Logan POV

I'd had enough.

That last case was…going to be my last case.

I thought if I took some time, that maybe I'd be ready to go back, but I wasn't.

The politics of dealing with that bitch DA, the lack of support from Ross…it just finally proved to be too much.

And then of course, there was the priest.

When he came into the squad room to ask for my help, my first response had been to pawn him off on someone else. I don't deal with priests.

But I'd been distracted.

An hour earlier, I'd received a text. It was from Rhonda.

"I'm sorry I had to leave you, Mikey, but you know how it is. Bigger and better fish are calling my name."

Unbelievable.

She was using the same no-name cell. I couldn't believe she hadn't trashed that thing. What was she thinking? She probably thought it was a safe thing to do. It was unregistered. But as far as I was concerned, it meant that I could continue pulling the call logs and maybe be able to trace her based on the calls that were made.

It was a long shot. She was probably smart enough to know I would do that. But even smart people screwed up sometimes.

I called Eames and told her about the text. She and Goren were working some stakeout. She sounded lighthearted when she answered. I was glad to hear it.

They'd struggled somewhat over the past month, trying to regain their footing after that whole undercover fiasco, but it seemed as though things were back on track.

I hated to bring her down by giving her the news of Rhonda's taunt, but she took it well.

"The more she tries to flaunt her freedom, the easier it'll be to track her."

She had a point.

"Send her a reply," she continued. I heard Goren's voice in the background, but I couldn't distinguish the words. "Goren says to tell her you want to run away with her."

I barked out a laugh. Yeah, that was going to happen.

"Somehow I don't think she'll buy that," I replied.

"Okay, well, keep me posted."

I hung up with Eames, and then in came Wheeler, dressed to the nines. I gave the requisite compliment and then Mr. Double-O-Seven himself came in.

He was a slick character, and I didn't trust him, but Wheeler seemed smitten, so I smiled and shook his hand and kept my mouth shut.

So I was sitting there pondering Wheeler and Mr. Wonderful, as well as the whereabouts of Rhonda, when Father Shea approached me.

Like I said, I was a little distracted.

That's the only excuse I can come up with for how I let him convince me to hear his story.

And then he had to throw Lennie Briscoe's name at me.

I knew right then and there that I was screwed because if the man had been a friend of Lennie's, then I was going to help him.

So I did.

And working with a priest might not sound so bad to most people.

Despite the fact that I'm no longer a practicing Catholic, it probably wouldn't have even been bad for me.

Except that it was.

Because of what I'd had to endure as a child.

Why is it that there are some things in life a person can never get over?

When I came home after talking with Father Shea, I'd been in a mood. A particularly foul mood.

Carolyn had figured me out after only a few minutes. Big surprise there, huh?

"Want to tell me about it?" she had asked quietly after listening to me rant on and on about the hypocrisy of the church.

"Tell you what?" I barked out.

I thought maybe that if I lashed out at her, then she would back off. I didn't want to share this, my deepest, darkest secret. She already knew about my mother, and that had been bad enough.

I didn't want her to know about this.

She knew I was damaged, but she didn't know this.

How could she possibly love me if she knew the truth?

But Carolyn doesn't scare.

Ignoring my hostile glare and confrontational stance, she walked right up to me and put her arms around me. She put her cheek against my chest and held on, even though I didn't make a move to reciprocate.

I kept my hands on my hips and took deep breaths as the panic filled me.

She knows. How does she know?

She held me and stroked my back and whispered that she loved me over and over. It was enough to make a grown man cry.

And I did.

I finally wrapped my arms around her, and I stood there in our living room and cried. And I told her everything.

For the next few days, I was afraid. I thought that one day, I'd come home from work and she'd be gone. Like, packed-up kind of gone.

I honestly believed that there was no way that she could still love me.

But it turns out, she does. I can't figure that one out.

Another week later, after closing the case, I went to talk to Father Shea.

"You've done your duty, served, and protected, and there is another world out there that you have just not been able to see," he told me.

And I decided that he was right.

That night, I talked things over with Carolyn and then I called Deakins to ask him about a job.

And then the next day I went to see Ross.

I gave him the news and he didn't make any effort to dissuade me. He was probably tired of butting heads with me, and that was fine. I was tired of it, too. I was tired of working for a man who seemed unable to stand up for his detectives.

So I turned in my badge and gun.

I did feel a little bad for Wheeler. She'd had a rough go of it. Her fiancé was facing federal charges. I knew that little bastard was too slick, but of course, I never uttered the words I told you so, even though I thought them.

And I had no doubt that the man now held the title of former fiancé. Wheeler had taken awhile to grow on me, but she was tough and I knew she wouldn't let a man walk all over her.

I hated to make her break in a new partner after everything else she'd been through, but for once I had to think of myself first.

And my heart just wasn't in it anymore.

"What are you having, Mike?"

I was in Louie's bar, and I looked across the counter at Louie himself, who stood with his hand hovering over the Jack Daniels bottle, ready to pour me a shot.

I had just left Ross' office. I didn't even have to work out a notice, since Driver was screaming for my head anyway. A suspension had been likely, so this just made it easier on everyone.

"Make it a draught today, Louie," I told him. Damned if I was going to get predictable.

"You sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure. Fix the damn beer," I replied with a grin. I'd known Louie a long time, and even though I hadn't been around lately, Louie still remembered me.

In the old days, me and Lennie would stop by this place after work. I figured it was an appropriate place to come after clearing the case for Lennie's friend.

Of course, back in the day, Lennie always stuck with club soda. He tried hard to stay on the wagon.

Me, I always had a shot of Jack. It took the edge off the day. Today sure as hell had quite a few edges, but I figured if I drank enough of it, the beer would do the trick.

"You meetin' somebody?" Louie asked when a bell jingled. He nodded toward the door.

I didn't look. It wasn't like the place was crowded. He would see me.

"Fix another beer," I said.

"Interesting place," Goren said as he slid onto the barstool next to me. "I'm glad I'm still packing."

"Me, too, since you didn't bring Eames to cover your ass."

And to my great astonishment, he blushed. Not just a little either. He turned the color of a sun-ripened tomato.

"Okay. Spill it."

"What?"

"What the hell is going on with you and Eames?" I asked him with a grin.

"Nothing that you're thinking," he replied easily. He seemed to be hitting his stride lately, and I was happy for him. He'd certainly been through a bitch of a year.

"Things are getting better," he added. "I'm still working on regaining her trust."

"She trusts you," I assured him. There were few constants in life, but I felt sure that was one of them.

I'd heard the details about Goren's undercover. After the fact, of course.

I thought Moran was a huge dickhead for forcing Goren to keep it a secret from Eames. It had been a crappy situation for both of them, and the prick Moran was probably sitting back in his office getting his rocks off about it.

One day, I was going to get him back for every underhanded, immoral, unethical thing he'd ever done.

But right now, I wanted to forget about every damn ass-kisser at 1PP.

"Maybe," he conceded. "I hope so."

"You know she sat at your desk the whole damn time you were gone," I told him.

It was irrelevant and she'd probably kill me for telling him, but I knew it would make him feel good.

And it did. He looked down at his glass and tried to hide a smile.

"So what's new with you?" he asked, effectively changing the subject.

"I quit today."

"What?"

"Yeah. That whole Driver situation. I just…I'm done."

"I'm sorry to hear that. What are you going to do?"

"I've already talked to Deakins. I start next week."

"Tell him I said hi."

"I will," I agreed. Deakins had been a great captain. Ross didn't even come close, although he probably suffered terribly from comparison. The bar had been so high when he'd come to the position that failure was inevitable.

"I'm living with this woman now. Did I tell you that?"

"You are? Since when?"

"A few months. April. She's great. She…knows things…about me, and…it doesn't bother her."

"That's great."

"Yeah. Yeah, it is. I…it's just that…I realize now that I have her that…the job isn't as important as I used to think. I've never wanted to be anything but a cop. And now…now I want to be with her. My job is…just a job. Know what I mean?"

"Yeah. I think maybe I do," he replied vaguely. I'd gotten him thinking.

Once again, I wondered about the nature of his relationship with Eames. I don't know why I kept coming back to that except maybe it was because I was pulling for him. For them.

Goren was a little like me in the sense that he couldn't see his own worth.

I had Carolyn.

He deserved Eames.

"I need to…um…get back," he said as he finished his beer. He'd only had one because he and Eames were working to finish up a case. "I'm hoping we can clear this case by tomorrow so that I can get off a little early. It's…um…tomorrow is my mom's birthday."

He stood up to leave, and I felt a moment of panic. I realized that I had grown to depend on Goren. He was pretty much my only male friend.

I stood up, too, and shook his hand firmly.

"Just because we won't be working together anymore, doesn't mean you don't call me if you need something, okay? Or even if you don't need something. Anytime, okay?"

He smiled and gave me a nod and the left the bar. I wasn't sure if he would call or not.

But three weeks later, he did. At two a.m.

"Logan. It's Goren. I'm at the hospital. I need a favor."

The End