The Rains of Kahje

AN: Bioware owns everything.

The Ocean on Kahje stretched out to the horizon in almost every direction. A crystalline grey colour, it was a more solid reflection of the permanently cloud-blanketed skies above it. The Hanar knew it as the Encompassing and the rhythms of their lives swelled and ebbed in its tides. Although most of them now lived permanently on land, the Hanar still recognised and revered it as the source of their being and their eventual return. This belief had also influenced the Drell, the only other species to share Kahje with the Hanar.

On one of the larger islands, stood a building that was of supreme importance to the Drell. It was a genetic-research facility and hospital. It housed the Hanar Science Team that had produced the modification tailored to Drell eyes, to enable them to perceive high-frequency flashes produced in Hanar bio-luminescent communication, helping the humanoid Drell to better understand the species whose world they shared.

On a particularly gloomy day, the mood inside the west wing of the institute did not reflect the overcast skies outside. Hanar are not a passionate species, but one in particular was getting rather carried away.

"This one, modestly believes that this development is the way forward. Should the Enkindlers wish it, this one believes that it will effect a complete cure."

The older, bluer Hanar to whom the scientist had directed his speech did not immediately respond, an opportunity that was seized by another scientist in the Chamber of Enlightened Thought.

"This One begs leave to humbly disagree with our esteemed colleague."

There were subtle flashes around the gathered Hanar.

"The only way to discover the truth is to perform invasive surgery on a sick subject, before the subject has reached beyond a certain point in the disease."

Another Hanar flashed his opinion. "This One believes that the treatment is too radical."

The first Hanar scientist was frustrated, not that anyone but another Hanar would be able to tell.

"This One humbly admits the truth of my colleague's words, but also would like to point out that any subject upon whom this treatment could be tested, would be in full possession of the facts pertaining to this treatment, as we currently know them and would need to give full consent."

The Older Hanar presiding over the meeting finally spoke.

"This One has given thought to your words. The Enkindlers willing, a cure will be found for our Drell friends in the near future. This One must speak the truth though. This One does not think the Enlightened Stewardship will consider approving this treatment."

The first Hanar protested. "This One bows humbly before the Science Leader and recognises his great wisdom. Would it not be better to illuminate their decisions by first testing on willing subjects?"

The Science Leader was adamant. "This One thanks you for your contribution. Kepral's syndrome is a great battle and we must consider carefully. The matter is adjourned until the meeting of the Enlightened Stewardship in 2 cycles."

"This one would like to know what you intend your next action to be".

Back in the lab, the Hanar Scientist had related the deliberations to his assistant.

"The Science Leader is a most excellent and knowledgeable Hanar, however this One believes that results of the test would convince him to change his mind. This One must find a way to obtain data."

The assistant shifted uncomfortably on his tentacles. "This One would like to point out that the data can only come from testing on a subject."

"This One concurs."

"This One must also point out that it would have to be done in secret and therefore illegally."

"This One again concurs. This One already has a test subject in mind".

The Normandy was docked at the Citadel, after coming off another mission to aid against the growing threat of the Reaper advance. Most of the crew were off on a day's shore leave and Shepard found herself alone in the Mess, sipping on a cup of hot coffee. She held a datapad in her hand and was so engrossed in it that she didn't hear the surprisingly light footfalls approach her table.

"Shepard?"

She turned surprised, "Hey Garrus, I didn't realise you were still on board!"

He nodded at the datapad she held. "News from Kahje?"

She automatically looked down at the datapad and a phrase caught her eye:

...I resent these days that I must spend away from you when our time is already so limited..."

Shepard sighed, "Yes. Thane is getting tired of these trips every 3 months, and the treatment isn't pain-free, but it seems to be helping to hold the disease at bay." She ran her hand distractedly through her hair, revealing to Garrus more about her frame of mind than she realised. "If it gives us more time together then I can deal with the 2 week's separation."

Privately, Garrus didn't think she was dealing as well as she thought she was. Even though they were close friends, he still didn't feel able to articulate that. So he merely slid into the chair opposite her.

Shepard sat back, laying the datapad down with a slight clatter. She looked down at her hands as she thought of Thane again.

"Garrus?"

"Shepard..."

"He's not really going to get any better is he." It was a statement not a question. Garrus hesitated.

"Do you think it will always be like this?"

"I don't follow."

Shepard leaned forwards on her elbows. She struggled to find the right words.

"Everything that I have loved, I have lost: Mindoir, Torfan, Virmire, Horizon...." she reeled off the list quickly, waving her hand dismissively, not wanting to dwell on any of the names she had mentioned.

"Now that I have found...him.... someone that I want by my side for the rest of my life, the Universe is set on making me lose him too." Bitterness crept into her voice. Garrus knew that she was struggling to keep her emotions in check.

She continued "I mean, you would think that I deserve a break right? What with dying and all...."

Garrus responded gently. "Shepard you're talking as if there is a 'Universe' that gives a damn." He knew she didn't believe that anymore than he did, that she was clutching at straws.

"Thane believes!", Shepard pushed her mug away.

"And that is his choice" Garrus countered.

Shepard rubbed her face, struggling to make a coherent argument that even vaguely made sense. "But he has seen just as much violence and loss as I have, and it has not diminished his belief. He must see a pattern, a reason for all this....."

Garrus studied her expressive face. "Shepard, all philosophies attempt to make sense of death. It is the one battle that no species can win – not even Asari. However much it is rationalised in order to make it more palatable, you know as well as I do that it is random, arbitrary and inevitable."

Shepard got up and walked a couple of paces away from him suddenly feeling restless. "I just feel so helpless and out of control. When it comes to Thane I feel like I am in freefall without a 'chute..." she paused, "...and the landing will kill me." Garrus heard the break in her voice at the end and it tore him up that he could do nothing to help her.

The silence stretched across the deserted Crew Deck.

"Garrus I don't know how I'm going to cope when he's gone!". She turned to him and he saw the agony on her face. "He is the quiet at the heart of the chaos in my life, the only thing that keeps me sane!".

She punched the metal strut in front of her. "goddamnit! am I not entitled to some happiness? Isn't He? Thane might be able to be stoic in the face of this but I can't." She took a couple of steps towards him, her arms outspread, "I cannot let him see me like this, I can't speak to him about this it would only distress him and I have to be strong!" she slapped her fist into her thigh in frustration. "But I don't know how!"

Garrus had never seen her so conflicted. He didn't know what to say to her that would help her situation.

Just then EDI's voice rang out. "Commander Shepard, I have an urgent communication from Kahje".

All the colour drained from Shepard's face, and for a second Garrus thought that she would collapse. He rose swiftly from his seat, but she shook her head at him as she replied. "EDI patch it through to the terminal in the Med Bay".

The blood thrummed in her ears as she waited for the screen to load.

"Commander Shepard, this One would like to thank you for taking this call. We realise that you must be very busy...."

"Is this about Thane? Has something happened?" Shepard's voice sounded harsh cutting across the Hanar.

"Unfortunately it is this One's sad duty to convey the news that Mr. Krios has taken a sudden turn for the worse. This One feels it would be wise if you considered travelling here as soon as is convenient for you."

"What is it? What has happened?"

The Hanar seemed to flash a little faster than before. "This One believes that it would be preferable for all concerned if this was discussed face to face."

Shepard's lips tightened into a grim line.

"I will be there as soon as I can!"

The screen went blank. Shepard did not turn round.

Garrus struggled for words. What could he say to reassure her, that wasn't an empty platitude? He put his hand on her shoulder, only to discover that she was shaking. He watched aghast as she slowly sank to the floor. She sobbed as if her heart were breaking, the famous control completely rent asunder.

The Turian felt helpless when confronted with such a storm of grief. Bewildered and anxious, all he could do was wrap his arms around her shoulders and hold her as she railed against the ruins of her life and cursed the Universe. As used as he was to the violence of Turian grief and mourning rituals, it didn't make it any easier to see his best friend in such pain.

Eventually the sobs abated.

Shepard sniffed and wiped her face. She got to her feet unsteadily, waving away Garrus's proffered arm. When she finally turned round Garrus could barely suppress a gasp. He had never seen such bleak despair in her eyes, not even in the aftermath of Horizon.

She cleared her throat. "Garrus I'm taking a transport to Kahje."

He objected. "Shepard, we can recall the crew, they will all be back within the hour and the Normandy will get there just as quickly".

"No!" he knew that voice. It was the one that would brook no contradiction.

"The crew deserve their rest and I will not hold them hostage to my personal tragedy." She stepped towards the door of the Medbay. "The Normandy can rendezvous with me on Kahje once the crew returns."

She looked liked the Commander, she smelled like the Commander, but he barely recognised her. As she stepped through the Medbay doors, she paused for a second and looked at him over her shoulder.

"Thanks Garrus", and she left. Two hours later he watched the Transport freighter lift off from the public docking terminal, bound for Kahje.

Shepard spent most of the journey staring out at the stars, indulging in happier memories, trying to stave off the sick feeling in her stomach. She wondered if they had spoken to Kolyat and if he would be there. She was not overly close with the young Drell, not having had much contact with him. All her knowledge of him was gained second hand through Thane. She had no idea how he felt about her relationship with his father, or if he even knew about it. It was a side of Thane's life that she never felt comfortable intruding on. However, they were both listed as his next of kin, so she presumed that she would see him there.

They docked in the pouring rain and she caught a cab to the institute where she was met by a very apologetic and excessively polite Hanar and a Drell medical attendant. She was concentrating so hard on getting to Thane, that she only caught one word in every three. He spoke something about the procedure and unexpected side effects which had sped up the deterioration of the condition.

"How long does he have?" she said through gritted teeth as they travelled the seemingly endless corridors.

"This One thinks that unfortunately it is measured in hours rather than days."

Shepard felt a buzzing in her head and had to stop and grip the door-handle in front of her until her knuckles went white. Hours! How could she fit a lifetime into hours? She felt a hand on hers and she looked up to see the sympathetic face of the Drell attendant. "Commander Shepard, we have made Mr. Krios as comfortable as possible and will leave you two together." The low voice was resonant and soothing. "We will pray for both of you."

Shepard nodded and turning the handle, walked into a brightly lit room.

Everything seemed blindingly white as if her cybernetic vision was malfunctioning. She squinted and raised her hand to shield her eyes. Even the sounds were muffled and for a panicked second she thought she was passing out. Then her vision adjusted and she stepped further into the room.

Thane was lying in a bed in a white ward. His colour was off and he looked like he had lost some weight. His dear eyes were the same though and she swiftly walked up to the bed, then hesitated. All the tubes attached to him - would she hurt him if she embraced him?

He coughed and looked up at her "Siha you may touch me, it doesn't hurt."

Gently she leaned over and gathered him into her arms.

"Thane!" she choked, "I came as soon as I could!"

"Thank you.....I felt bereft without your touch.....my love."

Her heart leaped at his words and felt his arms slowly encircling her. She could hear an ominous thickness to his voice, as if speaking was a supreme effort. His breathing was shallow and no longer natural.

They lay there for the longest time in each others arms, and after a while, Shepard started to speak, whispering her love into his ear. As Thane's eyes widened and his tears mingled with her hair, she held nothing back, not caring about weakness or exposure. She bared her soul to him and showed him where she bled; drew him the shape of her dreams; painted a picture of their lost future. When she had nothing left to say, she was silent, but her head was pounding with the effort not to scream at him to keep breathing, to beg him to stay with her.

At length, she raised her head and gazed unblinking into his eyes. Their lips met in a passionate and desolate kiss that she never wanted to end. But his breathing was getting more ragged, and it was more important for him to take in oxygen. With an effort that went against every fibre of her being, she raised herself up and sat on the edge of his bed, holding his hand tightly. Wiping her eyes and attempting to lighten the mood a bit, she glanced around the room and observed some strange objects.

A chipped vase on the table had a painted landscape of a desert world that she assumed must have been the Drell homeworld of Rakhana. Someone had stuck a holo-pic of an Asari to one of the window-panes. Then her attention was caught by a very unexpected object. In the far corner of the room, someone had placed an old upright piano.

"What are these things here for?" she spoke more to herself.

"Other....patients...Siha" the rattle in his chest was terrifying.

To distract herself she wandered over to the instrument, her fingers skimming across the ivories.

"Do you play?" the voice was faltering.

She nodded and looked back at him, her eyes searching his anxiously. "My grandmother taught me as a child, but I have not tried in a long long time."

"Please..... Siha....... play for me"

Shepard hesitated, but his eyes entreated her. She could not refuse him anything.

She sat down on the stool and stared at the keys. Unbidden, a memory of her grandmother's music surfaced, more specifically of a particular sad little tune. Tentatively, she started to play, getting a few notes wrong here and there until confidence returned to her fingers and she stroked the notes with more assurance.

The sweet haunting melody of an old earth love song filled the air, poignant and sad. Thane watched the light playing on her features and silently whispered his love for her, his voice no longer functional. Slowly he closed his eyes and lay back. The music swirled through the space between them, binding them together with its beauty and intensity, rising up like a prayer to Kalahira.

Suddenly she became aware of the stillness behind the music and her fingers faltered on the keys and stopped, arms falling nerveless by her side. The lingering echo of the last few notes slowly died away.

She sat there in the silence, knowing she was alone in the room.

A distant chime sounded from her Omni-tool, the tag identifying the caller as Kolyat. Slowly she leaned forwards until her forehead rested against the cool wooden stand of the instrument.

Outside the window, the rain continued to fall steadily on Kahje.

There is more to come.... with a few twists

R&R please!