A/N 1 I wouldn't have set one toe into the wonderful world of SN without my gorgeous and unique sister in crime, BarbaraGER. So my very first story goes to you hon, and thanks for grabbing me by my hairs and dragging me here cuz I love it!

Now.

Now silence had become his most daunting enemy. Silence, filled with thoughts of how he was BEFORE.

Before everything had shattered into sharp tiny pieces.

Before he had lost the comforting trust in his father's plans.

Before he had shed the iron confidence of doing the right thing to make the world a better place.

Before he had faced even hell with a grim smile on his face.

Now he knew better. He knew doubt. And failure. Unbearable loss. And fear.

How could he go to war with a broken shield. Like Dean. Like Sam. Being just an angel.