Hero's Day Off

Amid the epic sword battles, the heroic deeds, the selfless actions, and the banishing of all evil, Hyrule's very own Hero of Time still likes to do what every other normal teen loves to do.

Chill. Relax. Take it easy.

But what might surprise you is the people he likes to hang out with.

"Hey, G. Pass me another, will ya?" Link said, lazily laying on a beach chair facing the ocean.

The heavily armored nemesis Ganondorf reached into an ice cold cooler, grabbed a bottle of Lon Lon Booze (You didn't seriously think they only made milk, did you?) and tossed it to the young man.

"Oh, yeah!" Sighed Link, dressed in swimming trunks, enjoying to sun, the sounds of the ocean, and the light, warm breeze. "This is what I live for."

Ganon nodded, catching some rays himself. The third person in the party resembled a lot like Link, except that he was totally dark. Dark Link was coating himself with sunblock as thick as icing. Link and Ganon stared.

"I burn in the sun." Dark Link explained.

"One of many things the readers of this fanfic are going to have problems with."

Ganon frowned. "Ain't following ya."

Link waved about, gesturing to their surrounding. "When was the last time you heard about an ocean in Hyrule? Or me being friends with you guys? Everyone knows we're mortal enemies, and should be fighting to the death and hating each other profoundly…"

"Whoa, whoa." Dark Link cuts in. "That's not true! If you remember in Twilight Princess, we were buddies, pals, bros. We were, like, taking over the world together. It was that scene where you stabbed Ilia, remember?"

"Oh yeah. I hope she's better now. A lot of folks don't know that I really did stab her in that scene. Guess I got in character too much."

"You actually did that?" Ganon asked, sipping on a martini. "Is that why she hardly had a role to play in the game?"

"Yep. Had to give most of her lines to Midna. You know, the whiny ones."

Dark Link sat up, looking like a greasy snowman with all his sunlotion. "About that, I've been meaning to ask, why is it that most people don't like Ilia? Isn't she a different version of Malon? I know that a whole lot of fans want to see the two of you together, so why do they want Ilia dead?"

"I think it's because of the first few things she said to me at the start of the game, being more worried about the horse than me. The writers of the game should've realized that by insulting my skills as a rider, they're actually attacking the skillz of Zelda gamers everywhere. Crap!"

Both of his friends jumped. "What?!"

"There's a cloud passing in front of the sun. That's gonna throw off my timing for my tan." Link looked at his watch. "Guess I'll have to play it by ear."

"Back up, Zack Efron. You're telling me that because Ilia was demeaning to you the players didn't like her as much as Malon. But Midna was demeaning, wasn't she?" Ganon's nose itched, so he proceeded to scratch it, which of course took a long time.

"Ah, but Midna had character. She was interesting. And she softened near the end. By the way it's spelled Zac Efron."

"Anyway, Midna was hot in her true form." Dark Link added "Kinda stole the game, come to think of it."

"Huh?" Link said.

"Think about it. Who did the game center around?"

"Euh…me?"

"Think again. Who did all the talking, who was trying to save the Twilight world and Hyrule, who talkd to Ganondorf at the end? Remember what Ganon said before he fought you, Link?"

"Not particularly."

"I remember." Ganondorf raised his hand, still working on his nose. "It was 'Yes, try to stop me. You and you're little friend.' Or something like that."

Link looked at his evil alter ego. "See? He was talking to me."

"Hate to bust your bubble, Link, but he was talking to Midna. You were the little friend he was talking about."

"But…but I did all the fighting." Link pointed out. "I solved the dungeons, defeated the bosses, got the treasure, did the traveling, solved the clues."

"True. But you weren't making the decisions. Midna was. Who would tell you where to go, what to do, how to do it? Midna. In this game you were the horse, Link, and she was the rider, almost literally. You were a wolf instead. In many ways, she was worst than Navi."

"Yet the fans love her." Ganon was finally done scratching. "Before TP, Zelda and Malon were your possible love interests, but now Midna is coming in strong. And Ilia is in the same category as princess Ruto."

"Ouch." Link winced. "Wouldn't wish that on anyone."

"Speaking of fish." Dark Link chimed. "Anyone hungry? I'll take the boat and see if I can catch anything out at sea."

In a flash he was gone, leaving the two men behind.

"Hey, G?"

"Yeah."

"We're at the beach, why are you still wearing your armor?"

"Forgot my swim wear, but if you insist…"

"No! No! Never mind." Link started to panic, and quickly change the subject. "So, you think Zelda, Malon, and Midna are my future prospects? I can see that. Which do you think is best?"

Ganondorf shrugged. "Personally? None."

"What? Why!?!"

"Consider what you're getting into. Let's say you marry Malon, that means Talon and Ingo will be your relatives. Would you like that?"

"Umm…no."

"Midna? You'd get to live in a world of eternal twilight, hanging out with ugly Twili that would think you're hard to look at. Not to mention you might get stuck forever as a wolf. And Zelda…"

"Now there's nothing wrong with her."

"She's royalty. Sure it might work out fine, but that means no more fishing, no more milk, no more comfortable clothes or fun pass times. You'll more than likely be looked down upon by the other nobles and ultimately be rejected by the upper crust of Hyrule. Are you ready for that?"

"Wow. Never thought about it that way before."

"But the fans do. I read it in fanfics all the time. Is there anyone else you can think of?"

"Well…there's was this girl named Marina from my gameboy game 'Link's Awakening.' She was very nice, even saved my life."

"Normal girl?"

"Lived on a tropical island near a beach, had a regular dad."

"Great! Why not give her a ring?"

"Errr…"

"Don't tell me. You screwed it up?"

"Sort of. The island and everyone on it ended up being part of a dream this creature was having, which was blown to oblivion when I woke it up, Marina included. Of course I didn't really have to wake it, but I guess I was too curious."

Ganondorf rolled his eyes. "You certainly have a way of keeping them alive."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"A Link to the Past, you failed to protect Zelda. OoT, you fail to protect Zelda again, and Naburoo. Majora's mask? Everyone died in that one at least once. Wind Waker you let your sister be kidnapped, and in Twilight Princess both Ilia and Zelda lives were in danger. By the way, is Zelda still ticked off that she got such a small roll in that game?"

"Hasn't returned a single call from me. I told her Spirit Tracks made it up to her, but she says it isn't the same."

"Well heck, I'm a little ticked off myself. I barely got any screen time. And when I did, I was the typical baddie. My lines were 'Ha ha ha, I'm the best. Just try to beat me, come on, I dare ya. Ha ha ha.'"

"Those weren't your lines." Link insisted.

"Minds well have been. They relied too much on past games for my character development. I acted all tough, but I had nothing to back it up with. I mean, the guy with that freaky mask stole the bad-guy spotlight."

"Zant?"

"Don't say his name! He took it all from me and I want it back!"

The conversation was interrupted when Link's cell went off. "Hold on, G. Hello? Hey Ashei! You still on for tonight? Yep, I got the reservations. I'll pick you up at eight. Bye."

When Link put his phone away, he noticed that Ganon was staring. "What?"

"We just finished having a talk about your romantic prospects and you are now telling me that you're dating Ashei from Twilight Princess! Why didn't you say anything before?"

Link shrugged. "Because it's a twist that the fans won't see coming and that she happens to be the right girl for me."

"How so?"

"She's really tough, has a strong gothic flavor about her and has a hidden yet intense sweet side to her."

"You sound like you're talking about a type of ice cream." The evil dark lord grumbled. "Where are you two going, anyway? A fancy restaurant?"

"Us? Heck no. Ashei is into intense violence and death. She wanted to go play that new God of War III game. I wanted to go on a cruise. So we settled to go watch the Goron fight at Death Montain instead."

"Still get woozy at the sight of blood?" The large man challenged.

"I don't get woozy! I'm simply concerned about the young players and what violence games can do to their influencial minds. That's why my games are safe." Link said quickly.

"The original OoT had blood in it." Ganondorf said mockingly.

"And we changed that with the later releases!"

Out in the water, Dark Link was wrestling his catch onto his small boat. "I got one! I got one!"

"That's a dolphin, you idiot!" Ganon yelled. "Put it back before Green Peace has this fic removed from the site."

Link frowned for a moment, thinking. "Do dolphins even exist in Hyrule?"

"Why not?" Ganon answered. "There was a shark in OoT."

"Good point. Ah! The sun is out again. Now I can turn over."

Elsewhere, in Telma's bar.

"Finaly!" Shad said, his glasses flashing in the torchlight. "The author has give us an opportunity to speak out against this barbaric treatment we have endured for so long!"

Ashei put down a mug of strong ale, giving her companion a hard look. "What are you on about now?"

Shad slammed his fist down on the wooden table, which hurt a lot. "Ever since TP came out I've been wanting the world to know, and at last I shall say it!"

"Say what?" The woman insisted.

"He thinks we should've had our own game." Auru said flatly.

"I was going to say that! You ruined my line!" The librarian was wiped into a frenzy.

Ashei, however, was still at a lost. "Our own game?"

Rusl, who wasn't at home with his wife and two kids for some reason, answered. "Shad thinks that the four of us, as well as some other interesting characters from the game, have a lot of potential and that Nintendo should've given us our very our franchise. Like an RPG or something."

"It would've been brilliant!" Shad yelled. "But we were all overshadowed, tossed aside like new moblins! But I won't except my fate. I'll fight, fight it you hear?!"

"Whatever. This is crazy talk." Ashei got up to leave, walking over to the bar to pay for her drinks.

"Leaving so soon?" Telma asked.

"Got a date with the Hero of Time. He's gonna pick me up with his horse right at the main gate."

"That is, of course, if that crazy white girl (Ilia) lets him ride his own horse." The owner of the bar said shortly.

Shad was still having an episode. "You! The fans reading this fic! Leave a message and tell me if you believe we deserve our own game! We'll form an alliance, a rebellion against Nintendo and demand that they right this wrong!"

"Hey, don't do that." Rusl cut in. "We want them to leave reviews about this fic, not about whether or not we should have our own fifteen minutes of fame."

"It doesn't matter." Auru said. "Odds are they won't leave any. This author wrote a serious fanfic called Beneath the Legend in which he poured is heart into a short story about Queen Zelda secretly in disguised amongst her own army as Link leads the Hylians into a desicive battle against ruthless invaders which takes place a century or so after Oot and no one has reviewed it yet."

(Hint Hint)

Rusl ordered another beer. "Well, that's why we have this site. It allows people like this author and rabid fans from all over the world to read and write things to their hearts content."

Suddenly the door to the main entrance breaks down, and a very angry Link, Ganondorf and Dark Link enter.

"You!" Link shouts, pointing at the group. "This was supposed to be about me! Where do you go off trying to steal it?"

"Don't you have enough fics already?" Shad challenges. "We deserve our share!"

"Get over yourself, your four-eyed nerd." Dark Link taunts.

This began an long and violent eruption that soon speard out to the streets. Shad and Dark Link were arrested for disturbing the peace, Rusl went back home to his wife with fresh injuries and spent the whole night in a delirious state again, Auru…who knows. Ganon tripped on a beer bottle and fell accidently back into the Sacred Realm, and as for Link and Ashei…

"Hey, Ashei?" Link asks.

"Yes?"

"Why haven't you ended a sentence with the word 'yeah' this whole fic?"

The girl looks at him darkly. "You want me to cut out your tongue?"

"Well excuse me, princess. Sorry I asked."

The End.

Thanks for reading.