DISCLAIMER: Sadly I do not own Cirque du Freak or any of the characters though I would love to have my very own Crepsley.

SUMMARY: Sometimes he has nightmares. Sometimes he wishes that it had been him instead. Sometimes he just wants to curl up and die but no matter what, he knows that one person will be there for him…always.

A/N: Set after the death of Crepsley; my take on what should have happened. The bits in Italics are flashbacks and dreams.

TITLE: Always and Forever

Always and Forever

The pained scream broke the silence in the dark tent as a shadowy figure bolted upright in bed. Trying to get his breathing back to normal, Darren shakily sighed. He still had the nightmares, they came at least once a week and every time they got longer and more agonizing to endure. It had been a month and half since Crepsley's death and things hadn't gotten easier for Darren. He went to bed every night, choosing to live like a normal member of the Cirque as opposed to the half vampire that he was. He knew that he should be out there finding Steve, getting revenge for his mentor but since that fateful night just over six weeks ago; he couldn't bring himself to leave the safety and comfort of the Cirque.

It was painful, thinking back and knowing that he would never again see the sarcastic smiles and frustrated eye rolls belonging to Larten Crepsley. Pushing the covers back off his body, he slowly got to his feet and shakily crossed the tent. He hadn't been sleeping in his coffin; it was still a painful reminder of what he had lost. Quietly lifting the lid, he reached in and pulled out a red, silky cape before draping it over his shoulders and once again closing the coffin lid. He still remembered the day that Crepsley had given him the cape.

"Mr Crepsley?" Sitting atop his bedcovers, he looked across the hotel room at his mentor whom was adjusting his cape in the mirror. Mr Crepsley had never been vain but for some reason tonight seemed different. He had been stood by the mirror for fifteen minutes now and Darren couldn't decide whether it was vanity which was holding him back or whether there was something that he needed, but did not know how, to say.

"Hmm?" His distracted mumble confirmed Darren's suspicion that the vampire had something on his mind.

"Is everything alright, you seem distracted by something?" Crossing his legs underneath him, he waited for an answer.

"You really do ask too many questions Master Shan." Stepping away from the mirror, he turned to look at Darren. The boy said nothing and Mr Crepsley sighed before crossing the room to sit on the end of the bed. "You have been my assistant for a couple of months now Darren…" Trailing off, he tried to work out how to say what he wanted to say and Darren sat silently, afraid to interrupt. "In that time you have hated me and I know that you have been tempted to kill me but…but you have stayed loyal and for that I am thankful." Clearing his throat, he scratched his head in what seemed to be a gesture of embarrassment before continuing. "Anyway, I thought it was time that I gave you something…something that my mentor gave to me."

Standing up, he crossed the room and opened the wardrobe where he had been storing his things. Darren looked over to where the vampire stood and glanced at the items in the cupboard, pots and pans mostly littered the floor of the wardrobe whilst food supplies rested on the shelf. Reaching to the top shelf of the storage unit, Mr Crepsley pulled down some sort of material which was folded up before walking back over to Darren and carefully handing it over. "Wh…what's this?" The half vampire looked cautiously at the folded mass of red in his lap and raised an eyebrow.

The only thing that Mr Crepsley said to him in return was, "Unfold it and see."

Doing as he was told, Darren carefully unfolded the material and let out a small gasp as he realised that it was a dark red, silky cape. "It's amazing…more than that it's…" Trailing off he didn't know how to finish so looked up at his mentor and asked, "Where did you get it?"

"It was mine; my mentor gave it to me when I was younger…training to be a vampire."

"Just like me?" Darren couldn't stop the words from tumbling from his mouth and Mr Crepsley's mouth twitched into what resembled a half smile.

"Yes Darren, just like you." Crossing to the window, the vampire looked out at the night sky and Darren knew that it was because he was no good as showing his emotions.

"Mr Crepsley…I can't take this. It was your first cape and I…" Again he found that he couldn't finish so fell silent and waited for the other creature to speak.

"I want you to have it Darren. You have proved your loyalty to me and…and I want you to have it." His voice was sincere and Darren knew that if he could see the vampire's face, he would see the sincerity in his eyes. "Every good vampire needs a cape and what better than to have the cape belonging to your mentor." Turning, he finally faced the younger boy and offered him the tiniest of smiles. The moment was brief however as he continued, "Anyway, get ready we have work to do tonight and I don't have time for your dillydallying."

Darren smiled and nodded before standing up, slipping the cape on and walking over to Mr Crepsley. "Thank you." With that he slipped his arms around the vampire's waist. He didn't know why he did it but it seemed like the right thing to do and lately Mr Crepsley had become something of a father figure to him. He could have sworn that he heard Mr Crepsley sigh contentedly but if he did it was soon lost by the vampire's next words.

"Darren, let go of me…vampires do not hug." Quickly pulling away, Darren mumbled an apology but smiled again when he heard Mr Crepsley's small chuckle.

Stroking the cape, he carefully made his way outside, mindful not to wake up Evra who was sleeping soundly with his snake. Once outside, he looked up at the stars and sighed before sitting down. "I still miss you, you know…git." His voice was light but there was still hurt lacing the words. Every night he remembered the vampire, remembered how much he had hated him for changing him into a vampire but somewhere along the line his views had changed; he had realised that he needed Mr Crepsley more than he first thought he would.

He had started off as an enemy, then he had become a mentor, next a friend and finally a father. His own father was still out there, living a normal life; a life with his wife and daughter. A life where he would never forget his son, still feeling that somewhere, he was still alive but knowing that his belief was foolish. He had buried Darren a long time ago and tried to get on with his life but Darren had found it equally as hard. Knowing that everyday his parents sobbed for their dead son, his sister cried herself to sleep and somehow blamed herself for his death. That had been the hardest thing, getting over the pain he knew he was causing his family. Mr Crepsley had helped him, he had reluctantly rubbed circles on his back when he woke from nightmares depicting his family breaking down over their loss, told him that although he would never be his father, he would always be there for him.

He wasn't here though. He was gone…just like his parents…just like Sam. For some reason this time was different though. With his family, he had known that they were safe, they were still alive. Sam's death had been hard to get over but he had had Mr Crepsley there for support as well as having Evra. This time, with Mr Crepsley, things had been so different. Evra was amazing; he constantly told Darren not to blame himself and that Mr Crepsley would have been proud but when it was Evra holding him whilst he sobbed, he wished that it was Mr Crepsley…his vampire father.

"It'll get easier dude." Darren turned to see that Evra had joined him. "I know you miss him like crazy and it hurts but in time…"

"No." The broken whisper cut Evra off mid sentence and the snake boy raised an eyebrow. "No it won't get easier and to be honest…I'm not sure I would want it to."

"Why would you say that?" Evra lowered his voice slightly so that he wouldn't wake up anyone else; the rest of the Cirque were all sleeping and some of them would have an early start so he didn't want to be the one to wake them up earlier than necessary.

"Because if it got easier that would mean that I'm getting over it and I don't want to be over it." A look of confusion passed over Evra's face and Darren sighed. "Being over it is as good as forgetting and I don't wanna forget Mr Crepsley…he was like a father to me." A tear fell over Darren's lashes as Evra reached over and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.

"He wouldn't want you to do this to yourself." Evra's voice was soft and understanding as Darren sighed again. "He would want you to move on."

"How can I Evra? I've lost my dad all over again and the nightmares…oh God the nightmares. They never go away you know…always keep coming back."

Evra squeezed his shoulders gently before whispering, "Tell me about them."

Darren nodded and started to tell the story…

There was fire everywhere; it was so hot that Darren couldn't breathe properly. Looking around, he called out for Mr Crepsley but all that he was rewarded with was anguished groans and cries of pain. "Mr Crepsley?" Walking further down the tunnel he could see flames at the end leaping up to creep along the ceiling, heading towards him but he wasn't going back without the older vampire. "Crepsley?" His voice was filled with worry and panic rose when again he got no response. "Laaaaaarten?" Again, no response. "Come on Crepsley, you hate it when I call you that." Creeping even deeper into the tunnel, he felt his heart quicken.

Suddenly everything went black and when he reached the end of the tunnel, he was sickened by what he saw. In the middle of the room was Mr Crepsley, Steve and a large, seemingly never-ending pit. The two of them were arguing over something but the only words Darren could make out were, "Let him go…done nothing wrong…take me…Darren go." Gasping, he reeled back; Mr Crepsley was going to trade his own life for Darren's and that was the worst feeling ever. Taking a deep breath, Darren stepped as close as he could so that he could overhear without being seen.

"You're telling me that if I let Shan go, you're willing to die?" Steve's voice was filled with cold amusement and Darren grimaced as he heard Mr Crepsley's answer.

"You let the boy go and kill me instead." Bowing his head, he looked at the floor and waited for Steve to respond but before the half Vampaneze could, Darren rushed over to them.

"You want me…you got me!" Standing before Steve, he prepared himself for the final blows but he was not going to let Larten Crepsley die in his place.

"Well now we can get this party started." His lips curled into a malicious smile as he looked from half vampire to mentor and back again.

"Darren, run!" Mr Crepsley's voice took on a begging tone and his eyes pleaded with the younger boy to run away and never stop running. "Darren I will not watch you die!" Darren stood still, unmoving and refusing to leave.

"But you expect me to walk away knowing that Steve is going to kill you?" The question was rhetorical and sarcasm dripped from his mouth as he spat the words out. "Well I'm sorry Mr Crepsley but I won't lose you like this."

"Aww, now isn't that a sweet sentiment?" Snarling, Steve glared at Darren and smiled a sickly sweet smile. "Sorry Darren, you have no choice…say goodbye to dear Larten Crepsley."

He already knew that he couldn't help Mr Crepsley, that much was clear and he felt a painful stab in his chest…guilt, regret and…love? "Steve, please…don't. This is between you and me; he has nothing to do with this." He never thought he would have resorted to this but if it would save Mr Crepsley then so be it.

"Darren, it's too late for me…go while you still can." There were tears in Crepsley's eyes and sadness filled his voice as he looked at the boy he had come to love like a son. Knowing that Darren would never leave without him, he made the choice for him. "I'm sorry Darren."

"What for?" Crepsley said nothing but sadly shook his head. "What are you sorry for?" Raising his voice, he started to scream the question over and over again. "Crepsley, what are you sorry for?"

"Darren, one of us has to make the choice. Just promise me you won't spend the rest of your life resenting everyone and everything…learn to love again and carry on for me. I…" Choking back tears, Mr Crepsley took a deep breath. "I love you Darren…look after yourself…son." With that, he threw himself into the pit.

"That's when I always seem to wake up. It's horrible Evra…just horrible." Evra sighed and squeezed his shoulders again. "I watch him die over and over knowing that it happened…knowing that I did nothing to stop it."

"Yeah but Darren, that isn't how it happened…you can't blame yourself." His voice was soft as he tried to make Darren believe him.

"If I had realised sooner that Steve…I just couldn't…I…" Trailing off, he swallowed hard and groaned as a few tears fell free.

"That's why you have to listen to the Crepsley in your dream; you have to carry on. Get revenge or whatever you need to do for Crepsley then move on Darren otherwise this is gonna kill you inside."

Darren nodded slowly and wrapped his arms around Evra, clinging to him for dear life. "Thank you," was all he whispered.

The two sat in silence for a few minutes until Evra spoke up. "We should both get some more sleep, we have a busy day tomorrow."

Darren nodded and pulled away from his friend before looking up at him. "Evra, can I have a couple of minutes alone? I'll be in soon and I won't wake you up."

Evra nodded and gave Darren one last squeeze before pulling away from him and standing up. "Okay, just don't stay out here too long. Goodnight Darren." With that, he headed inside and left Darren once again on his own with the stars.

He looked up and sighed. "You know, I hated you…I really did." He let out a small, cold chuckle. "You had to make me like you…had to be like a father to me and…" Swallowing, he tried not to cry any more tears. "And I will never forget what you did for me but tomorrow…tomorrow is a new day. I'll make you proud…I swear I will make you so, so proud. Goodnight…" He thought for a moment before opening his mouth again. "Goodnight dad, I love you." He was just about to head back into the tent when he saw one lonely looking star twinkling brighter than the rest. "I love you." Whispering up at the star, he knew that he would always have someone looking out for him. He and Mr Crepsley had a bond, a bond stronger than death and when all this was over he knew that they would be reunited once again. "I'll see you soon Crepsley." Heading back inside the tent, he climbed into bed; the cape still around his shoulders.

That night Darren slept, no more nightmares plagued him and in the morning he knew that Mr Crepsley would always be there…always and forever.

A/N: Thanks for reading and pretty, pretty please leave me nice reviews ^ _ ^

XxxoxxX