Perfect
by Angus MacSpon
Based on characters and situations created by Naoko Takeuchi, and used
without permission. Comments and criticism welcome!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, I 'member th'first time 't happen. Was in th'ol' alleyalleyalley,
heh, hmm. Nice big dumpster there, give 's bit o'shelter. Heh. Wind's
pretty cold this time'a year. Smell? Heh, heh, heh. Don't 'member last
time I smelled nothin.' Prob'ly jus's well, heh. Don' 'member las' time
I washed, either.
Bottle in my hands was nearly empty. You don' have a li'l on you --? No.
Figures. Jus' it helps take th'shakes away, y'know? Heh, heh. I know
li'l someth'n' else does that, too.
Th's bottle was cheap crap, but who gives a fuck? Leas' 'twasn't meths,
haven' gone th't far yet. Soon, maybe. Heh, 's a guy a few blocks over
drinks kerosene. Y'think I smell bad? Take a look 't him, heh. Won' see
him much longer, I expec.'
Sorry. Jus' wipe it off.
Then, alla' sudden I feel this ... this thing, y'know? Like som'th'n's
callin' me? Fuck, I dunno. An' I stan' up an' somethin' happens an' I get
this crazy feelin' and suddenly I know what I have to do. In another moment
I find myself leaping effortlessly over the rooftops, following the siren
call in my mind. As I touch down outside my destination, a small jewelry
shop, I notice my reflection in the window and for a moment I think I've
slid over the edge, that the DTs have got me at last; for it is a Lon Chaney
lookalike who stares back at me, a slim young man in an impossibly perfect
tuxedo and a mask that seems to glimmer in the moonlight.
But the call is still in my head, so I make my way inside. There is a young
girl there, as improbably dressed as I, beset by nightmarish forms. I do
what comes naturally.
Afterward, I leave the jewelry shop, exultant. The craving for drink is
gone; I am well-dressed, affluent-looking. There is money in my pocket
from somewhere. Somehow, impossibly, I have been given a second chance, and
this time I know I can get it right. And sure enough, everything seems to
fall into place. I find lodgings. The next day, I even find a job. My
life is perfect.
A week later, as I am walking home from work, I suddenly feel an awful
draining, sapping sensation; the world seems to spin about me an' then I'm
crawlin' down an alley pukin' my guts out an' feelin' worse'n anyth'n' I
ever felt before, an' shit ... 's like I been robbed, th' mos' perfec' ...
bright ... shit. Wha'd YOU know 'bout it, anyway? I try t' get t'my
apartmen' an' th'doorman won' even look 't me. Figures. End'a th'day I'm
back at th' fuckin' dumpster, but with no bottle th's time. Perfec', sure.
Thanks f'r nothin.'
Few days later, 't all happens 'gain. Weird shit in m'head, th'world goes
crazy, an I'm Mr Perfect again. I help the sailor girl out, and afterward
I return to my apartment. Life is sweet. And then it wears off an' sun'ly
I'm Wino Chiba in the gutter ag'n. C'n you imagine? Wh'that's like? Shit.
'Course not.
Please. Have you got ... jus' a li'l ...? I need ...
Yeah. Heh. But I work 't all out in th'end. How t'do it. Change. I c'n
do it whenever I want, become perfect. When it wears off again, when the
transformation ebbs, I'm back in th'fuckin' gutter, screamin' f'r a drink,
but I c'n jus' change back again and resume my perfect life.
Then, after a while, I notice that the transformations aren't lasting as
long.
From a week, they become five days. Then three. Then one. Then I wake
up in a bed fulla piss 'n puke an' I 'member tha's only few hours since I
b'came Tuxedo Perfuckboy. An' I change, and then I change the sheets, and
even then I'm still thinking that I can find a way to solve this. It's all
going wrong, but I can find a solution. Somehow. It's not supposed to be
this way. I need ... I need to be perfect ...
Heh. Perfec,' yeah. Y'wanna know perfec'? Las' time I change, y'know
how long't lasted? Two minutes. Tha's perfec' for ya. I was think'n ...
that girl, Usako whatever, heh, maybe she c'n help, so 'm runnin' t'find
her when 't wears off an' I'm lyin' in th'road in th'nice part'a town an'
y'c'n guess that th'police're real happy t'see me, heh heh heh.
So here I am. Th'old dumpster's like home, always ready t'welcome me
back. Apartment's prob'ly gone now too, I expec' th'landlord thinks I
skipped on th'rent. Heh. Pretty Miss Moon wouldn' even recog ... rec ...
know me 'f she saw me either.
If I jus' had a li'l drink. Jus' t' clear m'head. Then I c'd change
back to Him, easy, I bet. For good this time. I have to ... to be
perfec' again. If I jus' had one li'l drink ...
Please. Can't you spare ...?
by Angus MacSpon
Based on characters and situations created by Naoko Takeuchi, and used
without permission. Comments and criticism welcome!
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Yeah, I 'member th'first time 't happen. Was in th'ol' alleyalleyalley,
heh, hmm. Nice big dumpster there, give 's bit o'shelter. Heh. Wind's
pretty cold this time'a year. Smell? Heh, heh, heh. Don't 'member last
time I smelled nothin.' Prob'ly jus's well, heh. Don' 'member las' time
I washed, either.
Bottle in my hands was nearly empty. You don' have a li'l on you --? No.
Figures. Jus' it helps take th'shakes away, y'know? Heh, heh. I know
li'l someth'n' else does that, too.
Th's bottle was cheap crap, but who gives a fuck? Leas' 'twasn't meths,
haven' gone th't far yet. Soon, maybe. Heh, 's a guy a few blocks over
drinks kerosene. Y'think I smell bad? Take a look 't him, heh. Won' see
him much longer, I expec.'
Sorry. Jus' wipe it off.
Then, alla' sudden I feel this ... this thing, y'know? Like som'th'n's
callin' me? Fuck, I dunno. An' I stan' up an' somethin' happens an' I get
this crazy feelin' and suddenly I know what I have to do. In another moment
I find myself leaping effortlessly over the rooftops, following the siren
call in my mind. As I touch down outside my destination, a small jewelry
shop, I notice my reflection in the window and for a moment I think I've
slid over the edge, that the DTs have got me at last; for it is a Lon Chaney
lookalike who stares back at me, a slim young man in an impossibly perfect
tuxedo and a mask that seems to glimmer in the moonlight.
But the call is still in my head, so I make my way inside. There is a young
girl there, as improbably dressed as I, beset by nightmarish forms. I do
what comes naturally.
Afterward, I leave the jewelry shop, exultant. The craving for drink is
gone; I am well-dressed, affluent-looking. There is money in my pocket
from somewhere. Somehow, impossibly, I have been given a second chance, and
this time I know I can get it right. And sure enough, everything seems to
fall into place. I find lodgings. The next day, I even find a job. My
life is perfect.
A week later, as I am walking home from work, I suddenly feel an awful
draining, sapping sensation; the world seems to spin about me an' then I'm
crawlin' down an alley pukin' my guts out an' feelin' worse'n anyth'n' I
ever felt before, an' shit ... 's like I been robbed, th' mos' perfec' ...
bright ... shit. Wha'd YOU know 'bout it, anyway? I try t' get t'my
apartmen' an' th'doorman won' even look 't me. Figures. End'a th'day I'm
back at th' fuckin' dumpster, but with no bottle th's time. Perfec', sure.
Thanks f'r nothin.'
Few days later, 't all happens 'gain. Weird shit in m'head, th'world goes
crazy, an I'm Mr Perfect again. I help the sailor girl out, and afterward
I return to my apartment. Life is sweet. And then it wears off an' sun'ly
I'm Wino Chiba in the gutter ag'n. C'n you imagine? Wh'that's like? Shit.
'Course not.
Please. Have you got ... jus' a li'l ...? I need ...
Yeah. Heh. But I work 't all out in th'end. How t'do it. Change. I c'n
do it whenever I want, become perfect. When it wears off again, when the
transformation ebbs, I'm back in th'fuckin' gutter, screamin' f'r a drink,
but I c'n jus' change back again and resume my perfect life.
Then, after a while, I notice that the transformations aren't lasting as
long.
From a week, they become five days. Then three. Then one. Then I wake
up in a bed fulla piss 'n puke an' I 'member tha's only few hours since I
b'came Tuxedo Perfuckboy. An' I change, and then I change the sheets, and
even then I'm still thinking that I can find a way to solve this. It's all
going wrong, but I can find a solution. Somehow. It's not supposed to be
this way. I need ... I need to be perfect ...
Heh. Perfec,' yeah. Y'wanna know perfec'? Las' time I change, y'know
how long't lasted? Two minutes. Tha's perfec' for ya. I was think'n ...
that girl, Usako whatever, heh, maybe she c'n help, so 'm runnin' t'find
her when 't wears off an' I'm lyin' in th'road in th'nice part'a town an'
y'c'n guess that th'police're real happy t'see me, heh heh heh.
So here I am. Th'old dumpster's like home, always ready t'welcome me
back. Apartment's prob'ly gone now too, I expec' th'landlord thinks I
skipped on th'rent. Heh. Pretty Miss Moon wouldn' even recog ... rec ...
know me 'f she saw me either.
If I jus' had a li'l drink. Jus' t' clear m'head. Then I c'd change
back to Him, easy, I bet. For good this time. I have to ... to be
perfec' again. If I jus' had one li'l drink ...
Please. Can't you spare ...?