Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass or anything about it, but that's ok because I doubt I'd ever create anything that can hold a candle to it's awesomeness~

Warnings: Attempted Suicide

Also this is my first fic ever, so sorry if it totally sucks. This idea has been plaguing my thoughts for awhile now though, so I thought I'd share. :D

Takes place around the time the black knights sold Zero out.

Lelouch's P.O.V.

I wrote to Suzaku again, and just like last time I haven't received a response yet. It's ok though, I didn't really expect him to write back…as long as he meets me like I asked. He doesn't know how much I really need him, he's all I've got left, my last link to this world. He's the only one who still cares about me. At least…I hope he still cares.

My grip tightens on the edge of the bridge as I stare out at the horizon. The rain clouds are beautiful and calming, I relax a little and continue to wait. I left Suzaku clear instructions to meet me on this bridge, just like I had done in my previous letters. It's the fifth time I've written to him and still he's refused to meet with me. I only hope he comes this time, because it looks like it will rain soon.

I sigh tiredly after a few more hours of waiting and lean against the side of the bridge. Glancing around I see that there's hardly as many people walking around since when I'd first arrived here earlier today. The wondrous storm clouds now considerably much darker than before remind me that it's evening and I've yet to see my dearest friend.

"He's didn't come…" I whisper sadly, shaking my head as I try to fight the tears threatening to spoil my cool demeanor. I shake from the cold gust of wind passing and bring my coat closer to my body. I bet the rainstorm's sure to start soon.

"Suzaku" I say quietly. "I'll wait until the storm passes and darkness colors the heavens if I have to just please…please come see me." I'm aware of the desperation evident in my voice, but it's out of my control. Oh how far I've fallen from my pedestal. I use to have it all, a loving family and great fortune, but Britannia stole that from me. I swore revenge and I've hurt everyone who's ever cared for me in the process. Everything I've done though, has been for them. Can't they see I've only done what's necessary? What everyone else is too afraid or can't do themselves? Now I've got no one…not even my best friend who I was convinced would always have my back will come to me in my time of need.

"I need you Suzaku, but I guess your absence says that you no longer need me huh?" I chuckle mirthlessly. "Do you really not care about what happens to me?" I look around and still see no sign of him anywhere. The bridge I'm standing on connects the Britannia and Japanese part of town together. I chose this location because no one I know is aware of me ever wandering this far out, so I don't have to worry about anyone recognizing me. This bridge curves and overlooks the corner's of some streets. A few small shops litter the streets below me and I can smell the delicious aroma of the food being cooked in the sushi restaurant nearby.

I glare at the happy couple's walking on the street and cradle my stomach as It grumbles loudly. I should've grabbed something to eat before I left, but I had been so sure that this time Suzaku would be waiting for me at the bridge when I arrived. Dammit Suzaku, where are you?! Don't you understand that I want…no…that I need to apologize for all the pain I've caused you. I know I haven't exactly been the best friend you deserve, but with any luck you might still consider me a friend.

It starts raining, slowly at first but it picks up momentum quickly. The harsh wind blowing adds to my discomfort, and I regret not bringing an umbrella with me when I walked out of my apartment this morning. I look around once more, and find myself disappointed again. Despair claws at my heart and I slump down to the ground with silent tears streaming down my face. God only knows what I'd give to see those beautiful emerald green eyes again, but I suppose Suzaku hates me too much to allow me that simple pleasure. For awhile now I've been aware that I'm completely and irrevocably in love with Suzaku Kururugi, my best friend, but I killed the love of his life…I stole Euphie from him. I'm not sure if he'll ever forgive me, and I'm not sure if I even deserve to be forgiven but I have to try. It breaks my heart just thinking he could hate me forever.

I'm sobbing loudly now, clutching onto myself for warmth from the vicious cold wind. It's no use trying to stop myself. Nothing will ever mend my broken heart. I've done terrible things, but if it means an end to Britannia's oppressive reign I will be but a small sacrifice. I alone shelter the burden and truth behind Zero. Euphie's death affected me just as much as it did anyone else. She was after all…my first love. I remember when we use to play pretend wedding. I chuckled at the memories that surfaced. Euphie and Nunnally would always fight over who'd be my wife, but those days were over.

I couldn't control my geass, I couldn't stop the command. Suzaku loved Euphie greatly, more than he'd ever love me I know that, but he should understand that it tore me apart to see her die. The dreaded memory haunts me till this day, and I doubt I'll ever find peace until I die. For his sake I decided to let him believe as he pleased and acted as though I didn't care. It's easier for him to just hate me for that mistake…I don't think he'd ever believe me if I told him the truth.

"I'm so sorry Euphie, I really would've loved to rebuild Japan with you. I know my knights would've liked to have met you."

My Knights, my "loyal" black knights that I've given everything to have betrayed me….I suppose I should've seen this coming. I care deeply for them, but they sold me out to Britannia. Didn't I complete my promises to them? Had I not led them successfully this far? I don't recall stating the manner in while I planned to accomplish their freedom from Britannia. I simply asked for their assistance in helping me liberate Area 11 from Britannia, but it seems they no longer need me for that. They abandoned me to my own fate, and sold me to our sworn enemy. Not even Kallen, my ace, had really stood up to defend me. She'd arrived outraged at Ohgi, but hadn't done much in my defense after he'd told her I had used my geass to manipulate others. She yelled out when they were about to shoot me, but I guess none of that matters. If I ever saw her again I know she'd follow through with whatever Ohgi had planned for them now. I no longer held her loyalty. I swear it wasn't my intention to betray them though! They were faithful and fought bravely for me, and I wanted to be the one to bring them the peace they longed for. Why couldn't they understand that all I've done has been for everyone's own good? If I had used my geass on them it was because I had no choice. The whole ordeal left another scar on my already wounded heart.

I know I'll never regain the trust of my knights. The group I'd formed had grown considerably since our first fight in the Shinjuku ghetto. I was proud that we've gotten this far. Can they win against Britannia without me? Ohgi's betrayal was painful, and it reminds me just how unpredictable people can be. I admit at first I was only in it for my own selfish desires. I wanted to secure a peaceful world for my dearest sister, my beloved Nunnally

I shake violently as a strong gust of cold air hits me. The rain has me completely soaked, and it doesn't look like it will end soon. I stand up and watch as a few people run past the shops to find shelter.

I miss my sister quite terribly, but now not even Nunnally stands beside me. She'd once clung to my every word, and I had told her the absolute truth, always. I had vowed to restore Japan to its former glory so she could live a peaceful life, but it looks like fate had a different plan. Now we're torn apart, and I've changed from fighting for her to fighting against Britannia's oppression against anyone. It's not just about liberating Japan now, but bringing serenity to all the other countries too. Zero fights for justice without discriminating. Zero, my created persona, has become the face of justice just like I intended, and his only purpose is to create peace and bring hope. Zero is no more now that I've been kicked out of the black knights. I pushed everyone that cared for me away to fully become Zero, and now I have nothing. I have no one.

I think of C.C. and wonder what she's up to now. The green haired witch hasn't shown up yet, but I figure she'll seek me out eventually. She wants me to complete my end of the agreement. I doubt she cares for much else besides that. I could tell she's always found me amusing and has even stepped in to save my life a few times because of it.

I find myself sinking into an even deeper depression now. No one will miss me, everyone wants me gone. I know deep down it's for the better if I just roll over and die. Rolo comes to my mind suddenly at the thought of death and I smile gently at his memory. Oh Rolo, you don't know how much I miss you. I can truly say without a doubt, that I loved you. You are the only one who's returned my love so affectionately. You stayed by my side, even when I told you I hated you.

"I'm so sorry Rolo, please forgive me" I whisper and try to mask my emotions behind a facade of indifference. If anyone had been looking at me I'm sure they'd feel pity, but no one notices me much these days. I'm nothing but a shadow. Someone who should be dead but for some reason isn't.

Thank you Rolo, for saving my life. If it wasn't for you I would have been successfully handed over to Britannia on a silver platter, compliments of my black knights. You fought bravely for me, and for that Rolo I should've given you more than I did. You never had anything, and I'm glad I made you feel important.

I smile and bring my hand into the right pocket of my coat. I slowly caress the small locket inside and bring it out carefully to avoid it getting wet. I don't want to risk it getting permanently damaged by the rain. I cradle it in my hands and hunch over the edge of the bridge so I can protect it better. The locket is simple. It's a white heart shape outlined in gold with a four leaf clover in the center. I gave it to Rolo on Nunnally's birthday while I was still under the illusion that he was my brother. I know why he'd always kept it with him. It was the first gift he'd ever received. I couldn't help but bring it with me after I buried him. The thought of Rolo's death destroyed my happy thoughts, and brought back terrible memories. I opened the locket slowly and let it's quiet melody fill my ears.

-----------------------Flashback--------------------------------------------------------------------

Rolo had just pulled me out of the black knights domain. He had just saved my life, just as I thought my life was over.

"Stop! It's enough , Rolo!" I yelled out at him still shocked from this whole event. If everyone's really betrayed me, if everyone wants me gone, I don't want to risk Rolo's life for my sake!

"Rolo!" I cried out again. "I don't have anymore reasons to live…" Oh no…I thought. He's overusing his geass!

"Using your Geass with this much range…Rolo, at this rate, your heart won't be able to handle it!" I cry out panicked. Dammit Rolo are you trying to get yourself killed?! All of a sudden a blast hits us from the back and we both get violently shoved forward. His phone falls and hit's the dashboard. The charm I got him opens and this beautiful melody fills the air. I try to reason with him again.

"It's enough, Rolo. I no longer…"

"No, Brother, you-" He says, and I notice he's about to use his geass again.

"St-" I don't get to finish my thought before Rolo activates his geass.

"-op Rolo! For someone like me, why are-"

"-you saving me?! I've-"

"-been using-"

"-you…Rolo?!" I finish wide eyed. He looks horrible. There's a darkness under his eyes.

He coughs violently and finally says something. "So now. I…"

"Stop" I yell. "Don't use your Geass! Do you want to die-" He uses his geass again, and we manage to escape from our pursuers.

"Rolo, why did you save me? I used you…" We're now sitting in a quiet somewhere. God, Rolo looks really bad…

"Brother…you're a liar…You lied right?" He asked. A hopeful look gleaming in his eyes. "Saying stuff like wanting to kill me…that you hated me…" He said weakly. Rolo was still sitting in the Knightmare holding onto the controls. I have my arms at both sides of the seat. He looked so weak…I felt like crying but I have to keep calm.

"I see. You saw through my lies. You are indeed my brother" I say warmly, smiling up at him calmly.

"That's…right…I Know…Everything…About you…Brother" he finishes with a calm smile on his face. The peaceful look remains on his face even after he closes eyes for the last time.

"Yeah, that's right. Your brother is a liar." I'm glad I met you Rolo. I'm sorry I couldn't offer you more.

-----------------------End Flashback---------------------------------------------------------------

The violent storm was hard to focus on now. All I could think about was my dearest brother. I smiled lovingly at his locket, and gently kissed it before tucking it safely back in my pocket. It was him who'd saved me from the black knights. He was the one who always came to me asking if I needed anything. He cared so much for me, but I hadn't allowed myself to fully love him like he'd wanted. I was still stuck on Suzaku, and the frustration from thinking of his love for Euphemia made me lash out at poor Rolo. I wasn't always mean to him though. I loved him, and we did indeed share a few passionate nights together in my room. I blushed just thinking of how awkward our first time together had been. His love and devotion carried me through a lot of tough times, and to think my interest in him had started after Kallen's rejection when I thought Nunnally had died.

I shivered and coughed loudly. The rain was relentless, and I'm sure I'd managed to catch a cold. I heard footsteps nearby and glanced around anxiously. A couple was walking past me and I glared at their retreating forms. I can't believe I'd gotten so nervous for nothing. I was angry and hungry. How dare Suzaku stand me up again. Did he honestly forget about me?

I felt a pang of jealousy and regret. Why did he have to fall in love with Euphie? Why couldn't he love me instead? Maybe if I'd never accepted this geass he'd still have my back and care for me as his best friend.

I sighed heavily and continued to lean over the side of the bridge so I could see down below. If Rolo were alive…I know he'd be here with me. Why did he have to die? I've realized now he was the only real person to truly care for me. He stood by me even when I was treating him harshly. I should've just died with you Rolo…if we could be together in death at least I'd have someone with me. Anything was better than this loneliness. You were the last person to look at me with something other than fear and loathing. Everyone who knew me, who knew what I've done rejected me.

I guess this proves it. Suzaku's not coming, and he never will. He's forsaken me. I can't stop the sobs that wreck my body.

He'll never love me. I accepted it long ago, but now he won't even hear me out.

I really have lost everything. The weather hardly fazes me now. I'm numb, inside and out. My eyes widen and I look back at the bridge.

"Was that Rolo?" I ask myself aloud in disbelief. My mind was playing tricks on me and I knew it. He's dead. I buried him myself. I sigh tiredly and close my eyes. Maybe I need to lay down. I message my temples and look down. I'm shocked to see Rolo staring back at me from directly below me. His light purple eyes stare up at me sweetly, and his expression is serene despite the paleness of his skin and bags under his eyes. I bring my hand up to my mouth and look down in horror. He looked just as worn out as when I'd last seen him…right before he died. Is he going to blame me for taking his locket away?

A smile lights his face and be holds up his arms as if he was asking me for a hug. He talks, and his sweet voice fills my ears.

"Brother, I've missed you" he says still not bringing his arms down. "Why don't you come with me this time? No one here appreciates you like I do. I love you Lelouch, and I know you miss me too."

"Rolo…how…w-why? How are you back?!"

He frowns and I feel terrible. "Aren't you happy to see me? Please come down here Lelouch."

I know he's just in my imagination, but he completely captivates me. I need this. I need to be recognized. What I crave most right now is affection, and if this illusion can give me that, I don't need anything else. His imagine flickers and he disappears. I understand what he meant by coming down now. He wants me to jump off. He wants me to join him in death…

"Well Rolo, it looks like you've won. I regret not dying with you, but it's ok because you're here now and nothing can tear us apart." I smile down at where he had previously been. Genuine happiness fills me but turns into sorrow at having no one mourn my death. I will finally stop being a burden to everyone I think sadly. It's obvious no one here cares for me anymore, but Rolo cares, and he's waiting for me on the other side. I nod having reached my conclusion. I look out at the bridge one last time. My final hope of seeing Suzaku is crushed. This was it, it was now or never. I'd stated that if he didn't come today I wouldn't bother him anymore. At least the news of my death will bring him happiness. I turn back to the ledge and glace down at the ground below. The floor was about 20 feet from the ground.

I climbed over the edge and jumped down without a second thought. The few brief moments of free falling made me feel nervous and I shut my eyes tightly. The next thing I knew pain had filled my senses. I heard something break on impact and I could feel my head spinning. My thought's were jumbled and I knew it wouldn't be long till I lost all consciousness. It hurt to breathe…I'm sorry I couldn't finish avenging you mother, I can't take this loneliness. I can feel hot tears streaming down my face and smile bitterly. I hope you're happy now everyone…please take care of yourself, Nunnally.

I drew my last painful breath and vaguely heard what sounded like a gasp. None of that matters now though, soon I won't even be a part of this world. Please wait for me Rolo. The last picture that came to my mind was of a younger Suzaku, holding out his arm and smiling down at me with his beautiful emerald green eyes. I hope this makes you happy Suzaku…Euphie's killer is finally dead.

Author's Note: Hope it turned out well~

Also I tried to fix the mistakes from before. The one's I caught anyway.