Entry One-

"Paul, the upstairs bathroom is suspiciously lacing in aerosols, you wouldn't happen to know anything about it, would you?"

Is what my brother asks me when he finds me leaning halfway out of my bedroom window with my right hand now remaining firmly stuck in 'knarled beggar woman' position from my half hour long ritual of polluting the atmosphere with as many spray cans as possible before I pass out from the toxic fumes.

My skin has turned an interesting shade of purple but before I can investigate this pigment change more closely, my brother hauls me out of my room, grabs the can from my hand, and practically throws me into the shower, still fully clothed.

"Shoot, I leave you alone for TEN MINUTES!"

He starts jabbering about contaminated air and what not then reverts to his gay little 'what-a-deranged-little-brother-I-have' speech of his. Am secretly relieved he disturbed me as I was beginning to feel a little dizzy and light headed. Begin to enjoy shower until brother finally snaps.

"-And what in God's name were you trying to do, anyway?"

Inform him quite calmly that this is the fastest way I can think of to speed up global warming, a phenomenon so incredible that when the time comes for it to occur the world as we know it will have to stop dead in its tracks. Governments will panic as nations die off one by one, in a slowly dying world.

Brother sighs and mutters if I really don't want to go on this school trip I should have just told him instead of wasting $45. 50 worth of aerosol cans and nearly smothering myself with corrupt oxygen. I can stay with Will and his boyfriend instead. How lovely (Not).

I proceed to resume my packing from where I left off before I had thought of the (ingenious) global warming plan, hissing every time my brother passes by my room.

Have included:

-Tracksuit (black) x3

-Jeans (black) x3

-T-shirt with generic crude message (black) x5

-Pyjama bottoms (with elasticized waistband – black) x3

-Jacket (blue and black) x1

-Nintendo DS

-Pokemon Platinum Version

-Pokemon SoulSilver Version

-This book

-Entire collection of Ghost Hunt DVDs (I think Mai is foxy)

-As many candybars as I can fit into the back pockets

-Can of Bugspray x7

-My plush rabbit without which I cannot sleep (aptly nicknamed 'Seto Kaiba Duke Devlin Aster Phoenix Cynthia Kinomotou', Seto for short)

-A copy of The Tale of Scrottie McBoogerballs (snicker)

Wanted to bring collection of Death Note manga but my Vampire Knight backpack will only hold so much crap.

Entry Two-

Brother has removed two of my t-shirts (due to said crude messages) and replaced them with brand name crap. He also ate three of my candybars while he was repacking, which I am pissed off about.

Entry Three-

To celebrate the fact we don't have to see each other again for a whole week, my psychotic brother and I had one of those 'family meal' things which basically consisted of half of the KFC menu and this strange organic stuff he's become obsessed with apparently called 'fruit'.

Was actually beginning to enjoy the shallow conversation and heavily processed steamed rat (or whatever the heck I was eating – who can tell with fast food?) when my brother decides to break to me the news that this elusive girlfriend he's been casually seeing for the past few weeks is none other than that straw haired computer geek whom I despised. Began choking on my rat.

Reggie, my delightful older brother, laughs and thumps me on the back. I glare at him as if to say "Contrary to popular belief, thumping people on the back while they are choking actually doesn't help at all, instead it may lodge the object further down the person's throat resulting in an even worse situation than before". But I don't think he gets it, as all he did was turn back to his plate and shove a mouthful of French fries down his throat.

I'm too lazy to make a dramatic scene about the whole thing so decide to just glare at him for the rest of the meaning.

Entry Four-

Wake up ridiculously early and haul myself into the bathroom to get ready for the trip that I have an ominous feeling about. In fact, the only thing I can think of to look forward is the prospect of spending an entire week with Troublesome. Remember I once overheard her telling someone she loved the smell of citrus so douse myself a little too heavily with Reggie's lemon cologne.

Bus leaves at seven and brother drops me in at quarter to. Pass time by playing the movie Terminator in my head.

Entry Five-

Find seat near front of bus and proceed to glare at anyone idiotic enough to try and sit beside me.

Hear giggling behind me and groan loudly but I am ignored.

"Anyway, Dawn I've been looking forward to this trip for WEEKS; I can't WAIT to show you my new bikini,"

Perk up when I hear the name Dawn. Dawn, Dawn… that name is familiar…

Then I remember. Dawn is Troublesome's real name.

I about face and kneel so I'm directly facing the seat behind me.

Troublesome and The Ginger are giggling stupidly about something they think is funny. I'm willing to bet it's not.

"What do YOU want?"

Ginger groans when she sees me. Ignore her and ask Troublesome where she got her shirt.

She blushes before stammering some insignificant store.

"It's nice," I comment. "Yeah, amazing what those designer labels can do to make those fried eggs look impressive. Your chest looks almost like that of a female,"

"PAUL!"

I turn back in my seat and gingerly touch the cheek where she slapped me.

Ahh, true love.

Entry Six-

No way. No way. I mean, I can handle the hour-long bus ride in which, for the remaining 45 minutes, the morons sitting in the back start up a round of 99 Bottles of Vodka or whatever. Can also handle the expected log cabin that smells strongly of decaying woodland critter and, for some strange reason, vanilla.

But I cannot, should not, WILL NOT put up with THEM as my room/cab inmates.

"Come on, Paul, it'll be fun!"

Ketchum whoops gleefully as I moan with frustration and attempt to death glare the camp director into submission. No such luck.

For the next week I am stuck with KETCHUM, AYASAKI and OAK, of all people.

Beginning to understand the speculation that surrounded Gold's disappearance when he and Silver were forced to share a room during the annual sophomore trip to Kyoto – so he WAS brutally murdered in his sleep as opposed to simply moving to China…

Proceed to move all belongings as well as sheets and pillows from one bunk into bathroom, where I will sleep ALONE and UNDISTURBED for the next week. Inform cab inmates I don't care how many spontaneous bladder infections they happen to develop throughout the next few days, as of right now anyone who enters Paul's Lair, unpermitted, must DIE.

Entry Seven-

Leave Lair to go for short walk to check out surroundings. Just as I thought: trees, more trees and some rocks. I hate nature.

Meet up with Troublesome and her other friend, the one with the eating disorder and fear of small furry animals.

I've got to admit, it is nice to see Troublesome out of her uniform for once. The black lace top she was wearing looked gorgeous against her peachy-cream skin and her red leather mini showed off her slim legs. When she laughed, a sound as clear as crystal, she tossed back the sheet of navy blue hair that tumbled down her back, shining in the afternoon sun.

Asked her what's with the transvestite ringmaster donkey look she had goin' on.

"PAUL!"

This time her entire face went red. I must say, I'm beginning to enjoy when she gets angry; she's pretty damn sexy. Told her so too.

"You are such a jerk!"

I really don't see why I bother.

Entry Eight-

Retreat back to Lair and spend rest of evening playing Pokemon Platinum Version until I abuse the 'Walk through Walls' cheat so much the game crashes. Shit.

With the music from my game now gone, the raucous laughter coming from the other room seems louder than ever. Creep into room, all set to piss like a bitch with PMS at all present, but, as it turns out everyone is just leaving. Everyone but Ketchum.

"Well?" I demand, raising an eyebrow. "Why aren't you going?"

His face falters and he looks around, shifty eyed.

"Gary and Drew are gone over to the girls' cabin. Apparently there's some sort of party going on,"

He confesses. I snort and retreat back into my lair. Of course, Ketchum has no interest in partying either. Not because he despises the world and all its inhabitants but because he has no clue about females. Seriously. He is the kind of guy who asks our Professor what fellatio meant after Oak preformed a pretty decent impression of one on our trip the Museum of Natural History. Huh.

The thought of Ketchum ever having any sort of romantic relationship is laughable.

Entry Nine-

Beginning to regret previous entry as irony has come back to bite me on the ass once again.

Was trying to sleep when I heard more laughter but this time softer and more hushed. Remained curious for 0.0000007 of a second but then just got pissed off as it was not easy to airbrush Troublesome's top off in my mind when noise was coming from the next room.

Decided to confront the culprit.

"Hey, can't you just jack off QUIETLY and get some freaking sleep?"

I yell at Ketchum. Then I see whom he's with. What is The Ginger doing here?

Oh. OH.

They're like that…?

Starting tomorrow, I will work on making some progress with Troublesome.

Entry Ten-

"Wow, Troublesome, your make up does not make you look at all like a sleazy prostitute pantomime witch in any way today!"

"PAUL!"

We'll get there.