Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto and, unfortunately, I have no say in what happens in that universe either. If I did, the chapters would not continue as they have been XD

Summary: Mindless drabbles in the world of Hinata Hyuuga. You probably can place these during any time in Naruto-verse. Just random thoughts and ideas I had when reading the chapters or seeing the anime; thoughts like "I wonder what Hinata thinks when she isn't fainting like a little pansy girl over Naruto" lol.

Muses for this chapter:

Providence- My Beautiful Rescue

Epik High- Fly

Chapter 1: Brooding Thoughts of the Fate of a Proud Failure

Don't be a burden to your team mates.

Don't be a. smack. Burden. Smack. To your team mates. Smack.

My hand, bloody and trembling with fatigue, wiped the sweat off my face, leaving a trail of grime that I wasn't anticipating.

Tiny wisps of emotion seemed to escape the locked recesses that I held them in and slowly coaxed the mask of determination I wore to drop; further burdening my heart. The cold enchantment of the night could not cheer me as it usually did.

I tried to will myself to forget the loop of Hyuuga mantras going through my mind. Another failure in a list of unforgettable and unforgivable failures.

Hinata Hyuuga, what have you done that makes you different? Hinata Hyuuga, another faceless ninja in the sea of ninja. Hinata Hyuuga, genin. Hinata, the next clan head. Inwardly, I laughed at myself.

I couldn't even handle myself today; forget leading a clan.

My thoughts, I knew, were getting darker along with the twilight around me. The air stilled, seemingly instinctually, preparing for the onslaught of rain in a way that only nature could.
What is it about being a brooding pre-teen that made despairing thoughts seem more intellectual?

If only sensei could see me now; she'd probably just smile at me, encouraging me to figure my emotions out for myself.

Father would look at me with disguised disappointment; I am the daughter that he never wanted… or so it seems during my darkest hours, like now.

Lying back, I looked up at the clouds wondering where did I go wrong?

Is it the silly obsessions I have? My time wasting, inane, obtuse-ness…? Am I really a waste upon these resources in our planet? I need someone to save me. Please.
I need to be dull so as not to experience pain. The smarter the shinobi, the more dangerous the lifestyle. My clan, I think, is living proof of that.

I am such a coward. People are dying, hurting more than I am… and yet, all I can think about is the void I have been experiencing where my drive and determination used to be. Dreams that slowly died when the reality of my life, the hardships and sacrifices I'd have to endure were made real to me. Dreams, which only recently, were coming back to me.

I will never achieve my goals I guess… Perhaps, perhaps I did something wrong, something in another life to disrespect Kami and this is my retribution. Maybe it's a test? Maybe I am just an asshole who needs a wake up call.

I embrace death. It is part of the natural order of the universe. I understand; after my life here is over, I am actually looking forward to either the numbness or perhaps even a new adventure.

Yet, every night I wake up dreaming, screaming…

Every night I see the faces of those who kidnapped me. Those within the compound who look at me with pain at what could've been and what I have become. I see my mother. I see the man my father used to be. The dreams and hopes that he has for me; so unattainable.

I see the faces of my classmates, of their shattered realities. I am not even close to them. Every night, I see the face of relatives… the ones who I feel compassion and pity for. I see these people, yet I do not know why.

Many people work in patterns. It is not a comment of bitterness, just observation. I help them through their troubling problems and ease their pain, only to add to mine. I help them and then they leave. Perhaps they are too ashamed to continue to talk with someone who might have potential leverage against them?

Perhaps I remind them of their problems? Those people tend to leave me behind. It is a gradual and sad process but one that I should accept.

It is the ones with continue to enjoy my acquaintance that I worry about. That only means that their slew of troubles have yet not ended and they still need someone to listen to them.

I turned to my side and listened to the wind pick up around me.
I want to protect my sister, so I do not pay attention to her. Does that make any sense? I do not want to influence her or rub off the stink of failure in her direction. She is so smart… soo smart, I cannot do that to her. I do not deserve to be her sister. I love her so much that I wish I was not part of this family.

Quoting Shikamaru, It's so troublesome this game of life. I'm sick of playing to the false philosophies of expectations. I must for the people I love. But, was I conditioned to love them? I love helping people around me and sacrifice myself at every turn for others. I'm sick of it. I do it on instinct now rather than out of want. I don't want to give myself away to people who, in the end, do not recognize me… I hate being like this.

My thoughts turned, as they always do, toward Uzumaki Naruto. The grinning, mysterious, lovable fool. The person who makes me, in turn, feel like the proud failure I've labeled him to be. Whose smiles and promises are aplenty and whose genuine emotions warm your heart so much that it hurt.

Naruto-kun.

His name itself made me feel stronger; like a sacred word that was only to be used when I tried to remind myself that all is well with the world.

Naruto-kun.

Watching him felt like living a different life; a life away from expectations and filled with hopes and dreams. A life where someone else helped me and expected nothing but simple kindness in return.

Sitting up, I stared at the clouds, embracing the rain. I reached my arm out, palm tilted upward and pumped chakra towards my finger-tips. The air sizzled.

He reminded me that failures could achieve and that despite how cruel society was, how ugly the world was, there is always sunshine. And laughter.

Despite his fake grins, or rather because of it, I want to be closer to him. To be recognized. What a privilege that would be.

I want to learn from him what was so infectious about his nature that kept people coming back despite having already eased their troubles. I wanted to know what kept him going despite the disappointments, the, I shuddered, the emotion that society showed him.

I stretched my arms around me preparing for another training session. I had to get stronger. My thoughts were punctuated with every movement I made. I had to get stronger. I could now feel every drop of the rain against my skin. I had to get stronger.

Naruto-kun.

And despite everything that I wanted from him, I also wanted him to know something. That I would be there for him as he was for me. Within my thoughts and my soul. For all the saving that he did for others, someone had to save him too. To make promises and grandeur demonstrations for him the way that he did for others. The way that, no one had for me. Save one person.

Naruto-kun.

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Next chapter will probably be a different emotion lol. Depending on my own mood.

Hope you enjoyed and please do review. I love constructive criticism.