This idea spewed from a little daydream/nap I had in science yesterday, so I decided to turn it into a fic. It's gonna be a multi-chaptered story with a bunch of things that Xanxus would like to kill during his lifetime. Most of them, if not all of them will probably be crack, much like this chapter is. Also, you should probably expect some XS, since I am a fan and I may not be able to resist adding some.

Anyhow, this is going to be one of those fics which is updated whenever the hell I want to, so don't expect new chapter posts on a regular basis. I have a couple of ideas, but to make them funny they need to be written on the spur of the moment and not forced. That's basically how my inspiration works.

So, with that out of the way: I don't own Hitman Reborn.

Number 1: The Damned Guy Who Invented Vending Machines

All he wanted was a candy bar. Was that too much to ask for? He just wanted one lousy little candy bar to settle the abrupt sweet tooth that suddenly came up. Xanxus glared at the machine in front of him, almost daring it to mess up again.

He had been at the damned vending machine for twenty minutes and every single time he put his note in the slot, the shitty piece of trash would just shoot it straight back out.

The fucking thing was mocking him.

Red eyes narrowed and he gripped each side of the machine in his hands and giving it a good shake, trying to make the idiot vending machine spew out the object of his desire. Nothing happened. It whirred and buzzed, like all vending machines did, making it sound like it was laughing at him.

How dare the fucking vending machine laugh at him!

Xanxus ground his teeth, trying to keep his anger in check since he was in public. The candy bar he had chosen was just sitting there. Looking at him. Taunting him. Why, out of all the pathetic people in the world, did he have to be the one to suddenly crave sweet things? Hell, he didn't even like candy half the time. He pursed his lips, glaring at the offending candy bar.

He tried again, gently pressing the Euro note in the little slot.

The fucking thing spat it back out.

Xanxus could have shot the damned piece of trash. He glowered at the machine, suddenly wanting to pick it up and shove it up someone's ass. Why couldn't he just get a fucking candy bar?

Instead of trying again, Xanxus caught the nearest Italian local by the collar and dragged him over to the machine.

He thrust his note in the man's direction. 'Fucking get me a candy bar, trash,' he ordered, not at all aware of how utterly childish he sounded with his request. The man stared at him fearfully and quickly nodded. Like a good, obedient stranger he flattened out the note and pushed it in the machine before pressing the correct buttons for Xanxus' candy.

He scuttled away before Xanxus could even blink. Grunting, he turned towards the machine expectantly. Sure enough, the little stranger had made it work. Xanxus smirked and watch the machine come to life, slowly pushing the desired candy towards him.

The fucking thing got stuck.

Xanxus gaped at it. Yes, gaped. His candy bar had gotten stuck in its holder. He could feel his eyebrow twitch irritably.

Half an hour later, the rest of the Varia found their leader sitting on top of a very broken vending machine, stuffing his face with candy bars.

It was a sight they had never forgotten.

Yes, they are all probably going to be this short, but it isjust something to ease my boredom during lessons and to help me get my head around the awesome character that is Xanxus.