I do not own Twilight or the characters!
Heartbreak is a feeling that is hard to illustrate. You just know it hurts and you can't control your emotions. During heartbreak, different emotions seem to come out at not so convenient times. For example, a nice looking guy says hi to you and you lash out at him. Anger takes place somewhere where happiness should be. For me, anger is the only emotion I know at this point. At times my anger calms, but only slightly before it emerges again. I am never fully at peace, even when I am confined in my bedroom. I listen to music, it doesn't calm me like it used to. The only thing that calms me is when I am cursing people out, or pissing people off.
I often go to the cliffs, at least it's quiet here. The only noise I hear is the water crushing against the sharp rocks. When I stare at the crashing water, I think about myself, my life. I am that rock and the water is everything and everyone around me. I am sharp like the rock, people appear to be threatened by me but they always seem to crash into me. Crash into me and find a way to bring me down. I try to endure the people and many negative things crashing against me, but eventually the negativity will erode me. All of these rocks erode away one day, their sharp edges shimmering away in the deep waters.
" Figured I would find you here," a familiar husky voice said. I didn't have to turn around to know that it was Jacob Black. The Jacob Black that was always picking at me when he saw me at my lowest. He didn't pick at me as much as he used to, but he didn't give up making fun of me when I seemed pissed off.
" What do you want Black," I spat. He sat next to me, the heat from his body making sitting close to him unbearable.
" Just to see why you left Sam's so fast. Everyone said you were pretty pissed and that you two almost phased," Jacob said smiling. One thing I can say about Jacob is that he still smiled, even though Bella ditched him for a ice pop after he put her heart back together.
" Because Sam's an ass, that's why I left. I can't believe he actually went off on me like that, he knew Emily was pushing it. Can you believe she was mad that I called her a bitch?"
Jacob laughed. " You called her a bitch, that is probably what upset her Lee. What was the argument about anyway?"
I closed my eyes tightly and massaged my temples. " She asked when I was going to forgive her."
Jacob looked at me as if to say 'and what else happened?'
" So that made you throw a chair at her and call her a bitch," Jacob asked.
" Jake you will never understand how much Sam and Emily betrayed me. It was how she asked it that made me snap. Sam had no business putting his hands on me, point blank," I replied picking up a rock and throwing it down into the waters.
" He just grabbed you to get you away from Emily. He thought you were going to phase," Jacob stated. I rolled my eyes and picked up another piece of rock.
" He grabbed me a little too hard."
" Leah, will you ever admit that you are still sad instead of saying you are just angry," Jacob asked out of the blue. I dropped the rock and looked at him. There was nothing about his face that said he was joking or being funny. I assumed that it was just a question that he had been itching to ask.
" What do you mean?" I knew what he meant. I just did not like getting all in my feelings with people. It was no one's business what I felt, why would they care?
" I mean you cover your sadness up with bitterness. Is there going to be a day when you just let that guard down," Jacob asked. I looked down at my hands, they were shaking.
" No I won't ever let it down. Not again. Not ever," I replied. Jacob was still staring at me. " Would you stop looking at me like that dip shit?"
" You are funny Leah. I just don't get why you hide behind this wall. It's not good to hold stuff in."
" Who the fuck are you? Dr. Phil? Look Jacob, I don't like to let my wall down, I did that with Sam and look at me now. I won't let that wall down, it's nice and strong."
" Ok, that's why you snap so much. You hold all that anger inside and then one day BAM you are trying to kill Emily," Jacob exaggerated. He was always the one that was the most animated out of the pack. He used his hands a lot when he talked and seemed to act out scenes when he was telling about something that happened.
" I did not try to kill her. Maybe hurt her, but not kill her."
" Will you kill me if I ask a question," Jacob asked.
" Depends on what you ask."
" When will you forgive them?" I felt my breath get caught in the back of my throat. The same thing it did when Emily asked me that same question. I didn't know if I would ever forgive them.
" I don't know, maybe never. It's hard to just forgive two people that ripped your heart out. I won't ever forget what they did," I replied. My lips were in a thin, tight line. It made me angry just to think of that day Sam dumped me. I remember him saying, I will always love you. Just not how I love her. I was so caught up in my reveries that I didn't notice a warm tear falling from my eye. I quickly tried to wipe it away before Jacob could see it.
" That's all I wanted to see," he said looking out into the waters.
" What?"
" I wanted to see some other emotion other than anger and bitterness," Jacob replied.
I just nodded my head and stared off into the waters.
" This is between me and you. If you tell anyone I swear I will kill you," I said through clenched teeth.
" Yea, yea,yea. Whatever Clearwater," Jacob laughed and laid back on the cool concrete.
Hope you all enjoyed this one-shot. I just got really bored and decided to write something.