Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

A/N: This story is for Bex, who is second only to Rob on my list of favorite Brits ;) I wrote it based on the following prompt she sent me:

Becky_Boodles: Ok so I was thinking a chance encounter in the supermarket over the last tub of Chunky Munkey ice cream? X
Becky_Boodles: Yeah E & B :) Is that ok? You happy to write that? Rate that badboy M? Lots of smut, cussing & humour? :) Perhaps they could compromise &
Becky_Boodles: Share the ice cream......in bed... ;)

Funniest thing about it? I DESPISE bananas and banana-flavored anything :D

Hope you like it, Bex!

Playlist song:

http://www. youtube. com/watch?v=TEfbL53jhN4

Thanks OnePushyFox, oh wise one and connoisseur of lemons, for your red-pen skills!!
http://the-lemon-sisters. blogspot. com/

Chunky Monkey

After a shitty day at the office, all I wanted to do was curl up with a spoon, a pint of ice cream, and my copy of Beautiful Creatures. That Ethan's such a hottie but total jailbait. The extent of the shittiness of my day required the hard stuff: Chunky Monkey.

When you go to work as a personal assistant at a law office, you think about being surrounded by possibility hot, definitely smart men in suits. Nobody tells you what prissy, whiny bitches they can be. I like my job, really I do, but today was just a general clusterfuck.

"Fuck!"

I stomped on the breaks, realizing I ate the last of the Chunky Monkey earlier in the week while I blubbered watching The Time Traveler's Wife. Halfway home, I swerved my car into my local neighborhood grocery's parking lot. Screeching to a halt, I jumped out of the car, slamming the door behind me, and proceeded to stomp into and through the store, heading straight for the frozen foods case.

Distracted momentarily by the newest rock-band themed ice cream flavor, I finally opened the freezer and reached for the Holy Grail: the last tub of Chunky Monkey. Just as my shaking hand wrapped around the side of the container, obscenely long fingers swooped in and snatched it from my grasp.

"What the..."

I spun, furious and ready to shank a bitch, and my eyes met the most beautiful green orbs nestled in the most gorgeous, chiseled face on Earth.

Fuck my life.

It was Edward Cullen.

"I'm sorry," he said, thoroughly and genuinely abashed. His eyes then truly focused on me, and his face lit up with a teeth-baring grin. "Bella Swan? Wow...just...wow. I haven't seen you since college. How are you?"

Of course he hadn't seen me. He was the other party to the absolute worst date of my entire life. I wanted to talk to him about as much as I wanted to have Jack Bauer pull out my fingernails with rusty pliers. Actually, at that moment, Jack Bauer seemed the better choice.

"I'm just awesome, Edward," I said with as much enthusiasm as I could muster. "How are you? I see you've moved back to Vermont."

Edward's smile was still broad and blinding, and I began to wonder if he was stoned. "Yeah, a few months ago. I got a new job. Plus, I just like Vermont better than Washington, and I missed my family. You still hang out with my sister?"

Of course I did. And I instantly thought of ways to punish my best friend for not warning me I might run into her brother.

"Sure, I see Alice every once in a while." I looked at the carton of ice cream in his hands and mentally calculated my changes of wrestling it from him. They weren't good. "Listen, it's nice to see you and all, Edward, but could you possibly let me have the Chunky Monkey? It's been a rough day, and I just need it."

"I don't know, Bella. You seem to be jonesin' pretty bad there. I'm worried you might have a problem, and I wouldn't want to feed your addiction." And then he winked at me.

Oh, he was fucking with me? Really?

I stormed up to him, standing toe-to-toe with the man of my college dreams. Now, however, he was the enemy.

"You seriously do not want to get between an irate woman and her ice cream."

Edward, who apparently had no sense of self-preservation, didn't move; he just continued to smile. "How about a compromise? I'd love to just sit down and catch up. Why don't we share the ice cream and talk?"

There were other flavors, but, at that point, it was the principle of the thing. "Fine. Give it here, and we can go to my place."

He yanked the ice cream out of my reach. "I don't think so. You'll just speed off and leave me behind with no ice cream and no conversation."

Stupid, mind-reading prick.

"Whatever." I huffed, stomping back the way I came. "Just hurry up so I can get my fix."

Twenty minutes later, we sat on bar stools on either side of my kitchen island facing each other, the Chunky Monkey between us and spoons in our hands.

"Are you sure you don't want a bowl, Edward?"

"Bella, I don't have cooties." He twirled his spoon around his fingers. "The anticipation is killing me." Digging his spoon into the pristine ice cream, he scooped up a bit and shoveled it into his mouth.

I watched the spoon pass between his lips, and a rush of longing came back to me. His emerald eyes sparkled as he tasted the ice cream, and he tightened his mouth around the spoon, making sure to get everything as he pulled it away.

His coppery hair was wind blown, but I could tell it was the organized mess it always was, even if it was a little shorter. His polo was open at the neck, revealing a tuft of soft-looking hair on his chest, and his face was unshaven. The six years since college has been kind; he looked only slightly older than the night of our chaotic date. If anything changed, it was maybe the width of his shoulders and the heft of his muscles. Although his was always very serious and never seemed like a boy, he was certainly a man now.

"So, Bella, what have you been up to? Still writing?"

His voice was still a deep rumble that made me want to do evil, evil things. But I was not entertaining those thoughts. They'd gotten me nowhere before.

"Yeah, a bit." I scooped out a heaping spoonful of my frozen elixir; I was the one that had the bad day, after all. "I'm a personal assistant at a law firm. Do you remember Mike Newton? Anyway, he and his father hired me a few years ago. It's a good job most days, and there's not a bunch of overtime interfering with my writing time."

Eating ice cream was a ritual. I passed the spoon in and out of my mouth, savoring the little bit of melt that occurred each time. After several passes, I turned the spoon upside down in my mouth, licking it hard to make sure nothing was left.

When I finished, Edward's mouth was hanging open. He shook his head briefly then went back to retrieve his second spoonful, swallowing it whole.

"Alice said you were doing well in Washington." I tapped my spoon on the countertop. "Get tired of the rain?"

"Got tired of being alone, really. When I got the opportunity to manage a quality control group for a company here, I jumped at the chance to come home."

I couldn't imagine Edward feeling alone, but his sad expression reflected the truth in his words. He had been very popular in college. Very studious, he hardly paid the girls any attention, which was why I was so shocked when he asked me, his little sister's friend, out on a date...the worst date ever.

"Bella, I always wondered why you wouldn't go out with me again."

What? I thought for sure six years was long enough that he let that go. Then again, I'd planned on dying of old age before I ever saw him again.

My spoon clanged against the counter. "What the hell happened to catching up?"

Edward took a third spoonful and shoved it into his pretty mouth. "I was just being polite. My family talks about you all the time. I always know exactly what you're doing."

Oh, yeah, I'm totally going to fuck Alice up.

Fine, if he wanted to know, then I'd tell him. "Edward, our date was the worst date I've ever had...an absolute disaster. I was humiliated and embarrassed, and I really didn't think it was the best omen for the two of us."

"It wasn't that bad."

I laughed. "You're kidding, right? The Volvo had a flat on the way to the restaurant, and we ended up getting drenched in a downpour changing it."

"So?" Edward asked as he ate his fourth spoonful.

"Then, at the restaurant, that psycho bitch called me a whore and threw red wine in your face when you stood up for me."

He rolled his eyes. "I tried to explain the Jane situation. She didn't take our breakup well. I had no idea she'd go apeshit like that."

I pointed my spoon threateningly at him. "And the chick at the club who pushed me out of the way to hump your leg? What about her?"

"Lauren was a complete freak who I swear I never touched. Did you know she's a nun now?"

"I didn't know how many more skanks were going to attack me. I was already a nervous wreck, and they just made it worse. I drank myself into a stupor just trying to calm myself down."

Edward was now pointing his spoon at me. "Now that was not my fault." He chuckled then smirked at me. "If I recall correctly, I'm the one that kept you from stripping off all your clothes after you announced to the entire bar you were going to fuck my brains out...right there."

I didn't need to see my face. I knew from the heat it had turned blood red. "Yes, I vaguely remember that. Thank you so much for bringing it up. Speaking of bringing things up, do you remember driving me home, tossing me all over the car because you were driving like a maniac, and me throwing up all in the passenger floor?"

"Yeah," he said, spooning out a fifth bite of ice cream. "It took weeks to get that smell out."

"God damn, Edward! Are you going to eat all the fucking ice cream by yourself?"

Shocked by my outburst, Edward froze, spoon in his mouth. "Sorry," he mumbled, quickly swallowing the ice cream and laying his spoon down on the counter.

After a few awkward moments, I broke the silence. "Look, I know you felt bad that the date was so horrible, and I appreciate that. But it wasn't necessary to make up for it. You were only being nice because Alice asked you to."

"What are you talking about?" Edward's forehead was creased, and his gaze was hard.

I looked down at my hands, letting my hair obscure my face.

"Don't do that, Bella. I fucking hate it when you hide like that." He reached across the table and brushed my hair behind my ear, his fingers lingering on the shell. "Please tell me why you think I was just being nice."

"I was a mousy little literature major, and you never paid any attention to me. I made the mistake of telling Alice I was interested in you, and she said she told you to ask me out." I shrugged, remembering how mortified I was that she'd said anything to him. "I know that's the only reason you called me."

Leaning back on his stool, Edward sighed. "You were always so frustrating, always talking yourself down. Did you ever once take an honest-to-God look at yourself in the mirror? Bella, you completely misunderstood what Alice meant. I was crazy about you. When you admitted to her that you liked me, she told me to ask you out to light a fire under my ass, not because you needed a pity date."

"Oh." When I finally digested what he'd said, my eyes almost bugged out of my head. "Oh!"

"You kinda broke my heart when you wouldn't let me take you out again."

I just continued to stare, confused and bewildered. The thought that anyone, much less the man in front of me, could have wanted me back then was such an alien concept. It made me wish I had a time machine so I could go back to college and bitch-slap myself.

"I must admit, though," Edward said, eying me approvingly, "I think I like grown-up, dirty-mouthed, assertive Bella even better."

My face was aflame from his admission, and, still unable to speak, I dove into the ice cream, bringing a mouthful back and passing it slowly between my lips.

Watching me intently, Edward gulped. When I flipped the spoon over and flicked it with my tongue, he almost fell off his stool.

"It is so fucking wrong to tease me like that."

I tilted my head and raised an eyebrow. "What are you talking about?"

Slowly rising to his feet, he approached me. He grabbed my spoon and scooped up some ice cream, bringing it to my lips.

"Open wide."

Placing the spoon in my mouth, he moved it in and out slowly, exactly the way I'd done. As the ice cream melted against my lips, he groaned.

"Do you know how hard it is to watch you do this and not imagine what else your mouth can do?" Turning the spoon upside down in my mouth, he waited for me to lick it. "It's absolutely impossible."

Dropping the spoon to the floor, he grabbed the sides of my stool and pulled me toward him. "I wonder, if I kiss you, what I'll taste first." He brushed his lips across my cheek. "Banana? Chocolate? How long before I taste just you, Bella?"

Grabbing a handful of my hair, he tugged my head back and leaned down, slowly running his tongue over my bottom lip. Before my sigh completely left my mouth, his mouth was against mine, and I pulled at his bottom lip, gently sucking it.

Dear God, I really should have gone on that second date.

Encircling my waist with his free arm, Edward pulled me closer until I was crushed against him. His tongue was insistent, and I parted my lips, brushing my tongue against his and allowing him to find out exactly how I taste.

While our mouths were becoming acquainted, learning what the other liked and wanted, my body decided to become an active participant. I slid my hands down his sides until they rested on his hips, and I pulled him closer to me and my famished mouth.

Suddenly, Edward bent down and, hooking his arm behind my knees, swept me into his arms, easily cradling me against his chest. His eyes, dark and hooded, gazed down at me, and he only said one word.

"Bedroom."

My shaking hand pointed to the end of the hall, and he carried me, never taking his eyes off mine. Reaching his destination, he gently lowered me to my feet. He stripped off his shirt, revealing the shoulders and chest I earlier admired shamelessly. As he watched, I slowly unbuttoned my blouse, dropping it to the floor on top of his discarded shirt.

Emboldened by his obvious desire, I reached behind my back and unclasped my bra. Pulling it away, I added to the quickly growing pile. I wanted to tease him, so I palmed my breasts, bringing my fingers to then pinch my already taut nipples...hard.

Edward licked his lips in anticipation. "Jesus, are you trying to kill me?"

When he stepped forward, I stepped back. I kicked off my pumps and hooked my thumbs underneath the waistband of my panties. Looking to Edward, I waited for his approval to continue. He nodded once, and I slowly pushed my pants and panties to the floor and stepped out of them.

He stood slack-jawed and didn't move as I walked to face him and began to unzip his jeans. He was rock hard and ready to be released. Still, his hands stopped mine.

"As much as I want this right now, I need you to know that I don't just fuck around." He looked adorably nervous. "Does that scare you?"

"No...and neither do I."

Sighing, he freed my hands, allowing me to completely undress him. As I finished pulling his jeans and boxers over his feet, I knelt down, and his hands came to rest on the back of my head.

I kissed upward along the underside of his cock and, reaching the head, licked his pre-cum into my mouth. The taste...his taste...was so much better than I'd imagined, and I greedily took him completely into my mouth. Quickly moving up and down the length of him, I could feel him begin to guide me, showing me how fast and deep he wanted to go. The first time he felt the back of my throat, he groaned and bit his lip. I let him set the pace, increasing the tightness of my mouth around him, until he was fucking my mouth with abandon.

"I'm so close, baby," he muttered between pants and moans. "Please say I can come in your mouth."

Smiling around him, I hummed my approval. It was all he needed, and he thrust deep into my mouth, coming hard. I swallowed every drop and waited until he was finished before licking him clean.

I sat back on my heels with a self-satisfied grin. "That was so much better than fucking ice cream." I licked my lips for emphasis.

"You are an evil woman, Bella Swan." Helping me to my feet, he leaned to whisper in my ear. "Do you know what I do to evil women?"

"What?" I asked breathlessly.

"I fuck them senseless."

Tossing me over his shoulder, he walked straight to the bed and threw me down onto it. His eyes passed repeatedly over my quivering body, and he seemed to be trying to make some kind of decision.

"You are such a beautiful woman," he said, running a single finger between my breasts and down my stomach. "So many wonderful things I can do to you. I just can't decide."

I was wet the second he ate the first bite of ice cream, but his perusal of me was causing a flood of arousal. I'd never been this turned on before, and it made me think of everything he could have done to me over the past six years.

"Quit teasing me, Edward." I meant to sound demanding, but it came out as a desperate plea.

Climbing onto the bed, he knelt between my spread legs. "I'm not teasing. I truly am conflicted." He brushed his thumbs over my aching nipples, and I arched my back. "Do I start here? Or since you're so dripping wet for me..." He paused, sliding a finger between my slick folds. "Should I see what you truly taste like?" Slowly, he plunged his finger deep into me. "Or should I finally see what it's like to be inside you?"

Catching my breath, I found my fuck-me-now voice. "I vote for all of the above."

The corner of his mouth lifted into the sexiest uneven smile I'd ever seen. "Very well."

Lying beside me, he took my arm and rolled me over onto my side facing him. As his hands cupped my breasts, he raised his head to kiss me. His lips moved slowly, almost keeping time with his fingers, which began pulling my nipples. His touch became rougher as his tongue sought out mine, and our kiss turned frantic.

Breaking away, he kissed a path down my neck and across my collarbone. Every few inches, his tongue would dart between his lips and lick my skin. His mouth still on my body, he gently pushed me onto my back and lowered his head, taking my nipple into his warm mouth.

I brushed his wild hair back, stroking the back of his head as I watched him. His mouth moved between my breasts, his tongue making wet circles around the pebbled flesh of each areola before he sucked each nipple, alternating suction with a graze of his teeth. My moans were unceasing; I couldn't believe how good it felt, how close it was driving me to orgasm.

Just when I thought I couldn't stand any more, Edward licked a path over my stomach, pausing briefly to press his tongue into my belly button. I felt his smile when I giggled, and the intimacy of the moment hit me hard. Tears ran down my face, and every muscle in my body tensed.

Edward stopped his travels down my body and looked up at me, his expression suddenly frightened. Lying next to me again, he pulled me into a tight embrace and kissed my cheeks. "What's wrong, baby?"

"I wanted you so much, but I don't know who you are now." I sniffled, trying to control my crying. "You said you didn't fuck around, but what does this mean then?" Burying my face in the crook of his neck, I hid from him. "I'm being stupid, I know."

Grabbing my chin and forcing me to look at him, Edward softly kissed me. "Where did assertive Bella go? Have you not listened to a word I said? I was crazy about you then. I'm crazy about you now. I'm still the same person, just a little older. If you'll just give me a chance, I'll show you how good I can be to you...and I'm not just talking about tonight."

His lips were then on mine, and all my worries melted away as our mouths opened to each other. As we kissed, his hand gently pushed my thighs apart, and I felt his fingers caress my wet lips.

"Please let me taste you." He was almost begging. "I've wanted to for so long."

At my whispered yes, he again kissed his way down my body, placing one final kiss over my clit before inhaling sharply.

"Fuck, you smell good."

I gasped, feeling his tongue make it's first tentative laps against me. He moaned and hummed against my wet flesh, his long fingers easily slipping inside me. I could feel myself contract around him, and he curved his fingers to hit the spot he knew would drive me mad.

"Oh my God, Bella." His voice was hoarse, and I could feel his hot breath on my clit. "If you're this tight around my fingers, what are you going to do to my cock?"

I clenched a fistful of his soft hair and pressed him into me. His mouth went to work, sucking my clit into his mouth and flicking it with the sharp tip of his tongue. Bucking my hips toward him, I pleaded for him to end the beautiful torture and send me over the edge. With a few more thrusts of his curved fingers and a hard suck of my clit, he complied, drinking every drop I gave him until I stilled underneath his mouth.

My breathing was still labored as I watched him reach for his jeans. Rummaging around in his back pocket, he retrieved a condom and handed it to me.

"I could do it myself, but I think it would be significantly sexier to watch you do it." He stroked himself, his cock hard and weeping.

I sat up and rolled the condom down his shaft, taking my time, teasing him. When he was completely sheathed, I raised an eyebrow in challenge. "So, what was that about fucking me senseless?"

Pushing me back down, Edward raised my right leg and draped it over his shoulder. Lining his head up with my entrance, he looked at me, his eyes pitch black. "Are you sure you're ready for me, Bella?"

Shuddering, I bit my lip and nodded.

Pushing slowly inside me, stretching me, his taking of me was the most incredible thing I'd ever felt. He turned his head and kissed my ankle before he pressed further, filling me completely. I struggled to keep my eyes open; I wanted to watch the tightening of his jaw and the tensing of his muscles as he fucked me.

A rumbling sound very much like a growl reverberated in his chest, and he wrapped one huge hand around my raised thigh, the fingers of the other digging into my hip.

Pulling out until we were barely joined, he began to thrust into me hard and fast. The pleasure was just shy of pain, and my whole body was jarred each time he pounded into me. I raised my hips to meet him, and we crashed into each other violently.

I knew he was close; I could see the tension in every inch of his beautiful body. Wanting to let him feel all I could give him, I snaked my hand down and began to circle my clit with my anxious fingers.

Edward looked down between us and began to thrust even faster. "That's it, baby. Touch yourself for me. I want to feel you come."

I almost came from his words alone, and I stroked myself faster, getting closer to coming apart for him. Each time he was fully buried inside me, I ground myself against him, my moving hand trapped between us. One more circle of my fingertips, and I came hard, clenching around him and screaming.

"You feel...so good." He could barely speak, but his groans were loud and clear. "Never thought...it...could be...like...this."

Dropping my leg, he fell, his weight precariously balanced on his forearms. Searching out my mouth with his, he kissed me hard. I pulled his hair until he winced, breaking our kiss so I could see him. He plunged into me, his back arched and head thrown back, and exploded inside me. His face was awash with peaceful contentment, and his soft whispers were almost impossible to hear. I finally realized he was repeating one word again and again as his movements stilled inside me.

"Bella."

~čɱ~

The next morning, I reached out to slap the snooze button on my alarm clock, only to have a hand with obscenely long fingers beat me to it.

Rolling over, I laughed. "You just can't help yourself, can you?"

Edward smiled and surprised me by ignoring the no-kissing-first-thing-in-the-morning rule. "What can I say? I really don't want to get out of this bed." Lifting his arms over his head, he stretched and twisted his supple body, making me a little crazy. "Too bad we both have to work today."

He was right, and, after a blow job and cunnilingus filled shower and two cups of coffee, we both got dressed to leave. As we stood next to my car, I wasn't sure where this was going, but I knew I wanted to see him again. I wouldn't make the same mistake twice.

"So, Bella, I'd really like to take you on that second date." Edward shuffled nervously. "I meant what I said last night."

My face was turning bright red; I could feel it. Afraid I'd squeak if I actually used my voice, I just bit my lip and nodded.

"Fuck, Bella," he said, pinching the bridge of his nose, "you can't just do that and send me off with a raging hard on." He adjusted himself and looked at me, his eyes dilated. "Just give me your number and let me get out of here before I throw you onto the hood of your car."

Pulling my business card out of my purse, I scribbled my number on the back and handed it to him. "I'd say I'm sorry, but I don't think I am."

He grinned devilishly at me. "Remember what I do to evil women, Bella."

"I'm counting on it."

One more kiss, and we parted ways. I spent the better part of the morning in a daze, closing my eyes often to replay the choicer moments of the night before.

My ringing phone awakened me. "Bella Swan, Newton and Newton Law."

"Yes, Ms. Swan, my name is Angela Weber." The woman's voice was bright and friendly. "I'm with Ben & Jerry's."

What? Oh my God, how did the ice cream police know what perverted things I wanted to do with with Edward and whatever frozen treat I could get my hands on? And what was the penalty for ice cream molestation anyway?

"Uh huh." I clearly had a gift for words.

"I'm calling on behalf of Edward Cullen, the Director of Quality Control. He's asked me to coordinate the delivery of a gift with you."

Normally, I hated surprises and gifts, but this was just too intriguing to pass up. "Delivery?" At least I was up to whole words.

"Yes, the delivery of a year's supply of Chunky Monkey."