Everyone in South fucking Park is gay. Not joking everyone is a flaming faggot. I thought it was another fad going around but then I realized the truth is I've grown up in a town full of redneck fags.

Stan and Kyle have been closet gays since forever, it's not a surprise that they finally came out. Then all of a sudden that fucking freakazoid Damien the so called son of the devil returned. He returned for Pip. They've been butt buddies for a while now. Cartman who I've always thought was bi-curious has been interested in Butters for quite some time and Butters has a boyfriend named Bradley, some Christian boy. Kenny has fucked so many people boys and girls, he has STD's I swear… Jimmy and Timmy have been giving each other curious looks. Even some of my…friends…Clyde and Token are hooking up. Oh yeah I've even heard rumors that Wendy and Bebe are trying to be lesbians, which is stupid because no one likes dikes.

I know I sound like a homophobe but the truth is I think I might have a crush on a guy. Easily said I think his tousled blonde hair is sexy, his pale skin is perfection, his hazel eyes are fucking smokey and seeing him smile gives me butterflies. Wow I must be a faggot considering I sound like a teenage girl that has a crush…yeah I'm a fag.

Too bad I can't let anyone know I have feelings for the kid. Not that I'm embarrassed I could care less what kids think of me, if they have a problem then they can say it to my face, I'll straighten the problem out easily with one good throw of my fist.

I don't give a shit about my reputation, I may be considered the bad kid in school, the trouble maker, the boy girls find dangerously dreamy and the guy all dudes want to befriend but I really don't like anyone in this town so why bother befriending them?

Actually that's why I don't want him to know I like him…I guess you could say I'm afraid of commitment…or just afraid of being too close.

I growled angrily when I saw Stan and Kyle making out in front of my locker, they peered at me hearing my growl, I simply flipped them off and they walked away hand in hand. Fucking fags…

I opened my locker angrily and grabbed my book. Once I slammed the locker Tweek was standing their, he jumped and wailed. Kinda cute honestly. "H-hey, do you-"

"We're hanging out after school." I pretty much informed him instead of asking him.

He twitched nervously and nodded, "O-okay!"

"We can go to my house."

He nodded again and shrieked, "Ah!"

Poor thing never stops twitching. I wish I could like cure him of his paranoia. Maybe I can tonight. After school he waited for me outside and jumped nervously when he saw me, "Hi! GAH!"

I gave him a nod of the head to say hey without really saying hey. Tweek walked beside me shaking and twitching like normal. He began to tell me about his day which just led to a huge rambling story about how the gnomes were going to get him. "Then their - AH! - going to mur-murder me or - nngh! - take me to a secret government loca- Angh! - location! Then they'll rape me or kill me by - Urg! - ripping me apart and cut me with a saw!! Oh Jesus! That's painful!"

"I'll protect you." I replied unconsciously. I didn't really mean to sound so…gay, but it's just how I replied by instinct.

Tweek twitched, "Th-thanks!" he didn't seem to take note of the gayness.

We arrived at my house and went to my room. "Are - Nngh! - your parents ho-home?"

"No, why?" I asked curiously with a cocked brow.

"Oh! I just- ah…wanted - NNGH! - some coffee…AH!" he said sadly as if he was disappointed.

"I'll make you some."

We went downstairs and I made him the coffee. I handed him the cup and watched as he chugged half of it down easily. He stopped twitching for a few moments like the caffeine counteracted his paranoia for a moment and he smiled while he gulped the last sip. He sighed happily and licked his lips.

I couldn't resist it anymore I grabbed his neck and pulled him into a rough kiss. He dropped the cup and it smashed on the floor. He shook nervously and I thought he was going to push me back but instead he just went numb. I released him and stepped back a foot, my mouth was slightly opened and my face was probably as red as a tomato. I was blushing… I'm a fag.

He looked at me without saying a word, "Your gay?"

I looked at him blankly but managed to nod. He didn't reply for a minute but then he burst, "Oh god! I kissed a guy! - Urg! - I'm gay!"

I didn't reply but felt a sense of sadness and sorrow fill my body, head to toe. I gave him a shy look, my eyebrows lowered and I looked away awkwardly while he was still rambling about being gay. Then he said something that turned my emotions around, "I think I liked it! GAH!"

I couldn't help it my tough exterior was demolished, I smiled and butterflies were released through my body…god another faggot statement. "I liked it too."

Tweek noticed my smile and gave me an uneven yet adorable smile. I leaned forward and gave him another kiss and again he stopped shaking and leaned into it. Nice I found a way to make him stop shaking.

The cure to Tweek's paranoia is Craig Tucker, that's me.