So, I have a cold. And it SUCKS! Ok, as everyone who has ever cold is going, so what? With this cold I have spent the entire day reading Lauralot's latest story, Shadow selves, which is an excellent story and I highly recommend it. Although it is 100 chapters long and there is no smut until Chapter 95, but it's worth it and it's well written. I certainly love her work. She writes in realistic and factual tones with snark and comedy and gore. Any one who enjoys JokerXCrane, JokerXBatman, or BatmanXCrane should read stuff. And also have a lot of patience. Don't expect my kind of quick to the point smut. She implements something, that my twins love to bring up, called Build-up.

Any as to what that has to do anything, the day before I read her 100 chapter story I went to go see the new Alice in Wonderland on March 5. And it was FAN-Tastic! I loved Stayne! He was certainly attractive. Originally I thought he was played by Johnny Depp, but then I was told it Cillian Murphy(the guy who played Crane in Batman Begins) So I was super super excited. Only to be slightly disappointed. He was actually played by Crispin Glover, if I remember, right. Not that detracts from how awesome the character was. Ok, now I went to go see this with a good friend of mine, ShadRougeforever. She's awesome, and a lot like me, and we both agreed we'd right a fanfic for the movie. And thus this story was born. I was inspired, to write 2 or 3 fanfics, but I'll try to contain myself with just launching my one-shot and humor fic. By the way, I don't think I'll be able to keep them completely in character, so just bear with me stumbling. I normally work with non-mad individuals.

Hatter was staring out the window of his current prison slowly spinning the wheel on his sewing machine. He was tired and not really inspired. He didn't want to make a hat right now. What he wanted, was completely unreachable, at the current moment. What he wanted was to not be chained up to a stupid table, sewing stupid ugly hats, for the big-headed red Queen.

He sighed and stepped away from the machine for a moment to stare at the fabric he'd been working. It was mangled. And pretty badly too. He hadn't paid attention and the fabric had bunched up and been sewn together into several knots. It was hopeless. He need a new stretch of the fabric. Rather listlessly he pulled out the mangled fabric and tossed it into a bin before dragging his feet over to the pile of fabrics.

He was sorting through all the many wild varying colors when the door was thrown open. For a moment he didn't really care who it was, because if it was important they'd speak up and demand his attention. If not they'd stand there till he gave them his attention. He settled on a dark red color and pulled the fabric out to run his fingers along the length of it.

"Ahem."

The fabric was rough and bumpy feeling not soft enough. Right color, wrong texture. With a discontented sigh he dropped the spool of fabric and let it roll back behind him as dug back into the pile. He felt something smooth and soft near the back of the pile. And pulled it forward to peak at it.

"Ah-hem."

It was an ugly dull blue color mixed with a bit of puke yellow. He let it fall and sighed. And it was just the right feel too. He sighed and resumed his digging feeling a rougher fabric towards the bottom he pulled it up. It was a nice black color and good spacing in the holes. It was like the fabric made for tutu's. He grinned and set it aside. He could use that one later.

"Ah-Ah-Ah-hem."

He began to check the next pile to hopefully find the fabric he wanted. The top was covered in dark and dreary and colors and he shoved them aside spotting a fleck of shiny lime green.

"Ahem!"

He grinned pulling it out. It shiny and smooth. It was lime green silk. He loved it. It would be perfect for a dress, gloves, or even a hat.

"AHEM!"

Hatter spun around with a frown clutching the spool of beautiful fabric and narrowed his eyes at the sight of Stayne. What was he doing here? Sure it could have something to do with the plate of food he was carrying, but maybe it had to with his boots or gloves. Although, the man had good taste in gloves. Leather and well-made. Boots on the other hand, were rather lacking.

"Hatter." He growled out still just standing in the doorway.

The boots were worn and dirty. Never mind that under the mud and wear and tear they were a disgustingly plain set of black leather boots. Hatter wondered if the person who made those boots or at least the leather had their penis bit off*.

"Stayne." He responded half-heartedly. Some nice green silk shoes, might look good on Stayne, if he didn't wear so much red. "What are you doing here?" He asked cocking his head to the side in curiosity.

"The Queen sent me to feed you." Stayne growled out. The man acted like he liked the idiotic Queen, but it didn't take a beaten down Mad Hatter to know the man hated the bitch.

"Oh, well. Fine, set it on the table." He answered half-heartedly waving his hand at the desk where he was sowing, before turning back to sort through the fabric. If only he could find some orange and purple.

"No, those aren't my orders." He growled out tersely. Hatter frowned and glanced over his shoulder in surprise to stare at Stayne. The man looked pissed, to say the least.

"Well, then what are your orders?" He asked turning to give the man his full attention. Stayne was taller than Hatter. By more than a few inches. But at least Hatter was better at fashion.

"To feed you." Stayne growled. Hatter smirked and skipped over to the one chair in the room and sat down.

"Well, then. Get to it." He said clapping his hands as Stayne stepped forward and began to collect some of the food onto the fork. He smirked when Stayne held the bite of Mitchin Steak up for Hatter to eat. Oh, this had to be the most degrading thing Stayne had ever had to do.

"Say, do you know why a Raven is like a writing desk?" Hatter asked before eating the first bite of his food. It tasted good. He had to think the chef sometime.

"No, and I don't care." Stayne growled scooping up more food this time and shoveling it into Hatter's mouth.

"Oh, but it's such a good joke." Hatter whined opening his mouth wide to take the bite. Hatter noticed Stayne's embarrassed shift of eyes. Hatter chewed slowly pondering that.

"I'm sure." Stayne bit out deciding to give Hatter a slice of the Mince pie. Hatter licked his lips rather subconsciously not failing to notice the flick of Stayne's eyes straight to his tongue or the swallow.

Hatter smirked. Could it be? No. It was to-but then again…Hatter smirked and opened his mouth for the bite of Mince Pie. The second the fork was in his mouth he slammed his teeth over the fork and sucked every bit of pie he could off the fork. He made sure to let out a little moan as Stayne slid the fork out slowly.

The minute inhale of breath from Stayne did not go unnoticed. Hatter smiled and opened his mouth again. This time even wider and even sticking his tongue out and going, "Ah." Like he was at very bad doctor's visit. Stayne's face began to slowly turn red. Oh, yes. Hatter was right.

Stayne scooped up more food and offered it to Hatter easily his eyes locked onto Hatter's mouth as he fed him. The great Stayne, knight of the Red Queen, had a mouth fetish.

"Stayne." Hatter breathed out very softly as Stayne started to fix him another bite. "Do you like mouth's?" He asked bluntly making Stayne nearly drop his plate. Not that Hatter cared. If he played his cards right, he'd get a much better meal.

"That's a stupid question." Stayne growled his face turning more and more red. Not that what he said was a real answer. Hatter smiled and stood up and took the plate from Stayne's grip and set it on his work table and pointed at the door.

"Shut that for me." He ordered. He was surprised when the man actually did it. The second he walked back over Hatter smiled and took hold of his hands and pulled off Stayne's leather glove. "So is that a yes, to the mouth fetish?" He asked smiling. Hatter smiled watching Stayne's reaction. It looked like he was going to say no for a moment, but apparently the man decided to stay silent.

Not that mattered. Hatter could more than make up for that bit of conversation loss as he lifted up Stayne's hands. They were warm, and calloused, yet still somehow smooth. He smiled and lifted the man's hand slowly extending the man's forefinger. The only warning of Hatter next move was a flick of his eyes.

In the next moment Stayne's entire world narrowed down into two things. That tight warm mouth with beautiful luscious lips wrapped around his finger and his now fully awakened hard-on. Why he was turned on by the Hatter of all things he'd never know, but he let out a breath he didn't even know he was holding as Hatter began to lick and suck along his finger.

"H-Hatter…" He groaned softly his knee's going weak. Damn his fetish. Damn it to hell. Why did the Queen have to give him the one job that would most definitely bring up at least one of his fetishes. The woman was beyond cruel.

"Mm?" The man had the gall to try and look innocent as he began to deep throat Stayne's finger.

"St-stop…"He managed to groan out before he fell backward into the wall that Hatter had pushed him into. "Oh, gods…" He gasped out suddenly his knee's shaking wildly as Hatter pulled out his finger from his mouth with a light whoosh.

"Now, Stayne, tell the truth," Hatter sing songed as he fell onto his knee's happily undoing Stayne's belt and pushing down his tights and pants. "You don't really mean 'stop', do you? It's ok to ask for what you really want." He teased as he began to slowly pump Stayne's erection rubbing the underside of his cock with the flat of his palm.

Stayne let out another strangled moan lifting one hand to his mouth and biting it to keep from speaking. He other hand slowly laced his fingers through Hatter's hair gripping the tight orange curls hard and pushing his face forward.

Hatter smirked and happily sucked in Stayne's member and proceeded to pleasure the man out of his mind. Whatever little was left of it anyway. Stayne let out another chooked noise, but Hatter couldn't tell what that one meant. Instead he went with his gut and used the tip of his tongue to run around the tip of Stayne's member.

Hatter groaned himself softly when Stayne began to push his head back and forth along his member. It was one of the Hatter's dirty little secrets. He liked being made to do certain things. He reached into his own pants and began to stroke his own member in time with his movements. Stayne didn't last long. Not that Hatter had expected him. The man probably hadn't beaten his dolphin in a while. Stayne let out another loud groan and thrust into Hatter's mouth before cumming thick and hard into his mouth. Hatter smiled and pulled away and stood up with a grin before licking his lips. Some of the cum had dribbled out onto his chin. Stayne just stood there seemingly to shocked to even move from the wall he was sliding down.

"Taste like fruit." Hatter mumbled mostly to himself as he tucked himself back in. He could paint the ceiling white later. "Thanks for the meal." He threw over his shoulder as he went back to the fabrics to sort through and find other fabrics for a design

Stayne sat on the floor in complete shock. He'd come up here to fed the stupid Mad Hatter and instead wound up dropping said meal and wound up getting a blowjob. Certainly not the worst experience, but he wasn't sure he could simply leave with a smile and a giggle after that.

"Your welcome." He managed to say after nearly ten minutes of stupidly sitting on the floor. Minutes in which the Hatter had apparently forgot he was there because turned looking slightly surprised holding a large swatch of bright pink fabric.

"Oh, you're still here?" Hatter asked setting the fabric down to walk around to stare at Stayne. The chain around his ankle clanged and swished across the tile softly as he moved.

"Well, yes." Stayne couldn't help feeling petulant. This was stupid. His business was done here, in every sense of the word. He should just leave. He should just stand up and leave. And stand up he did, pulling his pants up with one hand. But not to leave. He stalked forward making the Hatter's eyes go wide in shock. Hatter backed up suddenly fearful and stepped into his table.

"Oh, well, was there s-something you needed?" Hatter asked nervously stuttering ever so slightly. Maybe Stayne hadn't noticed.

"My, My, Hatter, nervous, aren't we?" Damn it. Stayne smirked leaning hard against Hatter and pushing him back into the table hard. Their bodies pressed as close as clothes would allow. Or physics for that matter.

"N-no, just curious about the sudden invasion of my space." He stated swiftly trying to back up more and winding up sitting on the table. Hm, at this height he could look directly into Stayne's eye.

"Hrm, I suppose you're right. I am invading your space, just as you invaded mine." Stayne pointed out pushing his fingers through the wild orange curls and gripping Hatter's hair tightly as his other hand snuck south to try and undo the man's pants. Not that it took much. Hatter had only bothered to re-button one button. "I suppose that makes us, almost even." Stayne whispered softly as pushed Hatter's pants down his hands rubbing along Hatter's legs slowly. How did he get his legs so smooth?

"E-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-even?" Hatter stammered before yelling out the actual word with a high-pitched squeal. Stayne smirked. Now, that kind of reaction was actually what he wanted. "H-hardly!" He yelped scooting back into his sewing machine. "You got to finish roughing up the suspect without even doing the five-knuckle shuffle!" He yelped sharply as he felt Stayne's fingers rubbing one finger around his anus slowly trying to relax Hatter's anal muscle.

"The what?" He asked slightly confused as he pushed the first finger in leaning Hatter back into the sewing machine.

"T-the f-f-f-f-five kn-knuckle shuffle." Hatter repeated before Stayne captured that deliciously luscious mouth in a rough kiss. Stayne shoved his tongue deep into Hatter's mouth as he shoved another finger into Hatter making him groan loudly and wrap his legs tight around Stayne's waist.

"Shut up, with your useless drivel." Stayne growled as he pulled his fingers out of Hatter with a loud pop and dropped his pants again. "Now, if you know what's good for you you'll start begging me to fuck you." Stayne growled out roughly as he pumped his own erection spreading what little saliva was left over his member.

"Fuck me." Hatter whispered softly spreading his legs wide for Stayne. "Please, please fuck me." He whimpered softly and reached between his legs to grip Stayne's erection. "Fuck me, Stayne."

Stayne gasped out and bucked into Hatter's hand with a groan. Stayne pushed Hatter's hands out of the way and quickly pushed into Hatter's rear. It felt weird, but it was good. Like oral, only tighter and hotter. It felt so good. Stayne let out a slow soft moan and pulled Hatter up gripping his hips tightly. His thrusts at first were slow and careful, but when Hatter's arms wrapped around his neck he snapped.

Stayne couldn't keep control. He bucked hard upward into Hatter making him gasp loudly, but it didn't stop him at all. He groaned loudly at the tightening of Hatter's ass. It felt so good. Hatter clung tightly to Stayne as he thrust upward making Hatter thrust downward thrusting into one another roughly. It was hard enough and rough enough to leave bruises. It felt wonderful.

"Unh, harder!" Hatter gasped. "Harder!" He began to buck down hard onto Stayne's member. His own member twitched slightly in response pre-cum spurting out to stain Hatter's jacket as Stayne suddenly hit Hatter's prostate hard. Suddenly he saw stars. It was wonderful. "Nnh! Right there!" He grunted thrusting down faster onto Stayne. "Yes! More! More!" He gasped out his nails cutting into and gripping Stayne's own tunic hard.

"Unh! You're so tight!" He grunted putting his arm out and shoving the sewing machine out of the way and knocking everything into the floor making it easier to push Hatter down onto the desk and beginning to truly pound into the Hatter unrestrained as Hatter suddenly came his muscles clamping down hard around Stayne's cock bringing him to the edge and with one final thrust he came exploding into Hatter's ass.

It took Stayne at least an hour before he thought to stand up and get off Hatter. Hatter let out a little moan softly as Stayne pulled out of Hatter. "Oh, god." Stayne breathed out suddenly rubbing his face slowly. "What have I done?"

"You fucked me out of mind." Hatter breathed out softly breathing slowly in and out.

"I'm going to…uh, get something." Stayne stammered out swiftly as he stood quickly running down the hall to grab some water and a washcloth. When he returned he froze. Hatter was seated on the table, still currently licking his fingers with a smile.

"Does the Queen know you have a mouth fetish?" Hatter asked casually as he slid off the table to stand. His legs only held for about a second. Stayne was faster than Hatter realized, because his arms caught him easily and sat him back down on the table quickly running the washcloth over the Hatter's stomach.

"No, No she does not. And you won't tell her if you're smart. She has a freakish crush on me." He growled softly before pulling back and pulled Hatter up off the table. "And don't tell her we had sex or it'll be off with your head." He said softly as he wiped off Hatter's member and nervously froze. "Um, Can you do this yourself?"

"Yes, of course." He said happily taking the washcloth and beginning to clean himself. "So, you want another round?" He asked grinning as he wrapped the washcloth behind Stayne's head pulling him in closer.

"Well, uh," Stayne hesitated slowly as Hatter pulled him in closer and closer with each second. "That is, I…" Stayne didn't stop kissing Hatter over and over again for another few hours.

So, I started this at the start of a cold have been getting worse. Unfortunately I went to bed and lost some of my train of thought. Perhaps I'll write more stories for this. I like the idea of sex kitten Hatter. I hope I kept him in character. And I would certainly enjoy some reviews. Thank you very very much.