Has anyone been watching The Walking Dead lately? Awesome right? Can't wait for next season!

Also, I have a new writing schedule so go and check it out on my profile. I'm getting used to it so it'll be shaky for awhile before I get used to it. But I'll be updating here every Saturday.

See you again then!

lots. of. love.

PLT!

~AliceSwift

"I awoke, only to find my lungs empty. And through the night, so it seems I'm not breathing. And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be. And I'm breaking down, I think I'm breaking down"

~Sleeping Sickness.

~City and Colour.

"Alice?" Jasper asked me when I walked into his firm, as small grin on his face.

"Hey, I just um, I just needed to see you, I guess." I said awkwardly. When I was upset, Jasper always made me feel better, but this just seemed stupid. I guess it's like that pair of jeans that you try on in the store, you know, the really cute one with the distressed thighs and bleach spot bottoms and then you get them home and find out that they're not as great as you thought. A better idea in the store. A better idea to come in here in the car. "Uh, actually...it's stupid, don't...don't worry about it." I sniffled, the firm wasn't very far away from the house, so I had been crying pretty much all the way over here.

He looked at me for a moment, studying my face. I looked down from his glare. "Well, I'll see ya." I turned to walk away, nervously pulling at my handbag strap, slung over my shoulder. He caught my elbow.

"Hey, hey, hey, what's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just needed to tell you to meet me at the bank at two. That's all." I said, trying to meet his eyes.

"No, it's not." he smiled slightly. "I know when something's wrong with you. You get all flustered when you try to pretend everything's all right and then when out can't you look down so you can't look me in the eyes. It's obvious Alice, you're a terrible liar. Not what's wrong?" I finally looked up at him.

"It's just that...Esme sort of found out about our plans to go to Portland and freaked out about. She doesn't want to admit that I'm growing up and there's nothing she can do about it. She's just frustrated I guess." I rolled my eyes and he took my hands.

"Well, isn't it reasonable that she would be a little upset about it. I mean, you're her-"

"Don't say I'm her little girl. I'm not little anymore." I said it a bit too loudly and it caused a few heads to turn.

"Come on." he said, releasing my hands and putting one on the small of my back.

"Where are we going? You have to work."

"Not really, they can have someone else get their coffee, they won't even notice that I'm gone." he smiled and I felt the heat of a red flush spread across my cheeks.

Jasper always knew how to make me feel better. That's sort of how we grew to become friends, then a couple, engaged, and now husband and wife.

I still remember the first time we spoke to each other. It was the first day of high school and I was scared out of my mind, an excited brand of nervous, and trying to stay out of everyone's way.

"Hey watch it!" someone had screamed. I still wasn't over my clumsy stage of puberty yet, so it didn't help that I had chosen to wear heels on the first day of the next four years of my life.

"Oh, sorry." I said, but it was nothing more than a whisper. The girl who I had ran into was already headed the other direction and wasn't turning back.

I walked down the rest of the hallway, arm pressed against the wall so I wouldn't bump into anyone. Normally I wouldn't be so nervous, but it a whirlwind of students, teachers, and homework it was hard not to get caught up in.

My heart was pounding in my chest all the way to first period. When we got there, the teacher hardly explained how the school worked. He sent us off to the second hour and returned to his seat at his desk.

The worst thing about being smart and in high school, despite popular belief, was not being called a nerd, nor was it being bullied in the halls by the kids who were jealous you would be making it to college and they wouldn't be.

It was being stuck in AP English class.

However, it turned out not to be so bad, that is, after all, where I met Jasper.

I walked in to the room and took a seat at the very back corner of the room. My thoughts were that the teacher would know who her returning students were and would tell the not-so good ones to take a seat up front. Leaving me with the slightly more mature students in the back. I thought wrong.

Ms. Williams walked in and said to pick a seat in ten seconds. She turned her back and when ten seconds was up she turned around to see me surrounded by football players. With the exception of the seat in front of me, the seven surrounding seats were all jocks. I wasn't going to give into their supposed stereotype until one of them started hitting one me.

"If I could rearrange the alphabet I would put FUCK and YOU together." I laughed shortly because I thought it was a joke.

"I don't think that fuck is a letter, let alone one in the alphabet." he looked at me oddly as if he had never heard a counter remark in his life. Like all girls just gave themselves away to him, as the year progressed, I found out they did. Nothing looks better than hooking up with the smartest, hottest football player.

"What? No, I meant meet me in the janitor's closet during fifth period. I'll show you around." he said and winked at me before turning to his friends who slapped his hands and laughed.

I was about to say something to him, but then a voice came from in front of me. "Is this seat taken?" I looked up at the pretty eyed, blond haired boy that stood in front of me.

"Uh, no." I said blandly. I was still shocked at what the football player, who I later learned was named Wayne, had said to me.

"...on her, like, five times man. It was awesome." I heard one of the football players finishing up a story as Wayne put his hand on me knee. While we were all individually seated, they were close enough together so he didn't have to reach much.

"Hey!" I said, Ms. Williams didn't look up, she just said 'Quiet down please' and then started typing again.

"Shhhh, just sit still. This'll be fun." he said, holding my eyes with his. He raised his eyebrows at me and then slithered his fingers up to my thigh.

"No, put your hand down." I said in a hushed yell, trying to get his quick hand out front underneath my skirt.

"Come on man, she's just a freshman." the blond boy in front of me said logically.

"Shut-up, this isn't you business. Besides she wants to."

"Are you deaf? I said move your hand." he wasn't moving it anymore, just grabbing my thigh to protest he was staying there.

"Move your hand." the boy said again, standing up. Wayne just looked at him and then stood up too, the blood flowed back into the rest of my thigh. Later I found a black/purple bruise there. I still had scars from where his finger nails clawed so far deep into my skin I bled.

"You gonna do something?" Wayne said aggressively, pushing the boy a little.

He got in Wayne's face and locked eyes with him. "Don't treat girls like shit and I won't have to."

I was about to cry, it didn't help that I had been so nervous about this day for weeks. It didn't help that in second hour I had boy fighting in front of me.

Wayne didn't say anything then, he just punched Jasper in the face. Jasper stood up quickly and then tackled Wayne. Holding him down by his neck and punching him in the face repeatedly. Jasper was very sweet, really, just don't mess with anyone who you know doesn't stand a chance against you in a fight. The unfairest of fights. Senior quarterback vs. Freshman girl.

Jasper didn't have a dad growing up, he was raised alone by his mom who never remarried. She still lived alone, but was very, incredibly even, strong. His mom had left his dad because he abused her. Physically, sexually, and mentally. Whenever she told me stories of her days with him it amazed me that she found the courage to get up the next day and face him again, knowing that his wrath was waiting for her.

After she left, Jasper in her arms, for he was only two at the time, she moved here to Washington, originally being raised in California. When Jasper got older and started realizing that, eventually, there would be a relationship between himself and a girl, she knew she had to teach them to treat them right. Not risk that something he had seen his father do would subconsciously come out and be expressed to one of his girlfriends. So, she taught him right. When he was four and built a club house, he let girls into it because it was the right thing to do. When he was in elementary school and two girl gave him valentines, he told them both thank you, rather than favoring one of them. In middle school when he had his first real girlfriend, he didn't go there when everyone else did. When they broke up, they remained friends. When he was in high school and saw a football player doing a girl wrong, he stood up for her.

He was suspended, but so was Wayne. The next day in class all the players moved to the other side of the room, meaning that I would be in the clear for a few days until he got back. When he did return I thanked him and he smiled. After that things just sort of blossomed faster than either of us had expected.

Faster than Esme had expected.

It was nearing two o' clock now and my mom would be here, at the bank, any second.

The seconds went by fast though.

Eventually it was two thirty, then three, then four.

I tried calling her but she didn't answer.

Four thirty and I told Jasper he could go home if he felt like, he said he'd stay with me.

We went to get coffee. Came back. No sign of her.

Five. Five thirty. Six. Closing.

I was crying now. "Let's go home." I said and grabbed Jasper's hand. I rushed out to the car before I broke down in tears.

I sat in the passenger's side seat and Jasper got in beside me, starting the car before pulling out of the parking lot to go down the road home.

"I'm sure she just forgot." he said after a few moments of silence. "Maybe there was an emergency."

"Yeah, I'm sure." He sighed in a tone of sympathy and then called our friends, Charlotte and Peter, to let them know that we wouldn't be coming, or not tonight at least.

"Okay...will do Peter...tell Charlotte we said hi...I'm sure...okay, thanks...goodbye." he hung up after a few moments of talk. There was silence before we pulled into our driveway.

I saw my mom in the living room instead of in the kitchen where she normally could be found. She was sitting on the couch, staring into the blank space in front of her. She was well dressed, as if she had planned on going somewhere, but the clothes were wrinkled and even tattered in a few places. Her lipstick was smeared and unevenly faded. Her eyes makeup ran in huge streaks down her tear stained face. Her hair was a haystack and looked like it might even be a bit wet. She was a mess, nothing similar to the perfect mother we all knew and loved.

The most curious thing was that she was cradling a clear black bottle in her left arm, and there was a burning cigarette in her right hand.

"Mom what the hell?" I asked as I walked in and Jasper closed the door behind us. The house was a mess and I stepped over the smashed glass and scattered stuffing of pillows that laid across the floor.

"Don't you speak to me like that Mary-Alice!" she said, her voice hoarse, scary, terrifying. How I loathed when she called me by my full name.

I stood in front of her and stared for a moment after throwing my coat across a near-by chair. I looked at her, pathetic and drowning in what appeared to be misery and sorrow. I wanted to feel sorry for her but then I remembered. I was supposed to be mad.

"What happened to the bank today?" I asked harshly, not yelling, just asking sternly.

"I didn't want you to go." she said to me. Plain and simple, no room for conversation or opinion like there normally was.

"Why?" I asked, thinking that question was at least easy enough to answer.

"Because I said so!" she stood up and screamed at me, putting the cigarette in the ash tray.

"That's hardly fair mom. You know that."

"No Alice, do you want to know what's not fair? Having to give my daughter away to one of her high school sweet hearts when she's barely lived. Unfair is watching her innocence slip from beneath her when she could've had so much more. Unfair is having to supply for them both because neither of them is old enough to have a real job. That's unfair Alice and don't you ever forget it!"

"Mom, I love Jasper so don't-"

"Love!" she screamed in hysterics, tilting her head back in mocking laughter before throwing her bottle against the wall. "You, Alice, are nothing but a child who hardly know what love is." she came towards me, grabbing my arm and backing me up. Pinning me against the wall.

"Mom, stop this." I said, begging as she moved her hand up to my hair. Holding me up by it as she slapped my face. I screamed out in pain.

"Hey, hey, hey." Jasper said, coming between us. He had gone upstairs, giving us our time to scream at each other, he probably got concerned when he heard the slap. "There's no need to get that violent Esme, I'm sure you two can work this out somehow." she turned her focus to him then. I'm not sure what in her eyes scared him, but his face was no longer that of the man I had fallen in love with, but that of a terrified child about to face the wrath of a parent. I wondered if that's how I looked.

Like nothing but a child.

"You." she said, bashing my head against the wall before letting me go and sink to the ground in pain, never breaking her gaze with Jasper. "How dare you tell me how to parent my child when you hardly have the ability to get a job. I'm sure you think you have it great with all your adult fancies but just wait until I die and there a whole real world out there where Mommy doesn't just take you to the bank and give you the money to go on your trip. Wait until you find out that you have to start being a man and not a child as you've been. Wait until you find out that the whole world is alot scarier than Alice's parents' house."

"Esme I-"

"Don't!" she said. "Don't try to make excuses and don't try to reason with me. I have every right to be angry with the both of you."

I was cowered in the corner, staring up at the two of them. Watching Jasper's horrified expression shape shift and my mom's crazy eyes stare at him in fury.

I sniffled, starting to cry. My mom turned to me then.

"Oh Alice," she said, her voice a smooth tone of adoration. "Please don't cry. I love you so much my child." she leaned forward and gave me a hug. I hugged her back, wondering why she had changed moods so quickly. Jasper gave me a questioning look from over her shoulder and I raised my eyebrows in shock. She pulled away and laid a careful kiss on my forehead, the smell of wine and cigarettes on her breath.

"Now, go upstairs to your room. I'll clean up here." I nodded, my breath shallow from fear. I got up from my corner and ran up the steps, stopping just above the top step so I could still see what was going on.

"Starting with you!" she said pointing to Jasper. "Get out of my house, stay away from my little girl, and never come back! Do you hear me?" she said, turning him to face the door and pushing him away from her.

"Yes ma'am." he said before heading out.

"Mom!" I said tears streaming down my face. Without Jasper I had nothing. How could she just throw my whole life and more out of the door like that?

"Alice, everything will be fine." she said, turning to the mess. "Yes, everything will be fine Alice. Just fine." she crazily started picking up the pieces of glass and stuffing.

"Mom, her can't leave he has no place to go." I said, trying to refuse what had already happened.

"He had to Alice, he wasn't good for you."

How could she possibly think that of him? That he didn't care for me and just fed off of us? He loved me and I loved him and we were meant to be. And so we would be! He, the one I loved, wasn't good for me when I lived in a place as smothering as this one? How could she even be aloud to think that about us?

"No," I said, protesting in a tone of defiance. "You're not good for me mom!" I screamed in her face, running down the steps to tell her so. "You hate letting me grow up and you're going crazy because it's something you can't change. I'm completely done with this stupidity!" I grabbed my coat from the chair and started towards the door.

I was done, but she wasn't.

"No!" she grabbed my shirt and pulled me towards her. "You're staying Alice!" he eyes begged me and I thought.

She had given me life, while I might be mad at her now when light turned to darkness she was still my mother. She was my caretaker and, if nothing else, the person who, or so I thought, would always love me. She had loved me when I was sick and ill. She had loved me when I had hit rock bottom. She had loved me when I got bad grades in school and messed up on tests. She had loved me when I would come home crying because of mean girls at school. She had loved me in pajamas with morning breath, and when I was at my worst.

However, I couldn't help but feel as though Jasper's love was just as unconditional.

"Yes I am." I pulled away from her in that instance and was nearly at the door when she looked at me again.

"Alice please." she asked.

"No mom," I said, pulling open the door, not a thing in my hand but Jasper in my heart. "I'm a grown up now." she looked beyond hurt and all I wanted to do was take her into my embrace and tell her I was staying. But that was giving in. So before I opened the door and stormed out I said, "It's time to face it."

Reviews and thoughts? What do you think of Esme's strange behavior?

I know all the secrets.

lots. of. love.

PLT!

~AliceSwift