Authors note: well here is a story I have been working on for awhile and I like this one a lot better than my old story so I hope you like it to I would of updated sooner but I have been really busy and I promise to update the next chapter soon

Disclaimer: I don't own twilight or anything to do with it (tear drop)

Why do I do this to myself?

B POV

I was driving around aimlessly not knowing where to go. I found my way to a driveway that I had gone down so many times before. I never meant to come here but my heart, head, and hands were not working together. It was so painful to look at the house. I started to walk toward the door; I walked so slowly it felt like a lifetime. The door crawled open as I stepped through I started to notice everything was the same. Each inch I stepped just tours the hole in my stomach wider and wider. This house was haunted of my memories of the past. I started for the stairs I brought myself to Alice's room. I walked in and noticed a few things were missing like clothes, jewelry, and makeup, but what was left I didn't touch it was like they million dollar painting you see in museums that your not aloud to touch. In reality I new this stuff wasn't worth anything and it didn't matter if I touched it, but if I touched it would feel as if her presence was gone. After I left Alice's room I went into a couple other bedrooms not noticing much.

I wondered around some more and my legs carried me face to face with a door I couldn't open. I just stood there like I was paralyzed; I don't have any idea how long I studied that door. I looked at every dent, bump, and crevice. Finally I new I needed to get up so I rose from I had sat down and brought my hand to the silver doorknob. I saw my reflection in the doorknob my eyes were red and puffy from crying. I looked horrible, is this how I always look, whatever that didn't matter now. Once I was in his bedroom I spent hours looking in there. Since I studied the door I decided to study every thing in his bedroom. I came across his journals then remembered back to last spring, when I first came to meet his family.

Flashback

"What are these"?

"Journals that I've written over the years I wouldn't read them if I were you… well you can if you want to though."

"It's like hundred years worth of journals."

End flashback

The memory twisted in my stomach painfully. I grabbed what looked like a newer journal I started scanning the pages when I cam across one that caught my eye. All it said was Why, why do we have to leave I don't want to leave but we need to she needs to be safe, I love her I will always love her that feeling never goes away. I hate myself because in a few seconds I let the greatest thing that ever happened to me slip through my fingers and I will NEVER get it back. I shut the book and put it back almost instantly I was stunned, shocked, and speechless so many emotions rushing at me all at once I didn't know what to think. I new he stilled loved me but he would never know that. No this had to be some kind of sick joke he said straight to my face he didn't want me. He couldn't still love me it was impossible no way I was going crazy I didn't know what to do, all I knew is I had to get out of here so ran down the stairs and before I walked out the door I hit something like a stone wall, I looked up and saw a face that I couldn't make out because my eye sight was getting foggy and then the last thing I saw before every thing went black were two pairs of charcoal black eyes staring back at me.

Authors note: ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh cliffy who do you think it is I would love to know you're guesses because I think the answer might surprise you