Title: Broken
Characters: Jaina, Jag, Han, Leia, ect.
Disclaimer: This isn't my universe, I'm just playing in it.
Jaina Solo sat staring at the screen in front of her with a look of complete disdain. She had been reading and filing reports all day. That's all she did anymore. She read reports, filed them away and gathered information for the Jedi Order.
For six months.
Jaina turned the screen off and leaned back her in chair. She absent-mindedly began twisting her engagement ring around her finger. It had become a habit, as of late. Her fiancé, Jagged Fel was head of the Galactic Empire. He was off at the capital in Bastion doing something or another. She was stuck on Corescant.
Reading reports.
It wasn't that she craved action, far from it. She'd seen enough death and destruction to last ten lifetimes. She found herself at loose ends. She was no teacher. Not only did she not have the patience for it, but also she didn't want to face the questions.
And boy, were their questions.
Questions about her battle with Cadeus. Questions about Jacen. Questions about Anakin. Questions about being named Sword of the Jedi. Jaina did not have the mental energy to discuss this with every single apprentice, Knight and Master.
Jaina refused to take on an apprentice. She couldn't save her brother. She had no right to instruct another person. She knew the Masters were keeping her from most missions that would involve questions regarding her brother.
So Jaina had become, essentially, the Jedi Secretary.
At first, she hadn't minded it. No one bothered her. Reports were sent to her, rarely brought in person. No questions, no sorrowful stares. She did her job and went home at the end of the day. Sometimes she went to her parents' for dinner. Those visits were more frequent when Jag was not around. Her niece, Allana, was always happy to see her.
Jaina picked up a holo image of Allana. She was sitting on top of the Millennium Falcon. Jaina's father, Han Solo, was working on his beloved ship. Allana was laughing at something out of site. She looked like the perfect blend of her mother, Tenel Ka, and her father, Jacen.
Allana had brought a sense of hope to the family. Somehow, she always seemed to know when someone needed her. She had her demons; she always would. It pained Jaina to know that it was her brother's fault.
The feeling of sorrow, pain, guilt and frustration began closing in on her, again. She stood up quickly. She had to get out of here. She felt as if the walls were closing in on her. She felt as though fingers were being pointed at her and whispers of, "She murdered her own brother" were shot at her.
Jaina threw her cloak over her shoulders, snapped her lightsaber on her belt, locked the door and left. She walked quickly past students of all ages. She had no idea what time it was. She ignored the route to her quarters. She rushed to the north exit of the Temple.
"Jaina-" she heard Kyp Durron shouted as she rushed by him. She ignored him. She didn't want to speak to anyone here. She raced down the steps and down the public walkway that would take her to her parents' building. She tried to ignore the glances and whispers as she made her way up to her parents' apartment.
Jaina entered quietly. Han was seated on the floor playing some type of game with Allana. She gave a tight smile to them both and slide past them, heading toward her bedroom there. She locked the door and ripped of her cloak. In the privacy of her room, she began to cry.
__
Han watched helplessly as his daughter entered their home and locked herself away. He could hear her muffled sobs down the hallway. Allana looked at him, concern in her young eyes, but did not say anything. This wasn't the first time this had happened. Han motioned for Allana to keep playing her game. Experience told him it was best to leave Jaina alone for a while.
Hours after Jaina's crying had subsided, Han, Leia and Allana were seated around the dinner table. Leia had unlocked their daughter's door and found her sleeping. She left her that way.
A blood-curdling scream came from the back bedroom. Han and Leia jumped up and ran back to the room. Leia opened the door. Jaina was still asleep, thrashing wildly, locked in a nightmare. Han and Leia exchanged looks and nodded. Han walked over and began to untangle the sheets from his daughter's tight grasp as Leia gently tried to wake her.
Jaina sat up, eyes wild. She looked around the room restlessly as she became fully awake. She sat for a few seconds as the realities of her dreams came crashing down upon her. She began to shake. Han pulled him to her tightly, calming her down.
After a few minutes, Jaina sat quietly on her bed, silent tears streaming down her face. There was nothing Han or Leia could do to make the pain go away. All they could do was try to comfort her.
"Aunt Jaina?" Allana's called from the doorway, "Did you dream about my daddy."
Jaina nodded at the little girl. Allana went into the room and scrambled onto the bed. She sat down in Jaina's lap.
"I do, too, sometimes. Sometimes it's when he was good, but it's scary when he's bad," she said, and then asked, "Do you want to know what I do to make myself happy?"
"What's that?" Jaina asked.
"I remember when I found out he was my Daddy and said he loved me and when he would come visit me and Mommy," she responded simply.
Allana's response brought a smile to Jaina's face.
"That's a good idea, Allana. I will have to think of happy memories," she told her niece, kissing her forehead. Jaina gently nudged her off her lap and said, "I'm going to shower."
Han and Leia watched the scene silently. Leia walked over and wrapped an arm around Allana.
"That was very nice of you, Allana," Leia told her.
The comm unit pinged in the background. Han stepped out of Jaina's room and went into his to answer it. He was surprised to see a worried looking Jagged Fel in front of him.
"Is Jaina okay?" he answered without preamble.
"Yeah, why?" Han responded, puzzled.
"I received a message from Master Durron telling me she had left the Temple fleeing like a mad woman again," Jag responded simply, and then continued, "I haven't been able to reach her."
"She's here. She had another…attack," Han responded. He didn't know if attack was the right word or not. No one had come up with a better one. They had been increasing in frequency over the past month.
Jag nodded solemnly, and then asked, "Is she there?"
"Shower."
"Please tell her to call me as soon as possible," he asked, "Good evening."
With that, the transmission ended. Han ran his hand over his eyes. He liked Fel alright, but he didn't care for his extended absences. Jaina was worse off when he was gone. That irked Han, too. He knew he had always been slightly less pleasant to live with whenever Leia was out. That his little girl had found someone to share miserable times like that with annoyed him.
--
Jaina leaned against the side of the shower wall. Her nightmares replayed in her head. She saw the final moments of Jacen's life. She saw herself putting her lightsaber through him. She saw herself clutching his dead, broken body on floor. She felt the raw, crippling rip inside of her as her twin's life ended.
It wasn't enough for the galaxy to take one of her brothers. No, it was greedy and had to take both from her. Anakin, a bright star going nova before it's time and Jacen, a gentle spirit warped by war, hatred and misguided beliefs. She found herself wondering, as she often did, what would have happened if it had been Anakin instead of her who came back from Myrkr. Would it have been different? Would Jacen have turned?
Jaina turned off the water and grabbed a towel. She felt apprehensive and alone. The small relief she had had before when she stayed here was gone. She had to leave. She needed to feel safe. She needed to heal. She couldn't do that here. She couldn't do it at the Jedi Temple.
Jaina dressed quickly. She rushed to her room and threw several items in a bag. She walked quickly out of her room as fast as she had entered. She ran into her father on the way to the front room.
"Jag called," he told her.
"Oh," Jaina said. Despite her mood, a small smile spread across her face. She asked, "What did he say?"
"He's worried about you. Call him," Han responded, and then asked, "Leaving?"
Jaina nodded, and then responded, "I need to get away from here for awhile. Clear my head."
"Any particular destination in mind?" Han asked, having a hunch.
"Bastion," Jaina admitted.
Han hugged her tightly and said, "I love you. Don't forget to tell your mother and Allana goodbye."
Jaina nodded and went to do just that. After she left her parents' place, she quietly slipped into the Jedi Temple. She quickly grabbed a few things from her office. She noticed her comm link sitting on the desk. The light was blink on the wall unit. Jaina walked over and glanced at her messages. Two were from Jag, wondering about her. Another was from Kyp. Jaina deleted all them. She left her office and stopped by her quarters. In less than ten minutes, she was on her way to the docking bay of the Temple. She hopped into her StealthX, contacted flight control and took off.
Jaina waited until she was in hyperspace before sending a message to Jag. She kept it brief. She told him she was okay and would talk to him very soon. She added for him to stay put. The last thing she needed was him jumping in his Clawcraft and coming after her.
Jaina closed her eyes. She could still feel the walls closing in on her, but they were a little less forceful. Jaina shifted slightly in her seat to mediate during her long flight.
__
Head of State Jag Fel was rarely an impatient man. He never showed any signs of outward irritation whenever he listened to the various politicians bicker. He kept a calm, expressionless face.
Normally.
Tonight was not one of those moments. He had been awoken early this morning by a message from Kyp, asking about Jaina. Jag had asked Kyp to keep an eye on her when he was away. The battle with Jacen had broken her. She usually woke up screaming during the night. She would have anxiety attacks. Jag was ready to jump into his Clawcraft and go to her that instant, but Kyp convinced him to wait. He spoke to the Solos, who said she was with them.
Jag may have agreed to wait, but he didn't have to like it. He had tried to get a hold of Jaina. He finally heard from her, but it was just a short message. It gave no indication of how she exactly was or anything.
Jag rubbed his hand over his eyes. If he didn't hear anything else in the next hour, he was leaving, Empire be damned.
"Sir?"
Jag looked over at the man asking for his attention.
"Yes?" he responded. What now, he thought to himself.
"Sir, the reports from the…" Jag automatically tuned him out. He already knew and to be honest, he did not care at the moment about shipment issues on one of the many backwater worlds he ruled over.
Jag stood up and excused himself. Let them bicker late into the night. Nothing important was going to be decided tonight, anyways. He walked quickly out of the room, fast enough, he hoped to avoid being stopped by anyone.
Jag entered his quarters. He didn't bother to turn on the light. He started to head towards his bedroom when the light came up. He whirled around, blaster out.
"You know, walking around in the dark isn't smart, Jagged."
A grin broke out on Jag's face. He replied, "You were the one sitting in the dark. Planning on attacking me?"
"Perhaps," Jaina Solo answered with a grin. He wrapped his arms around her tightly.
"I should never have given you a clearance code," he murmured.
"I would have stolen it, regardless. It's much more fun to sneak up on you," she responded. He pulled back from her slightly to look at her. She had bags under her eyes. Her eyes were slightly puffy and red. She'd been crying. Jag hated it when she cried. He gave her a soft kiss.
"What's wrong, Jaina?" he asked when he released her lips. He led her to the couch in the next room.
Jaina sighed. She stared at her hands in her lap for a few minutes. Jag put his arm around her, waiting for her to decide when to speak.
A few silent tears began to flow down her cheeks. Jaina buried her face in his chest.
"It's been eight months. I feel trapped. I can't get away. Everywhere I go people look at me, ask me. I can hear them whispering. I can't stay with Jedi. Everyone wants to know how he fell. I can't stay at Mom and Dad's. I took their other son away," Jaina said into his chest, "Even alone, I feel it all bearing down on me. I'm tired, Jag. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of not being able to sleep the night."
Jag rubbed her back while she cried. He hated Jacen Solo for what he had done to Jaina. There was nothing Jag could do erase her pain. It wasn't like when Anakin died. Jag had lost siblings, too. He understood. He had never had to kill his brother or sister to save the lives of billions.
Jaina's sobs finally subsided after awhile. Jag handed her a tissue to wipe her face off with.
"Sorry," she mumbled.
"Never be sorry to talk to me, love. That's what I'm here for," Jag responded, and then asked, "How long are you staying here?"
"I don't want to leave," Jaina murmured. She continued, "I hate leaving you."
Jag tilted her head up to face his. He leaned down and kissed her deeply.
"Then don't," he responded as he pulled back.
The months of separation caught up with them. Jaina hungrily sought out his mouth. Jag lifted her up off the couch and made their way back to the bedroom.
Even if Jag couldn't erase her pain permanently, he at least could make it go away for awhile.
--
Jag awoke to an excessive loud buzzing noise. He looked for the culprit, the comm unit. He rolled out of bed as fast as he could without waking Jaina. He rushed over to it and turned off the sound. He saw the Solos were calling. Jag snatched a robe off the back of his door, closed it and went to answer the Solos in the living room.
"Hello, Han. Leia."
"Oh, I'm sorry, Jag. I forgot about the time difference," Leia said, apologizing. She continued, "We wanted to see if Jaina had made it in yet."
"It's fine. She arrived last night," he responded.
"How is she?" Han asked.
"Bad. She's sleeping now," Jag responded. He wanted to keep this conversation short. He wanted to be there if Jaina needed him.
"Please let us know how she is," Leia asked, "we'll let you get back to sleep."
"I'll let you know later today. Have a good evening." Jag responded and switched off the unit. He glanced at the time. He should be getting up in an hour and a half. He grabbed a holopad he'd thrown on the couch the previous day and looked at his schedule. He sent a quick message off to one of his aides and went back into the bedroom.
Jaina was sleeping peacefully. Jag removed his robe and climbed back into bed next to her. He'd turned everything off, hoping nothing would wake Jaina. She needed this and he was going to guarantee she would get it.
--
Jaina awoke several hours later. She blinked her eyes several times, surprised that the room was still pitch dark. She rolled over to find a pair of emerald eyes staring at her.
"Good morning," Jag said, voice husky, "How did you sleep?"
"Good," Jaina said, and then gave him a soft kiss, "What time is it?"
"About 1200 hours."
"I've been out for that long? Why didn't you wake me? You should be-"
Jag cut her off, "You slept about 14 hours. You needed it. I took the day off. The only place I should be is right here with you."
Jag kissed her again, and then added, "Besides, all those people who work for me need something to do."
Jaina giggled, and asked, "What's the plan for today?"
"Anything you want," Jag responded with a shrug. He reached over to his nightstand and flipped a switch. Like the windows in the Chief of State's rooms in the old Imperial Palace on Corescant, these were fake. Jag's rooms were tucked deep into the structure at Bastion. Light streamed in.
Jaina glanced around the bedroom. It didn't look much different from the last time she was here, two months ago. The entire apartment was sparse.
"Hmm," she said as she slid out of bed, wearing only a shirt that she'd taken from Jag. She walked over to her closet and grabbed a simple green tunic and brown pants. She threw them on the bed, along with her undergarments, and went to the refresher.
Jaina shook her head at the immaculate bathroom before her. A large, stone tub sat in the back. A shower stall was on the side. The countertop was clean. If Jaina didn't know better, she'd say it'd never been used. None of Jag's personal items were anywhere to be found. Jaina shook her head. He kept them in a small drawer near the door. The drawer was even organized. Jaina chuckled to herself as she stepped into the shower. Typical Jag, organized to a fault.
--
Jag had breakfast, or lunch, Jaina thought, spread out on the table near the kitchen. A vase of fresh flowers sat in the middle.
Jag popped up from his chair to pull Jaina's out for her. He gave her a quick kiss, and then sat down.
They ate in a comfortable silence. Jag glanced over news reports on his datapad. After they finished, both Jaina and Jag cleared the table. Jaina started to laugh when she loaded her plate into the dishwasher.
Jag raised an eyebrow at her. Jaina shook her head.
"What?"
"Nothing. This is just so…domestic," she replied.
"Domestic?" Jag asked.
"Yes, domestic," Jaina answered. She didn't elaborate. She walked over to Jag and sat on him.
"You took the whole day off?"
"Yes."
"Hm, whatever will we do?" Jaina asked with a mischievous glint in her eye.
"No idea," Jag responded, "Although, if you want to get out, several new starship models arrived yesterday at one of the local yards."
Jaina's eyes lit up. Brand new ships.
"Are you looking?" she asked.
Jag shrugged, "Somewhat. It'd be nice to fly in something more discreet than the Imperial shuttles sometimes."
"Well what are you waiting for? Let's go."
---
Jag dismissed the sales representative at the yard, assuring him that if he had any questions he would find him. Jaina wandered around the yard. Nothing stood out to her. Sure, each model was great, but each one lacked the "it" factor.
Jaina walked past a sleek black yacht and stopped short. A dark red Corellian ship sat in front of her. Its rounded shape reminded her of the old images she'd seen of Nubian models. Jaina walked up to it. The ramp was down. She walked inside and found her way to the cockpit. The cockpit contained a pilot, co-pilot and navigator's station. Jaina sat down in the pilot's chair and touched the yoke.
It was almost like an electrical shock passed between her and the ship. This was it. Jaina had to have this ship. She could recall her dad telling her about what he had felt when he first saw the Millennium Falcon. She was sure she felt the same way. Jaina got up from the pilot's chair and went to investigate the hyperdrive and engines.
--
Jag could hear noises coming from a red freighter. He'd been trying to find Jaina. He climbed the ramp of the ship and followed the noise. There was Jaina, leaning into an access panel she'd removed. Jag waited for her to straighten out before saying anything.
"Find anything?" he asked when her head finally appeared.
"This one. You should get this one," Jaina told him breathlessly. She listed its specifications and potential modifications. Her eyes shown with excitement at the prospect of upgrading its systems.
Jag nodded, "Okay."
"That's it? Okay?" Jaina asked, "You're serious?"
"Yes, Jaina, I'm serious. How big is the cargo hold?" he asked.
"Plenty of room. Come on," Jaina answered, and then motioned for him to follow her, "let me show you."
--
"You have got to be kidding me," Jaina stated. Jag had purchased the ship and they had flown it back to his private docking bay. He had just told her that he put it in her name.
"I'm not," he responded with a chuckle.
"You can't just give me a ship, Jagged."
"It's both of ours, your name is just on the papers," Jag told her.
Jaina shook her head. This was insane. Jag had just bought a ship right out. She knew he had money, but to actually see it put to use was completely different.
"Well," Jaina said with a grin, "if my name's on the registry, I'm captain."
"I suppose you are," Jag responded, and then asked, "Orders?"
"Yes, the hyperdrive needs modified, better weaponry, stronger shields…" Jaina said, trailing off as she thought.
"I'll get started then, Captain Solo," Jag replied with a smirk as he stood.
"Wait," Jaina said, grabbing his wrist, "There's something else I want to check first."
Jag raised an eyebrow, waiting for her response.
Jaina didn't respond. She rose from her chair and pulled Jag down the hall with her to their quarters.
--
Jaina and Jag sat on their bed later that evening going over schematics. Most couples wouldn't find pouring over blueprints for a starship that exciting, but most couples weren't former fighter pilots.
Jag's comm link began to buzz. Jag picked it up, and looked surprised.
"Who is it?" Jaina asked, noticing his expression.
"Lyra," Jag responded. Lyra was Jag's personal assistant. She wouldn't call him today unless it was extremely important.
"Fel," he answered.
"I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but you need to turn on the news," a young woman's voice said from the tiny speaker.
"Thank you," Jag responded, turning off the connection. He walked to the living toom to turn on the news. The comm began to buzz again. Jaina, who was just a step behind Jag, answered it. There was a short message from her mother telling her to turn on the news.
A replay of a speech by Chief of State Daala was playing.
"All Galactic Alliance Jedi have 72 hours to report to the Jedi Temple. Any Jedi who cannot meet the deadline must report to their local government and prepare for shipment. The majority of the wars in our lifetime have been caused by Jedi. I have decided that it is in the best interest of the Galactic Alliance to prevent this minority from causing the death of more loyal citizens. Any Galactic Alliance government or citizen found withholding a Jedi is subject to persecution."
--