Acolytes Run Amok

"Take that!" Piotr shouted while thowing a mighty punch.

"Ha! Nice try!" Remy laughed as he blocked and lashed out with a quick jab. "Now let's see how you handle this!"

"Ugggh!" Piotr grunted and managed to cushion his impact before slamming into a wall. "Oh no you don't!" He pushed off against the wall using one arm while delivering a wicked downward backhand with the other. "Hee-ya!"

WHAM!

"Ooof!" Remy gasped and went sprawling, having been completely caught off guard. "Oooh, that's not good," he groaned and tried to clear his senses. "Oh no!" He unsteadily got to his feet and just barely managed to throw a block, thus preventing his total defeat.

"I have got you now!" Piotr declared and delivered a blow intended to finally finish Remy off.

"Never!" Remy shouted as he let loose a desperate series of hits and blocks in a furious attempt to ward off his almost certain demise.

"Yayayayaya!" Both mutants wildly worked their way down the hallway, each maneuvering for position while raining down a relentless storm of blows, every one a hit.

"What the heck is going on out here?" Magneto demanded as he emerged from his private office with a scowl. "How I am suppose to concentrate with all this racket going on…"

WHAM!

"AAAHHHHHH!"

WHACK!

CRASH!

"WAAAUUUGGGHHH!"

BOINK!

"Uh oh," Piotr blinked as he and Remy stopped and spotted Magneto lying crumpled up on the floor.

"Oops," Remy gulped.

"Ohhh, and they wonder why I wear a helmet all the time," Magneto groaned as he slowly levitated himself up. He rubbed his side slightly before turning and shooting a dangerous glare at Piotr and Remy. "Alright, who hit me? What kind of stupid, careless idiocy are you fools up to this time?"

"Nothing," Remy held up his hands innocently. "We were just playing a game of mobile tetherball. At least we were until you…uh, got in the way."

"Huh?" Magneto blinked, noticing the long plastic pole and rope-attached ball apparently resting in the middle of the hallway. "You're playing tetherball?"

"Mobile tetherball," Piotr corrected.

"What the heck is mobile tetherball?" Magneto demanded.

"Oh, it's pretty much the same thing as regular tetherball," Remy explained. "All we did was place a lightweight tetherball pole onto a weighted, wheeled base so it could move and…"

"Never mind!" Magneto snapped. "And I suppose those ropes on the ceiling are part of your stupid game too?"

"Ropes? What ropes?" Remy and Piotr both looked up and spotted a pair of parallel ropes running down the length of the hallway. "Hey, we didn't put those up there."

"You didn't?" Magneto frowned, confused. "Well if it wasn't you two, then who…"

"AAAAAAHHHEHUHEH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH-EHUHEHAAAAAAHHH!!!" Pyro zoomed down the hallway riding on a vine-like zipline while wearing body paint, a homemade loincloth and yelling at the top of his lungs. He flew past the others in a blur before disappearing around a corner.

"I did not see that," Magneto blinked. "I could not have seen that. Somebody tell me I did not just see that!"

"If you mean Pyro flying by in a disturbing state of undress, then there's a chance you didn't see it," Remy gawked in surprise. "Not a very good chance, but…"

"Oh no! I really did see that!" Magneto moaned.

"You were not the only one," Piotr blinked in shock.

"Py! Ro! Py-ro the mutant! Strong as he can be!" Pyro sang insanely as he zipped by them again. "AAAAAAHHHEHUHEH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

"Watch out for us three!" Piotr yelped as Pyro nearly ran into him before disappearing around a corner once more.

"Okay, why is Pyro acting even more insane than usual?" Magneto asked angrily. "If that is even possible."

"He must have been eating carmel brownies with maple syrup and brown sugar again," Remy said.

"What? I thought I told him to stop eating that evil stuff!" Magneto gasped.

"Oh, he doesn't eat them anymore," Remy corrected. "He just throws everything in a blender and whips them up before chugging it all down."

"Oh geeze," Magneto groaned.

"To be fair, he only has them when he is feeling stressed," Piotr pointed out. "And he has showed signs of being a little depressed lately."

"Well so have I, but you don't see me running around yelling like a lunatic do you?" Magneto snapped. "There are other ways to deal with stress besides shouting nonsense and acting like a complete nutcase!"

"Babalu! Babalu!" Sabertooth waltzed into view while banging on an enormous conga drum. "What that means I don't have a clue!"

"You were saying?" Remy gave Magneto a look.

"No, no, no! Not another one!" Magneto moaned. "Victor! What are you doing? Have you been into catnip again?"

"Babalu! Babaluuuuuuu!" Sabertooth howled as he continued to whale on his drum.

"Wow, he's pretty good on that thing," Remy blinked at Sabertooth's performance.

"I wonder where he learned to play it," Piotr thought.

"Something tells me we don't wanna find out," Remy replied.

"Victor! Stop making that infernal racket!" Magneto used his powers to yank the drum away from Sabertooth and hurl it against a wall.

SMASH!

"Hey! My conga!" Sabertooth shouted at the broken remains of his drum.

"There! That solves that problem," Magneto grunted.

"Eh, who needs a drum anyway?" Sabertooth shrugged and threw back his head. "As I was goin' over the far famed Kerry mountains! I met with Cap'n Farrell and his money he was countin'!"

"On the other hand," Magneto groaned.

"Py! Ro! Py-ro the mutant! Lives a life that's free!" Pyro was heard singing maniacally in the distance. "AAAAAAHHHEHUHEH-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!"

BOOOM! BOOOM! BOOOM!

CRASH!

"And loves TNT!" Pyro laughed insanely.

"That's it!" Magneto shouted and pointed at Remy and Piotr. "Both of you go and stop Pyro before he wrecks the entire base. Again!"

"Okay, okay. We're on it," Remy said as he and Piotr quickly headed in the direction of the explosions. "I say we use Restraint Plan 18 this time."

"Good idea," Piotr agreed. "I will get the portable water hose and duct tape."

"I'll get the net," Remy nodded.

"I've got a headache," Magneto held a hand to his head.

"I've got a Golden Ticket!" Sabertooth sang while dancing nearby. "I've got a golden twinkle in my eye!"

"YOU ARE NOT HELPING!" Magneto screamed and tried to smack Sabertooth only to have him dance out of reach. "Arrrggghhh! I've had it! I can't take much more of this insane nonsense! How do these things happen? Why do these things happen? And most importantly, WHY DO THEY ALWAYS HAVE TO HAPPEN TO ME?!"

"THERE HE IS!"

"GET HIM!"

"UGGGH! HUNTERS! BAD HUNTERS! YOU'LL NOT CATCH BRAVE PYRO! TAKE THIS!"

"LOOK OUT!"

BOOOM! BOOOM! BOOOM!

SMASH!

"HEHEHEHEHE! RUN PUNY HUNTERS! NONE CAN CAPTURE THE MIGHTY PYRO! OOOGA! OOOGA!"

"How have I come to this?" Magneto ranted while sounds of destruction echoed in the distance. "Me! One of the greatest, most powerful, most brilliant mutants in the world reduced to nothing more than an overworked babysitter for a bunch of crazy, insane, hyperactive lunatics! I've sacrificed more time and brain cells putting up with those fools than anyone ever should! But am I appreciated, nooooooo! Everyone from Charles to SHIELD treats me like the plague. They should be grateful! If it wasn't for me those maniacs would be running loose and their madness unleashed upon the world!"

"WHEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

CRASH!

"GET BACK HERE PYRO!"

"HURRY! DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!"

"HAHAHAHAHA! STUPID HUNTERS! YOU'LL NEVER TAKE PYRO ALIVE!"

"The hills are alive with the sound of music!" Sabertooth bellowed dramatically.

"Oh geeze, this can't be happening to me! It has to be a dream! It's not real!" Magneto fell to his knees and covered his ears. "If I didn't know better I'd say this whole mess was orchestrated by some sick weirdo just to get a quick laugh!"

"Make 'em laugh! Make 'em laugh! Don't ya know everyone wants to laugh?" Sabertooth did a funny dance complete with high kicks.

"WE GOT HIM NOW! WE GOT HIM…OH MY GOSH!"

"WHAT THE…?"

CRASH!

"LOOK OUT!"

"RUN!"

"HAHAHAHAHA! ONWARD MY ANIMAL FRIENDS! GET THE ENEMY!"

"Oh good grief! Not again!" Magneto got up and quickly make his way down the hallway. "Alright, what kind of animals did that nutcase manage to smuggle into the base this time?! Tigers? Penguins? Antelopes? Dolphins?"

"AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Remy and Piotr turned the corner and sprinted pass Magneto while being chased by a thunderous combined herd of llamas and alpacas.

"Whaaa?" Magneto stopped dead in shock at the sight.

"UUUNNNNNNMMM!" The unstoppable llama and alpaca herd stormed towards him.

"WAAAUUUGGGHHH!" Magneto yelled as he was clipped by the onrushing leading llamas and thrown to the relative safety of a nearby storage room.

"YEAH! YEAH!" Pyro cackled maniacally as he zoomed above the herd while riding on his zipline. "LLAMAS FOREVER!"

"AAAHHHHHH! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Remy screamed as desperately tried to stay ahead of the llamas. "YEEEOOOWWW! NO BITING!"

"STOP NUZZLING ME!" Piotr yelled as he was mobbed by half a dozen overly affectionate alpacas.

"Make 'em laugh! Make 'em laugh! Make 'em laugh!" Sabertooth danced happily off to one side.

"I can't stand it!" Magneto screamed. "I just can't stand it!"