I feel no guilt for not updating for so long! After all, I did say it was just a stupid thing to pass the time. ANYWAY, I'm sure someone suggested this idea to me in the reviews, but I couldn't be bothered looking for it to give credit. Thanks to however gave me this idea. With that out of the way, please enjoy! I myself enjoyed writing this one, since this has happened to me on more than one occasion.

Number 4: Cookie Jars

Even Xanxus craved sugary food at times. Sure, it wasn't very badass of him, but even the best of us liked to have a cookie or a candy bar sometimes.

Since he was still pissed off at the vending machine he had totaled a few weeks back, the candy bar was out of the question. That didn't mean, however, that he couldn't gorge himself on cookies for a while. All he needed to do was go in the kitchen and make sure no one saw him sneaking them. He had a reputation of badassery to keep up, and he didn't think that cookies would really help with that.

Anyway, this takes us to the kitchen of the Varia - otherwise known as Lussuria's Domain. Xanxus, in nothing but a pair of pants that he pulled on when he had his craving (they were probably Squalo's pants, since they were way too small for him), marched as quietly as he could into the kitchen before looking around for the cookie jar that belonged to Bel.

Finally, after a full minute of cursing under his breath, he found it - right next to the 'Kiss the Gender Challenged Male' apron someone had gotten Lussuria for Christmas. If he was anyone else, he probably would have done a little happy dance, but he wasn't anyone else and Xanxus just does not do happy dances.

He grabbed the jar and shook it, making sure that there was something inside it before he pried it opened. When he heard the satisfying sound of cookies moving about, he pulled off the lid.

Or he would have if the lid actually came off. He raised a brow and pulled again, only to get the same results. He glared at the plastic pink jar (Xanxus was sure that the jar used to be blue) and tried once again.

Nothing happened.

It was like the vending machine all over again, and he scowled at the jar as if it was at fault for the whole situation. At least, Xanxus failed to note, that he wasn't in public this time. Grinding his teeth in frustration, he forced himself from shouting at the thing to let him in with the constant reminder that if he shouted, someone would hear him, and if someone heard him they'd realize that he was stealing cookies of all things. It's not exactly the manliness thing he could have stole.

He didn't particularly want 'cookie-stealer' to go in his repertoire. That would ruin his already slightly damaged reputation for sure.

With a glare that could make any self-respecting man piss himself, he continued to try and opened the damned faggoty pink cookie jar.

'The fuck is this shit made out of?' he seethed to himself, smashing the plastic against the counter again and again. The container chipped a little, but other than that no damage was done. This was going to end very badly if he didn't get his cookie, he promised himself bitterly, all the while feeling like a child for wanting it so badly. He pursed his lips and tried to think his way around his problem.

Then again, Xanxus was never really much of a thinker.

He continued to smash the pink jar on the counter, growling slightly and probably causing a huge racket. He didn't care anymore. It was personal now. That damn cookie jar was going to get it bad. Snarling animalistically, he bared his teeth at the jar and sneered threateningly.

In a moments of rage, he threw the container across the room.

'Voi, what the hell Xanxus?' Squalo muttered as he sleepily padded into the kitchen. 'Are you wearing my pants?'

'Fuck off.'

Squalo raised a brow but was much to tired to argue. He looked down and raised a brow at the cookie jar that had landed by his feet. 'Are those cookies?'

Xanxus gaped when Squalo bent down, picked up the jar and twisted it open, taking a cookie for himself before twisting back shut.

'If your coming back to bed then hurry the fuck up,' Squalo yawned, turning around and not looking at Xanxus' expression of pure shock. 'I'm freezing.'

As he walked away, Xanxus stared accusingly at the cookie jar before picking it up hesitantly. He gave it one last glare before mimicking his second in command and twisting the lid instead of pulling.

Why didn't he think of that earlier?

He held the cookie up dramatically and almost smirked in celebration, but went against it at the last moment. Instead, he brought the cookie to his mouth and took a bite of victory.

That's when he remembered that he hated raisins.

Has anyone else eaten a raisin cookie accidentally? I hate them (and I'm pretty sure I'm allergic to them too -_-') so I can totally sympathize with Xanxus here. Cookie jars and raisins are one of life's many problems. Well, to me anyway. (:
Please excuse any mistakes. I would go back and correct any, but why would I do that when I have Skyrim?