Exciting Proposal

Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach.

A/N: Hey, hi.

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When Shunsui Kyouraku became captain, there was no doubt in anyone's mind that his fukataichou would be a stunningly pretty woman. It was Yamamoto Genryuusai that called Kyouraku into his chambers to debrief him on the other characteristics of a good lieutenant.

"She must be smart. And strong."

"Got it, ol' Yama."

"She must have enough self-respect to never, ever sleep with you. Also you should not take it upon yourself to 'test' her self-respect by seducing her."

The fan the man put up to his heart was so feminine Genryuusai had to wonder how anyone would think Kyouraku was straight at first glance. But then…this stealth heterosexual technique might explain a lot of his success.

"Your insinuations!" Shunsui-taichou exclaimed, "They shock me!"

"She must not be blonde."

"Um, isn't that illegal, to discriminate based on hair color?"

"Where do you think we are, Shunsui?" Genryuusai demanded, "Is this Norma Lee's birthplace? No. It's Soul Society. I don't like the image of you with a blonde fukataichou so your fukataichou will not be blonde. Understood?"

Yes, sir.

As if your overwhelming reiatsu books any argument.

000

"Lisa-chan~!"

"Go away, Shunsui-san."

The 8th division cafeteria was crowded with shinigami eating lunch and Lisa was least happy about the shinigami seated across her, a grin plastered across his hairy face. His flowery pink robe tainted the warm, masculine air and his hat offended everyone that clapped eyes on it. Lisa was least happy, or have I already mentioned?

"Actually, it's Shunsui-taichou now. Not that it matters; I'll always be your sweet Kyouraku…"

"I don't see your haori, captain."

"Well." He paused to let his eyes glint aggravatingly, "I find it doesn't go well with the rest of my clothes."

"You could try losing the robe."

"Would you like to help me take it off, Lisa-chan?"

"Captain, you disgust me."

He smiled a full, easy smile that made her want to reach over and slap it off his face. And then he opened his stupid mouth and said a few stupid words that made her stupid heart go ba-boom, boom.

"I want you to be my vice-captain."

"Don't be ridiculous, Shunsui-san," she said, scowling expertly through her glasses, "What makes you think I would accept?"

Kyouraku pulled a pair of chopsticks from within his robes and helped himself to her yakisoba. "Think about it," he coaxed, "All those hours you'll have to revile me in."

"Despite what you think, taichou, declaiming my dislike of you is not my favorite hobby."

He figured it out. "So you like me."

"No, I simply don't like disliking you."

He tried again. "So you want to like me."

"Hah!"

"Lisa-chan," he put the chopsticks away. "Please consider it carefully. I would be honored if you would be my fukataichou." He got up and started to leave, but a brilliant idea slapped him across his face. Turning his cheek over his shoulder, Kyouraku said, "Unless of course you feel uncomfortable spending so much time with a man you are so obviously besotted with. In which case I understand perfectly—I will simply ask Nene-chan in your stead."

And he left Lisa with a thunderstruck expression on her face, beside himself with glee at his own genius.

000

She drew her sword and rushed Hiyori, glad in the safety of their friendship and their weird mode of communication.

"The balls—on that man!"

"Don't tell me—you've seen them!" the diminutive blonde pushed her back almost effortlessly. Lisa gathered her strength for a tougher attack.

"He's asked me—argh! To be his—uh! Lieutenant!"

"Holy shit!" Hiyori staggered, back flipped, and leapt to her feet with sword swinging. "What'd you say?"

"I said no!"

The shorter girl seemed surprised. "Why?"

Lisa stopped to roll her eyes, then yelped as Hiyori saw an opening to attack.

"Because I can't—stand him!"

They trained in relative silence for a few hours after that lie. During the break, they sat on a bench and Hiyori spoke her mind.

"I know he's a womanizer and a bastard but he's still a good guy and I think you can stand up to him. Plus it's a good promotion for a seventh seat to be offered."

Lisa wiped her neck with a towel. "I know that."

Hiyori shook her sweaty hair free of its pigtails and put her head between her legs. Lisa looked to the sky. "It would feel like I'm giving in to him."

Ah, but would he see it that way?

000

"Lisa-chan~!"

"Go away, taichou."

Another day, another lunch, another round of woo-the-woman.

Kyouraku seemed all business today. He sat down and fussed with his robe as he asked, "And how is your mind made up about my proposition, Lisa?"

The lack of honorific startled her. She stammered incoherently for a while, and the he took her hands in his own. There was no trace of a smile on his face, and the somber expression on his hairy (handsome. Let's face facts, shall we, Lisa? He's handsome) face did things to her air inflow that she'd wanted no man to be able to do.

"Lisa," he said, "I have a very high opinion of you. You're a strong woman—I know from experience. My jaw still aches some mornings from the beating you gave me when I wouldn't take your rejection of my advances. You're smart, and adamant. I love that, I respect that. I told you it would be an honor to have you as my fukataichou and I meant it. I will not settle for second best—if you won't be my lieutenant I will simply not have one."

Her eyes went up then, to meet his and ascertain the truth in his words.

"I mean it. You're not a conquest. You're a blessing."

He was going to say more, but she'd heard enough. She cleared her throat loudly and said, "Yes."

Shunsui stared.

"Yes, taichou. I accept." The briskness returned to her voice and she was grateful to it; she removed her hands from his and picked up her lunch tray. "Well, when shall we pick up badge?"

He sighed and pt his face in his palms. "Damn it."

Lisa stopped, wary. "What?"

Kyouraku looked up at her and smiled. "I had a page and half of material prepared. You should've heard it all—Jyuushiro helped me write it. Would've made you fall for me terribly hard."

She turned her back on him so he wouldn't see her smile. Puffed up preening bastard would probably take it as a sign of undying love.

"Captain, you disgust me."

Ah, but does he see it that way?

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I'll be changing the character filter with each chapter. I hope you enjoy this story!