Nami tapped her foot impatiently. She didn't want to say she was worried. In fact, she'd never admit to it. But yesterday, when the crew had landed on a strange island, and went off to explore it in pairs - there wasn't much to tell, no one came back with any information on the place other than that it was heavily forested and there was an small empty ship ported nearby.

The trouble was, Luffy and Zoro had yet to come back. Everyone else had made it back safely, and waited all night. Now it was morning, and Nami was scanning the line of trees in the direction they had wandered off into, hoping to see a sign of the pair.

"Ah!" Chooper cried from a few feet away. "There they are! They're back!"

Wish a sigh of relief she hid under a frustrated growl, she waited until they were in hearing range, before attacking.

"Where were you two? You were gone all night! We agreed to meet back at the ship in two hours, and you two disappear-" Nami paused. "Luffy, why are you wearing a wedding dress?"

"Because Zoro didn't want to."

"Why would Zoro be in a wedding dress?"

"Because we got married," her captain responded, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

The rest of the crew had, by this point, gathered to meet the pair. None of them had anything to say to that.

Zoro frowned. "There's no way that actually counts. You also married six other people last night- I doubt any one of them is legal."

Luffy nodded. "Well, yeah, but that's because those two people were allready married to each other. And also that other three people are dead now, so how could I still be married to them?"

The crew stared. Nami buried her face in her hands. "You guys... You're going to have to explain this. You know that, right?"

"Oh, that's easy. Me and Zoro found this little villiage thing, and the locals tried to capture us as virgin sacrifices. But then when we fought them off, they made me their god."

"...Gonna need a little more than that, Luffy."

Zoror rolled his eyes. "Apparently they'd never seen a Devil-Fruit ability before, so they thought he was a god. And then they tried to sacrifice me and a few other people they had allready captured- some merchant ship ran out of supplies and docked here to look for more, apparently- to appease his anger. The only way to convince them not to kill us was to offer us as his brides, instead."

"But Zoro didn't wanna wear the dress that all the other brides were wearing, so I took it instead. Since you can't get married if there's no wedding dress, obviously."

"...Obviously." Nami deadpanned.

"And then after the wedding party was the- what was it called again?"

"Consummation Ritual. That was where they put Luffy and all of us brides in a room with very large bed. After spiking the banquet with aphrodisiacs."

"Aphrodesiacs?"

"Yeah."

"Oh dear. You guys didn't really...."

"They didn't work on Luffy."

"Nope!" Luffy grinned. "So when all of my brides were having an orgy on the floor, Zoro hid in a corner and hit his head against the wall. Eventually, he managed to knock himself unconscious- which I think is what he was going for- and then I got bored and wandered off."

Sanji rolled his eyes. "You are the only person in the universe who could get bored in the middle of an orgy, Luffy."

"So, then what? You just left the next morning?" Robin asked.

"Well. Three of my brides tried to escape in the middle of the night and were speared to death. But the rest of us waited till morning, and then I said that I had only come to this world to- what was it again? That one guy said it for me, since I'd have screwed it up..."

"That you had only come to this mortal realm to pick up concubines, and that you would be taking your leave with them. Blessing unto them all, no more virgin sacrifices, blah blah blah."

Luffy nodded. "And so THEN we left."

There was more silence.

Nami frowned. "Luffy? What happened to your other surving brides?"

"Those two went back to their ship. Said they'd be able to survive on what rations they had left now that most of the crew was dead."

"Those two?" Usopp questioned. "I thought you said you married six people other than Zoro. That doesn't add up, you should have one more bride."

Zoro and Luffy exchanged uncomfortable glances.

"Well, the last one- she was a native, and offered herself to be my bride because she thought I was a god, so... We should probably set sail before she finds us."

It was, conveniently enough, at precisely that moment that that a crashing noise came from the nearby treeline, and a dark-skinned young woman in the same dress as Luffy came running out of the forest, shouting.

"There you are, Lord Gum-Gum! I was afraid you had deemed me an unworthy bride and asended with your only the others! And Milord The First Wife is still with you, as well!"

Eyes widened in horror, and Luffy rocketed back on to the ship, not sparing a glance at the others. Zoro, likewise, darted for the ramp, shouting "Everyone get on the ship! Now, before she reaches us!"

The crew scurried.

Nami would like to say that no one ever spoke of the incident again. This might be the case, if it wasn't for the part where Zoro's new nickname was 'First Wife.'

--

And once again, spontaneous crack after I'm allready supposed to be asleep! Better yet, my very first One Piece fic! Someone shoot me? Please?