Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of its characters.

I'm so sorry for not updating this story in so long! I promise I will keep the updates coming more regular from now on. RL just keeps getting in my way. It fucking sucks, but it's sometimes unavoidable. Forgive me?

Enjoy the smut now! :)

BPOV

My legs were wrapped around his hips, my hands were fisted into his hair, and I could feel the hardness of his dick through the thin material of my jeans. We were both panting as our mouths moved furiously and my hands roamed up and down Edward's body. Low, guttural moans were coming from his perfect lips and his hips were bucking into mine. I pulled his hair, and a groan escaped him.

I didn't know why I was doing this. I'd tried so hard to ignore the odd swell I felt in my chest for Edward, but my emotions were taking over my body now and there was nothing I could do. Avoidance was no longer possible. When he let me into his bedroom, I had initially taken it as an invitation to fuck, but I told myself that I wouldn't do it. I didn't want to be known as the girl who would fuck just because the offer was extended, even if I'd done it so many times before. I wanted Edward to think differently of me, but the feelings I had in that moment were too overpowering to stop myself.

I was hovering over him and my lips were traveling down his neck, his chest, his stomach. I stopped just above his throbbing erection and bit down softly on his skin. He inhaled sharply through clenched teeth and grabbed the comforter in his fists. His breath was coming out in hard pants as I fisted his shirt in my hands, twisting it as I bit his flesh once again.

He hissed and bucked his hips slightly, making my heartbeat quicken.

I moved back up his body slowly until my face was mere inches from him. I felt his warm breath on my face, and when I breathed in his intoxicating scent, my entire body felt like fire. When I felt his dick twitch against my aching center, I was gone.

I jumped off the bed in a flurry and ripped my pants off as fast as I could and my panties just couldn't come off fast enough. I jumped back onto the bed and the look on Edward's face was priceless. He looked like a kid in a candy store; excited, wide-eyed and pleading.

I straddled him again and I knew he could feel how wet I was as I was hovering over him. He reached up to grab my arms, but I pushed them back down onto the bed.

"I said I was in control," I reminded him, trying my hardest to make my voice sound domineering, though I knew the sheer pleasure I was feeling had seeped into my words.

He obeyed and left his arms lying on the bed with his fists clenching at the comforter as I adjusted myself so his cock was pressing against my entrance. I inhaled a sharp breath and lowered myself onto him, biting my lip and suppressing the scream that followed.

I could see Edward's eyes squeeze shut in the dim light filtering through the window and his lips were set into a hard line. I could tell he was trying his hardest not to throw me back onto the bed and pump into me as fast as possible, and I was glad he let me have to control; it felt normal for me even if the entire situation was completely unorthodox.

I lowered myself onto him once more and the thrumming of my heart was rushing in my ears. My head was spinning as I felt his hips shifting to meet each of my movements, and his hands were coiled into fists so tight that I thought his fingers would surely rip through the material of the comforter. His breathing was heavy and panting and his eyes were hooded.

It was the single sexiest thing I'd seen in my entire life.

I could feel myself tightening around him and my chest felt like it was on fire. I was being pushed to the limit, but I was afraid to let myself go. I was afraid to climax before Edward because I wanted us to do it together. I wanted to share that moment with him and I never wanted it to end when it happened.

Apparently he didn't feel the same way, because as I fought to hold myself back, I felt his dick jerk, and the breathless groan that escaped him let me know he'd just came.

Great.

I faked my own climax as Edward's head fell back onto the pillow and swiftly rolled off of him. I lay beside him on the bed, both of us on our backs, stark naked and staring at the ceiling. Edward was still breathing heavy and there was a faint sheen of sweat covering his forehead. He was chewing on his lip and his hands were fidgeting. I'd never pegged Edward as a person who fidgets.

He turned his head toward me and let his eyes roam across my body. As much as I wanted to like it, it made me feel uncomfortable. Like my privacy was being somehow invaded.

This coming from the girl who just fucked him.

I turned on my side and did my best at covering myself, but the awkwardness didn't fade. My cheeks were flaming red, my head was dizzy, and my palms were sweating.

I needed to leave.

"I'll go," I said and jumped off of the bed, throwing my legs over Edward and landing on the floor without so much as brushing against him.

He jumped up, too, and held his hand out toward me. I pulled away from him, but his hand caught my wrist. "Don't go," he said, his voice barely more than a whisper.

I shook my head, and despite myself, I felt my eyes become wet and heavy. "I have to." My voice was weak and shaky and I didn't know why.

I got dressed in a rush, and when I looked back at Edward, he was sitting on the edge of his bed, his eyes on the floor and his hands on his knees. He looked sad, and this confused me further. Edward wasn't sad when I ran into his arms crying; he'd looked almost smug. Edward wasn't sad when I refused to let him touch me the first time; he'd seemed angry. But now, as I stood in the doorway, the smell of sex permeating the damp air in his bedroom, he looked goddamn wounded - like a lost little puppy.

His whispered words brought me back to the here and now, but they also made my chest ache. "Will you be back?" he asked, his eyes still downcast, his hands now clutching the fabric covering his bed.

I didn't know how to answer that question.

Would I be back? I didn't know.

Did I want to say yes? Absolutely.

But I couldn't lie to him, not matter how much easier it would be.

"I don't know," I said, and walked out of his bedroom.

I turned the corner of the hallway and the sound of the television stopped me in my tracks. Somebody was home, and I was not about to be caught walking out of Edward's bedroom, my hair disheveled and my cheeks red with passion. I turned around and walked the other way, to the door at the end of the hallway. I pushed it open and reveled in the scent of the outdoors. It had rained all night, I could tell, and the pristine green grass sparkled in the moonlight. I checked the time on my cell phone and realized that it was past midnight, and for that, I was glad. I could sneak into my house while The Chief was sleeping and be out again before he woke.

I walked across the wet grass, but when the night started to close in on me, I began to sprint. Little did anyone know that I was deathly afraid of the dark, especially when I was alone. I ran and ran, and when I saw the streetlights up ahead, my fear finally started to subside, though only infinitesimally.

I stopped on the sidewalk beside the streetlights - the only streetlights in all of Forks - and checked my surroundings. No one was in sight, and this made my heartbeat quicken. If I were to get murdered, nobody would see…

My thoughts of my own bloody murder were interrupted when a silver Volvo came speeding down the street.

I took off running as fast as I could. I had no idea why, but I was convinced that I'd rather be murdered than be forced to talk to Edward. I ran and ran until my chest was filled with a fiery ache and my muscles started to weaken. I ran through the bushes, tripping over rocks and roots, falling to my knees in my haste. I stood up and kept going, and the headlights on the road followed me the entire way. I reached my house, and saw that he'd beat me to it. Edward had his car parked in my driveway, his window rolled down, and his arm was held out, holding something.

I walked over to him and realized that in the very center of his palm was on of his perfectly rolled cigarettes. I looked at it intently for a few seconds, but the cigarette seemed to disappear. All I saw were the lines in his palm, the curve of his wrist, the hardness of his knuckles, the fact that those hands could have been roaming up and down my body, but instead, I'd pushed them away.

I dared a glance at his eyes, and although his lips were set into a hard line, his eyes were smiling.

It was beautiful.

"Smoke?" he asked, rolling the cigarette from his palm to pinch the filter between his index finger and his thumb.

I hesitated, but his offer was just too tempting and the smile in his eyes didn't help with my self-control. I grabbed the smoke from between his fingers, and when my skin made contact with his, a jolt of blissful electricity shot through my veins. I tried to ignore it, but I'm sure the look on my face was evidence enough for Edward.

"Thanks," I muttered and stuck the cigarette between my lips. I patted my pockets and realized I didn't have a lighter.

"Lighter?" I asked.

"How about you hop in," he said, gesturing to the empty passenger's seat.

My eyes wandered to the seat. It looked warm and inviting, a change from the cold, wet ground I'd been running on. I wanted so badly to jump in and get warm, and moreover, I wanted desperately to be near Edward, but my mind was overruling my emotions for once.

"Edward, I can't," I said, the cigarette teetering on my bottom lip as I spoke. "I'm s -"

"Says who?" His voice interrupted mine and it sounded like ice. Cold, hard and piercing. "Stop denying what you feel, Bella."

I took the cigarette from my lips and stared at Edward with wide, disbelieving eyes. "Stop denying what I feel? I had sex with you, Edward!" My voice was a high-pitched screech. It frightened even me.

Edward shook his head and breathed in deeply. "That's not what I mean, Bella…"

"What do you mean, Edward?" I spat.

He huffed out a breath, still shaking his head. "Just get in the car and let me explain."

I didn't answer him. I walked away instead.

I tossed the cigarette behind me and heard it land softly on the hood of Edward's car. It rolled and hit the ground, and the sound of it seemed to boom in my ears, making my head spin. I walked into my backyard, tears threatening my eyes. I heard the car pull away with a screech of rubber on the asphalt.

I wandered around the backyard, constantly letting my eyes fall on the faint glow of light coming from The Chief's bedroom window. He was awake, so there was no way in hell that I was going into the house, especially not at this hour. I walked around the backyard, my thoughts never wandering from Edward. Even the brutal ache of exertion in my knees couldn't peel my thoughts away from him.

When walking became unbearable, I settled into the swing built for two in my backyard. It hadn't been used in years as neither The Chief or I had any reason at all to use it. I gave it a test swing and cringed as the rusted metal protested. I decided it would be safe enough for me and finally gave into the exhaustion that was slowly creeping into my body.

I sat down and it felt nice. I touched the soft, damp fabric and it was comforting. I laid my head down and I became tired. I brought my legs up and clutched my knees to my chest and felt warm.

I fell asleep and dreamed of Edward.