Title: Shower

Characters/Pairing: Tallahassee/Columbus

Disclaimer: It doesn't belong to me.

In Zombieland, you couldn't take anything for granted. Once you did, you'd probably get eaten. Taking things for granted meant putting down your guard just enough to let those undead fuckers get the best of you, and just when you thought it was okay to take something for granted, you were wrong.

That's what Columbus thought, at least. He knew, even before the world went to hell, that taking things for granted was never in people's best interest. Once you thought you had something, another usually came and took it right out from under you. Never expect anything from anyone, and you'll never let yourself get hurt. Never get your hopes up, because the thing you're hoping for will probably never happen. Never open yourself to anyone, never lay your trust on anyone, and always follow the rules.

Rule # 45: Never get your hopes up.

It was mid September and something in their minds was telling them that they needed to stop. They'd gone hours on end in the car, taking turns driving, and allowing themselves the comfort of the person in the passenger seat as a vent for conversation. They usually didn't let Columbus drive, but that was an unspoken unanimous decision between the group that no one chose to discuss.

When Tallahassee pulled in front of the row of houses in the suburban area, Columbus jumped from his near sleep. The girls were in the back, leaning against each other as they slept. Glancing at the larger man before looking at the house again, Columbus chose not to question this destination, "You think there're any in there?"

"Sure hope so." Tallahassee cocked his gun with one hand, a large smirk growing on his lips as he looked over the front of the car at the abandoned house. It wasn't covered in blood, despite its surroundings, and it looked almost comforting to someone like Columbus. Tallahassee, on the other hand, would find a Rottweiler with foam on its lips comforting. And he did.

Columbus didn't like Rottweilers.

"Come on, Spit fuck." Tallahassee once again used his favorite nickname for the boy, watching as he zoned out, "get the girls and the guns. I'll go make sure there are no fuckers in there."

Columbus liked that idea. Pushing open the door to their current car, he jumped out, making sure to close the door softly behind him. The door to the back was already opening as he reached for it, making him jump slightly as Little Rock jumped out with a huge smile on her face, only passing him a glance before making a run towards the house.

"Damn, I sure hope the showers work!"

Walking to the back, almost positive that Wichita would follow her sister, he opened the door, reaching in and grabbing the firearms. He closed the door quietly before walking towards the house, watching as Wichita and Little Rock went through the enterance of the house, seeing that Tallahassee was talking to them.

"All clear?" Columbus threw the duffel of guns at the larger man, watching as he caught them, his leather jacket thrown over one arm. Columbus didn't want to comment on how well the older man looked in that shirt, especially considering he'd taken his jacket off.

"Yeah, didn't see anything." Tallahassee toed off his shoes, walking into the kitchen as he did so. Columbus followed absently, picking up the boots as he did, hearing Wichita and Little Rock storm up the stairs, screaming something about who would get the shower first.

Placing the boots near the doorway, Columbus lifted one of his shirt strings to his mouth, allowing his teeth to naw at it.

"Want a sandwich?" Tallahassee didn't wait for a reply as he pulled out some bread (surprisingly not covered in mold) and some mayo in the fridge (something that apparently never went bad either). Columbus nodded a bit, taking a seat at one of the bar stools.

Tallahassee glanced at the boy before turning around in the kitchen again, "What's eating at you?"

Columbus shook his head, leaning his chin in his palm, "Just tired. We've been going nearly twelve hours now."

"Yeah, well, I hardly say we're not used to it." Tallahassee nearly slammed the mayo bottle back on the table, leaning heavily on the table and pointing at Columbus with the knife he was using, "why don't you just take a shower, then have yourself a little nap. Heaven knows we could all use it."

"That sounds like a damn good idea." Columbus leaned forward, resting his forehead on the table and allowing himself a sigh. He couldn't believe they'd made it this far without any trouble. Since Pacific Playland, they'd hardly run into any of the undead fuckers. It'd only been about two weeks, but something about the whole situation unnerved him. He just hoped that they didn't run into them any time soon.

He didn't even realize that he'd just clearly broken rule number 45. Everyone knew what happened when you break a rule. Newton's third law acted with full force.

Columbus was jolted from his soft doze by a hand shaking his shoulder, making him jump and spin around quickly, coming face-to-face with the doe-eyed girl that he'd once liked.

"Whoa, calm down." She let a soft smirk cover her lips, a snort coming out of her nose. A towel was draped across her shoulders, and she was wearing a pair of pajama pants and a white tee, "I just wanted to tell you that Little Rock and I are done with the shower. Florida wanted you to have the shower first."

"Thanks." Columbus nodded and ran a hand through his hair, making sure to cover his mouth as a yawn tore through, "You guys going to bed? Tallahassee and I can take the first watch shift."

"I already expected that, but Tallahassee insisted that Little Rock and I take the first shift." She snorted again, turning around and laughing at her own little joke, "Just hurry up, you hear? We're gonna be waking you up in seven hours."

Columbus nodded, rubbing at his eyes as he slowly trudged his way up the stairs and into the bathroom, the soft light coming from the fogged over lights making his mind even more tired than it already was. There was a clean towel nicely on the toilet, and a folded pair of boxers and a shirt lay calmly on top of it. He didn't have time to wonder who did that before he stripped himself of his shirt, closing the door and not bothering to lock it.

His second mistake.

Turning the knobs of the shower, letting the warm steam cover his face and sighing as a soft smile covered his face. He couldn't wait to get the grime off his skin, the days of oil caked in his hair, the blood and who knows what else pasted onto his body. He couldn't wait to get that off, then snuggle down into a soft warm bed, and sleep the hours away until he had to wake up and face the torment that was Zombieland again.

He was also happy about the fact that Tallahassee would be sleeping in the bed next to his, but he wouldn't mention that. He felt safe with the other man around.

The warm spray hit his body and he groaned, bringing his hands up to cup the water, letting the streams run down his body and soak into his skin. Had anything felt so good before? He couldn't believe it. He felt as if a thousand pounds were being washed away, down the drain with many things. Letting his eyes slip closed, he scrubbed at his skin, allowing his face to form into a smile yet again.

He was so infused with his shower, with the warming qualities of the water, the calm feel of clean skin, that he didn't notice the door open quietly, the other's downstairs watching a movie. One of them should have been upstairs, watching the rooms, or at least that's what Columbus had expected.

His third mistake.

There was a sudden rustling sound and Columbus didn't have time to react before grimy and bloody hands were shoved into the curtain, plunging toward the boy and grabbing at his flesh, the teeth of the being already trying to naw at his skin. Letting out no more than a squeak, Columbus spun around to face the assailant, pressing himself against the wall of the shower.

The zombie let out a ferocious squeal as he clawed and grabbed at him, its teeth breaking through the weak curtain and coming within inches of him. Columbus pushed away at the thing, his eyes wide and panicked. Letting out a loud scream, Columbus knew that this was probably the day that he was going to die. His feet were falling from under him, his arms were trapped either against the wall of the shower or against him, and the snarled and broken teeth of the man in front of him were snapping inches from his skin.

Falling on his back, the weight of the zombie landed fully on him, the curtain pressed between them as Columbus desperately tried to push away the creature with both his legs and his arms. Blood and saliva was dripping onto his skin, and the ugly sounds coming from the thing above him was enough to make Columbus's skin crawl.

The teeth were millimeters from his skin, his arms trapped, his mind set for death, when the door burst open, and a loud cry coming from the other side of it. It was something that Columbus had come to depend on, and it was a oddly welcome sight when he saw the chainsaw-wielding hick come screaming into the bathroom.

"Ohio!"

The creature was ripped off him, and it was dead within seconds, it's head coming to rest near the edge of the bathtub, of which one of Columbus's legs was draped lazily over the side. His arms were splayed out, pressed harshly against the porcelain, and his other foot was pressed against the faucet. His body was still shaking, and all he could do was stare at Tallahassee as he assessed the situation.

"Hey…" Tallahassee threw his chainsaw back into the hall, stepping carefully into the bathtub as not to scare the man under him. Man? He wouldn't put it that way. The boy under him looked so young, so innocent as his eyes stayed wide and his body stayed shaking. Something panged in Tallahassee's heart as he looked down at the other.

Resting on his knees beside the other, he pressed a large callused hand to the side of Columbus's face, watching as the boy jumped, eyes wide and searching. They caught on him, and Tallahassee, try as he might, couldn't stop the wave of protectiveness that swept over him. It wasn't just this moment, but all the times before, which added up to one conclusion that was brought to light when those eyes landed on him.

He needed to protect this boy. He needed to protect Columbus like he'd never protected anything before. He'd failed Buck, something he regretted every day, but not this time. He'd never fail Columbus, not if his life depended on it.

"You okay, Columbus?" Tallahassee ran his hand softly through the other's damp curls, "You think you can get up?"

There was a nervous chuckle, and Columbus broke his gaze on Tallahassee to shift his eyes around. He pressed a hand to his chest to keep the curtains there, lest he wanted to lose his dignity, and stood shakily, not ignoring the rough hand on his elbow. It wasn't meant to be rough, but he doubted the man knew any different.

"Let's get you to bed." Tallahassee grabbed the towel off the rack and placed it around the other's shoulders, trying to force a warm smile, something he wasn't used to, "come on."

Columbus could only nod and turn to grab the pile of clothing that had been waiting for him on the toilet, only to withdraw his hands as he saw the once clean pajamas were now covered in foul smelling blood.

"Come on, there's more in the room." Tallahassee led the other into the hallway, only silently nodding to the two girls who waited nervously near the stairs, "Damn, Columbus, you always seem to get yourself into this type of fucking shit."

"Fuck, Columbus, you need to fucking take a shower!" Wichita, usually a woman who knew when to keep her anger (and mouth) in check (spare when intoxicated), yelled nearly at the top of her lungs as she brought the hem of her shirt up to cover her nose. She knew that the scare about a week ago was a big thing for Columbus (for all of them), but this was just fucking ridiculous!

Columbus nervously shifted over toward the open window, watching as Little Rock moved forward in the passenger seat in an attempt to get away from him, and even Tallahassee was keeping his distance. He'd passed up three chances to take a shower at four different houses they'd stopped at, and even at the constant badgering he wouldn't enter a bathroom with the intent to get into those enclosed boxes of hell. Not even Little Rock's puppy eyes were enough to get him to take a shower.

"We know you're scared and shit, but fuck, you need to suck it up!"

Tallahassee, one who didn't mind smells, was laughing his ass off as he watched the two girls goad and plead the other to get into that shower and wash the hours of filth off him. In the days that they'd left the house after Columbus had his scare, they'd met more zombies than the whole beginning of their trip combined. Granted, most of the blood and gore got on the travelers as they had to resort to close-range weapons, and they'd all take their showers the nearest point they got. All except Columbus. The most he'd do was change his clothes and spray some Axe on himself, but even that wasn't enough.

"I thought you were the phobia-prone, hypersensitive, germaphobe of the group." Tallahassee looked at the other, his eyes softening as he saw the embarrassment in the other's eyes, "What's it to you to let a little zombie scare you from getting clean? I've never seen anything shake you up this bad."

Columbus didn't get it either. But every time he threw back the curtains, ready to feel that warm water, he was reminded of that zombie. Those teeth that came to close to ending his life. Those hands that were clawing at his arms. Those soulless eyes that looked as though they were going to dig into him.

Wichita screamed again as she got a particularly bad whiff of the boy. That smell, combined with the smell of Axe (something she didn't particularly find pleasant), combined with everything else, finally made her scream. She threw the car into park and thrust the door open, watching as her sister did the same. Yelling something about checking the area, she ran towards the abandoned house about ten feet in front of them, something Columbus hadn't noticed at first.

"Sorry." Columbus bit at his sweater string again, "Every time I go to take a shower, I see that fucking zombie. I can't get it out of my head."

"Reminds me of Psycho, you know that movie, right?" Tallahassee threw open his door, taking a long breath of the clean air before walking around the back of the car to open the door for the other, "Alfred Hitchcock movie, right?"

"I've seen Psycho, Tallahassee." Columbus opened his door before Tallahassee could get to it, staring at the other with an incredulous look, "I may have been sheltered, but not that sheltered."

"I was just checkin'." Tallahassee chuckled a bit, slapping the other on the back as they made their way toward the house, "I was just thinking about that. How did that chick get over her fear of showers?"

"Well, for starters, she didn't have a fear of showers." Columbus rolled his eyes and made his way into the house, spotting the stairs and walking up them, "And secondly, she died."

"Oh, I never actually saw the movie." Tallahassee groaned, "Just, you know what I'm tryin' to say, Spitfuck. Do you know how she woulda' gotten over her fear of showers?"

"I don't know, I'm not Lila Crane."

"Who?"

"Never mind."

Columbus didn't even spare the bathroom a glance as he started past it, his heart racing, just itching to get out of those clothes and into a new pair. He couldn't even think about a shower now. He walked right by, forgetting that a very stubborn hick was at his tail.

His fourth mistake.

Tallahassee didn't make a grab for the boy, instead choosing to take a long look at the bathroom, his mind already racing with devious ideas. Devilish devious ideas.

"Tallahassee!" Columbus pulled at his arm as the other dragged him further into the house. The older man had just recently announced that he had a cure to Columbus's phobia of the shower, and he was just itching to show it to the boy.

Said boy, on the other hand, was not as excited as the other. Sparing one hoping glance back over his shoulder at the two sisters, he soon realized that he would be getting no retribution from them. The hand around his wrist tightened almost to the point of pain as he tried to wrench himself out of the grip, still trying to deny the fact that he would never be able to get away from the other. Tallahassee had the grip of a jackal.

"No, no, no, nonononono!" Columbus's eyes widened as he saw that bathroom come into view. He'd been able to avoid one for a while now, seeing as they hadn't found a hospitable house for about two weeks now, but there was no avoiding it now. Looking from the crazed hick with the power grip on his arm to the bathroom, he could feel his lungs tightening, "What are you planning on doing, Tallahassee?"

"Fuck, I don't know!" His voice was filled with annoyance, a scowl already on his face as he pulled the boy into the bathroom, swinging the door closed and locking it with a click, "I'll take a fucking shower with you if I have to!"

The larger man paused a moment in front of the other, before a wicked smile stretched on his face, "By god, I don't think that's such a bad idea."

Columbus glanced nervously at the hick, gulping and fiddling again with the tails of his sweater, "N-no, don't do that, Tallahassee. I….I-I'll take a shower…"

"No, you won't." Tallahassee pulled at the bottom of the other's shirts, absently hearing the girls enter the house under them. They'd checked the house out a few hours earlier, and the girls had already gotten their showers. This streak of luck they were having with relatively clear houses, he didn't like it, and he knew that it would end eventually.

He wanted to get this kid in the shower as soon as he could.

"Now, start taking yer' clothes off."

"N-no!" Columbus's face erupted in a furious blush as he saw the man in front of him start stripping, revealing the toned skin and muscle under his shirt, rippling as he went to remove his pants. Columbus caught himself staring as the man swiftly pushed the button through the loop of his pants, his strong fingers pulling down the –

No! Columbus shook his head and shot his hands out, grabbing the other by the wrists before the man's boxers could be revealed, "no! I'll take a shower by myself!"

"Aww, you don't want little old me in the shower with you?" Tallahassee pulled down the zipper of his pants, before taking his hands off the fabric and turning them around, lacing his fingers with Columbus's. Before the boy could ask what the other was doing, his hands were pressed above his head, and Tallahassee's lips were millimeters from his.

"Now, I could take a shower with you…" Tallahassee pressed forward, a devious smirk on his face, "Or, I could leave…"

Gulping, Columbus looked at Tallahassee's lips, then up at his eyes. Those eyes. How could he not have noticed how beautiful those eyes were? And that body pressing against his, those toned chest muscles, those soft callused hands…everything about him. Columbus felt himself whispering back before he could stop himself, "…shower…."

"Good." The hick reached one hand down and patted the other harshly on the cheek, an edge of softness stopping the pat from hurting, "now, take those clothes off. Or am I going to have to help you with that, too?"

"Just might." Columbus smirked at himself, but his now free hands were already searching down his body and pulling up at his pullover sweater. Nerves ate at his mind, making his hands shake as he attempted to pull off his shirt and let it rest near their pile of dirty clothes. All he could remember was those eyes. He didn't like zombies, and the fear of something attacking him and him having no way to defend himself just added to the fear he was feeling. Defenseless. He wouldn't have minded if the zombie attacked him in the shower if he'd had his shotgun right next to him.

Tallahassee saw his little guy's shaking hands and sighed, taking them again, but this time much softer. He pressed forward again and wound and arm around the other's waist, bringing him forward and resting his chin on that soft (and greasy) head of hair, "It's okay, Spitfuck. I'm here okay? I won't let anything get you."

Columbus nodded shakily, wishing he had some sweater strings to chew on.

Oh, god. Oh, god. Ohgod…Ohgod-ohgod-ohgod….

Columbus's hands shook as he raised them to his chest, pressing them there, scared to move them in fear that he would brush against the man in front of him. The warm press of the water against his forehead would have usually comforted him, but the fear of what was in front of him and what was on the other side of the curtain changed that fact, making him forget the calming effects.

"Hey, look at me." Tallahassee put a quick hand on Columbus's shoulder, before reaching behind the other and grabbing the random bottle of shampoo. His eyes shifting toward the curtain, behind of which he remembered to lock the door, before turning and looking the younger boy in the eye, raising an eyebrow. "You ready for shampoo?"

Columbus gulped and nodded, his eyes shutting tight as he tried to forget what had happened the last time he was in one of these porcelain death traps. He heard the gentle click of the shampoo bottle opening, and he jumped when he felt the other's fingers thread through his hair, massaging into his scalp with the soft scent of the shampoo.

"Stop fucking thinking about it." Tallahassee sighed and raised his hands, letting the water rinse them off, "You'll run yourself into the grave."

Columbus glared, turning away and looking at the wall of the bathroom, "You weren't the one that was fucking attacked by a zombie when you were taking a shower! I didn't even have a gun with me! I would have died if you hadn't of come in!"

Tallahassee swiftly put his hands on the boy's shoulders, making the other look him in the eye, "And I always will. You don't have anything to be afraid of, Spitfuck, because I will always be there to protect you. No matter what. You don't have to be afraid of anything as long as I'm around."

Columbus stared, his face beginning to heat up with blush, his mouth gaping open, his eyes wide. Had Tallahassee really just said what he thought he said? Big, brutish, Twinkie-loving, gun-toting, shoot-em-up Tallahassee just said that he'd protect him? A nervous shut in like him?

His thoughts were silenced as the other flicked him In the head, making him wince and back up. Tallahassee smirked, leveling his eyes to Columbus's again, "What did I say about thinking?"

"Not to." Columbus rubbed at his forehead, but despite the slight tingle radiating from there, a smile spread across his face, the warning of what could be behind those curtains leaving with a blink of an eye. Because it was true; he always felt safer around Tallahassee….and not only because the man more often than not kept more than three weapons on him. Columbus chucked to himself, looking up through his wet bangs at the man he was sharing a shower with, a soft smile on his face, "I don't quite think I'm gonna be scared anymore. Of showers, at least."

Before he could even get another word in, Columbus felt his body being pulled forward, and his body held flush against the one in front of him. The warmth of the shower water was no match for the warmth of the body against his, the smoldering arms around his waist, and the bruising lips on his.

"You've got to stop looking so god damn fucking cute." Tallahassee let loose for a breath of air, holding Columbus tighter as he felt the boy go weak.

Columbus looked up at Tallahassee, his arms threaded around the man's neck, his chest heaving as he tried to grasp air. Moving forward again, he pressed his lips to the others, this time taking the initiative for himself. That was one hell of a kiss, and he didn't mind asking for seconds.

"Ahh! Clean air! Pure, fresh, beautiful, clean air!"

"I get it! I get it! I'll take more showers!"

Little Rock smirked as she slung her arm over the back rest of the front seat, looking back at the boy sitting in the back. One of her favorite pastimes, one she shared with her sister, was tormenting Columbus. Needless to say, she indulged herself often, and always came out of the situation feeling sated and proud of herself.

"I'm just commenting on the beautiful air." Little Rock rolled her eyes, scooting forward more to get a better look at the boy sitting in the back seat, "By the way, how'd you get outta your fear of the shower?"

She wasn't surprised when a giant blush broke out on Columbus's face. He mumbled something, stuttered, and fumbled for a minute before quietly telling her to shut up before looking out the window yet again. Little Rock chuckled to herself before twisting around and seating herself down again.

Now, Little Rock wasn't the smartest crayon in the box, and you didn't need to be in Zombieland, but even she understood what was going on between the skittish boy in the backseat and the hick currently driving the car. Hell, it wasn't that hard to put together when she saw the huge satisfied smile on Tallahassee's face.

AN: My first Zombieland fanfic. Go easy, please.