Soggy Paper Towel Legal Defense no Jutsu! Nope, me not owning Naruto... Or really, anything used in this fic... Not even the OCs, they're more horrid abominations created from amalgamating various traits and ideas into beings to be used so I'm not forced to make actual characters OOC to fit my story idea. I am the fanfic DR. FRANKENSTEIN! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *dramatic lightning... no jutsu*

Smiling broadly, Naruto took the large "Forbidden Scroll of Sealing" slung to his back and dropped it on the ground of the hidden clearing in the forest, wiping the sweat from his brow with his forearm. Resting his hands on his hips, he turned his eyes to the night sky and thought 'Heh, even with the Hokage involved, this make-up test was easy! Now, all I gotta do is learn one measly jutsu and then I'll be one step closer to being Hokage.'

'And maybe... maybe Iruka-sensei will be proud of me too.'

With that though spurring him on, the hyper-active blonde decided it was time to get down to work before Iruka-sensei and Mizuki-sensei came to finish his make-up test. Turning to the scroll and unfurling the massive roll of paper to reveal a few jutsu and diagrams for performing them, he sat beside it and began reading, looking for one he could learn successfully before time was up.

Looking over the jutsus he'd unveiled, he felt a sense of dread overtake him as he muttered "Awww man, these are hard too!" Grumbling, he unrolled the scroll again, reading through the next set of jutsus unveiled for his perusal. Frowning, he noticed that so far the easiest one was Kage Bunshin, and that was a friggin' Bunshin. He sucked at those!

Pulling a small pad of stick-it notes from a pouch on his waist, he pulled off the topmost paper and stuck it on the scroll as a placemark so he could return to the Kage Bunshin later if something easier wasn't found.

Several more measured unrolls brought up several more bouts of disappointment. The blonde could already feel his frustation growing at the stupid scroll, at stupid Iruka-sensei for failing him, and most especially this stupid make-up test that was harder than the original test.

However, his frustration disappeared as he saw his name printed clearly on the scroll, directly above a storage seal on the paper. Raising an eyebrow, he brought a thumb up to his mouth and nicked it on his canine. Swiping the lightly pooling blood on his thumb across the seal, he watched as it exploded into a burst of smoke. Coughing and waving the smoke away, he saw it to be a second, much smaller scroll with his name on it as well, each end of the center bar bearing what appeared to be three lines spiraling inward to the center.

Grabbing the scroll, he quickly swiped blood across the lock seal and all but tore it open, revealing its contents to him, apparently their intended recipient.

Dear Naruto-kun,

First and foremost, please allow me to apologize for what I've done to you. I never wanted to do it, but I had no choice but to seal the Kyuubi no Kitsune inside of you. I had to put Konoha before my own feelings, before you, and doing so is my greatest regret. I just hope that Kushina-chan can forgive me for sacrificing you like this and for the lie I had Jiraiya-sensei and Sarutobi-sama tell her about your death from the sealing. If everyone has listened to my words and followed my final wish, then you are seen as a hero for holding back their destruction every day of your life and the lack of both parents will be meaningless in the events of your life, especially with Jiraiya-sensei there for you.

If not... I'm afraid we couldn't allow her to take you away from Konoha. I believe the village will need you in the coming future, and I know that had she seen what I feared may have become of you due to the village's hatred, she would have taken you far away from Konoha. And unfortunately, the plans me, Jiraiya-sensei, and Sarutobi-sama have for you require you to be within Konoha for good or ill, so to allow that would have ruined everything.

I only pray to Kami that you can find it in your heart to one day forgive us for our actions, and hope you can learn to understand why I had no choice but to place Konoha before you. As Hokage, I had to sacrifice myself for the good of my people, and as my son, you had to bear a weight that I couldn't ask another to do to their child when I had you at hand.

Furthermore, if you do not already know about it, I want you to know that you are not the Kyuubi, but its container and jailer. Do not allow anyone to ever tell you otherwise, because I would not damn anyone, especially you, to such a thing.

I love you, my son.

Your father and the Yondaime Hokage,

Namikaze Minato

He stared at the note written to him re-reading it several times as his mind tried desperately to make sense of it all. He wasn't just another orphan, but was the son of the Yondaime Hokage. And if not for some plan of two Hokages and the Yondaime's sensei, he could of had a mother, someone to love him, take care of him, to kiss his cuts and scrapes to make them better, and most importantly, someone to hold him, telling him everything was alright whenever he was sad or scared.

Then it hit him... He had the Kyuubi no Kitsune sealed within in him by the Yondaime, who claimed to be his father. All those looks, those cruel words, being forced to pay more for food and clothes, the total isolation... It all made sense.

The scroll slipped from his hands, making a soft thud as it hit the ground and unrolled further as rolled across the ground. Naruto soon followed, landing on his knees as his legs gave out on him, sending pain through him as they connected with the ground. But Naruto paid the pain no mind as he stared at his own shaking hands, his mind working hard to make sense of everything he'd just learned.

'The Yondaime is my father. h-he sealed the Kyuubi in me, and the Sandaime knew this. Not only did he know, but they took away my mother. He made me the Kyuubi... No! He said I wasn't... But, how can I believe what he says? I might be the Kyuubi, and he's trying to trick me... But I'm his son, so why would he do that to me?... It doesn't make sense...'

So deep in his own thoughts, he didn't hear as Mizuki softly landed in the clearing, sneering at the blonde Genin-wannabe as he asked "So, you actually tried to learn something from the Scroll of Sealing, huh? Apparently it was too much for you even to just read about those techniques. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm just going to take the scroll and be going."

As he looked to the scroll, he saw the smaller scroll Naruto had unsealed. This caused the man to raise an eyebrow as he walked over and picked up the open scroll, holding it up and reading it, wondering what exactly the blonde had seen in the scroll to cause such a reaction.

But when he read its contents, his already pale complexion grew even whiter, eyes widening as a shudder coursed through him, disbelief and confusion making its way through his veins. Gripping the paper scroll tightly, he worked to wrap his mind around the contents of this simple, almost inconspicuous scroll.

'I-it's a forgery, it has to be!' Mizuki thought, eyes scanning the paper. But he'd seen enough samples of handwriting, especially the Yondaime's, over the years that he could immediately spot any such forgery, no matter how skilled said forger was. Even the Uchihas couldn't get anything past him, his skills were so complete. It was his job before joining the academy, and he was as much a master at spotting forgeries as Maito Gai was at taijutsu, or Hatake Kakashi was at being incredibly late with horrible excuses.

Which could only mean...

Turning his eyes to the still-kneeling blonde, who looked as if he'd been frozen in place, he coughed and asked "Na-Naruto, have y-you seen this scroll?" When Naruto didn't so much as look at him, Mizuki walked slowly over to the teen, and carefully placed his hand on his shoulder. This caused Naruto's head to snap up, eyes on the gray-haired instructor, which widened in horror as he realized the man was there.

"Mi-Mizuki-sensei! You shouldn't be near me!" Naruto cried, jerking away from the silver-haired man and scuttling backwards from him.

"Why?" Mizuki asked, and Naruto answered "Ca-cause I'm the Kyuubi, and I might kill you! I-I don't want to hurt you or any of my precious people! Please don't come near me!"

This caused Mizuki to stare at him for several long moments, any lingering beliefs of Naruto being the Kyuubi quickly disappating at hearing the pure fear in the blonde's voice at the thought of hurting him. Something he knew the Kyuubi couldn't replicate, especially in regards to humans, whom the great beast saw as little more than insects.

Naruto barely had time to register Mizuki had moved before the man was before him kneeling near eye-level, pulling him against his chest. Hugging Naruto tightly, Mizuki felt tears begin flowing down his face as he said "You're not the Kyuubi, Naruto. You can't possibly be the Kyuubi, because the Kyuubi wouldn't worry about me or the people of Konoha!"

"Wh-what?" Naruto asked, his mind not wanting to acknowledge what he'd heard, and Mizuki continued "You're Uzumaki Naruto, one of my students and you are NOT the Kyuubi."

Naruto stared at the chuunin hugging him and felt his own eyes water before he buried his face into the man's vest and wrapped his arms around him, returning the hug as his shoulders shook lightly as years of pent-up emotion were finally released in one cathartic burst.

'I've... no, the village has made a horrible mistake in regards to you, Naruto. But I promise that I'll make up for my mistakes, Naruto, starting now.' Mizuki thought, listening as the child he long believed to be a demon softly sobbed into his chest.

For half an hour Mizuki just knelt their hugging the blonde teen as he released a torrent of emotions he'd locked away so as not to appear weak to the people of Konoha. When he finally calmed down, he reluctantly pulled away from his sensei enough to see his face, eyes shining with tears meeting Mizuki's own teary eyes as he murmured "I-I'm sorry Mizuki-sensei, I know shinobi aren't supposed to cry."

Mizuki smirked and lifted a hand, ruffling blonde locks as he said "Don't worry, its OK for shinobi to cry. We just got to know when it's OK to cry and when it's not. And I'm certain this is when its OK."

Wiping his eyes on his sleeve, Naruto returned the smirk with a slight frown as he asked "So I guess since you found me before I learned a jutsu that I failed the test, huh?"

Mizuki stared at the blonde for several moments before he remembered his 'plan'. Shaking his head, his smile returned as he said "Of course not, Naruto. In fact, I'm here to help you learn one of those jutsu. Konoha shinobi help one another after all, right?"

Naruto smiled and nodded as he said "Right!"

Releasing Naruto and standing, Mizuki turned to the large 'Forbidden Scroll of Sealing' as he said "Now, lets get to work before Iruka-sensei gets here to proctor the test."

Leaping to his feet, Naruto gave the silver-haired man a salute as he said "Hai Mizuki-sensei!"

When Iruka found his favorite student, he expected many things, each more horrible than the last. However, he didn't expect to find Mizuki and Naruto, both sweating and dirty, sitting in the limbs of a tree over what appeared to be swampy, muddy earth, their backs against the tree and talking amicably, the large Forbidden Scroll of Sealing sitting before them perched on two branches closed, a much smaller scroll sticking out of Naruto's windbreaker pocket.

At seeing the brown-haired Chuunin crouched in a nearby, Naruto's face broke into one of his giga-watt smiles as he said "Hey Iruka-sensei, I'm more than prepared for my make-up exam!"

At hearing that, Iruka frowned, staring incredulously at the blonde genin as he asked "Make-up exam, what are you talking about?"

"You know, the one for students who don't pass the regular exam but have the skills necessary for being a genin! The one where I was supposed to 'steal' a fake Forbidden Scroll of Sealing to learn a jutsu inside it for." Naruto explained, as Iruka looked to Mizuki, not quite understanding the blonde and hoping his associate could explain. The look he saw as he met the silver-haired man's eyes begged to 'go with it and I'll explain later'.

Turning back to Naruto, Iruka placed his hands on his hips and asked "So, which jutsu did you learn from the fake Forbidden Scroll?"

Rubbing the back of his head, Naruto grinned and answered "I only managed to learn two jutsu, even with Mizuki-sensei's help. But they're really awesome, I promise!"

Hearing that, Iruka could barely stop from gaping at the grinning blonde, thinking 'Th-those jutsu are kinjutsu, and with Mizuki's help he managed to learn TWO!?'

"Well, which ones did you learn?" Iruka asked, and Naruto's grin turned into a smirk as he easily leapt from his perch, the drenched earth splashing mud and water from his landing. Once there, he brought his hands before him in a cross seal as he cried out "Kage Bunshin no Jutsu!" Several bursts of smoke appeared, and to the scar-nosed chuunin's amazement, one orange-clad blonde quickly became 7 orange-clad blondes.

"N-no way..." Iruka murmured, exiting his own tree before walking slowly toward the closest of the blondes and poking him in the forehead. His finger didn't pass through like he expected, but met resistance just like real flesh.

"We're all real, sensei." the Naruto he'd poked said, five of the other Narutos walking up to him, each taking their turn to prod the brown-haired man's chest with an index finger, all of them smirking widely at the thunderstruck chuunin.

"Ho-how..." Iruka asked, and Mizuki chuckled from his perch as he said "That's not all, Iruka-san. Naruto, show him the other jutsu you learned!"

"OK Mizuki-sensei!" Naruto called back, the other Naruto's dispersing as the original smiled to Iruka and waved his hands and said "You might want to step back, Iruka-sensei."

Iruka, curious and a little uncertain of what was going to happen, moved to the edge of the clearing. Once certain that Iruka wasn't in the immediate danger zone, Naruto began moving through a series of handseals, ending by placing his hands together as if he were praying.

"Suiton: Suishouha!" Naruto cried, and to Iruka's amazement, a large spinning pillar of water seemingly appeared to surround him. Following the pillar into the sky, Iruka saw that it easily towered above the treetops. After several seconds, it dispersed, once more drenching the clearing with water and sending it outward, which splashed against Iruka's knees before settling over his ankles.

"Na-Naruto..." Iruka gaped, and the blonde smiled to him before his wavered and collapsed onto his butt into the mud, panting and sweating.

"Seems you've used up a lot of chakra tonight, Naruto-kun." Mizuki said as he leapt from his seat and landed next to Naruto, ruffling his hair.

"Yeah, I guess I did..." Naruto said with a weak grin before looking to Iruka and asked "So Iruka-sensei, did I pass?"

Blinking, it took several seconds for Iruka to return to the present before he said "Wha-wha... Oh yeah, Naruto, you definitely pass. No doubt about it with that display."

"Congratulations Naruto-kun, I'm proud of you." Mizuki said, Iruka sighing and smiling as he walked over and knelt down before the blonde. Reaching behind his head, Iruka untied his hitai-ate and easily tied it around the blonde's head.

Naruto watched in stunned silence as he watched Iruka give him the brown-haired chuunin's personal hitai-ate. After it was finally secured, Naruto felt tears welling in his eyes as he launched himself into the brunette's chest, hugging him tight as Iruka returned it with one of his own. Looking from the blonde against his chest to his fellow chuunin, Iruka was shocked to find a combination of happiness and guilt on the silver-haired man's face.

"Come on Iruka-san, I think we need to be heading back." Mizuki said, Iruka nodding as he said "Yeah, we should." Turning to tell Naruto, the chuunin was surprised to find that he was already fast asleep, face buried in the man's vest.

Sighing, Iruka gently gathered the sleeping blonde into his arms bridal style, looking toward Mizuki, who was in the tree getting the Forbidden Scroll of Sealing. Once it was secured on his back, the silver-haired man jumped down and stood beside Iruka. Shifting the blonde so that he was resting against his back, Iruka sighed and stared walking, Mizuki easily falling in step with him.

"So, what exactly happened today?" Iruka asked, and looking to the blonde against the man's back, Mizuki ran a hand over his cloth-covered head, muttering "Well, it goes like this..."

Sitting at his desk, Sarutobi sighed after informing the chuunin and jounin searching for Naruto the blonde had been found and was being brought to him. Leaning back in his chair, the elderly Hokage turned to the four pictures on the wall, focusing on the last of the four, which was of a blonde-haired, blue-eyed man wearing a white coat with fire-style trim, a tri-pronged kunai in hand.

"Minato, when did everything go so horribly wrong?" Sarutobi asked the picture rhetorically, knowing that the image of the deceased Yondaime would not answer. And, some part of Sarutobi's heart already knew the answer, he was just unwilling to listen.

If he would, it would tell him it all went to Hell the moment he listened to the insane plan concocted by the Yondaime and Jiraiya. A plan consisting of placing the Kyuubi no Kitsune within his newborn son and then purposefully orphaning him by driving the child's birth mother away. A plan in which they believed that the people of Konoha were more than human, that they would be able to ignore the fear and pain the Kyuubi brought upon them and treat its container like the hero he was. That, even when they didn't know the child was the Yondaime's son, they would love the boy for protecting them every day of his life from certain destruction.

But, the people of Konoha were not the benevolent deities that Minato and Sarutobi saw them as, they were humans. They felt pain, fear, and anger, same as anyone else. And when lacking the source of those feelings to punish, they would find a suitable scapegoat, anything to suffer as they had suffered. That job fell onto the unwanting shoulders of Uzumaki Naruto, jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune, and as far as any of them knew, family-less orphan.

They never outright physically attacked him, no. Instead, they did something that most people felt was far worse to a developing child: they ignored him. They treated him as if he didn't truly exist, as if he were no more worthy of their attention than the insects one might find beneath a large rock, or the slime that those bugs wallow in. They never spoke to him, store-owners and restaurants refused to serve him, leaving him to largely fend for himself.

But worse, when when they looked or spoke about him, they did so with eyes and speech normally reserved for a diseased, dying rat laying atop the refuse in a dumpster. And to a small child in Konoha, that was believed to be far worse than any physical blow, which at least said they acknowledged him, if only with negative emotions. To a small child, such complete and utter social isolation was a devistating thing.

He knew it, but he chose to buried it deeper and deeper beneath delusions and beliefs that everything was just small injustices, and that it was the best for young Naruto in the long run. Truthfully, they were indeed small. But all those small injustices gathered themselves into a very cruel, abominable life for young Naruto, who was forced to grow up and grow up quick just to survive. Forced to learn to shop for himself, cook for himself, clean up for himself, and take care of his own illnesses and injuries, all at an age when most kids were most concerned about playing with their friends, leaving that stuff for their parents.

That was the only way the elderly Hokage found he could sleep at night, by lying to himself until he actually begun to believe those lies. His belief was absolute, save for that small part of his heart, the part that refused to accept those lies he told himself. The part of his heart that tried to force him to acknowledge that those pained looks when Naruto was forced away from kids his own age by parents, the longing glances at families walking together, playing together, and eating together, that all his desperate attempts to get acknowledged were the fault of three men.

And they were the fault of three men, namely himself, his student Jiraiya, and Jiraiya's student and the boy's own father, the Yondaime Hokage, Namikaze Minato. All because of a plan that was devised by Minato and Jiraiya before his son was even born, and began implimentation before the man's corpse had even begun to cool.

Fortunately, or unfortunately depending on how one looked at it, the elderly leader was forced out of his thoughts by his intercom coming to life, his secretary speaking "Chuunins Touji Mizuki and Umino Iruka are here with Academy Student Uzumaki Naruto and the Scroll, Hokage-sama."

Pushing the send button, Sarutobi said "Thank you, Fuuko. Please send them in."

Little did the man called Hokage realize how much things had changed that night, and just how much they would continue to do so in the coming months.

Welp, this is my new fanfic, based on dracohalo117's 'Naruto Hates the Yondaime' challenge. Enjoy the Naru/Anko/Possible Harem goodness!

Oh, and please go to my profile and vote on which summon creature Naruto should use... Please!