Disclaimer: Me own, nothing.

~ "Losing someone you love under the most cruel circumstances, hurts more than losing a piece of yourself. It's unfair and unjust." ~

~ Breaking Down ~

The weather perfectly fitted the mood; delicate snowflakes fell to the ground, the way they stuck to the ground on this day in particular would stick in the minds of those attending the funeral, that day. They stood for a moment, taking in the beautiful scene, a white blanket covering the ground quickly – and they thought about how the day seemed so perfect.

One woman hung back among the crowd of people, desperate to get in the warmth. She just stood there, tears falling down her pale face, hitting the snow within seconds as she hung her head low in order to avoid any eye contact with those around her. She closed her eyes, biting down on her lip, trying to convince herself to take one step forwards, telling herself it was only a few more steps before she was inside the church, and maybe, just maybe... it would be okay.

Her body shook as she took one step, dragging one foot in front of the other. She tried her best to take her time, hoping that if she took long enough then she wouldn't have to face the nightmare she knew was waiting for her inside the church doors.

The tears were falling heavier as she placed her foot in front once more, knowing it was just one more step before she would step inside the church and then she wouldn't be able to pretend anymore; she'd have to forget all about her make-believe world, and this whole thing would be real.

She knew that one more step would be admitting defeat, one more step and she'd have to stop denying what happened. She wrapped her arms around herself before collapsing onto her knees, hot tears falling down her ashen face as heartbroken sobs escaped her throat. She clutched her chest, trying to stop the hurt, wanting to stop the pain but nothing could work – he was gone, and there was nothing anyone could do about it. He was gone.

She wanted to curl up in the snow, wishing it would cover her up, suffocating her until she could join him; 'till death do us part', the vows seemed like a joke now. There was no such thing as 'parting', parting insinuated it would stop hurting, that the final end would come and it would just be a happy memory – but this would never stop hurting, and she just kept wishing that death wasn't the end. She shook her head at the thought, knowing that she would be leaving too many people behind, people who loved and cared for her. No matter how much she was hurting, she'd never be able to leave them being willingly.

She bit down on her lip, trying to stop the tears as she felt a hand on her shaking shoulder, her eyes meeting with those of the woman standing above her. She looked back down at the site of her best friend, memories flooding back as tears stung her eyes and that familiar aching returned to her chest. The brown haired woman helped her up, trying to smile at her friend as she nodded a 'thank you'.

She inhaled sharply, biting down as hard as she could on her lower lip, closing her eyes for a moment – ready to take that very last step into the rest of her life. The warm air hit her body immediately, her longing to be out in the cold almost causing her to stumble back out into the snow where everything seemed unreal. She shook the feeling off, knowing he would have wanted her to be here, this would have meant so much to him.

Her legs shook as she walked down the long aisle, sitting far away from everyone else in the crowded church, wrapping her arms around her legs to rest her chin on her knees. She wished she could close her eyes and think about something else, anything else – she wanted to try and remember the time they argued, she wanted to relive the memory of him telling her he loved her, she wanted to recall the time he got down on one knee and asked her to marry him and she wanted to treasure their wedding day for as long as she possibly could.

Her eyes trailed down to the front of the church, knowing she should be sitting with the rest of his family but she couldn't stand the thought of being that close to his coffin; she couldn't think about how close she would be to his cold, dead body. She shuddered lightly at the thought and dug her nails into her knees. She liked sitting by here, close enough to know what was going on, close enough to make him proud of her but far enough to stop herself from imagining him laying in that box.

She didn't dare move throughout the whole service, staring blankly ahead of her as she gently rocked herself back and forth, listening to the words but never really hearing them, only just managing to hear her name. Her heart started beating louder and louder, and she found herself wondering if everyone else could hear it thumping hard against her chest. Tears glazed her eyes, shaking her head when that familiar brunette walked over to her, taking her hand in hers and walking to the front of the aisle – not having the energy to fight.

She knew she had to this, listening to the whispered words of encouragement in her ear from the girl she knew as her childhood best friend, still walking closer and closer towards the coffin, towards him.

Tears flowed heavier down her face as she remembered the last time she was walking down this very same aisle, only he wasn't in a box, and he was smiling at her, nervously adjusting his tie. She looked around, knowing this would no longer be the church she remembered as the one she got married in, just the one she buried her husband in; the dream where all her nightmares had come true.

Her lip trembled when she reached the coffin, turning around to face everyone else, wishing she didn't have to look at all those faces staring back at her – the faces of those who loved him, and the people he loved back, the faces of his friends and family, the faces of those he had spoken to and laughed with, the faces of those he connected with, all of them held a small piece of his life; a life that had been so cruelly snatched away.

She knew herself too well, she knew that as soon as she spoke, the small amount of control she had left would break, and she'd breakdown in front of everyone. But she knew she had to this, if not for herself, then for him; he deserved a final goodbye.

"I-I..." She trailed off, stuttering over the first word, tears now falling freely down her face and dripping onto the stand in front of her. "I don't really have anything planned..." She gulped, her voice a gentle whisper as she tried her best to build up the courage to tell everyone exactly how she felt about the man she loved more than anything and anyone else.

"I-I l-loved him s-so much... he, uh, he was everything to me, he was my world...the only constant I've ever had in my life and I r-really don't know how I'm going to live without him." She turned to face that dreaded box, knowing the love of her life was in there, her hands shaking as she spoke again,

"I uh.. I.. when we met in kindergarten, I guess I always knew he was the one for me... I was just so scared to admit I even liked him when we got older, but when we finally did... I just, I knew he was the one I would spend the rest of my life with. It got to a point where I could never really go a day without thinking about him, I needed him next to me... I-I relied on him to keep me safe and strong... I needed him." She paused, taking a moment to look at the swarms of faces of those staring at her, some sobbed, some cried onto the shoulder of the person next to her and others watched her with tears silently running down their faces.

"W-we got married e-eight years ago, but it always felt like longer, we knew everything and anything about each other and... it was perfect..." She shook her head, looking down at the floor, "I can't even begin to tell you what I'll miss about him the most but I'm going to miss everything he ever did for me, I'll miss the way he would hold me when I cried, I will miss the way I would wake up in the morning and find him staring at me, I miss the way he would kiss me with any chance he got.. I'll miss so much, but most of all... I'm going to miss the way he loved me."

She took a deep breath, tears falling down her cheeks as she spoke, "I didn't really think loving someone so much would ever be possible, I thought it only happened in movies or fairytales, but he managed to prove me wrong. I really don't know what to do without him, I don't even feel like there is really such thing as life without him, to be honest. I just... I-I miss him so much that it hurts, I close my eyes every night and I see him there and I just wish I could stay with him and I-I would do anything to go back to that night and make sure that nothing happened... I would do anything to bring him back to me..." She put her hand over her mouth, as Miley stood up and wrapped her arms around her shaking body, soothing her quietly as they walked back to her seat.

The woman shook as she sobbed quietly, gripping onto her friend as though she was the one lifeline she had left, reminding her that life went on, that people were left behind, no matter who dies – even if it was the love of your entire life – people move on and they expect you to do the same. But how could she, when there was no need anymore?

Time seemed to speed by, and she soon found herself outside, the snow still falling as she wrapped her arms around herself, pretending it was him for a second before she noticed the coffin, a lone tear falling down her cheeks as it was lowered into the newly dug hole into the ground, bumping against the sides a little before finally landing on the ground with a large thump. She jumped a little at the sound, stepping back from the grave a little as she dug her nails into her skin, wanting to be able to feel so much more than heartbreak right then. The snow carried on falling, coating the white coffin, adding an extra layer; just another blanket to keep the person inside a little safer.

She could hear people crying as soon as she coffin hit the ground, staring at the box for a while, half expecting him to jump out and tell them this was all a horrible joke. She would hit him and tell him how much she hated him for doing this to her, and then she'd forgive him after a while. She would rather hate him for the next month than lose him forever.

After a while she watched people leaving, some leaning down to place a flower on the coffin while others chucked a small amount of dirt onto the perfect blanched surface. But she stayed, despite the bitter cold, the harsh wind and the snow falling heavier around her. She stayed and stared down, wondering what he looked like, if there would be any sign of the handsome man he once was.

That's my husband in there; being buried... that's my husband.

She felt someone walk behind her, a hand placed on her trembling shoulder and she nodded at the person, "Come on, let's go get you into the warm, Lilly." She bit down on her lip as Miley wrapped her arm around her shoulders and led her over to a car.

She put her head on her shoulder when they got into the car, hot tears falling once more, and she wondered for a moment if the pain would ever end, if the tears would ever stop falling or if her heart would ever heal again. But then again, she thought... probably not.