The idea for this one-shot comes from an…incident a friend and I had concerning frozen pizza and a microwave. Very messy, but we were both laughing hysterically…even while we were scrubbing burnt cheese off the inside of the microwave. So…enjoy my first Skulduggery Pleasant fic! 0_o

"This isn't safe."

"Our jobs aren't safe."

"You're not even technically alive."

Skulduggery groaned, pausing in his work to look at his partner.

"Look, Valkyrie," he said, "Tanith and Ghastly are patrolling and keeping watch. I personally disabled all the alarms. I've done so much research on this thing that I know more about it than its blueprints do. I swear, it's fine!"

Still unconvinced, Valkyrie leaned casually against the wall on the far side of the small, square room, arms crossed, as far away from the object as possible.

"I don't care how much you researched it, I'm staying over here in the harmful-magic free zone." From her post, she saw Skulduggery shake his head and mutter something inaudible, then return to picking the lock on the box.

Three minutes passed. Then five. The sharp clicking noise of Skulduggery tinkering with the gray, blank cube echoed throughout the empty room. Growing impatient, Valkyrie tapped her foot, then clicked her tongue, then drummed her fingers against the wall, watching in amusement as Skulduggery flinched slightly at each tap.

"Do you mind?" he growled stiffly after a few moments of tapping.

"Not at all." Valkyrie chimed cheerfully, and continued drumming.

Ten minutes. Fifteen. Valkyrie was about to start verbally complaining when Skulduggery shouted out triumphantly, followed by a rapid clicking noise from the box.

"Hah! I did it! I got it ope-"

Valkyrie let out a startled shriek as a miniature explosion, complete with its own little red mushroom cloud and plume of gray smoke, cut off his exclamation. Skulduggery calmly stepped back from the charred box and turned to Valkyrie. She exploded with laughter when she saw that the entire front of his white, skeletal face was now coated with thick, black ash.

Grumbling, he stalked moodily out of the room, leaving the remains of the fake box behind and a hysterical Valkyrie trailing behind him.

Reviews, comments and advice are all appreciated!