Title: A Prize for Good Behavior

Pairing: McCoy/Spock (main), McCoy/Jocelyn (past)

Warnings: Slash, het, kidfic, schmoop, h/c

Prompt: 5 times McCoy was a (mostly) good patient, much to everyone's surprise, and the one time he understandably wasn't.

5. Childhood Vaccinations

The nurse, who had introduced herself as Doreena, kept up a steady stream of chatter as she noted Leonard's height (″You're a tall one, aren't you?″), weight (″Try not to wiggle during the scan or else we might have to start over.″), and vital signs (″Just right!″) on her PADD. Leonard brushed his dark hair out of his eyes and craned his neck in an attempt to see the results for himself.

″And how old are you now, Leonard?″ Doreena smiled as she noted his curiosity.

″Seven.″

Doreena made a few more adjustments on her PADD before leaning up against the exam bed next to Leonard and turning the screen so he could look at the results with her.

He solemnly eyed the graph where his growth trends were highlighted and listened as she explained percentiles and the curve created from past visits up until the current one.

″What does that mean?″ Leonard pointed to the flashing indicator on the right side of the nurse's screen.

″That tells me that you are due for a physical exam and a booster today, Leonard.″

Leonard could tell that she was watching him out of the corner of her eye, probably to see how he would react to her news.

Dad always said something about lemons and that folks had to make the best of the situations presented to them, and Leonard figured this was precisely the sort of situation he'd intended that phrase to cover. Besides, his Aunt Bindy still hadn't stopped telling the story about the time his eight year-old cousin Pete had knocked over two trays of instruments, tried to bite a nurse, and screamed bloody murder for twenty minutes straight after he'd gotten a booster. Leonard knew that he was way more brave than Pete and he did not want to be the subject of his aunt's ″talk″ (which Dad called gossip even though it made Aunt Bindy glare at him when he did).

He gritted his teeth and rolled up his sleeve, offering his arm to Doreena.

Fifteen minutes later, Dad walked into the room with a folder in hand (and he knocked first, Leonard noted, just like he did with his patients, even though Leonard knew that Dad wasn't allowed to be The Doctor for Leonard's visits) in time to see Leonard being given a lollipop and an older model medical tricorder.

″He was very brave,″ Doreena informed his father with a grin. Leonard flushed with pleasure at the proud smile Dad directed at him at this news.

He aimed the tricorder at his dad and began pressing buttons, wondering what sort of readings he was telling it to take. Although clearly far older than he was and without the interesting displays that Doreena's equipment showed, it was interesting enough to keep him from getting bored while Doreena and Dr. Padwar filled his dad in on the missed parts of the exam and then finished up his visit.

″I'm sorry I forgot the school forms, Len. I had wanted to be in there with you rather than running home to pick them up.″ Leonard thought that Dad looked a little sad as he helped Leonard tie up his shoes and handed him his shirt.

″That's okay, Dad. I didn't mind and Doreena was really nice, like you said. She showed me her PADD and I saw how much I grew since last time.″ Leonard picked up the old tricorder again and tapped it. Its only response was a sad sort of chirp as the screen flickered a bit.

″Do you want your candy? It's your reward for being so good today.″ Dad gestured to the sticky thing gumming itself to the napkin on the exam bed.

″No, I don't like the purple ones.″ Leonard eyed the sweet and then the machine in his hands critically. ″Dad? Can I get one of these that works instead?″ He held up the tricorder that was clearly chirruping and flickering through its very last scan.

Dad's face broke out in a wide smile. ″That interests you, does it?″ Leonard nodded and Dad swept his hand through Leonard's hair, ruffling it. ″I think we might be able to dig something decent up in my office or the back storeroom. Shall we go have a look?″

″Yeah!″ Leonard smiled back and took Dad's outstretched hand. Getting his very own tricorder would be a much better story for Aunt Bindy to tell than Pete's carrying on.

4. Medical School Lab Assignments

″Hello, Mr. McCoy. My name is Dr. Darnell and I'll be performing your physical examination today.″

Leonard smiled. Looks like Jocelyn would be sticking to the script for this exercise, even though it was just a practice run for the required ″patient encounter″ that would be recorded later in the week.

″Well, Doctor, it's a pleasure to be here.″

Jocelyn frowned at him but carried on. ″Your chart states that you've been having some headaches recently. Can you tell me how long this has been going on?″

″Well actually, you seem to be a sight for sore eyes because the headache is gone completely. My discomfort seems to have migrated a bit lower-″

″Leonard!″ Jocelyn's tone was sharp as she cut him off. Her eyes darted to the privacy curtain that surrounded their exam cubicle.

They were in the far corner of the lab and there were only three other student pairs practicing that evening, but the lab assistant made regular rounds to answer questions and offer recommendations to nervous and holo-shy med students.

″What are you doing?″ She kept her voice low as she walked to the curtain and peeked into the hallway. Apparently satisfied that they had as much privacy as possible, she whipped the curtain closed behind her with a flourish and turned, narrowed blue eyes shooting daggers at him.. ″Are you out of your mind?″

″I think that's for you to determine, Dr. Darnell.″

A startled laugh escaped her and the sound warmed Leonard in a thousand small ways.

″Leave it to you to get playful now, Leonard. Aren't you a little old for this?″

″A boy's never too old to play 'doctor' with the girl he's sweet on.″

That earned him a long-suffering sigh and a toss of Jocelyn's long blond hair.

″What can I say? I'm incorrigible.″

She quirked an eyebrow at him. ″Looked that up in a dictionary, did you?″

″Read it on the back of a cereal box, actually.″

Jocelyn shook her head and graced him with a smile before forcing her expression to seriousness once more. ″Can't you rein it in for another thirty minutes until we're done here?″

″What's in it for me?″ Leonard leered openly and was pleased to see her roll her eyes heavenwards for a moment. So long as they were alone she was apparently willing to indulge his playfulness.

″You mean besides a passing lab grade?″

″I'm only the patient here, the grade is for you. You'll have to sweeten the pot, darlin'.″ Leonard grabbed her hand and tugged her towards him.

Jocelyn's lips quirked. ″Is that so?″ Her eyes darted over to the curtain once again and her grin widened into a full, slightly wicked smile.

She bent close, angling over the biobed and pressing her warmth against him. Leonard's whole body jerked as Jocelyn ran her fingers through his hair and down the back of his neck, scratching lightly. She leaned in to whisper into his ear, the soft puffs of her words tickling his skin. ″Be the perfect patient and gentleman now so we can get through this lab and I'll make it more than worth your while later tonight.″

″Is that so?″ Leonard pressed into her hand as she drew it around to his cheek.

″It is.″

″Care to elaborate?″

Jocelyn's response was to run a thumb over his lips and Leonard opened them to allow her entrance into his mouth. He noted the flush that stole across her face and neck as he flicked his tongue over the tip several times before releasing her.

″I think you've got yourself a deal, Doctor.″ Leonard worked to school his expression to one far more appropriate to a dedicated student practicing in the medical labs.

Jocelyn stared at him for a long moment, lips parted and eyes wide, before she straightened, pressed her lips together firmly, and tugged at the hem of her lab coat.

Leonard then settled back against the biobed and returned to the script he'd long since memorized. ″Well, Dr. Darnell, I've been getting a lot of headaches these last few weeks and it's really beginning to interfere with my work performance...″

3. Starfleet Entrance Physical

The psychological examination portion of the Starfleet Academy entrance physical and mental exam probably would have been far less painful had Leonard not been hungover during the process. Then again, the previous two days would have sucked a hell of a lot more without being half in the bag, so he figured that since he did end up passing muster it was a good choice overall.

Leonard knew what answers they wanted to the series of increasingly personal questions and he knew how to provide exactly what was expected. The hardest part was in sitting up straight and looking pretty. Well, perhaps pretty was an overstatement since the most he was able to pull together was ″unshaven, highly stressed out, and just a tad bit squirrely,″ but since he had all the right responses and the intake medic was clearly green enough to glow in the dark, he'd passed.

His plan had worked: just smile and nod and don't spill the contents of his flask all over himself before the exam. Leonard could do that.

Besides, in addition to hating the waste of good alcohol, he wanted to save the last of his bourbon for the shuttle ride to San Francisco.

Aw, hell...

2. In His Own Med Bay

″No, Jim, you cannot go to the bridge until we're done with you here-″

″Doctor McCoy, please face forward so I can attend to your injury.″

Leonard sighed and turned to face his head nurse, Christine Chapel, as she carefully released pressure on a corner of the gauze dressing covering the head laceration above his left eye. She rearranged her grip on the dermal regenerator and set to work.

In the reflection on a nearby monitor, Leonard saw Jim struggle upright and attempt to launch himself off the biobed on which he'd been placed, mostly unconscious, minutes before.

″Dammit, Jim!″ Leonard turned his head again to chastise the ship's – and perhaps the galaxy's – worst patient, upsetting Christine's grip on the gauze and causing another trickle of blood to seep out from the wound and into his eye.

″Doctor McCoy-″

″Will someone please grab that overgrown infant and restrain him or sedate him please?″ Leonard ignored Christine's expression at his interruption of her treatment. ″Or hit him with another rock, maybe. It worked the first time.″

″Bones!″ Jim, being led back to the biobed by two nurses and M'Benga, sounded practically offended. Whether it was because of the infant comment or the rock suggestion, Leonard wasn't sure.

Temporarily satisfied that his staff had Jim's escape tendency under control, Leonard was turning once again to face Christine when he heard the swoosh of the Med Bay doors opening and turned to see Spock, face impassive, stride in. Spock paused halfway between the biobeds holding Leonard and Jim as though unsure of which of his duties to attend to first. Leonard watched as Spock studied him briefly.

″Dr. M'Benga, what is the status of Dr. McCoy and Captain Kirk?″

As Spock turned to face M'Benga his back was angled towards Leonard. Perhaps Spock was less impassive than Leonard had first assumed given the rigid stance and pale knuckles of the hands gripped tightly at the small of Spock's back. Well, crap, a worried Vulcan, who'd have guessed?.

″Doctor-″ Christine tried to get his attention, but Leonard's first instinct was to reassure Spock that all was well.

″We're fine, Spock.″

Jim made another attempt to rise from the bed to greet his first officer.

Leonard scowled. All would be well if Jim would sit his ass down and accept treatment, dammit. He was gratified to see Spock walk to Jim's bed and place a hand on his shoulder, holding Jim in place easily while M'Benga scanned him.

Though Spock kept a restraining hand on Jim, he turned to face Leonard and raised a significant eyebrow. ″You are both in need of medical treatment following a rock slide. You were out of communications and transporter contact for over twenty minutes. Which definition of the word 'fine' are you attempting to use, Doctor?″

″The one that means we're both still alive and reasonably stable, if stubborn.″ Leonard shot another glare in Jim's direction. ″So you can relax.″ Leonard blinked as another trickle of blood ran into his eye. Crap. His bleeding head was seriously undermining his claims.

″I am not entirely satisfied by the ambiguity of that interpretation, nor am I currently in need of relaxation.″

Leonard winced as Christine pressed another stack of gauze against his wound, perhaps a little more roughly than her normally careful hands would have. ″Doctor McCoy, please-″

″Sorry, Chapel. Give me just a moment here,″ Leonard said, keeping eye contact with Spock. ″We're fine,″ he repeated in as reassuring a tone as possible. ″This was actually pretty mild as far as Enterprise landing parties go, ya gotta admit.″

Spock's tense posture might have relaxed slightly, but Leonard wasn't sure due to the bloody gauze now partially obscuring his vision.

″I have noted that sending you and the Captain off-ship together increases the chances of emergency situations by-″

″Doctor-″ Christine tried again and Leonard raised a finger in her direction, receiving a huff of irritation in return.

″Do not quote statistics while I'm actively bleeding, Spock, it'll interfere with clotting.″

″Leonard!″ Christine gripped his chin and forced his head around to face forward once again. ″Keep your head still so I can see to your bleeding head laceration.″

Leonard eyed her for a long moment. She met his gaze firmly, eyebrows raised, one hand on his chin and the other, still clutching the dermal regenerator, crooked at her hip. ″Yes, Christine.″

She nodded her head once in recognition of his compliance and resumed treatment of his wound.

Spock appeared in Leonard's peripheral vision and Leonard resisted the urge to turn his head again, restricting his movement to his eyes only.

″Do not worry, Doctor; I will ensure that the Captain remains in the medical bay until his treatment is complete.″ Though unspoken, the and yours as well was strongly implied.

Leonard couldn't resist a chuckle at Jim's mildly outraged response to this statement. Leonard was fairly certain he heard the words ″mutiny″ and ″insubordination″ tossed around amidst the mutterings.

″Thank you, Spock.″

1. Joanna

″Lie down, Daddy.″

Leonard did as he was directed and watched with some surprise as his daughter correctly activated the biobed's monitoring system. More perceptive than I give her credit for.

"Now lie still so I can check you out." She picked up a tricorder and bent over it, teeth worrying at her lower lip in concentration.

Leonard huffed with laughter he couldn't resist, shoulders shaking slightly. He soon found himself pinned under his daughter's disapproving blue gaze. He watched in amusement as she placed one hand on her hip and lifted the other into the air in a position reminiscent of her mother.

"I said lie still and I mean it. If you don't I'll have to do this whole checkup all over again and I will not be responsible for what I'll do to you if that happens."

Leonard held his breath and tried to stifle his mirth. Joanna might look like her mother but she behaved and sounded exactly like him just then, right down to the scowl on her face and the threat in her voice. In fact, he remembered using a very similar argument with Jim yesterday. Apparently his daughter the sponge hadn't been paying as much attention to the PADD he'd given to her to study as he'd thought.

"Yes, Doctor McCoy." He tried to appear penitent. "How'd you get to be so strict?"

Christine, updating charts at the nursing station, snorted in laughter. "I'd say it runs in the family, Leonard. Hippocrates save all the future nurses and patients from McCoy physicians."

"Christine?" Joanna's voice was sweet now, the child he was used to rather than the preteen she was increasingly trying to be. "Can you help me with the tricorder? I can't get it to work right."

"Sure, sweetheart. What do you want to run?"

Leonard waited patiently as his head nurse and daughter ran a series of tests on him, bossing him around the entire time. Just as he was prepared to call a halt to the assault in favor of lunch, a wicked smile spread across Christine's face and she gestured to one side of the screen.

"Why don't you try that one, Joanna?"

Joanna obediently pressed the indicated buttons and was met with the pinging sound of an error message. She looked to Christine for explanation. "It says 'test set not indicated for present subject.'"

Leonard wondered what Christine could possibly be cooking up. The machine typically only offered that message when the user had selected a test set that was impossible to perform on the entered subject, such as asking for tests that couldn't be run for the given species.

"That's normal in this case. Tell it to continue anyways."

Joanna adjusted the tricorder again and waited patiently for the results. Once the machine signaled the completion of its duty, Joanna studied it carefully, smiled, and turn the readout towards her father.

"What's this mean, Daddy?" The childish innocence in her voice put him instantly on alert.

Leonard took the scanner and studied the screen, then turned to glare at his nurse, wondering how she'd feel about pulling delta shift for the next three months.

"Daddy?" Joanna tapped her foot to signal her impatience.

"Well, darlin', you've just determined that I'm not pregnant."

Joanna clapped her hands over her mouth but completely failed to mask her giggles.

From behind him, Leonard heard, "That is good to hear, Doctor. I would be greatly concerned if you were to discover that you were. Significant testing would then be indicated which would surely upset our lunch plans."

Leonard froze for a moment and then turned to find Spock regarding him with his usual imperturbability, though perhaps the slight narrowing of his eyes hinted at amusement. Standing next to Spock and making no effort to restrain their laughter were Jim and Uhura.

"Thank you, Christine. Now I'm going to be hearing about this all day long."

"You agreed to it, Leonard. You can't turn that girl down."

"Besides, Bones, you're always harping at me about 'trusting your doctor.' Are you telling me you didn't mean it?" Jim flashed his patented shit-eating grin.

"Daddy? Mr. Spock?" Leonard turned from giving Jim the 'doom stare' to look at Joanna. "What if I want a little brother or sister?"

Oh. Crap.

+1. In His Own Damn Med Bay!

As he finally stepped away from the biobed that held his recovering patient, Leonard pulled off the surgical gown and noted for the first time the dark stain that had spread across the right side of his scrubs underneath the surgical covering.

Well, shit. I guess the field bandage didn't hold that well after all...

He heard a gasp and looked up to see Christine Chapel staring at him in horror.

″Doctor McCoy, you need to lie down, right now, sir.″

Leonard shook his head to try to clear it of the fog that was increasingly threatening to overrun his brain now that Spock was stabilized and his survival was nearly assured. The movement turned out to be a bad decision when dizziness and nausea flared in tandem. ″You can see to me later. Right now I need to monitor Spock while he recovers and-″

″Doctor M'Benga and I can handle Spock's recovery, as you well know.″ Christine's voice was firm. ″You need immediate treatment, Leonard. In fact, I should have insisted two hours ago when you first stumbled in here.″

″I'm-" Leonard pressed the heel of his palms to his eyes. "I'm fine."

"Doctor McCoy-"

"I'm fine!″ He dropped his hands and glared at her. ″I'm in charge in this Medical Bay, Nurse Chapel!"

Leonard saw Christine's eyes flicker to a point over his shoulder and saw her nod. Suspicion bloomed in his gut, soon confirmed.

″And I'm in charge of this ship, Bones. And her crew."

Leonard turned at the sound of Jim's voice but his pain and fatigue-dampened reflexes were no match for Jim's speed. "I've been waiting for this moment for a long time, Bones.″ Leonard hissed as he felt the sting of a hypo against his neck.

He managed to curse Jim and all his future offspring with the vilest of venereal diseases known to the galaxy before his eyes and voice and, shit, everything stopped responding to his brain and he fell into darkness.

***

Leonard noted the familiar sounds of a busy Med Bay around him as consciousness began to return. The process was slow enough that when he finally regained the mental faculty to consider the experience, he determined that he must have been under the influence of something rather than having merely fallen asleep at his desk amidst piles of work as he had so often in the past.

Hmm. He hurt, though the feeling was just distanced enough from his mind to identify the likelihood of painkillers already in his system.

Hmm. Probably not hungover, then. Besides, why would he be in Med Bay if-

Leonard's eyes snapped open and he attempted to sit up. His entire right side exploded with enough pain for him to see stars and cause him to collapse back against the bed.

No, he needed to get up, he needed-

"Remain still, Leonard."

Spock.

Moving only his head this time, Leonard turned to see Spock sitting in a chair beside his biobed. Though appearing tired – he was actually sitting down, after all - he was dressed in his normal uniform and didn't have a hair out of place.

Just then, he was the most welcome sight Leonard had ever seen. Leonard absorbed the sight of him for several moments before another thought occurred to him.

″What are you doing out of bed? You've just had surgery and shouldn't-″

″Twenty-seven hours and forty-three minutes have elapsed since the completion of my surgery and I have been cleared by both Dr. M'Benga and Nurse Chapel to remain with you provided I inform them of any changes to my health while I do so.″

″Twenty-seven- Shit! More than a day? What the hell happened?″ Leonard stopped and tried to think. ″You were half dead when we transported back to the ship! How are you sitting here looking perfect while I feel like something the cat horked up?″

Spock raised an eyebrow but, for once, didn't question Leonard's conversational dramatization. ″I received prompt medical attention for my injuries, resulting in a standard recovery time.″

Leonard's eyes mustn't be fully on-line yet because he could have sworn that he saw a flicker of a frown cross Spock's face. Disapproval was certainly evident in his tone as Spock continued. ″You, however, delayed your treatment far beyond an acceptable time-frame, which resulted in significant blood loss, the need for more extensive surgery that would have been initially merited, and will therefore necessitate a comparatively prolonged recovery period. Nurse Chapel has declared you to have the dubious honor of being The Worst Patient of the Month, a distinction she claims is very difficult to wrest away from Captain Kirk."

″Christine told you all that?″ If so, Leonard was actually rather impressed; few people had the balls to complain about him to Spock of all people. It wasn't like Christine to leave the chewing out duties to others though...

″As you well know, Leonard, my hearing is excellent.″

This time it was Leonard's turn to raise an eyebrow.

Spock shifted his gaze down to somewhere in the vicinity of Leonard's feet. ″And Nurse Chapel was, perhaps, under the impression that I remained unconscious at the time she and Dr. M'Benga discussed your status.″

Leonard smiled. No matter how hellish he felt he couldn't resist the chance to engage in his favorite activity: Vulcan baiting. ″Why, Spock. Eavesdropping on my nurse? Sitting at my bedside? Lecturing me on my own damn area of expertise? If I didn't know any better I'd say you were worried about me.″

Spock regarded him steadily. ″It is logical to see to the health and safety of one's family whenever and however necessary. Especially when one's bondmate is a human prone to illogical and emotionally-influenced actions such as denying his own need for medical care in order to see to mine.″

″So you were worried about me.″

Spock's lips compressed fractionally. He stared at Leonard for several long moments until Leonard began to suspect that he didn't intend to respond. Then, to Leonard's very great surprise, Spock moved his hand to settle it over Leonard's and twined their fingers together.

″Yes, Leonard. I was.″