normal?" Painstakingly, Jacob lowered his head to watch Bella as her nose followed the upward direction of his sported wood. Jacob could barely get his next words out.

"C...c...completely normal. Here," stuttering his answer, Jake reached behind Bella, grabbing a small bottle. Pulling back just a little, he lingered closer to Bella as her breathing hitched.

"Do you want to oil it first? It might feel better in your hands. Less resistance." He found the stamina he needed to sound firm and knowing.

"Jake...I don't know what I'm doing." Bella knew she sounded ignorant, she couldn't help it. She had never done anything like this before but she knew Jacob had. Every boy alive knew how to handle their instruments. As big as Jake's was, she hoped for both of their well being he would know what to do with someone else holding it.

"It's okay. Let me help guide you." Both of them relaxed. Jacob-because he knew Bella would let him lead. Bella-because Jake clearly understood her predicament and was willing to take charge. Bella like that, a lot. She then remembered not both of her hands were free.

"What about this?' she asked, panicking. It was already unwrapped, was it too soon? Had she wasted it? Once again, Jake soothed her.

"Set it aside, we don't need it right now." Jacob smiled as Bella nervously chewed her bottom lip. God, those perfect, little, nibbling...

"But Jake, we already decided. You agreed that we would..." Bella's words were cut off as Jake shushed her by placing a finger over her adorable mouth.

"I know what I said earlier. But I didn't realize you might be kinda intimidated about the size. Now relax, set it down and let me see your hands." Dutifully, Bella set it down behind her on the discarded wrapper. Turning back towards Jake, she gave him her full attention. She presented him both of her hands and watched the nearly clear liquid run a line from out of the bottle and onto her skin.

"Okay now rub it around palms softly," Taking his index finger, Jake ran the slick oily substance over her pads. Slowly and teasingly, the liquid clung in a thin coat just waiting to be applied elsewhere.

"Now grab the base and..." his breath caught as she wrapped both hands around it, one on top of another. Her hands did in fact not completely enclose the base, her fingers just barely able to touch each other.

"Bella, you want to twist your hands just a little bit." He placed his hands over hers as the movement started. Like a partial corkscrew, the momentum went first one way and then in the opposite direction. Jake couldn't imagine how this could feel any better and reflectively his hands cinched a little more over Bella's. She took it to mean she didn't have it quite right.

"Like this? Should I grip it tighter?" Bella felt a tremor of exhilaration. Sure, Jake was guiding her now but in a few minutes she'd insist on doing it herself. In her excitement, she tried to neither squeeze nor pump too quickly. Jake's tool must be worshiped at all costs, he had possessed it forever.

"No honey, no more pressure. This feels just right." Changing the pace, he curled around her hands completely and slowly ascended their direction before stopping and moving vertically in an opposite path. His eyes closed on their own as the trail repeated itself. Life was good.

"Jake, can I try by myself?" His eyes snapped open and looked down at their entwined digits around his pole. The movement was hypnotizing and Jake struggled to comprehend.

"I won't hurt it or squeeze too hard; I just want to feel it on my own." Reluctantly he pulled his hands away, missing the contact. However, Bella worked at it alone and her technique was superb as she fondled his prized possession with love. Her labor slowed and still Jake watched happily.

"Jake, I think we're ready. Let me get down so I can wash my hands." Bella gave one last gloss over the shiny, warmed rod. She couldn't believe how suggestive it was. The look on Jake's face said the same thing.

"Hmm, no that's okay. Just wipe'em on my shorts, I can wash them later." His breath fanned across her checks in one warm, impassioned breeze. Bella faltered, unsure if she should release the monstrous staff.

"Are you gonna hold it, while I get the..." she twitched her eyes to the side, indicating the previously placed item. He followed her hint, grabbing his pole before asking the next burning question.

"Can we share?" Jake watched as she picked up the object. He felt like he was the object and that her fingers were holding him, like before.

"Well, you can have the first bite, but I want all the cream." His jaw fell open in shock. Bella took it as a sign of consent as she placed it in his mouth. Just the tip. His teeth closed into the soft sponginess and Bella pulled away to devour the rest.

"Is that good?" Jacob asked, watching as her little pink tongue sensuously attacked the treat that he had brought just for her. In and out, all around it traveled, gathering its reward. He was nearly panting himself over the action.

Bella pushed the remainder into his mouth, observing the tension of his jaw movements. When he at last swallowed, she asked, "Are we ready?"

"Almost," he replied, bending to reach her lips. He traced the outer curvature to capture the tiny missed specs. Bella blushed prettily while Jacob finished his oral pleasure. Nothing like a Twinkie.

"Now, we're ready. Let's go somewhere more appropriate for our pleasures." Jacob grabbed his perfectly slick pole, casting a look to Bella. Heart thumping in excitement, she gave him the same look.

"I'm sure you are Jake. I bet you can't wait to drag your pole with spitting bait into the littoral depths of Calypso's inner cavity. Pulsing up and down with your pole until the bait erupts." Bella purred her words forth and Jacob swallowed hard before answering, his fantasy about to be taken to the next level.

"Probably so, honey. Are you ready to go fishing?"