A/N: Haaaaaaay. I haven't written game-related fiction in awhile [aka, do not browse my early, early works, you might regret it LOL]. I recently beat 13 and had an urge to write. This story does not contain spoilers. If you haven't beat the game, it's AU-ish. If you have beat the game, then you already know. [/vague explanation] Anyway. We'll see what this shapes into. Thanks for clicking in and I hope you like it! :)

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Internal Dialogue
Chapter 1

I know I said I would go through with it—

But you have to understand. Things were different back then. I had a very different, very exaggerated idea of what was going on. I mean, for the first time in awhile, I was alive – no more running, no more hiding – it was – I was elated. I think I was just happy to have things back to the way they were. So when I saw her walking towards us, saw him go to hug her… all I could do was smile. The feeling was contagious. Things were perfect—

For a second.

"I really want to go through with this, Claire."

"I know." I know, I know. But why? I know I promised I wouldn't be so harsh on her, but I had a right to ask why, didn't I? I mean, it's her life, it's her wedding – I get that – but I'm her guardian. I can choose to say no.

But – but would I say no? Look at her. Look at her, smiling, flitting through the aisles of the shop, gazing lovingly at dresses she wanted her friends to wear, things she wanted me to wear, things she was going to ask me to buy… She's never looked so happy. Do I really have the right to take this away from her? But at the same time, let's not forget her age. Yes. She's only eighteen. Eighteen-year-olds shouldn't be getting married. She was supposed to go to university. She was supposed to have a life. I know exactly what'll happen to her if she gets married now and stays in Bodhum. She'll probably give up on school, become a housewife, have several round-eyed, blond children… and I don't know, I don't think that's a good idea. The children – the children are not a good idea. I don't know. I can't tell her.

Yes. Yes, I can. Just say it. Say you don't want her to get married. Tell her to her face that you care about her and that this – this Snow thing – it's not a good idea. "It's not a good idea," I said suddenly, impulsively, nervously… etcetera. "Don't do it." This is, by far… the bitchiest move. Think, think, think – your happiness or hers? Your happiness or he—

"What are you talking about?" She asked, her eyes searching my face. The corners of my lips twitched and I looked away. I didn't know what to say. She looked so – so put off. I knew it. I knew I shouldn't have said anything. She's a young girl; she's probably going to say something like 'I ruined her life' or some other such… whatever.

"Claire, what are you talking about?" She asked hurriedly, blinking rapidly. "You said I could get any dress I wanted. Remember?"

Yes. Yes, I did say that.

I smiled humourlessly, "Yes. I do remember… saying that." Now look, a lapse of communication; she already thinks I'm flip-flopping. And I am. I am flip-flopping, but not with what she thinks. This has nothing to do with the dress. Should I ask again? This is killing me. Just. Killing. "But, Serah, it – you wanted a different kind of dress, right?" I looked instantly at the one standing next to her. It was a bit slutty, especially for a wedding dress. The cut in the front was too low. Way too low. "I don't think you should get that one. Don't do it. It's not a good idea."

Serah smirked and glanced at the dress. "Yeah, no, I don't want this one. I said I wanted something sleeveless."

"Did you?"

"Yes. Like, twice. You weren't listening, were you?"

"Um."

"Of course."

Right.

***

It was impossible to disappoint Serah without disappointing Serah – I understood this very well. But you don't understand. Each night, I lay in my bed with my eyes wide open, unblinking, unwavering, and imagining really unnecessary things. I imagined in about two years – yes, just two years – there would be two very small, very blond children named something ridiculous like… Spring and Autumn. I don't know. I really hope not. Really. I guess I would have to like these kids, seeing as though they'd be my nieces or nephews, but I'm going to be honest here – I don't see that happening. One of them, a boy, would be really blond and very irritating. I'd have to babysit him, tell him stories about his parents, the same with the girl, the very blond girl. But what could I say? Realistically, I only have general things to say about Snow, like 'oh, your dad? He's tall. He's also blond. And very loud'. I wouldn't be negative, but I couldn't be positive. I was grateful to him, but I – me not verbally assaulting him for actually wanting to go through with the wedding and take my sister out of school, that's about the extent of my appreciation.

The point being, I didn't want to babysit these kids. I didn't want Serah to have children right away. She should be allowed a life, I think. I needed to talk her out of it.

"Serah," I approached her as she sat looking through a vacation spot brochure. We stopped by the travel agency on the way home, and she was convinced that a seaside resort somewhere was calling her name. I beg to differ; Snow likes the ocean, Serah likes… trees. She glanced up at me when I entered the room, but really paid no attention as I sat down on her desk chair. She had her legs crossed on her bed, humming softly as she browsed. I sighed. She was doing that thing where she was deliberately ignoring me by looking more involved in whatever she was doing, but I know my sister, and her attention span encompasses all of five seconds. Just wait. "Serah?"

"Yes?" She sighed, and looked up at me. I smiled. Well, I tried to smile. This was a very unpleasant conversation we were going to have. She sensed the seriousness in my eyes, and closed the brochure. "Is it about the dress…?" She asked timidly. "I can order a different one, or if you want, we can look over the other ones… also if you want."

"Serah—"

"But it's my wedding, you know?" She said, and I know she bit her tongue as soon as she said it. I wasn't angry; I knew it was her wedding. But she looked frustrated because she probably thought I would be frustrated, even though I wasn't. "I'm sorry. I just… I mean, lately, you've been trying to get me to buy a different dress and I don't think it's fair. I mean, if I want to wear a sleeveless dress, I should be allowed to, right? That whole thing about you not wanting Snow to see my shoulders is a little bit awkward, especially since we're getting married, so it wouldn't really matter what he sees first." What? "I really want a sleeveless dress. It's my wedding, after all. I mean, I'm not going to… buy your wedding dress."

I sighed, "Serah—"

"Oh, wait, I'm sorry, that was… not good to say." She shook her head and sighed too. "I'm really grateful you're doing this for me, Claire." She faked a smile – I'm sorry, that was bitchy, it was not a fake smile – and reached forward to take my hand. "I appreciate it a lot. I know things haven't been so good with us, but I just want you to know that I really appreciate it."

"I – yes." Yes. "Serah, there's something I actually really want to ask you." Wait. "I mean, tell. I want to tell you something."

She faltered a moment, and then slid off her bed. "Can it wait?" She asked. "I actually have to go meet Snow for something. We're talking about more wedding stuff, so I'm sure you wouldn't be interested…" She laughed nervously. I… hummed. "I want to surprise you anyway. I really want you to show up, and freak out at how awesome everything looks!" She grinned, spinning on her heel.

I should've told her I was freaking out anyway, but for other reasons. But – quick – before she leaves! Just tell her not to have kids early. Tell her to wait, and tell her how important it would be if she didn't have kids so soon… with Snow. "Serah, do – do you like kids?" Wait. That was. Not. No.

"What? Tch, of course." She scoffed, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

Oh, the obviousness of it all.

***

I figured that trying to convince Serah was near impossible. I couldn't disappoint her again. I felt like I had to make it up to her, to try and keep her happy for all the years I neglected her. But you know who I didn't have to try and keep happy? Snow. Villiers. No – his happiness wasn't even on my radar. Therefore – and this is perfect, I don't know why I didn't think of it before – if I could just talk to Snow, maybe he'd see reason and this whole wedding thing would blow off. … I know. The thought is laughable. Snow seeing reason? Right.

I found him at that bar those NORA kids own. This scantily-clad girl – I think her name was Lebreau – was serving drinks to these kids that were clearly not above the drinking age, but she was oblivious and probably thought they were good talkers. They were laughing so obnoxiously too. She smiled at me when I walked up to the bar. Snapping her fingers as if she recognized me, she floated over to my corner and narrowed her eyes curiously. "You're… Lightning, right? With Guardian Corps?"

"Yes," I answered. Even with that confirmation, Snow, standing with his back facing me in the corner, didn't look over. Was he really going to be like this? Honestly. I cleared my throat loudly. He didn't turn around. I sighed and said to Lebreau, "What's with your friend?" I nodded towards him.

"What's… oh," She rolled her eyes. "I don't know. He's getting married soon. Maybe he's getting cold feet, you know?"

Perfect. My eyes lit up almost instantly and I practically climbed my way over the bar to nudge him in the back. Okay, not really – I didn't climb over the bar… kind of walked around. He turned around at once to face me. He didn't seem like his usual self at all. Good, good, it's better to persuade him when he's like this. "What's wrong with you?" I asked, almost too forcefully. "I mean, what's… what's going on?" Now, I was shrugging too carelessly. Ugh. "Well, you know."

He sighed heavily and shook his head, edging away from me against the counter, "Sis, listen," I cringed a little. I let him call me Sis because Serah thought it would be a good idea. Well you know what else Serah thought would be a good idea? Snow. Villiers. "Are… are you okay?" What? I focused and he was giving me a troubled look. God… I need to not cringe so excessively. "You good?"

"I'm okay, I'm fine. Just… the air…" I rubbed my cheeks and looked at him. "What's wrong? You look… you know, not ready for marriage." That was too blunt.

"What?" He said sharply, and then shook his head, his familiar smile creeping back on his face. "No, I'm good with that. It's just something else…" He chuckled. "Funny how you thought that, though."

"Funny."

"Yeah, but really," He sighed again. But wait, if it wasn't the marriage thing, then what is it? "it's about Serah."

Good enough. "She's rushing you into this marriage thing, isn't she?" What a lie. I knew it was the other way around. Completely ignoring the confusion painted on his features, I continued, "Don't worry. She's like that. I mean, she's sweet, but she's like that. Just don't do it. You'll feel better if you don't."

"Wait a second – and no." He laughed. "You know, I gotta say, at first I was kind of freaked out with the whole marriage thing because… you didn't really like me."

I could've died. "Oh… no, I didn't."

"Yeah, but now, we've become so close and I'm sure this is the right thing to do now."

Oh. "Y-you think so?"

"I know so." He grinned, nodding. "But sis," And suddenly, he was serious. His moods change so fast. "You gotta stop pestering Serah about the dress thing." Again with the dress? "She's freaking out now that you won't approve of anything she picks. She told me not to say anything, so just pretend you picked up on it somehow. But really, I don't see the big deal with the sleeveless thing." Of course you don't. "Don't tell her, but she told me about the shoulder thing too and I think that's weird that you would have a problem with me seeing her shoulders. I mean, we're getting married anyway, so… yeah." He shrugged, weighing his hands like scales at the triviality of it all. Oh, the triviality.

I didn't even know where to start. "Listen… you," I tried to make it sound friendly, but I could feel the sting escape my lips as I said it. "This is not about a dress. My sister can wear whatever she wants. The only thing I have a problem with…" Really? Am I really going to say it? Am I really going to say that I changed my mind and I can't deal with him marrying my sister right away? Am I? Ugh… damn it all. "Is – the venue." That is lame.

"The venue?" He didn't believe it either.

"Yes," I practically squeaked. I was squeaking now? Excellent. "Just… I don't think… Bodhum is… the right place for it." Really? "Yeah, I mean… why not move it to… Palumpolum, where there's more… ocean." What the actual hell am I talking about?

Snow wasn't buying it. Or, wait, yes, he was. At first, he looked at me like I was losing it, but after a second of thinking – ugh why was there a second of thinking? I don't want the wedding in Palumpolum. I barely want the wedding to happen! "Yeah, despite there being the exact same amount of ocean in both cities—" Of course he would say this. "—Sis, that's an awesome idea. I totally approve."

"W-well, no, I lied."

He raised an eyebrow in question at me. "Okay, what the fuck."

Ugh, my life. This was not going well. I'm losing my composure and I'm not making any sense. Snow is making more sense than I am. This is great. "Never mind. That was just wishful thinking. Serah would never move it to Palumpolum. She… just wouldn't."

He didn't say anything. Yeah, I don't think I would either. I would be done communicating with myself.

"Okay, just…" Oh hell. "Do you like kids?" I asked desperately.

"Me?" He repeated. "Hell yes."

Did you see that? Did you see that all-knowing, smarmy bastard look he just gave me? He knows. He knows why I asked that. I am so unhappy right now.

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