Horatio Is In the Mall
Woman: (picks up a bottle of Pepsi) Oh, no. This bottle doesn't have a price tag on it. (looks around and spots an employer of the store) Excuse me, sir.
Employer: Yes. How may I help you?
Woman: There is no price tag on this drink? Can you help me?
Employer: Sure, if you come with me, we'll check…
Horatio: (walks into scene) Not so fast.
Employer: Oh, God. Sir, I told you if you come in this store again, I'll have to call the police.
Horatio: But I know the price of that product.
Woman: You do? How much?
Horatio: Nineteen ninety-four.
Employer: For one 1L of Pepsi? That's how much it costs?
Horatio: No, that's not the price.
Woman: Than what's with the number?
Horatio: That (puts on glasses) Is the expiration date. (walks away)
At another part of the market, okay, a pet store.
Man: Hello: I'd like to buy a turtle as a pet for my grandson.
Guy: Okay. Which one do you want?
Horatio: He'll take none of them.
Guy: OH GOD! Not you again! You ruin business.
Horatio: (to Man) Sir, do not buy any of these pets. They're illegal.
Guy: What are you talking about? No, they're not! I got them legit!
Man: Okay. I'll come back another time. (gets out of store)
Guy: (looks at Horatio) What the hell is wrong with you?!
Horatio: You better give back those illegal pets, especially the water ones.
Guy: And why should I?
Horatio: If you don't, it is you, (puts on glasses) who will be sleeping with the fishes.
At the candy store:
Cashier: Oh God. What the hell do you want?
Horatio: I caught this little boy stealing candy and putting it in his pocket. (points to little boy, who is handcuffed)
Cashier: That's my son.
Horatio: Maybe. But he's with me and he's going downtown.
Cashier: You can't take my son.
Horatio: (takes away his son with him) Well, sir. You know what they say…
Cashier: Idiots never proper?
Horatio: It's like stealing candy (puts on glasses) from a baby. (walks away from kid)
At security office, Horatio brings in kid to head security, Ryan Wolfe
Horatio: Mr. Wolfe. I brought in the boy for shoplifting.
Ryan: (looks at kid) Son, you can go. We've been looking for this moron. You can go.
Horatio: Don't be hard on him. He's not a moron. (puts on glasses) He's a…
Ryan: I was talking to the kid. (kid gets away) You, (points to Horatio) in my office.
In Ryan's office
Horatio: You don't have to congratulate me. It's my job.
Ryan: I'm not going to. And you don't work here. We've gotten a lot of complaints from 80 percent of the mall. How did you get past security?
Horatio: I used my technique…
Ryan: The glasses, yeah, I know. I gotta have Frank fired.
Horatio: And he's my friend.
Ryan: You better leave, or I will have to call the police.
Horatio: I will. And by the way, (puts on glasses) I took your wallet. (walks away)
Wolfe: (checks his wallet) That mother f-
YYYYEEEEEAAAHHHHH!!!!!