Horatio Is In the Mall

Woman: (picks up a bottle of Pepsi) Oh, no. This bottle doesn't have a price tag on it. (looks around and spots an employer of the store) Excuse me, sir.

Employer: Yes. How may I help you?

Woman: There is no price tag on this drink? Can you help me?

Employer: Sure, if you come with me, we'll check…

Horatio: (walks into scene) Not so fast.

Employer: Oh, God. Sir, I told you if you come in this store again, I'll have to call the police.

Horatio: But I know the price of that product.

Woman: You do? How much?

Horatio: Nineteen ninety-four.

Employer: For one 1L of Pepsi? That's how much it costs?

Horatio: No, that's not the price.

Woman: Than what's with the number?

Horatio: That (puts on glasses) Is the expiration date. (walks away)

At another part of the market, okay, a pet store.

Man: Hello: I'd like to buy a turtle as a pet for my grandson.

Guy: Okay. Which one do you want?

Horatio: He'll take none of them.

Guy: OH GOD! Not you again! You ruin business.

Horatio: (to Man) Sir, do not buy any of these pets. They're illegal.

Guy: What are you talking about? No, they're not! I got them legit!

Man: Okay. I'll come back another time. (gets out of store)

Guy: (looks at Horatio) What the hell is wrong with you?!

Horatio: You better give back those illegal pets, especially the water ones.

Guy: And why should I?

Horatio: If you don't, it is you, (puts on glasses) who will be sleeping with the fishes.

At the candy store:

Cashier: Oh God. What the hell do you want?

Horatio: I caught this little boy stealing candy and putting it in his pocket. (points to little boy, who is handcuffed)

Cashier: That's my son.

Horatio: Maybe. But he's with me and he's going downtown.

Cashier: You can't take my son.

Horatio: (takes away his son with him) Well, sir. You know what they say…

Cashier: Idiots never proper?

Horatio: It's like stealing candy (puts on glasses) from a baby. (walks away from kid)

At security office, Horatio brings in kid to head security, Ryan Wolfe

Horatio: Mr. Wolfe. I brought in the boy for shoplifting.

Ryan: (looks at kid) Son, you can go. We've been looking for this moron. You can go.

Horatio: Don't be hard on him. He's not a moron. (puts on glasses) He's a…

Ryan: I was talking to the kid. (kid gets away) You, (points to Horatio) in my office.

In Ryan's office

Horatio: You don't have to congratulate me. It's my job.

Ryan: I'm not going to. And you don't work here. We've gotten a lot of complaints from 80 percent of the mall. How did you get past security?

Horatio: I used my technique…

Ryan: The glasses, yeah, I know. I gotta have Frank fired.

Horatio: And he's my friend.

Ryan: You better leave, or I will have to call the police.

Horatio: I will. And by the way, (puts on glasses) I took your wallet. (walks away)

Wolfe: (checks his wallet) That mother f-

YYYYEEEEEAAAHHHHH!!!!!