Phoenix Wright: Mario's Attorney
~Begin in courtroom, Judge presiding. Edgeworth is prosecutor, Phoenix is defense. Peach is besides Phoenix~
Judge: Prosecution your opening statement, please.
Edgeworth: The prosecution accuses the Mushroom Kingdom hero Mario Mario of defacing Isle Delfino with a goo-like substance.
Judge: I see. Defense, your plea?
Peach: *whisper to Phoenix* Not guilty, of course!
Phoenix: The defense stands by the plea of 'Not Guilty'
Judge. Very well. Mr Edgeworth, your first witness, please.
Edgeworth: Yes, your Honour. The defense calls the first person to witness Mario's crimes.
~A Delfino villager takes the stand~
Edgeworth: Witness, your name and occupation, please.
Villager: I'm just a random villager assigned to walk a set path for the entire game. I don't have a name or a job.
Judge: No name or job? Then, we'll just call you 'Villager One'. Now, begin your testimony, please.
Villager One: Yes, your Honour.
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Witness Testimony - The Defendant's Crimes
-- It was a few days ago, I think. Three or four days ago.
-- I couldn't see him very well, but I'm positive it was the defendant!
-- I could tell by the shape of his hat, the colour of his clothes, and how fat he was.
-- He was waving some weird giant paintbrush around.
-- With every stroke, a massive glob of goop splashed all over!
-- When he covered everything, he laughed and ran away!
End of testimony
-
Judge: Hm. That's a rather convincing testimony. Mr Wright, your cross-examination please.
Phoenix: Thank you, your Honour. Witness. You say you saw the defendant 'waving some weird giant paintbrush around'?
Villager One: That's right.
Phoenix: OBJECTION!! When he was arrested, he did not have this brush on him. *point* How do you explain that?
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!! *folds arms* Obviously, the suspect hid the brush before his capture.
Phoenix: OBJECTION!! *slam hands on desk* According to police reports, Mario was 'caught in the act'. *dynamic 'how do you like them apples' picture* In other words, while he was defacing property, using that very paintbrush!
*court murmurs*
Judge: *bangs gavel* Order!
Edgeworth: Ugh!! Th... the police made no mention of... they're searching for...
Judge: Hmm. It seems we have a missing piece of vital evidence. Perhaps we should wait until the police find this-
Edgeworth: HOLD IT!!
Judge: W-what?
Edgeworth: *slam hand on desk* Your Honour, allow me to call me my next witness!
Judge: But... without the-
Edgeworth! OBJECTION!! This witness' testimony will remove all doubt of Mario's guilt! And prove that he didn't need the 'magic brush' to cause graffiti.
Phoenix: *hands on desk* What?! You just said he hid the brush!
Edgeworth: Obviously, before he was caught. But, according to this witness, Mario used an altogether different device for his crimes!
Judge: Very well. Bring on this witness.
*new witness appears on stand*
Edgeworth: Witness, your name and occupation.
Villager: I'm just a random villager assigned-
Edgeworth: You are Villager Two.
Villager Two: Alright.
Edgeworth: Your testimony, please. The one about the other device Mario used.
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Witness Testimony - The Other Device
-- Every other time I saw Mario, he was waving that magic stick around.
-- This time, though, he had some strange thing on his back.
-- I think I even heard it talk, telling him how to use it.
-- Anyways, I didn't think much of it at first.
-- He didn't have the brush, so I thought it'd be okay.
-- I carried on walking, following my usual route around the airport island.
-- When I got back, the whole landing strip was covered in gooey mud, with a monster in the middle!
End of testimony
-
Judge: Well, that explains things. Mr Wright, your cross-examination.
Phoenix: Witness, can you describe this device?
Villager Two: Well... it was like a glass ball, with a yellow nozzle on top, and two handles to either side.
Phoenix: *wtf picture* (That... doesn't really describe it...)
Edgeworth: This is a picture of the device.
*show picture of FLUDD*
Phoenix: I see. So, you ignored a man who was wanted, and carried on walking away? Why?
Villager Two: Well, it looked like a water tank to me. So, I figured maybe he was gonna start cleaning it up.
Phoenix: How long were you away from that scene?
Villager Two: Oh, I'd say about ten or fifteen minutes.
Edgeworth: And this 'monster'?
Villager Two: I couldn't describe it. Like a ball on a string, but standing up. But, the ball was a mouth, and it had a tongue.
Phoenix: What did you do when you saw this?
Villager Two: I ran straight to the police, of course! But, by the time we got there, the goop was all gone!
Judge: Perhaps you should add all this to your testimony, witness?
Villager: Yes, your Honour.
-
Witness Testimony - The Other Device - 2
-- I was only away for about ten minutes.
-- When I got back, the whole landing strip was covered in gooey mud, with a monster in the middle!
-- Naturally, I ran straight to the police. It took about twenty-five minutes, there and back.
-- When we made it to the scene again, the goop was already gone! Mario was covered in the stuff, though.
-- At that time, a plane was on the strip, and Princess Peach was unboarding.
-- That scoundrel must've been trying to kidnap the Princess!!
End of testimony
-
Phoenix: Princess Peach, on a plane, you say?
Villager Two: That's right! That blasted Mario was after her! I know it!
Phoenix: OBJECTION!! *slam hands on desk* Witness, what makes you so sure that Mario was after the Princess?
Villager Two: Isn't it obvious? He put that monster-goop in the middle of the landing strip! The Princess' plane almost crashed into it! What else could he have been after??
Phoenix: Now, you mentioned earlier that you were away from the scene for a while. You were away twice, in fact.
Villager Two: Yeah, so?
Phoenix: Hasn't it occured to you that maybe Mario didn't cause that mud to appear?
Villager Two: What? What d'you mean?
Phoenix: I mean, you were away for ten minutes, then twenty-five. Those twenty-five minutes would've been plenty of time for someone else to spread that mud goo!
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!! *shakes head* Really, Mr Wright. No resident of Isle Delfino would want to deface the island like this. It could only have been someone visiting! *point at desk* Namely, Mario!
Phoenix: OBJECTION!! Surely, Mario was not the only visitor that day!
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!! There was only one plane scheduled that day, yesterday, and that was Princess Peach's personal plane! No other planes landed on the airstrip!
Phoenix: *chin scratch* (So, no other planes landed, did they? Hmm... then, how did Mario get here?) What about boats?
Edgeworth: Boats? Don't be stupid. Don't you know anything about Isle Delfino? Planes are only allowed in the day the resort opens. Boats and ferries, on the other hand, cannot dock in Delfino Port until a week after opening.
Phoenix: Is that right? *chin scratch* (I found the fatal error in Edgeworth's case! Now to rub it in his face, and hope he doesn't have something to hit me back with...)
Judge: Mr Wright? Is there a problem?
Phoenix: There is, your Honour. A very big problem.
Judge: What is it?
Phoenix: Edgeworth.
Edgeworth: What?
Phoenix: There was only one plane that landed for that entire day, correct?
Edgeworth: Yes.
Phoenix: How about the day before? Or any time in the week before that?
Edgeworth: No. Princess Peach flew here so she would land on the first day of the island's holiday season. Delfino is a resort island, you see.
Phoenix: I do see. Very clearly. I also see *epic point finger* the huge contradiction in your case!
Edgeworth: Wh-what?! What sort of nonsense-!
Phoenix: According to the previous witness, and the police report, Mario has been defacing the island for about half a week. Is that right, Edgeworth?
Edgeworth: *PO'd face* Y... yes.
Phoenix: Yet, the only plane within the last week was Princess Peach's private jet, which landed only yesterday.
Edgeworth: A... and?
Phoenix: *slam hands on desk* Tell me, Mr Edgeworth... *epic point finger* How did Mario get here?
Edgeworth: How? How?! You idiot! Obviously, he flew- *just got punched in the face face* GAAAH!!
Phoenix: Precisely. The only way to get to Isle Delfino is either by plane or ferry. Since no ferries or cruisers are scheduled until a week after the island resort opens, the only way to get here is by plane. That means...
Edgeworth: *normal pose* Th... that means...?
Phoenix: *dynamic 'how do you like them apples' picture* That Mario was on the plane with Princess Peach! Where else could he have been??
*court murmurs*
Judge: Order! Order! Order!
Edgeworth: *just got punched in the face face* GUH!! D-d......dammit!
Phoenix: Whoever was defacing the island, then, is an imposter!!
Edgeworth: HOLD IT!! *snooty pointing at desk pose* Who on earth could impersonate Mario to such a degree that no-one could tell them apart? All the eyewitness reports say that Mario-
Phoenix: OBJECTION!! There is no way that Mario was on this island before yesterday!
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!! I... I... I have another witness!
Judge: Mr Edgeworth...
Edgeworth: Please, your Honour! Allow me this last witness!
Judge: Very well. Call your next witness.
*Junior takes the stand*
Edgeworth: I don't suppose you have a name and occupation, do you?
Junior: Hey, that's rude! My name's Junior, and I'm the heir to the Koopa Empire!
Edgeworth: I see. Now, please tell the court how the only possible culprit is Mario.
Junior: You got it!
-
Witness Testimony - Only Mario Could Have Done It
-- My Poppa and I came here three days ago. Since my Poppa is so powerful, they let us in!
-- I was talking a relaxing walk around the hotel, when I saw that bad Mario!
-- I know him well, because Poppa always talks about him.
-- He ran across the beach, waving the magic paintbrush behind him, leaving a trail of goo!
-- Then he pushed some people into it, and they sank!
-- He ran away after that.
-- I went to help the people, but I couldn't pull them out of the rainbow goo.
-- Then, as if he was trying to be a hero, Mario came back with that FLUDD, and washed all the goo away!
End of testimony
-
Phoenix: OBJECTION!!
Junior: ...
Phoenix: Something just doesn't add up with your story, Junior.
Junior: You mean I'm lying?
Phoenix: First of all, this is the first report I've heard sighting Mario near the hotel.
Junior: Uh...
Phoenix: Second, no-one has ever claimed to have been pushed into the goo by anyone, let alone by Mario.
Junior: Uhh...
Phoenix: Third, Mario has only been seen with that FLUDD device once, which was yesterday.
Junior: Uhhh!
Phoenix: Finally... *dynamic 'how do you like them apples' picture* We have already proven that there's no way Mario could have been on the island before yesterday!
Junior: UUUGH!! Y-you! How dare you insult a Koopa! *hissy fit* I know what I saw! He did it! With that brush, with the face on!
Phoenix: !
Junior: *watchoo lukkin' at? face* Wh...what?
Phoenix: ...a face on the brush?
Junior: Yeah! Right above the actual brushes, there's a logo! It's a face! Some geezer with weird glasses and hair!
Phoenix: How do you know that, Junior?
Junior: How?? I saw it, doofus! *rant&rave*
Phoenix: You must have been really close to it, then.
Junior: *angry face* Huh?
Phoenix: That brush, even though it's as almost tall as Mario, is still quite thin. Any pictures or logos on it would be impossible to distinguish unless you were right next to it. How did you get so close, Junior?
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!! He obviously saw it after Mario discarded it!
Phoenix: OBJECTION!! This so-called 'Mario' always had that brush with him!
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!! Not on the day of his arrest!
Phoenix: OBJECTION!! The witness' account is of three days ago!!
Junior: HEY!!
Phoenix: ...
Edgeworth: ...
Judge:...
Court: ...
Junior: ...
Phoenix: Yes?
Junior: I'm sick of you yelling 'Objection!' back and forth! You're here to listen to me, so pipe down and listen good!
Phoenix: *wtf face* (... what a brat.)
Junior: I'm telling you! Mario was there! With that magic paintbrush, spreading goo all over the beach! The people there, stupid as they are, forgave Mario because he rescued them, and never told anyone!
Phoenix: Why would anyone forgive the person who such a bad thing, even if they saved you afterward?
Junior: I dunno! Maybe he brainwashed 'em!
Phoenix: Brainwashed?
Junior: With the brush! It's magic! He can change shape with it, so obviously it could do something like that!
Edgeworth: HOLD IT!!
Phoenix: (Edgeworth...?)
Edgeworth: Junior, how do you know the brush lets Mario change shape?
Junior: Because I've seen it, of course! Pretty obvious!
Edgeworth: So, it is quite possible that he altered the people's memories.
Junior: That's what I'm saying.
Edgeworth: So you see, Mr Wright. Mario is obviously guilty. After all, he can alter memories...
Phoenix: OBJECTION!!
Edgeworth: Grrr...!
Phoenix: If Mario could change shape with that brush, why didn't he make himself look like someone else? Why stay looking like Mario?
Edgeworth: Overconfidence, no doubt.
Phoenix: Hardly. No-one would do something that would make them look guilty. If you could change shape, and were going to commit a crime, you would definitely make yourself look like someone else. So, why didn't Mario?
Junior: Hey!! Listen to me! No-one cares why or why not Mario didn't do something! He could change shape! He spread that goo! He probably changed the brush to that flood thing the day he was caught!
Phoenix: Changed the brush to FLUDD?
Junior: Yeah! Who knows what that strange old man made that brush capable of!
Phoenix: Strange old man?
Junior: Duh!! The guy who made the brush! A strange old man in a white coat, and weird glasses! He made the brush, and FLUDD!!
Phoenix: Didn't you just say the brush transformed into FLUDD?
Junior: Ah! *OMG, I've fucked up huge face*
Phoenix: And how do you know that this 'strange old man' made the brush and FLUDD?
Junior: W... well, I'm not sure if he made FLUDD or not, but he definitely made the brush.
Phoenix: How can you be so sure?
Junior: Well, he gave it to me himself... AH! *OMG, I've fucked up big-time face*
Phoenix: Aha! *gotcha, biatch! face* So, the brush is yours.
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!! Mario obviously stole it from him!
Phoenix: OBJECTION!! Then why didn't Junior mention that first?!
Edgeworth: OBJECTION!! It wasn't relevant to this case!!
Phoenix: OBJECTION!! It was completely relevant to the case!!
Edgeworth: OBJE-
Junior: QUIEEEETTTT!!!!
*complete silence*
Junior: *sad and down face* It was me. I framed Mario. That brush let me pretend to be Mario. So, I disguised myself as him, and spread that stuff all over the island. I put some on the airstrip the day he was supposed to land. I knew he'd try to do something about it, but I figured the mud would get him. But, he found that darned FLUDD machine, and washed all my goo away! Luckily, the police arrested him then, and I thought it'd be fine. I never expected it to turn into a court case like this...
Judge: Wh... why would frame the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom?
Junior: Be... because... !! *angry face* My Poppa wants that kingdom! And every time he tries to get it, Mario beats him up!! I'm sick of it! I wanted revenge for my Poppa! I wanted Mario out the way, so Poppa could get the Mushroom Kingdom!
--*some time later*--
Judge: Mr Edgeworth, the witness?
Edgeworth: He was taken away, but somehow escaped and fled.
Judge: I see... well, Mr Wright.
Phoenix: Your Honour?
Judge: All that's left now is to deliver my verdict. So... for the charge of defacing Isle Delfino, I find the defendant...
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NOT GUILTY
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