Last Cigarette

by: a psycho chibi named Wendy

Disclaimer: I dare not claim the genius of Oda-sama

Warnings: Mild language, little angsty bits

Pairing: None, nakamaship

Summary: Sanji's down to his last cigarette. His last one.

Author Rant: Got this idea after listening to one of my favorite Bon Jovi songs. Not a songfic. Just has one part from the song.

Enjoy~

fjfjfjfjfjfj

He had gotten careless again.

It didn't happen often. Maybe three or four times in his short life time, but that didn't make it any easier to deal with. So much had happened in such a short amount of time. It wasn't like it was entirely his fault.

"Yes it was... Quit tryin ta make yourself feel better, bastard..."

With his own voice now reprimanding him against his will, Sanji let out a restless breath and bowed his head low. His fingers absently twirled and rolled the single cigarette he was studying on so intently. The familiar shape usually calmed him, but at these moments, it almost seemed to torment him. A simple white cylinder. Straight, thin, and disposable.

His left eye twitched under the fall of blonde hair that hid it. It was an emotional tick that he couldn't rid himself of. When he was stressed, angry, or tired his left eye would twitch like mad.

Thus why he kept it hidden. One less thing for people to mock. One less weakness to hack at until he was left a shattered excuse of a man.

Another twitch made him growl softly. "Pull it together... This isn't the time to crack.."

Then again, was there ever a time to crack? His only outlets were fighting and smoking.

The Marimo swordsman was out of commission after that encounter with that weird bear guy, so that left out fighting. None of the others could really match up with him for a spar. Not that he wanted to spar with any of them to begin with. That moss head was his sparring partner, even if it was unofficially. They both knew they kept each other on their toes.

No, fighting was not an option until their next ill fated scuffle.

As for smoking...

"I can't believe I let this sneak up on me..."

"I always knew you weren't as awesome as you claimed to be." a too familiar voice stated from behind him.

Sanji felt his eye twitch again. He didn't need this. Not now. "Go away, Marimo. I'm not in the mood." he muttered as he leaned heavily against the observation deck railing.

Zoro stopped on his course when he heard the strained tone in the cook's voice. He wasn't familiar with that tone. Nor the almost defeated posture the cook was in. "What's with you? Usopp break one of your glass pots again?"

"Hn, if that were the case, he'd be screaming tethered upside down from the main mast." Sanji shot back on a snort.

Knowing that was true, Zoro carefully leaned against the doorway to the observation deck. His muscles were still screaming in protest with every move, but he ignored it. Something wasn't right here. "Then what's eating you? You've been too quiet lately."

A weak laugh escaped the blonde. "Heh.. First you tell me I'm too loud and talk too much, now I'm too quiet? Quit being so fickle, idiot marimo."

"Then quit dodging the question." Zoro didn't like this. Something was lingering around the cook. "Or I could tell Luffy you're depressed. Then you'll have to deal with him trying to cheer you up."

Twitch. "I'm more pissed than depressed, suddenly." he growled in warning.

The swordsman narrowed his eyes and folded his arms over his chest. "Just spit it out, curly. Who else are you gonna talk to on this ship? From what I've seen, you've been avoiding everyone."

Sanji nearly winced at the last statement. It was true. He had been avoiding the others. But part of it made him glance back at the injured man behind him. "Wait.. You've been watching me?"

Zoro looked as if he was about to choke, but did a decent job at blowing off the question. "Hardly. Even when you're trying to avoid attention you manage to draw it to you." he snorted while glancing away. He could feel that blue gaze on him that clearly wasn't buying that line. So he diverted. "Are you going to tell me or not? I have better things to do than watch you feel sorry for yourself."

"Sorry for myself..?" Sanji repeated as a frown fell over his pale face. Once he heard himself say it, a resigned chuckle left him. "Yeah.. I guess that's what I'm doing.." he mused before turning his attention back to the water below.

When there was no heated denial or insults hurled at him, Zoro found himself actually concerned. "What the hell is wrong with you?" he asked point blank.

His eyes fixed on the churning water that rolled past the stern, Sanji held up the cigarette in his right hand. "I'm out of smokes."

The answer had Zoro nearly slipping off the doorway. "That's it? You're out of cigarettes?" he asked, voice thick with sarcasm.

"Bingo."

A short growl left him as Zoro pushed away from the doorway. "I should have known it was something stupid. Serves me right for actually being concerned for a chain smoking curlicue." he muttered before stiffly turning away.

Another soft chuckle left the blonde as he slumped further against the railing. "Yeah... I'm always a fuckup, aren't I? Can't even keep track of my own habit..."

Zoro was set on leaving, but there was just something in that softer tone that had him gritting his teeth. 'Dammit.. I'm getting suck into his drama...' He tried to resist, but he found himself turning back around. "I'm certain I'm going to regret this..." he grumbled as he moved to the railing beside the blonde. He leaned heavily on it and locked his gaze on the horizon. "Go on. Bitch away. Get it all out so we can get this over with." he practically commanded while bracing himself.

Sanji quirked up his visible brow at the rigid stance the swordsman was in. "Preparing for a dramabomb impact, are we?"

The coy question had Zoro looking against his will. He readily saw the little smirk on those pale lips, which made him growl in irritation. "Last chance, Dartboard. Either spill, or stew in your self pity alone."

It was a threat, but one Sanji didn't really hold any merit to. He had been stewing since he was old enough to realize the shitty hand life dealt him. "Hm... I don't think you're ready for the full course of stew I've got going, Marimo. But I'll serve up the newest batch. Just for you."

Zoro rolled his eyes and propped his chin on his fist. "I'm waiting."

Instead of spouting out all of his angst like a broken faucet, Sanji grew silent as he kept his eyes on the cigarette that was rolling around in his fingers. He was pensively silent until he could hear his nakama's teeth grinding. "Heh.. You'd never make a living as a counselor, impatient Marimo."

"You'd probably bore any counselor into a coma. Just spit it out. What the hell is eating at you?" Zoro countered flatly.

Sanji didn't answer right away, but just as Zoro pushed away from the railing he spoke in a soft whisper. "This is only the third time I've ever run out... I didn't even realize this was my last one until yesterday."

If the quiet way it was spoken didn't alert Zoro, the words certainly did. "Wait.. You've been staring at the thing since yesterday?"

That blonde head nodded shallowly. "That's right... It snuck up on me. I thought I was good for a while, but I've searched the entire ship. This is my last one."

"So you're going through withdraws or something? Chopper might be able to fix that." He wasn't sure he could back up that statement, but it seemed like a reasonable solution.

Sanji hummed quietly at the offer, but eventually shook his head. "Not much use. I just get a little twitchy. It's not like I'm going to commit bloody murder or anything. To be honest, I could quit any time I want to."

This wasn't getting anywhere. Zoro pinched the bridge of his nose tightly and resisted the urge to smack the curly idiot. "Okay.. I'll bite.... Why are you acting this retarded over that stupid cancer stick?" Maybe if he insulted the moron he could speed this along.

The insults made the blue gaze lift and fix on the swordsman. His brow furrowed for a moment and it looked as if he was ready to spit something back, but then it seemed to die on his lips. The light in that visible eye fizzled out and the blonde head bowed once more. "Hm.. Guess you're right. It is pretty stupid... But that's about par for the course with me, ne, Marimo?" he asked with that little chuckle.

Zoro's eyes suddenly widened. This wasn't right. Without bothering himself with thinking it through, Zoro fisted his left hand in the front of the blue dress shirt. He jerked the cook up to face him, then reared back his fist.

The sound of the punch was lost in the water rushing past the ship, but Zoro felt his heart suddenly freeze. Everything was like it had simply stopped. The blonde head didn't move from the place it was forced to turn towards, and all the swordsman could see was that fall of blonde hair. The trickle of blood that rolled from the split lip seemed like a flooded river to him. It flowed unhindered and followed the line of the bruising jaw.

When a drop of the crimson liquid fell from the pale hairs that tipped the pointed chin, it landed on Zoro's arm. Feeling that red warmth hit his skin suddenly made him ill. He had never managed to spill the cook's blood before. He had never wanted to. Never...

"Why... Why did you take that? You could have dodged it.. Kicked me.. Pulled away... Why did you just stand there?!"

When he was suddenly jarred roughly by the grip on his shirt, Sanji followed the movement bonelessly. His eyes were unfocused as the world seemed to just fade out from around him. The only thing his mind could focus on was the solitary cigarette still clasped carefully in his right hand. "Should I smoke it?"

Zoro stopped on hearing the question and stared in confusion. "What?"

"My last cigarette. Should I smoke it?"

Completely thrown off from his original 'knock some sense into the curly bastard' train of thought, Zoro had to blink for a moment before he found his annoyance front and center. "Why the hell should I care? Smoke it. Get it over with. Chuck it over the rail. I don't give a shit. Just snap out of it." He shoved the blonde away from him, and stared in alarm when the blonde made no move to catch himself.

Sanji came to a hard landing on the floor and knocked back against the railing with enough force to make Zoro wince. The lack of resistance and absence of fire from the normally boisterous man was seriously grating on his nerves. "Dammit, why are you letting me kick your ass?! At least insult me or glare, or something! Stop being so passive!" he snapped sharply.

The blonde was still for a long moment crumpled up against the rail slats. Several little pains were trying to make themselves known, but he ignored them all. Instead he lifted up the cigarette that he had managed to protect in his grasp. His eyes examined it once more for any changes, and he was comforted somehow on seeing no damage. "Life's like one last cigarette.." he whispered quietly.

"What?" Had something happened that had knocked a few screws loose? Zoro had no idea how to deal with this spineless punching bag at his feet. "What the hell are you going on about?"

Still not answering, Sanji slowly reached into his pants pocket and pulled out his matchbook. "Last cigarette..." A strike of a match later, he had his bleeding lips around the filter and gave a few short puffs to light it. "Take it in... Hold your breath... Hope it never ends..." He took a long drag and held it deep in his lungs for a long moment.

After a few tense seconds a smirk curled his busted lips before a long stream of smoke spilled from between them. "But when it's gone... It's gone..." he seemed to purr as he relaxed back against the railing.

Those words made a strange and uncomfortable feeling creep down Zoro's spine. What irritated him more was it seemed as if the infuriating cook wasn't even acknowledging him now. 'This isn't right.. What's wrong with him..?' he wondered as a deep frown pulled over his face.

Not about to let this slide, Zoro kicked at the black shoes to get the blonde's attention. "Oi, answer me, dammit. What's going on with you?"

Sanji lifted his gaze slowly and met the dark eyes watching him. He took another long drag and held it in deep for a moment before letting it out slowly. As the smoke curled around him, that visible blue eye rose higher to look at the clear sky above them. "We're in bad shape, Marimo... I don't think we're ready for what's ahead of us." he finally mumbled.

When he heard the waver in the cook's voice, Zoro realized how serious this was. "We've made it this far."

"Most of that was shit luck, and you know it." Sanji flatly snorted. "It's not enough anymore... If more like that bear guy are waiting for us, we're not gonna make it much further."

Thinking of that elaborate cyborg made a vein twitch at Zoro's temple. "I thought you had more faith in us than that."

The cook glared at the swordsman, but didn't move from his place against the railing. "My faith isn't in question, bastard. There's a difference between faith and facts. You're completely thrashed. I don't give a shit what you say, you're nearly useless in a serious fight right now. The others are acting like they're fine, but they're all exhausted. Too much has happened too fast. We're not gonna make it if this keeps up."

Zoro was tempted to argue, but he couldn't. Everything was true. He had seen it as well. "What about you?"

Sanji snorted and absently rolled his cigarette between his fingers. "Me? Hn... I'm about to crack. My body's not ready for the level I'm pushing it to... You and the others.. You all have weapons or abilities to transfer your strength into. Everything I've got goes straight into my legs."

The strange confession made the swordsman frown. "What are you saying?"

Instead of answering right away, Sanji sat up a bit and rolled up his right pant leg.

Zoro's eyes widened when he saw the ugly black bruises that streaked up the pale leg. "You... Your legs haven't healed yet?"

The blonde head slowly shook. "It's a lot better than it was.. Now I don't have to pretend I'm not about to fall over." He pulled down his pants leg and let out a restless breath. "My stronger attacks place a lot of strain on me... If I push myself much harder, my legs are going to break from the power I'm trying to put into my kicks. My own body can't keep up with my progress."

Now that he understood, Zoro bit at the inside of his cheek. He couldn't picture what would happen should Sanji lose the use of his legs. It was just too strange to even comprehend. "Can anything be done about that?"

"Maybe... But it would take time. Time is something I don't think we have enough of..." Sanji leaned heavily against the slats in the railing and cast his gaze to his legs. "If anything happens to my legs, I'll be dead weight... You may have to consider leaving me behind if that happens."

"Don't talk stupid shit like that. None of us will leave you behind, so just knock that thought out of your idiot brain." Zoro grunted.

That quick response had the blonde chuckling. "Careful, Marimo.. Might start thinking you care..." The indignant snort he heard made a smirk curl his bleeding lips, but it immediately fell as he looked to his nearly spent cigarette. One last long drag. That was all he had left.

Just one last moment to hold it in.

"I'm sorry..."

Zoro blinked at the random apology. "Sorry? For what?"

"For not being able to help more... For not being strong enough... For not being able to share the burden that cyborg thing dealt to you..." Sanji mumbled as his left eye twitched harder.

This was nothing he expected to hear from the loud mouthed cook. Zoro wasn't sure how to respond. He remembered the outrage in Sanji's voice when he demanded to know what had happened to him. He remembered his blood covered hands slipping from his arm after his katana hilt drove into his side. The conviction in his voice when he stood up to take his place.

"It wasn't your burden to bear." Zoro replied quietly. "It was my decision. I don't regret it."

"I know." Sanji raised his cigarette up to his lips, but paused for a moment. His visible eye locked with Zoro's briefly. "But know that if you ever do that again, I will kick your ass. Stupid Marimo."

The threat and the insult made a smirk twitch back onto Zoro's lips. "You can try, shit cook."

A short laugh left the blonde before he took one last long drag from the cigarette. His eyes slid shut as his head tilted back towards the sun shining above them. The familiar warmth kissing his pale face matched the warmth that was held deep inside his lungs. It comforted him, but he struggled to keep from letting go. He could feel his hold slipping. Slowly. Painfully bitter, but he eventually lost the battle. The smoke escaped his lips in a long swirling column that hung in the air for a brief moment before the winds carried it away.

Zoro felt a tinge of concern when he saw the flicker of loss that showed on his nakama's face. It was then he realized that Sanji wasn't broken up about running out of cigarettes. This was about the feel of that one last moment of peace, or familiarity, slipping away. About being unable to fight the inevitable. Being unable to hold on to what you care about.

For maybe the first time, Zoro understood.

Sanji could feel the emptiness trying to latch into him, but the light nudge he felt at his foot shook him out of his thoughts. His eyes cracked open to see the swordsman still standing over him. "What?" he grunted.

Zoro had his bland stare back on his face as he gave another nudge to the black shoe. "I'm hungry. Do your job, curly cook."

An unimpressed glare formed on the cook's pale face as he promptly flipped Zoro off. "Don't tell me my job, shitty swordsman. You'll get fed when I'm ready."

Signaled that things were settling back into place, Zoro folded his arms over his chest and turned away. "Hurry up, dartboard. I don't feel like waiting on your broody ass." Zoro was about to leave for the galley when he heard the sounds of the figure behind him getting to his feet.

"Thanks, Zoro... For listening..."

Zoro paused and glanced back in time to see the blonde leaning over the rail once more. Some of the tension was gone, but there was still an aura of unease in the thin frame. He couldn't allow that. "We'll be okay. No matter what. We'll get through it."

The comfort those words were supposed to provide was a sentiment that Sanji wasn't expecting. Seemed as if the swordsman did care. That made a smirk pull at Sanji's lips. "Yeah. I know."

He was pretty sure those words were just to humor him, but Zoro was going to leave it at that. There was just one last thing he had to say. Say it before he let this chance slip away like the smoke the cook tried to cling on to. "I should really be thanking you, Sanji." he started a bit quieter than he had wanted.

That had Sanji glancing back over his shoulder. "For what?"

Zoro found himself almost fidgeting, but he forced himself to follow through. "For pushing yourself for all of us. For taking care of us.... For having my back out there."

His visible blue eye widened slightly at the honest words. Zoro was showing him something he didn't think that possible between the two of them. It made a genuine smile pull over his pale face. "Hm... That's what I'm here for. Nakama." he said while smoothly flicking his last cigarette over the railing and into the churning waters rushing by.

It was answered so simply, but it still meant more than he could probably ever say. So Zoro merely returned the smile as he walked away. "You better feed me soon, curly. Or I'm siccing Luffy on you for being late with lunch."

The was a valid threat, but Sanji snorted loudly. "You eat on my schedule, meathead!" he called out, pretending not to hear the stifled chuckle the swordsman gave.

Alone once more, Sanji felt a bit lighter. Usually his last cigarette brought up bad memories and feelings that would drag him down into a bottomless pit. Now he just felt calm. Like maybe things would be okay.

His gaze lifted to the few whisping clouds that flecked the blue sky. The feathery curls reminded him of his precious smoke. That sight placed him at ease enough to notice the twitching had finally stopped. It was different. It was nice.

"Hm.. Maybe I don't need to hold it in after all."

fjfjfjThe End fjfjfj

Your love's like one last cigarette.

Take it in and hold your breath.

Hope it never ends, but when it's gone it's gone.

All hail the Bon Jovi.

Later~