DISCLAIMER: I don't own Escaflowne (sadly). I'm not claiming to own Escaflowne. Please don't sue me; I honestly don't believe you will get any money, maybe some pocket lint and the entire collection of Sailor Moon manga, but no money. The song is from the Lord of the Rings: Fellowship of the Rings CD. I don't actually know who sings it, but its called "In Dreams" or something. (It's actually in the middle of "The Breaking of the Fellowship", so I didn't even know it existed for like a month after I bought the CD. I'm so stupid...)
~But In Dreams~
When the cold of winter comes,
Starless night will cover day,
In the veiling of the sun,
We will walk in bitter rain
When he first came to, he had no idea where he was. In fact, he found he was totally lacking in the memory department. He opened his eyes and sat up, examining his surroundings.
He was lying in the middle of a huge field. On the far horizon he glimpsed a green-brown smudge that might have been a forest and a grayish smudge that might have been a mountain range. Other than a few trees spread over the sparsely furnished landscape, he was alone.
Alone...
Suddenly a cold wind rose, tousling his hair. He shivered and wrapped his arms about his shoulders. A solitary tear sprang into his eye and rolled away down his cheek.
Don't leave me alone! he thought desperately. Gatti, Chesta, Guimel ...
Around him the climate began to change. As if in response to his growing terror, the wind took on a biting chill. Snowflakes swiftly covered the land, transforming the meadow into a vast expanse of blinding whiteness. Slowly, slowly, blackness crept over the sky, blotting out the sun. It was not the darkness of night, for no stars gleamed in the empty void above.
The boy scarcely noticed the changes going on about him. Burying his face in his knees he began to sob, trying vainly to stifle the gasping noises he was making. Bitter tears streamed down his cheeks as he remembered the tragedy that had befallen everyone he'd ever cared about. They'd all died... passed into that gray world where he could not follow. They'd left him.
Alone…
Now a cold rain fell from the blackened sky, washing away the snowy landscape as if it held no more substance than a dream. In its place there was a gray nothingness.
"Dilandau-sama!"
He looked up. Coming towards him were his beloved Dragon Slayers. Not the bloody, broken bodies left on that battlefield such a short time (so long) ago; but the bright, cheerful boys that he had trained - and loved.
But in dreams...
I can hear your name.
And in dreams...
We will meet again.
I'm dreaming, he thought. I must be dreaming. I saw them die! I saw him - kill - them.
"You're dead!!" he screamed bitterly. "You died - he killed you! You're all dead... and I'm - I'm..."he stopped, unable to say the final word.
"... alone."
Even as he whispered it, the wind came again, sweeping the familiar figures from the gray plain. He whimpered in renewed pain. Dead or not, they were a comfort for his confused soul.
"Jajuka..."
And he saw himself cowering against a cliff as his beloved Jajuka leapt in front of the White Dragon, taking a blow meant for himself. He saw the guymelef separate into two halves.
"It's ok to change back to Celena!" the beast-man gasped in a bloody gurgle.
That gentle Celena…
The liquid metal inside the broken melef suddenly caught flame, incinerating the boy's last link to sanity.
"JAJUKA!!!!!"
Dilandau's eyes were wide with shock and his hands clenched and unclenched at his sides. He bent forward, gasping for breath, and crumpled to the ground. Memories of things past flooded his mind.
...alone...
"Jajuka! Play with me!"
"Gatti! Chesta! Guimel!"
"Moeru! Moeru!"
"Onii-san! Watch me!"
"Don't leave me!"
...alone...
"Dilandau?"
Alone. I'm alone. he thought. There's no one left to call me that.
"Dilandau!" the voice was stronger now, nearer. Tentatively he raised his head, peering about in the dim fog thata surrounded him.
"Who?" he asked in a quiet whisper.
The form of a little girl appeared before him. She was an angel with curly golden hair and wide blue eyes. She looked so familiar...
"Play with me!" the little girl said to him. He looked at her, annoyed.
"How did you get in here?"
She smiled and cocked her head to the side.
"I am you!" she said cheerfully, holding out a white rose for him to take.
"C-Celena?" he asked, stammering.
When the seas and mountains fall,
And we come to end of days,
In the dark I hear a call,
Calling me there, I will go there,
And back again.
She smiled and nodded her head vigorously. She held out one hand shyly.
"Play with me?" she asked in a soft voice.
He extended one of his own slender hands to hers.
"Y-yes," he agreed.
Suddenly the earth gave a violent tremor and the world around them began to crumble. The mountains on the horizon crumbled into dust and violent waves of nothing swept towards them with increasing violence.
The ground before him opened up into a yawning pit. Celena stumbled and fell head first into the bottomless hole.
"CELENA!" he yelled.
No, NO! I don't want to be alone! Please...
Allen appeared, drawing his sword from its sheath. He advanced menacingly on Dilandau, even as the earth shook and trembled.
"You killed her!" he shouted, his voice a mixture of anger and sadness. "She's dead because of you! All you ever do is bring death and pain!"
He raised his sword to deliver the killing blow. Monster, his eyes seemed to say.
"No! Wait!" Dilandau cried brokenly. "I'm not - I'm not a -"
And the encroaching waves swept him away; away from the hateful scene, away from the awful certainty of Allen's sword and his own emotional turmoil. He curled himself into the fetal position and let himself drift in the sea of nothing.
A black void from which there was no escape, emptiness with no beginning or ending; eternity.
And for an eternity he floated there. Feeling no pain, no sorrow, barely aware that time was even passing. Until...
a sound, a voice -
from the darkness, a wordless calling -
pulling at his soul, at the very core of his being.
And as the voice permeated his being with its insistency he felt himself doing the unthinkable, the impossible - responding.
The source of the voice drew nearer, and with it a light so bright that it burned his eyes. He put up a hand to shield himself from the beautiful fierceness of the voice/light.
"Dilandau."
The light dimmed slightly, revealing a young woman. Her pale, chin-length hair framed a narrow face with wide blue eyes. Her delicate facial structure and high cheekbones gave her the unmistakable stamp of aristocracy. And she was familiar.
"Dilandau," she repeated in the same haunting voice from before.
So familiar...
"Play with me!"
"No..." he whispered unbelievingly. "Not again..."
Too many times, he thought. Happiness dangled in front of his eyes, so close, but never attainable. Now, once again, he was being offered what he wanted.
I don't want to be alone anymore!
And he almost - almost - gave in.
But he knew it would be taken away, abruptly, brutally, if he did. The thought of her beautiful body lying broken and twisted on the ground wrenched his soul.
So he turned away from her shining form and began to run. Away from the temptation-
please -
away from the awful knowledge that no matter what -
don't leave me -
he would never have that elusive, joyful feeling of -
alone!
love. And being loved.
"Why?!" he sobbed. "Why can't anyone ever love me?"
Cool hands reached out to stroke his head, smoothing away his fears and doubts.
"NO!!" he screamed. He tried to push away from the girl's helping hands, but she grabbed his arm in a surprisingly strong grasp. He whirled to face her - and stopped.
Instead of gentle Celena there was -
"Van?"
He'd always had a fascination with his archenemy - with the boy who had dared to scar his face, with the boy who had foiled the plans of the entire Zaibach Empire. It was an obsession he had always denied himself. The thought of Van had sometimes stirred strange feelings within his body, made him think lustful things about the other boy's body.
As Captain of the Dragon Slayers, he'd tried desperately to suppress the feelings. Failing, he became enraged at his inability to control himself and, consequently, expressed it in his increasing hatred for the would-be King of Fanelia.
But there is a thin line between such extreme emotions as love and hate.
Slowly, tentatively, Dilandau stepped forward. He reached out a shaking hand to brush Van's cheek.
Pulling his hand back quickly, Dilandau shook his head in horror. Before him Van writhed in agony. His feathers burned and fell from his body, his skin turned black and began to crack and peel. Dilandau inhaled sharply.
"It's happening again…" he whispered horrified. He turned away and closed his eyes tightly, refusing to watch the boy in front of him suffer, but helpless to stop it.
Dilandau was jerked around so fast that he stumbled forward, catching up against a warm chest. His eyes fluttered open.
Warm bronze skin.
Strong fingers forced his chin up. His scared garnet eyes looked hesitantly into Van's gentle chocolate ones.
"V-Van… I-"
Before he could finish his sentence Van's mouth covered his own. After a surprised moment, Dilandau leaned into the kiss. He was scared, tired, and confused. Van was an anchor of support in the dark world of his dream. He was familiar and - in this dark place - where all of his barriers were torn down, Dilandau knew no difference between hate and love. That which he despised became his most treasured possession; those things that he had loved became abhorrent to his sight.
Breathlessly, they broke the kiss.
"I'm scared," he whispered to the boy-king. "It's dark and cold here, and I'm alone." He looked at the other boy beseechingly.
"Please don't leave me alone…"
Van touched Dilandau's hair gently. His calloused fingertips traced the thin outline of Dilandau's scar, brushing strands of moonlit hair from his eyes.
"I'll come for you," Van whispered comfortingly.
Over Dilandau's shoulder he saw a blinding white light approaching out of the darkness. Where it passed, the darkness faded away and was replaced by bright scenery. Ancient forests, flowering oasis, and the familiar field of flowers. Van's eyes lit with comprehension.
"I'll come for you," he repeated as Dilandau noticed the burning light and cowered against him. "Go," he whispered.
Dilandau shook his head vehemently. "No, no! She'll disappear as soon as you're gone!"
Van kissed the other boy lightly on the lips. With a swift caress he began to fade into the darkness, and with a last brilliant burst of golden particles, he dispersed into the fabric of the dream.
He sobbed, screaming his sorrow at the unresponsive void. The darkness began creeping back into his soul, slowing the flow of the life-giving light.
But even as he started to lose substance, as he began to die in his mind, the source of the light reached him. He felt burning fingers grip either side of his head, forcing him back to the haphazard reality of his dream. The light flooded his being, cleansing his veins of the soul quenching blackness. The life-fire chased the last remnants of obscurity from his mind, bringing his chaotic dream to a standstill.
Gasping for breath he stared at the familiar light. As before, it dimmed to a visible level, revealing the beautiful young woman.
"Celena…" he murmured wonderingly. She nodded, still mute. Then she extended a hand to the shivering boy.
"Come with me."
He nodded, finally having the courage to accept her offer. Hand in hand they walked through the now stable dream, neither of them speaking; just enjoying each other's presence.
Celena led him to a circle of trees in the center of their mind. She settled on the ground patting a spot next to her. Dilandau sat down next to her, laying his head on her lap. She stroked his hair gently from his eyes.
"Dilandau?"
"Hmm?"
"You're not alone now."
"Un."
"He will come."
"Un."
"Oyasumi," she murmured sleepily, leaning against a tree trunk.
Oyasumi, Celena…