A/N: Final chapterrrrrr. Hope you liked it! Once again, thank you to everyone who reviewed and/or read! It really means a lot. :)

Internal Dialogue
Chapter 8

Dare I say it, but I was feeling a lot more optimistic after my talk with Snow.

It was almost as if he had become a completely different person to me, but he hadn't changed. Once again, it felt like I was the one who had to change. How tedious. Can I say – just for a second – that I was sick of having these mini-epiphanies? I wanted to grow up, and be someone that I could admire. I couldn't be that way if I had to find… justification in Snow. That was just… not.

We didn't talk to each other as we walked back to the boutique. He still had his ice cream spoon stuck in his mouth, looking at me as if I was going to say something. Well, I wasn't. He should've assumed that. I wish he'd stop looking.

As we entered the shop, a staff member gave me a weary look, almost as if she had to drag her eyes over to my face. She slowly shook her head at me and gestured loosely behind a tall rack of dresses. Snow disappeared in the direction she was pointing and I followed behind. Around the rack, we found Serah, seated on the ground, in a wedding dress.

"Oh."

"Oh..."

Both Snow and I exchanged glances – I'm not quite sure why.

Serah looked up at us, "What do you think about this one?" She asked slowly, holding up the fluff of the skirt. "I think it's kind of pretty."

Snow looked at me – why does he keep looking at me? I ignored him and crossed my arms, "It's nice. It suits you really well, actually. You should get it."

Suddenly, her eyes darkened and she glared at me. Weird. "What? Why?" She snapped.

Um. "Because you're already wearing it… and it suits you."

"So," She got to her feet and dusted herself off. She wasn't glaring anymore. I was extremely confused. "How did the bonding go? Are we all happy and ready to become a real family?" She looked between Snow and me for an answer.

"I…" Um.

"Of course," Snow spoke up, nodding. "We were like family already, so it's no big deal."

Right.

"That's good, it's good." Serah nodded quickly, clasping her hands together. "Okay, okay, okay… I don't want this dress, by the way." She mumbled, and then quickly ducked into the change room behind her. "I don't know, it looks kind of… I don't know. Not sure."

"Okay, well," I began, moving closer to the change room so she could hear me through the door. "You've been trying on dresses for awhile now, right? Do you have anything narrowed down?"

Brief silence, and then: "Kind of."

"Kind of?" I repeated. "So is that a yes or a no?"

Mild ruffling, and then: "In between."

Okay, what. "In between?"

"Like in between yes and no – as in, I kind of have things narrowed down." She said.

This time, I looked at Snow and he just shrugged. I sighed and turned back to the change room, "Well, do… do you need help deciding on one?"

"Noooot… really."

"Okay."

"I'll pick one tomorrow."

"Uh—" Snow interrupted, and I looked at him. I knew we were both thinking the same thing. … well, I wasn't too sure if we were thinking the same thing. I won't pretend to understand how Snow thinks. I was thinking that she was just trying to put it off indefinitely and she would end up choosing something at the last minute that she didn't really like. She does it all the time. Hence, Snow. "Well—" That was bad. Truthfully, in her defence, she actually does really like him. I believe so. This time was different for her and I really believed this whole Snow thing wasn't last minute. I looked at him. It only now occurred to me that he seldom took that headband off. But of course what I meant to say just now is that, for the second time, I realize that I shouldn't be so quick to judge. He is a good guy – Sazh was right. Sazh was a better judge of character than I was. I always let my prejudices get in the way. 'No, Serah can't marry him anymore, I lied' – and there's always a million reasons why not. Things like he's too blond, he's irritating, he shows up at my house even when I tell him not to, he cooks shirtless – but still, I always tend to overlook things. I don't give him enough credit.

I zoned back in and Serah had her head poked out of the change room, looking both offended and sad at the same time. "Why?" She asked breathily. Why what?

"Because," Snow replied. "I think it'd be better if, you know… well, Sis agrees." And here, he looked at me.

I blinked. "E-excuse me?" I looked at Serah. "I don't—"

"Okay, fine, Claire, okay, fine." She sighed and then reached forward to grab my forearm. She said to Snow, "I'll see you after?"

"Of course."

"Of course wha—?" I stuttered as Serah pulled me into the change room. As soon as I was safely inside, she shut the door, handed me a clothes hanger, and held my arms up above my head. "What is going on?" I asked.

"Hold still. This thing is really annoying to get back on the hanger." She sighed, fastening the dress to the hanger above my head. She smoothed out the ruffles and tried to sit it properly before she snatched the hanger from me and hung it on the door hook. …

I looked at her, "What's going on? Where's Snow going?"

She wrinkled her nose at me as she pulled her sweater over her shoulders. "You space out a lot these days." She rolled her eyes, "He went to go check with the piano guy again."

"But I thought you said you already figured everything out with that…"

She sighed. "Really, Claire…"

... "Yes, really."

"I just… I don't know." She mumbled, grabbing her bag off the floor and unlocking the change room door. She stepped out and I followed her as she left the store. Was she really serious about not picking a dress today?

"Hey, Serah," I spoke up as we continued to walk down the street. "I'm not an expert and I don't really try to be, but I'd assume picking a dress would take some time, right? Do you want to try a different store?"

"Not today," She said, and began to hum. She was humming this song she always sings when words fail her. She told me it was called… I'm not sure – something odd like "Fabula Nova Crystallis"… I don't know where she heard it. The point is she was avoiding the topic completely and dragging me around town aimlessly. She definitely had something to say, though, but I could tell she didn't know how to say it. I needed to somehow stimulate a conversation. But how?

I crossed my arms and began to hum. I stopped when I realized it clashed horribly with the song she was humming. … "Serah," I started. "We should go for ice cream."

"I'm surprised you didn't say 'let's go for a drink'." She spun around and giggled. I was not amused. "I'm – I'm just kidding." She said whimsically. "But really, you always seem to be—"

"Are we going for ice cream or not?"

"I – yeah, sure."

"Okay, good."

The man at the city square was surprised to see me there again and he smiled when we sat down. I returned his smile and then promptly began to ignore him. I was already having a tough time trying to figure out exactly how I'm supposed to bring up whatever's bothering Serah without seeming judgmental or nosy – but I didn't even know what was bothering her. Ugh. This is so hard. I should call Sazh. He's a parent. He can fix this for me.

"Claire, can I ask you something?"

Well, that was easy. "Of course," I said while turning to face her.

She didn't turn to look at me, though. She glanced and began to twiddle her thumbs. "If… uh, if you weren't a soldier – or, like, never used to be a solider – what would you have been?"

Wait? Whoa, whoa, whoa – this isn't about me. Is this reverse psychology? I don't know. I'm sweating. "Why?" I asked. "That can't be what's bothering you. I should be the farthest thing from your mind right now."

"Why?" She chuckled a little. "I'm not the farthest thing from your mind. And besides, I'm just asking so you really shouldn't get so defensive. But you used to be a solider; I get it. You're like that."

Wow. … I had nothing to say. … She turned to look at me finally and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat until I was staring at my thumbs.

"Claire?"

"Yeah, uh… what would I be if I was never a soldier, right?" I repeated.

"Yeah. That couldn't have been your dream job."

"Why not?" I asked defensively.

"Because when we were younger, you used to say you wanted to be an ice cream man. And then I was like, 'No, you can't, because you'll never grow up to be a man', and then you said, 'that's not what I meant, you idiot', and I would cry. Hmmm." She gave a wistful sigh, smiling.

Right. "What does this have to do with anything, Serah?"

"I kind of… well," she cleared her throat. "I was thinking about how I got accepted into Eden… and even with everything that's happened, the school's still running and a lot of my friends are still going. I mean, deferring a year would be nice – but I really want to be a doctor..." She paused a moment to look at me. I looked at her, but I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what she wanted me to say. "I know it takes a really long time so I figure starting early would be good, right? Don't you think so?"

I had to stop myself before I said 'I know so' and sounded condescending. "I'd assume so, yes. I – I didn't know you wanted to be a doctor, though."

"You thought I wanted to be a cook, right?" She chuckled. "Just because I'm the better cook in the family? I changed my mind, that's all. I'm allowed to, right?"

"I guess so," I shrugged, crossing my legs. "Oh—" I looked at her. "—I mean, of course. Ignore me; I'm just really nervous."

"I don't want to get married."

What… did she say?

I snapped my neck over to look at her as she held out her hand for an ice cream cup from the vendor. She didn't look at me. I was so confused. It's… did we not go through… all the planning? What? What the actual fuck? I don't – I can't believe she just said that. No. No, no. She didn't say anything like that. In fact, she's been eating ice cream and therefore had no time to say that she… she didn't want to get married – but why am I so put off by this? I was beginning to be happy for her. I was. This… it's… I don't know what to think because I do want to give her credit as a decisive human being but – ugh, people get cold feet all the time, right? This is ridiculous. She's just… and I… ugh.

"Claire?"

"Serah?"

"Did you hear anything I said?"

"I think so."

She bit down on her bottom lip, "When… I said I didn't want to get married?"

I bit on my lip too. "I think so."

"What do you think…?"

I sighed – and I think she took it the wrong way. I could feel her starting to get flustered so I shook my head – and then realized that maybe that wasn't the right gesture. "Uh," I began, nervously. "You… I mean, why? What happened? You were so… you know, adamant to… go through with everything."

"Was I?" Serah mumbled. "I guess so. I mean, I really was, but when everything slowed down, I started to think."

I raised an eyebrow in question, "So you weren't thinking before?"

"Don't." She rolled her eyes. "That's not what I meant. I started to think about what I wanted to do next year, that's all. That's when I realized it… wasn't what I thought it was. When I really thought about it, there was no house, there was school… there were no children."

I gasped suddenly and snapped my fingers, "Listen," I said. "If Snow's forcing this whole children thing on you, I'll kill him."

"No, it's – I like kids, but it's… not like that." She shook her head. "Snow's great, really. I don't know if I can tell him that I changed my mind. I don't want to break up, but I just don't think I can not be a Farron anymore. If I became a Villiers, you would probably be the last Farron left. It almost felt like I was leaving you." She laughed at this, shrugging playfully, "It's a stupid reason. You probably think it's stupid."

"No, it's not." I told her. "You're young." I wanted to say more than that but I realized at the last second that anything else I said would pretty much just reinforce how much of a child I still thought she was. I didn't want her to be upset, but I wanted her to understand. Granted, I was feeling a bit betrayed since I spent so long trying to cope with this wedding business and now it wasn't happening. I had just spent a portion of the day bonding with Snow under the clause that we would soon be a legitimate family and now, it wasn't happening anymore. It was a weird position for me, but it must have felt worse for her. "I just really and truly want you to be happy, okay? If… you want to go back to school, then that's fine too."

"Don't lie," She nudged me in the arm, grinning. "You never wanted me to get married. You always wanted me to go to Eden." This is true. But recent times have changed this. "You never really even liked Snow, did you?"

"That's not entirely true," I said with a small smile. "He grew on me. He's become less irritating since the first time I met him."

"Nice."

I nodded. "You'll be okay, Serah. You should know that… either way, I'm still here for you."

"Oh, Claire," She sighed, smiling. "Why so cheesy?"

I faltered. Excuse me? I thought we were bonding.

"I never thought otherwise." She said, getting to her feet slowly. "But could you come with me? I need to brainstorm ideas… tell him why we can't get married right away."

I frowned, "How about the truth?"

"Uh… right." She muttered. "I don't really know how he'll take it. Hopefully he won't be too discouraged. We'll need to cancel the florist, the pianist, the venue… ugh. I need something to try and soften the blow…" She tapped her chin thoughtfully, gazing around the square. I wasn't sure what she was looking for.

Her eyes landed on my face and I shrugged nonchalantly, "How about some bread?"

She grinned, "Right."

"Right."