Disclaimer: Lulz, no.

"Oh my god!" I yelled abruptly when I caught sight of what I was wearing.

"What the fuck is your problem?" Hidan's prominent voice had no problem reaching me through the blanket. I tore the covers from my face spastically and glared at him past my mess of hair.

"What?" He said with annoyance as he caught my deadly glare.

"Whose clothes am I wearing? And how the hell did I get into them? Because if I recall correctly, I've been sleeping for the past two days, which… ya know… means I didn't do it myself." The heat of my words was nearly palpable as they shot off my tongue. Hidan's annoyed expression quickly morphed into amusement when he caught sight of my horribly reddened cheeks. I expected nothing less of him to laugh at my misfortune, which he did.

"Well Kakuzu changed you since he was the one treating your wounds, not to mention the fact that just cause you're asleep, doesn't mean you don't have bodily functions anymore. Oh and they're Deidara's clothes since he's practically a woman anyway. We figured his would fit best." He answered with hilarity thickly coating his voice.

"Oh god, it's not funny!" I shouted as I clutched the blankets even harder and tore them over my head again in a weak attempt to hide from the world. I pissed my pants, I shit my pants, I did something in my pants, and someone had to change me. Change me like a child, an infant. Oh god, how embarrassing. I wondered how many people knew. All of them most likely, they probably all sat around laughing at me as I slept in my own piss. This of course would have happened before removing my clothes and hanging them outside on a flagpole for everyone to see, or at least my underwear… Okay so they don't have a flagpole… but I wouldn't put it past them to buy one for such an occasion. I groaned at my horribly irrational depiction of what surely never happened, although it seemed real enough to me at the time.

"Chill, your clothes are in the wash, there's something at the end of the bed if you want to wear that for now," he took on a more serious tone after seeing my dismay, so I decided to peek out at him. He sat in the only chair in the room, which I guessed he stole from the kitchen, and looked blankly at me. The necklace he usually wore was between his fingers.

"What?"

"Nothing…" I mumbled as I pushed the covers off me completely and winced at the sight of myself in Deidara's clothes. They fit very loosely, although Hidan was probably right in that they fit the best out of everyone else's. I imagined myself in Hidan's clothes and stifled a giggle at the thought of me drowning in their immenseness.

"Is this your room?" I asked as I looked around for the first time. It was simple, much simpler than I expected. A dresser sat in the corner, his bed in the other with a nightstand next to it—all of which made out of a very dark wood. At the time, the lamp on the nightstand was switched on, however I couldn't help but notice the numerous candles that were sprinkled heavily throughout the room, some melted down towards the bottom and others fresh and new. Different knick-knacks like pictures or prayer beads could also be found amongst the candles.

"Yep. It's not much but it gets the job done. We've all been taking turns babysitting your sorry ass, so you had to get stuck in here at one point." I nodded in agreement—ignoring his nastier comment—as I finished glancing around, and instead, took notice of the garment at the end of the bed. I couldn't help but smile at the sight of it.

"Hidan…" I said with disbelief as I picked up the article of clothing and kneaded it between my fingers. It was the dress that caught my eye while I was on my mission with him and Kakuzu. It was mostly white with shimmering blue thread at the seams and a lacey design at the top, above the chest.

"Don't worry about it," he said nonchalantly, not even bothering to take his eyes away from the beaded necklace in his hand.

"I can't believe you actually got this for me, you must have went all the way back to that village. Thank you so much, Hidan!" I said happily as I continued to study the intricacy of the seemingly simple dress—the shine of the thread, the design of the lace, the crease of the drawstring at the waist. It was simply beautiful.

"Well like I said, don't worry about, it was on the way and it's not like I paid for the fuckin thing."

My face went sour, "You stole this?"

"Does it matter?" he retorted, finally bringing his eyes to mine.

"Well yeah, kind of. I'm not wearing this if you stole it." I said adamantly, my hand now on my hip as I waited for his response.

"Fine then don't wear it, I don't really give a fuck," His voice raised and the anger flashed in his eyes that I had become far too familiar with for it to scare me anymore.

"Fine!" I shouted as I threw it at him before tearing out of the bed and stomping towards the door.

"Oh god…" I murmured as I caught myself against the corner of the bed, my balance leaving me and my head spinning lightly in response to my sudden movement after being restricted to a bed for two days.

"What the fuck are you doing now? I thought you were leaving," Hidan's voice came at me through my haze, but just barely. I held up a hand to him, unable to produce anything comprehensible at the moment. Everything blurred and reduced to areas of light as I tried to focus on simply standing. I couldn't. My knees hit the ground first, followed by my knuckles cracking against the stone floor.

"For the love of Jashin…" I heard Hidan grumble vaguely. His body was warm as I felt his grip beneath my arm and torso, pulling me to my feet and dragging me back to the bed. The spots began to fade once I was laid across it, and Hidan's figure finally began to take form. His rich wine eyes shone down at me, I focused on them until my vision cleared completely.

"You're too much of a pussy to handle moving around right now so for everyone's sake just stay put," He ordered.

"Could you be nice for once in your life?" I retorted defensively.

"Sure. I'll be nice once you shut the hell up. Deal?"

"Tch," I scoffed and folded my arms across my chest, eyes averted to the wall. Hidan groaned.

"Okay, okay. What do you need? Water? I'll get you some fucking water." He seemed belligerent as he stomped from the room before I even had the chance to say I wasn't thirsty, although when he came in with the cup full of water—beads glistening and dripping down the sides of the glass—it suddenly looked very appealing to me.

"Here," He said miserably as he shoved it towards me.

"Thanks…" I took it and began gulping it down, surprising even myself with how thirsty I was. It made sense really, after being asleep for two days and such.

"Oi… you make that shirt look a lot better than Deidara does," Hidan said suddenly as I was mid-gulp. I practically spewed the cup's contents all over in response.

"Could you not? I'm trying to control my gag reflex and you're making it very difficult." This, he could only laugh at.

"I was being sarcastic. You actually look like hell if you were wondering." I rolled my eyes and muttered, "I wasn't, but thanks anyway."

"Any time," he flashed me that smile of his. Again, I rolled my eyes.

"Izumi, you're awake!" Deidara suddenly burst into the room, nearly ripping the door from its hinges. I couldn't help but giggle at his beaming expression. He had that new mother glow going for him. Why? I don't know, he just did.

"Hey don't you know how to knock, douchebag?" Hidan started yelling before I had the chance to greet Deidara.

"What do I need to knock for, asshole? What the hell could you possibly be doing that requires privacy, especially with Izumi in here?" Deidara narrowed his eyes, clearly annoyed.

"Well…" Hidan trailed off and raised an eyebrow devilishly, and not without a slight head nod in my direction. Hidan was horribly naïve if he thought I wouldn't catch on.

"Hey!" I yelled, although not nearly as loud as Deidara.

"Yeah, like you could get a girl like her, un!"

"You don't think I would have a chance? Tch, you're one to talk! She's wearing your clothes right now because you're such a woman yourself!" Hidan blared back, both of them subconsciously puffing their chests up like apes fighting over a potential mate. Meanwhile I sat on the bed with a deadpan look, knowing anything I said would take the back burner to the two "alpha males" squabbling over trivialities. It was amusing, embarrassing, eye-opening, entertaining, the list could go on.

"Well in case you haven't noticed, she looks a lot better in them than I do, un."

"I did notice, I even told her that!" Hidan's arms were thrown in the air at this point as the men began closing the space between them. Hidan was much taller of course, but Deidara still managed to hold his own against him. I felt awkward. Were they fighting over me? Couldn't they find something better to argue about? Not to boost their egos or anything, but neither of them were half bad looking. It didn't make sense to fight over someone like me when there were so many other girls much more interesting and beautiful. Whatever.

I interjected, "You said you were being sarcastic!"

"Details! And shut up!" he snapped, although not tearing his eyes from Deidara. That would show weakness.

"Don't tell her to shut up!" Deidara ordered, his hands clenched tightly at his sides, knuckles paling as the skin stretched taut.

"Don't tell me what to do, Barbie," Hidan shot back, giving him a dangerous glower. Deidara threw the first punch, of that I am sure. But after that it was difficult for me to decipher what was going on. I sat on the bed screaming at the two to knock it off while they just beat the shit out of each other, wrestling in every position on the rocky floor. But the thing that really got me was, even with all my screaming and pleas for them to stop, the only thing that caused them to pry apart was a soft clearing of the throat that came from the doorway.

"Is there a problem here?" Pein asked flatly. It wasn't meant to be answered, just a means of separating the two boys. I couldn't really call them men at that point.

"No…" They both said simultaneously under their breath.

"You can leave," Pein said while looking at the two and motioning to the door with a slight nod of his head. I shrank into the bed with the hopes that if I sat still enough, he wouldn't be able to see me. I saw that in a movie once, but I'm pretty sure it only works on dinosaurs…

Both of them shot me a quick glance, which was a little reassuring, before leaving the room. Pein's eyes then fell on me and I flinched at the harshness of the grey, sharp as steel, yet dull as slate.

"I see you're finally awake," His voice as dull as the sheen over his eyes. Wow, what an amazing observation. Truly impressive.I thought about suggesting a career in detective work to Pein, but decided maybe now wasn't the best time for sarcasm.

I sighed before answering, "Yeah."

"Care to tell me what happened?" He asked. It wasn't a question really, just a politely stated demand. And I most certainly obliged, telling him everything that happened on the mission with Deidara and Sasori from the time we encountered the manic giggling, to what I could remember of what took place during Orochimaru's jutsu over me.

"Well then that leaves one question," Pein began, pausing for dramatic effect, "how did he get your blood?"

I froze.

I was hoping he wouldn't ask that because it was the one thing I couldn't tell him the truth about. It had happened that night on the mission with Hidan and Kakuzu, the night and mission that all of us completely lied about to Pein in order to save my ass from being permanently detained within the man-cave. It's incredible how karma always comes back to screw me over.

"I… I don't know," I lied. I tried my best to look into his eyes but I felt uncomfortable, like he knew how hard it was for me or something. I looked away and inwardly scolded myself for making my lie appear so obvious. I hoped he would overlook it.

"Interesting," was all he said before sending one last stone-walled gaze my way and taking his leave. A sigh of relief blew from me like gale force winds upon his exit. I couldn't tell if he believed me or not, but just being relieved of his stare was enough to put me at ease at that point.

"It just doesn't make sense though. How does he find you every time? It should take longer to track someone down if they are traveling."

"I know Deidara, don't you think I've been wondering that too?" I asked with frustration as I flipped through the channels and shoved another piece of bagel in my mouth.

"Maybe there's a spy among us," Deidara said as he sent shifty eyes to prey on every other person in the room, finally landing upon Itachi in the end. Itachi didn't even look up to acknowledge such an accusation. Deidara continued to eye him suspiciously anyway.

"Oh stop, don't be ridiculous," I waved off the irrational theory. "It's Orochimaru, I'm sure he figured out some fancy way to track people with crazy efficiency."

"Yeah you're right…" Deidara mumbled almost disappointedly as he sunk into the couch a bit. I held back a smirk at his reaction. He only wished it were Itachi's fault. Then he would finally have that justification he had been looking for in order to validate his utterly unreasonable loathing of the Uchiha.

"Izumi," I heard Kakuzu say in acknowledgement.

"Hey Kakuzu, what do you need?" I answered, knowing he wouldn't have said anything to me unless he wanted something. Of course.

"It's been a while since we've had a nice meal."

It was a beat-around-the-bush way of saying, "I'm hungry, cook food." I rolled my eyes, although not annoyed, more-so that I was expecting that.

"What are you in the mood for?"

Yeah I was home.

"Is there anything else I can do to please you, master?" I asked Kakuzu as everyone finished eating and began to retire to their own rooms. Apparently he didn't get my sarcasm when he answered, "I have a lot of dirty laundry under my bed."

I stared at him curtly before answering, "You're lucky I have laundry to do of my own… I guess I can throw yours in with mine."

"Speaking of which, you're not happy with the dress?" He questioned with slight undertones of irritation. I don't know why, it's not like he had to fork out any money for the damn thing.

"Hmph, I refuse to wear something that was acquired in such a crooked manner." I stated matter-of-factly as I took Kakuzu's dirty plate and began to wash it at the sink.

He looked at me, confused, so I sighed and continued to elaborate. "I don't exactly feel like supporting Hidan's habit of thievery by wearing it, no matter how much I like it." Suddenly Kakuzu began laughing, and not just a little giggle, but a legit belly laugh. A rare sight in the wild indeed.

"What's funny about that?" I asked, turning the water off and ringing my hands aggressively with a towel. He shook his head in amusement before asking, "Is that what he told you?" I stared at him skeptically, unsure of what exactly was going on.

"…Yes?" I answered in hopes he would tell me what he knew that I obviously didn't. I watched curiously as Kakuzu continued to chuckle softly beneath his breath while fumbling though one of his cloak pockets. Eventually he produced a small, white, piece of paper and slid it across the table to me. I looked to him, my eyebrows knitted, then to the paper.

"What is this?" I asked hesitantly. He nodded towards it so I just decided to pick it up and see for myself. I finally understood why Kakuzu was laughing. It was a receipt. The dress had been paid for in full…. But why would Hidan lie about that? I decided to leave that thought to dwell on later, I had laundry to do.

Aww how cute, Hidan is embarrassed of being sweet XD At least that's how I imagined him hehe. Sorry for the slightly filler-ishness of this, it's going somewhere, I promise! Charity is a great thing. Please review :3 If I get a bunch I will update faster, obligation is flame beneath my ass :D