Disclaimer: I do not own Death Note.

A/N: This idea came to me when I was, to the surprise of hopefully no one, in the shower. Sadly, this fic is not at all original. But the world can always use more awkward fluff, sooo...

Okay, so, um, I've been informed that I was in the past, well, misinformed about something incredibly relevant to this fic. So I rewrote this and reposted.

"Light-kun, what is an 'Al Gore shower?'"

It was an innocent question, and he probably honestly didn't know the answer, but I still just about died. Came all over myself, and then died.

Honestly. You would not believe some of the things that come out of this guy's mouth. He's completely oblivious to the world around him, and if it even approaches slang, he's never heard of it. To be fair, Japanese isn't his first language. But still. Most people learn all the dirty stuff first. Most people learn the things that you're not supposed to say, both in an effort to avoid accidentally saying them and to know what to say when you need a good comeback against a native. Since you don't have a chance of dazzling a native with your vocabulary, you might as well say something dirty. L, clearly, must have taken the other route. He could dazzle a native with his vocabulary, so he must have totally forgone the dirty stuff.

This, sadly, was not an isolated incident. Perhaps it was because I was 'his first and only friend,' but for whatever reason he seemed to always come to me with these questions. Just last week he had asked me to define 'jerking off.' Before that, it had been 'hummer,' 'chock,' and 'deepthroat.' And before that it was 'fishing for brown trout.' One could not help but wonder where he was hearing all of these terms.

Needless to say, it was difficult to explain these things to an older, genius detective, when the only explanations he would understand were technical. I mean, how do you explain 'deepthroat' without getting at least somewhat excited? Especially when you're trying to explain it to a very straight guy on whom you have a very large crush?

And now I had to do it again, and I had to try to focus while the unfairly sexy hermit kept spouting very pornographic images. Images that I'd very much like to actually experience with him. I'm eighteen, what do you want from me?

"Well..." I started, avoiding his face. I knew from experience what expression he'd have pasted onto it. Polite curiosity and innocence. He knew it was sexual, or he wouldn't have asked me. ...Imagine trying to ask Watari to define 'golden shower.'

I coughed, and tried again. "Well, it's when people have sex in a shower."

He chocked- I mean cocked I MEAN TILTED- his head and put his thumb to his (thin, kissable) bottom lip like the evil bastard that he was. How could he be twenty-five years old and not know what that did to people??

"What does that have to do with the American politician Al Gore?"

"Um..." I stumbled, "because... having sex in the shower... under the premise of saving water when really it's just fun... and he is kind of an environmentalist."

His dark eyes lit up. "Ah, so Light-kun has personal experience! Then please elaborate- how exactly does it work? Two people can not possibly lie down in a shower at the same time. The lack of space aside, the probability of drowning is much too high."

Well, he was right, I had done it before. I was Light-freaking-Yagami: I had done everything before. But did that mean I wanted to describe how it worked?

I took a deep breath and just bit the bullet, commanding myself to stop stuttering. "You don't lie down. You stand up."

He blinked. "Such a thing is possible?"

"Of course it is. There are tons of ways to do it."

"Oh really. What are some examples?"

That was it. He was trying to kill me. Or maybe this was just another way of trying to torture me into confessing that I'm Kira, which I'm not. That had to be it! He had to know exactly what he was doing! He was simply too smart to not notice how I staggered around after these conversations. How I, despite my best efforts, stared at his (rather fabulous) ass whenever he stood up. How I could possibly look annoyed when Japan's hottest model was throwing herself at me. That was it. He knew I was into guys, he knew I was into him, and he was using it against me to try to prove that I was Kira.

I wonder if being gay initially raised or lowered my Kira percentage. A lot of serial killers are gay. Not, of course, that being gay turns you into a serial killer, but it's hard to take a psychology class that has a unit on deviant behavior and not notice that a lot of the killers played for my team.

Um, anyway.

Yes, Ryuuzaki must have been doing it on purpose. I couldn't believe it took me so long to figure that out. What was I, stupid? Hardly. So why had it taken me so many weeks of awkward defining to make the damn connection?

I sighed, turned my chair, crossed my legs, folded my arms, and looked at him. "Ryuuzaki, I'm not Kira."

A small smile crept across his face. "What makes you bring that up, Light-kun?" He didn't even bother pretending to be innocent.

"Because I've just figured out what you're doing."

His smile got a little bigger. "You have?"

"Yes," I said, smirking. "What you've been doing since the day you asked me to define 'fishing for brown trout.'"

"And what have I been doing?"

"Well, for starters, I propose that you already knew what that meant."

"If that were so, why would I ask?"

"Because you get some kind of sick pleasure out of making me uncomfortable."

"Why would such a thing make you uncomfortable? Are you really so immature, that you have difficultly explaining such a thing objectively?"

"Only when I try to explain it to you!" I cried. Immature. That was one name that always managed to piss me off, in large part because I was afraid that it was true. Why did I have feelings for such an annoying creature? What was it about him that made me always, always want more, even when I'd had too much? ...And what about him made me go all philosophical, dammit!?

"And why is that, Light-kun?" he said softly.

"Because you know how I feel about you and you're using it to make me so uncomfortable that I slip up and confess to being Kira! I'm sorry to disappoint you for the hundredth time today, Ryuuzaki, but I'm not!"

"And what, exactly," he said even more quietly, "does Light-kun feel for me?"

...Shit. I had said that out loud. I didn't mean to say that out loud. Was it possible that he really hadn't noticed how I look at him? How I argue with him far less than I did at the beginning? How I let him drag me all over the place in these damn handcuffs, and how I stopped complaining about the fact that we have to sleep in the same bed because he won't take them off at night? Is it even conceivable that he hasn't examined the fact that, after that last fight, I never hit him again, no matter how much he pissed me off? Could the world's three greatest detectives really have missed it all?

And... why had he asked it... so... quietly?

Was he embarrassed? Uncomfortable? Grossed out? Angry? Repulsed? Or did it mean what it... what it had to mean? Was it possible that I, Light Yagami, god of reading people and of observation, missed it just like he did?

"What are you saying?" I asked carefully.

"It is rude to answer a question with a question, Light-kun," he replied scoldingly. But his 'scolding' voice held none of its usual delight.

"I... um... feel... attraction. I like you." I scratched the back of my head. "A lot."

"I see," he said monotonously, staring at the chain of our handcuffs. Bastard. Remind me again what I saw in him? Then he looked at me, and I remembered in a rush. That's right. His eyes, and the insurmountable depths behind them.

He didn't speak. In an attempt to save the situation, I said, "Why do you ask?" I kept my voice light, conversational, as if my confession- so important to me- were just a side note.

"I was curious," he said dismissively, "as I feel the same, and wanted to see if my feelings were reciprocated or not."

He said it so coolly that I was now more confused than ever. Who just confesses their love and then carries on with business as usual? Who does that? ...Damn I loved that man.

Smiling a little to myself, I shook my head, then turned back to my computer. Together, we typed for a while in silence.

Then I had a brilliant, cheesy idea. Something told me L would be the type to like the cheesy stuff and I was never, ever wrong when it came to guessing what someone was into. So he wanted cheesy? I'd give him cheesy.

"You know," I said, breaking the silence. "There's been something I've been hiding."

Poor bastard. He had no idea what I was planning, and he fell right into my trap. "What's that?"

"There's a serious gap in my vocabulary," I said gravely. He looked up at me and waited. "There's this word, it's really common, but I have absolutely no idea what it means. People have tried to explain it to me, but I'm afraid that, at times, I'm a kinetic learner." That was a lie, of course. I had a photographic memory and he knew it. "So, I'd need someone to demonstrate, using me, or I'm afraid I'll simply never know what the word means."

There was a mischievous glint in his eye, which told me he had figured it out. But for once, The Great and All-Knowing L was wrong. He was expecting graphic, but no, not this time.

"This is embarrassing, but..." I put on an 'ashamed' face, which he saw straight through, "Ryuuzaki, what's... um... a 'kiss?'"

His eyes went surprised and soft and I knew I had won. Without comment for once in his life, he stood up from his seat, walked over to me, and gently, gently, took my face in both of his hands. He brought out lips close together and paused. I opened my eyes to see why he had stopped, and he looked back at me. "This, Light Yagami," he whispered, "is a kiss."

And then he kissed me, softly, chastely, and I had never tasted anything sweeter.