Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto.

A/N: Okay, so here is how this works. This is going to be a collection of one shots based on the holidays throughout the year. I'll try to update it as close to the next holiday as possible. I'm using my couples from Tales From A Linen Closet, and for most of them, they will be at some random Akatsuki base. (Enter crack warning here) I'll make a list of the holidays I'm using on my profile, and if you want me to add one not on there, pm me. They'll be fairly short and impromptu, so forgive any mistakes you might find. And now, without further ado...

Loki's Angels

Kakuzu walked into his office, tea in one hand, a stack of papers in the other. Shutting the door behind him, he lifted a free finger and lowered the linen mask over his face. He absently scratched at the corner of one of his stitches as a small smile kept threatening to break out on his face. He was in a rare good mood this morning, and he had to keep telling himself that it had nothing to do with the blonde kunoichi that had wormed her way into his life and everything to do with the fact that today was the first of the month and time to reconcile the books. It always gave him a sense of satisfaction to know that the Akatsuki's finances were exceptionally good, and it was all because of his careful planning and execution.

Walking over to his desk, he set everything down before sliding into his chair. Holding out one arm, he released his stitches. The black threads curled behind him, stretching until they reached the window. He slid it open several inches, letting the cool spring air circulate as the sound of the pounding rain drifted in to break the silence. He took a sip of tea as he slid the top drawer open and retrieved his ledger. Opening it to the first page, he began adding up this month's wages, reminding himself to add in the extra incentive for Deidara who completed his last mission without causing excessive collateral damage.

He was halfway through when he noticed that something was off. Marking where he had stopped with a pencil, he went back up and took a closer look at the numbers. What the hell? He double checked again, even as a vein began popping out on his forehead. Every single person on the list had gotten a huge raise. Except him. His blood pressure rose and his grip on the pencil tightened. Who had authorized this? Pein-sama? Why wasn't he told? Did they not realize what that kind of expenditure would do to the rest of the budget? As soon as he was finished, he was going straight to Pein and ask him what was going on.

Reminding himself to calm down, he moved on to the next section, expenses. Grabbing the stack of receipts he brought with him, he began adding in this week's numbers. It only took a few minutes and then he moved to the top and began adding it up. Three items down and he stopped again. Surely they had spent more on groceries than that. The number staring back at him was only a quarter of what was usually used. Had Ino gone and put everyone on a diet? Then he noticed the next number. An insanely large amount distributed for...the building of a rescue center to save an endangered strain of bamboo. His pencil snapped in his hand as he felt his good mood evaporate into rage. Someone was fucking with him.

Skimming the rest of the pages, he picked out the discrepancies. Money given to Hidan for "religious purposes", a bulk order of clay large enough to last Deidara ten years, no money alloted to weapons maintenance or bribing their contacts in other countries. He had to look twice to make sure he was really seeing what he was seeing. Authorization for a heated indoor swimming pool to be put next to an aquatic sanctuary? Flipping to the last page, he looked at the bottom where the final sum was to be placed. In bright red lipstick was the imprint of a familiar set of lips along with a note in her flawless handwriting.

I made a few changes, I hope you don't mind. This place needed some improvements anyway.

~Ino

Jumping to his feet, Kakuzu slammed his hands on the desk, the resounding smack echoing off the walls. How could she? Did she not realized how important this was to him? How hard he worked to keep the organization's head above water? It was a blatant betrayal of everything he held sacred. He had to talk to her. Find out what in the world she was thinking. And if was anyone but her, he would have strangled them to death on the spot. Storming out of the room, he slammed the door and stalked down the hallway, the murderous aura coming off of him giving everyone around him plenty of warning to stay away.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile...

Itachi turned the water off and stepped out of the still steaming shower. Grabbing a towel, he squeezed the excess water from his hair before drying himself off and dressing. Stepping over to the mirror, he pulled his hair into a low ponytail as he absently glanced at his reflection. He was pleased to see that the bags under his eyes had lessened greatly and the stress marks on either side of his cheeks were less pronounced. His pale skin had a deeper coloring and only a slight pulse behind his eyes reminded him of the devastating headaches that had plagued him mere months before.

It was all thanks to Tenten. After she had convinced him that his 'stubborn Uchiha pride' was the only thing standing between him and relief, he had allowed her to aid him. After several sessions of massage therapy and rounds of experimental health drinks, his headaches had started to dissipate. There was still some minor pain, but it only bothered him when he had to use his Sharingan in battle. And the fact that he was finally able to sleep at night didn't hurt either.

Softly turning the doorknob so as not to wake her, Itachi stepped into the bedroom. He was surprised to find that the bed was already empty, the blanket crumpled in the floor at the foot. Sitting on the bare sheet was Tenten's pack, the flap hanging open, and the inside half stuffed with clothes. Her sandals were sitting on the floor below it and the cloak she wore for traveling hanging on the bedpost. There were several of her personal items hastily strewn on the dresser. Did she have a last minute mission to go on today? She hadn't mentioned it last night and it was still too early for Pein to be attending to business. Perusing the items on the dresser, his eyes landed on a small leather bound book lying beside her hairbrush.

Curious as to why she would take her journal with her, he walked over and picked it up. He wasn't a nosy person by nature, preferring to allow others their privacy because he valued his. But this puzzle was too much. Where was she going in such a hurry, and where was she now? Retrieving foodstuffs from the kitchen? Did she have to leave before breakfast? Flipping to the last page, he started reading her hastily scrawled entry. The date was for today, and it looked half finished.

I just can't stand it anymore. If I don't get some sleep soon, I swear I'm gonna kill someone. The snoring is just atrocious, it sounds just like squeaking bees. And the way his mouth hangs open reminds me of this dead monkey I saw once. It's just terrible. And it's every single night. That's why I'm leaving. I know Pein will probably send someone after me, but I don't care. I have to get away before I go mad. I just can't...

Itachi's spine stiffened as he closed the book and replaced it on the dresser. She was leaving. Not because of a mission, but because he snored. And she thought he looked like a dead monkey. Confusion and anger wound its way into his mind even as he tried to block it out. How could she just throw it all away, and for something so trivial? And if he did snore, why hadn't she mentioned it before? Surely between the two of them, they could come up with some way to stop it. She didn't have to run from him. Ignoring the fact that he was more upset that she was leaving than the fact that she had insulted him, he strode out of the room, closing the door harder than he intended to before hurrying off in the direction of the kitchen. Kakuzu was just ahead of him in the hallway, and judging from the way he was walking, someone had hell to pay.

xxxxxxxxxxxx

Meanwhile...

"11"

"12"

"13"

"14"

Kisame used one massive arm to lower himself to the ground without actually touching it. Lifting himself back up, he switched sides and started counting all over again. One more set of push ups and he could start running laps around the training room. Then he would be ready for his sparring session with Deidara. Lucky bastard. Being a long ranged shinobi, the blonde didn't have to work as hard to keep his body in shape. But to wield the massive weight of Samehada, Kisame had to make sure he didn't lose an ounce of strength. Not that he could complain much. There was a lot of advantages to being a towering wall of muscle. For one thing, people took one look at you and decided not to mess with you.

Hinata had no complaints either. In fact, he loved it when he caught her staring at him while he was getting dressed in the mornings. Her eyes would gleam with want for just a second, then her cheeks would pinken as if she were embarrassed by her own thoughts. Then when she'd notice that he had seen her, her face would turn a full blown red and she would drop her gaze to the ground. Every time it happened, he wanted to scoop her up and make her forget her bashfulness. Pursue her until her innocent demeanor was forgotten and she was demanding satisfaction from him. Yeah, the girl really knew how to build a man's ego. With her around, life was good and woe unto the one who interfered with that.

A cool breeze across his back signaled the opening of the door, and Kisame jumped to his feet and turned around in time to see Deidara coming into the room, Hinata right behind him. The Stone shinobi had a smug grin plastered on his face, but Hinata looked half terrified of something. Immediately concerned, Kisame walked over to them. If that little brat did anything to her, his training session would get a whole lot rougher. In fact, he just might not make it out alive. Stepping in between them, Kisame straightened, forcing Deidara away from them with a meaningful glare. Giving him a knowing nod, Deidara walked away, his hands absently molding a ball of clay in his pouch. Turning back to Hinata, he laid a hand on her shoulder, making her jump. "Hinata, what's wrong."

She gave him a little smile. "N-nothing. I just...um...I needed to give you s-some...warning."

His grip tightened slightly. "Warning? About what?"

"W-well. I was in town the other day...and...um...I heard that my c-clan's compound had burned d-down in some kind of...accident. I was worried, so I sent my father a message." she said, her face turning a light shade of pink.

"...what?"

Twiddling her fingers, she let her eyes roam the room as she tried to avoid looking at him. Her face continued to darken by the second. "H-he said everyone was alright, but now they have no place to go. I t-told them that we had plenty of r-rooms here that they could stay in."

Kisame's hand automatically clenched, causing Hinata to squeak. Letting her go so he didn't hurt her, the Mist ninja tried to keep control of the sudden surge of apprehension that tore through him. Her whole clan. Coming here. Living with them. That pompous old bastard Hiashi looking down his nose at him as he gave him orders. Her arrogant cousin constantly looking for revenge over the battle that he nearly drowned his entire team in. No, this can't happen. No, no, no.

"Hinata, what are you thinking? Besides the fact that you gave away our location to an enemy village, Pein will kill all of them when they get here. After he kills us. You have to send them another message. Tell them to go somewhere else."

"I c-can't. They'll be here this afternoon!" she burst out before turning and running back out the door and down the hallway.

Genuine panic threatened to set in as he started to take off after her. A blur of movement stopped his progress as Deidara landed in front of him, kunai drawn. His grin was as big as ever. "In-laws coming? Sucks to be you, yeah."

Kisame's eyes narrowed at the obvious attempt to stall him. "Deidara, move." he ordered.

Absently twirling his blade, the blonde made no attempt to comply. "You forget, Kisame-san. We have a date." he said, the fingers of his free hand dipping back into his clay pouch as his eyes lit up in anticipation.

Releasing a feral growl, Kisame fisted his hands as he drew back to punch Deidara. "Don't say you didn't ask for it!"

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...you get the idea...

Hidan awoke with a start as the door to his bedroom shut with a loud click. Damn, did Sakura always have to be so loud in the morning? Yawning, he cracked an eyelid open and looked around. It was then that he realized that his arms were over his head, and the sheet had been drawn down over his bare torso, allowing the cool air in the room to wash over his skin. He started to reach down and pull it back up so he could go back to sleep when he realized that his arm wouldn't move. Glancing upward, he was surprised to find that both of his arms were tied to the headboard with short sections of thin rope.

...Okay. Last night had been fun, but he definitely didn't remember this part of it. Testing the strength of the rope, he found that they were light, and gave easily. Flexing his arm muscles, he yanked hard, and they snapped almost instantly. Smirking he sat up and ran a hand through his silver hair, slicking it back. That was when a metallic gleam on the bed caught his attention. He looked down to find Sakura's stethoscope lying on the mattress beside him. What the hell?

Thoroughly confused now, Hidan slid out of bed, striding over to the dresser to grab a pair of pants. He had just pulled them on when he noticed the other changes in the room. The chair from the desk was pulled up to the foot of the bed on his side, Sakura's lab coat slung over the back of it. On the desk itself lay a clipboard and pen. With a frown, he walked over to it and picked up the clipboard. As he started reading, his eyes widened.

Subject: Hidan

Actual Age: Unknown; Adjusted Age: 22

Height: 177.1 cm.

Weight: 56.8 kg.

Blood Type: B

"What the fuck is this?" he asked the empty room as he kept reading.

Notes: Initial testing of the subject has revealed mixed results. Next step to strengthen the formula and move the injection site to the lower pelvic region. Some concern about muscular atrophy and testicular shrinkage as possible side effects. Irreversible damage to...

Hidan stopped reading as his brain caught up with his eyes and his jaw dropped open. After a moment of silence, his violet eyes hardened. "What the FUCK is this! Sakura!"

Dropping the clipboard on the desk, he marched out of the room, muttering aloud as his heavy footsteps accentuated each word. "...a test subject...a fucking test subject...What is she thinking, pumping me full of shit and not even telling me about it?...testicular shrinkage...what the hell?"

His rant was interrupted when he realized just how crowded the hallway had become in a matter of seconds. Kisame just burst out of the training room, practically jumping in front of him, passing up Itachi and Kakuzu as he ran into the kitchen. Deidara followed him out, holding a very purple and swollen eye. Kakuzu stomped into the kitchen behind Kisame, and if he knew his partner, someone was going to die today. Thank Jashin it wasn't him this time. Itachi strode into the room as well, oozing discontent from his usually passive aura. And unfortunately, the kitchen was where Sakura's chakra signature was, along with the other kunoichi.

"Just fucking great, now we're having a damn tea party. Cock-sucking heathens. Anytime you want some privacy, they come out of the fucking woodwork."

As soon as he walked into the room behind the other shinobi, he stopped. Sakura was sitting at the kitchen table, eating breakfast in her pajamas. Hinata was between her and Ino, red faced and looking very out of breath. Ino's face was red as well, and an occasional giggle would slip out as she leafed through a book that looked suspiciously like Kakuzu's ledger. Tenten was eating breakfast in her pajama's as well, dark hair down and leaning back in her chair. She glanced up at them as they stopped, and gave them a genuine smile.

"Something wrong, guys?"

Said guys just stood there, arms crossed over their chests, a mixture of bewilderment, anger and confusion on their faces. Hidan opened his mouth to ask what the hell was going on when the words died in his throat. Tobi, who had evidently been standing behind the door, jumped out and stretched his arms as wide as they would go as he exclaimed "APRIL FOOLS!" before collapsing in laughter on the floor. The girls followed suit, giggling until the room rang with their amusement.

In the doorway, silence reigned. No one moved for several movements as understanding began to sink in simultaneously. Then, one by one, they uncrossed their arms. Kakuzu, his face as serious as stone, but no longer lethal, walked over to the table and held out his hand. Ino, still laughing, gave him the correct ledger and watched as he silently walked back out the door, shaking his head. Kisame looked relieved as he walked behind Hinata's chair to wrap his massive arms around her shoulders. Leaning down, he laughed into her neck. "You're really trying to kill me, aren't you? Next time, just put a kunai in my heart. It'll be less painful. For Deidara anyway."

"Yeah, you have no idea how hard he can punch, un." Deidara said from the refrigerator, pulling an ice pack out and gingerly placing it over his eye.

"I'm s-sorry...Kisame." she managed to get out between giggles. "Deidara agreed... to h-help, but it w-was Tobi's idea."

Holding up his hands, Tobi defended himself. "The girls wanted to do it! Tobi can't help it if he loves a joke!"

Still standing in the doorway, Itachi stared at Tenten. She met his gaze and gave him a reassuring look. He turned to walk back out of the room, his face as impassive as ever if you missed the slight upward pull of his lips. Hidan, who was never subtle, lifted a hand and pointed at Sakura.

"Woman, you have a sick, twisted imagination! I can't believe what you wrote about me! Testicular shrinkage...what the fuck!"

Ino and Sakura burst out in fresh peals of laughter. Frowning, Hidan stalked over to the table, pulled Sakura's chair out and lifted her up in one swift motion. Seconds later she was slung over his shoulder, still laughing as he stalked out of the room with her. "Laugh it up, bitch. I'll give you an experiment to work on that you'll never forget." he threatened playfully as he disappeared around the corner.

Tobi, who had managed to regain his feet by this time, looked at his partner, then at the remaining kunoichi. "That was fun! Tobi wants to do it again!"

"No!" Deidara and Kisame shouted as the girls started nodding their heads, mischievous gleams appearing in their eyes. Maybe not today, but next year...

The End